So I thought I was being careful then reality hit...

[LuvOrlando]

we took the in-laws to dinner tonight for their anniversary. During dinner FIL mentions his good friend, and FBI agent, stopped by the other night and asked him how my DH's trip out of town went. FIL lets me know that without realizing it I had been broadcasting when my DH is traveling because I pull the other car in the garage, leave all the outdoor lights on overnight, stay up late and leave the lights in the garage on overnight

I do this stuff because I hate to be alone, it frightens me. I thought leaving the lights on in the yard would make us safer. now I know if FIL's friend noticed this so have other people. This is so not good not only because Dh will still travel but because his new job is 10% travel he will be gone more often. thank goodness we have ADT but that only goes so far. What on earth do I do now?

 

[tarheel618]

If it makes you feel safer to have the outside lights on then I would do it all the time including when your husband is home, so then it doesn't look any different when he is away.

 

[tlbwriter]

I do the same thing - leave the outside lights on when DH is gone. And yes, it has occurred to me that someone who is paying attention might catch on to this.

 

[Tiggeroo]

I do this whenever dh is traveling. I never thought of this. Thanks.

 

[ilovejack02]

Former Police officer leaves across the street from me. Told me months ago to quit leaving my lights on when my DH works nights , so now I leave lights on all the time.

 

[bellebud]

yes, leave some outside lights on every night, whether he's home or not.

no thought of getting a big doggie? I *love* the feeling of having my 2 80lb dogs home with me, day and night.

 

[ilovejack02]

yes, leave some outside lights on every night, whether he's home or not.

no thought of getting a big doggie? I *love* the feeling of having my 2 80lb dogs home with me, day and night.

I bought a Pryennes Mountain Dog when we first got married because I hated being alone at night. , 150 lb boy made me feel very very safe.

 

[Feralpeg]

I think you're letting your imagination run away with you. I've lived without a man in the house for most of my adult life. I lock the doors and I set the alarm. For most of my life, I didn't have an alarm system. While it may not seem like it, most people have no idea that you are alone. Not trying to be mean here, but if someone really wanted to break into your home, they would do it with or without your husband home. Try to relax.

 

[C.Ann]

Probably best to maintain the exact same routine when he "is" home and when he "isn't" home.. Then it doesn't become glaringly obvious that something is out of sync..

I'm alone the entire time I'm here at the lake - except weekends during the season that DD and her family are up here - and I don't change a thing.. Same routine as always and I'm not afraid even though there's basically no one around because it's a seasonal area.. Quite frankly, I'm more frightened in the more populated areas - more people around to cause me harm..

While there are certain precautions I take - that would not be noticeable to anyone else - I'm of the mind set that if something is going to happen, something is going to happen - regardless of where I am.. To the best of my ability, I simply choose not to live in fear of "what if"?

I hope you can find a way to be more comfortable - because I do know that it's not a pleasant feeling to be frightened..

 

[Smile&Nod]

I began living alone for the first time in my adult life a few years ago - one of the things i did was get timers for all my outside lights - that way, regardless of what time it gets dark, whether i am home or not, the lights come on - that way there are no triggers to tell someone something is different. The timers I picked up at my local hardware store - they replace the light switch that the light is on. If you are at all handy you can put these in.

 

[tvguy]

Probably best to maintain the exact same routine when he "is" home and when he "isn't" home.. Then it doesn't become glaringly obvious that something is out of sync..

The best advice.

 

[Buckalew11]

I never turn outside lights on--whether DH is home or not. I'm afraid of lighting the robbers way! lol

It is a fact of life for me to be alone at night several nights a week. I'm not a fan of it but for me it is a fact of life.

 

[hentob]

……FIL mentions his good friend, and FBI agent, stopped by the other night and asked him how my DH's trip out of town went.

now I know if FIL's friend noticed this so have other people.

FBI agent or not, this man sounds like a creeper

 

[Hillbeans]

Not trying to be mean here, but if someone really wanted to break into your home, they would do it with or without your husband home. Try to relax.

I tend to agree with this...honestly I lock my doors and am happy that I have a medium sized dog at home the nights DH isn't around, but if someone really wanted to get in they'd likely get in. I have enough to deal with when DH is away than worrying about what time I turn my porch light on and off. I think it's wise to be cautious but everyone has a routine and sometimes you just can't change the times you come/go.

 

[onelilspark]

I have a light on a timer. So whether we're home or not, there's a light on inside. I'm sure anyone who would take the time to stalk out our place could probably tell the difference, but it helps take away the risk of a crime of opportunity. I also keep my door locked all the time (with the dead-bolt) whether I'm home or away. If you've got someone looking for an opportunity, turning the door knob and pushing is very easy. My F-MIL commented when she visited, asking "Oh, isn't this a safe place?" It's not that it's not safe...it's that crime can happen anywhere and I'm certainly not going to make it easier for someone.

All that being said, it's still a better move to leave the lights on when he isn't home because you are preventing that crime of opportunity. If you're concerned, I would start keeping them on all the time, but my theory is, if someone is going to take the time to stalk me, they'll notice a difference anyway. I'm more concerned with taking preventative measures to deter an opportunity and a well-lit place isn't a great opportunity for a crook, kwim?

Also: we just returned from a trip to WDW. We asked our paper company to not deliver the paper on Sundays, but it was delivered anyway. There's an elderly man who lives a few doors down (we're in a town home complex) who goes by our place every day and noticed it was still sitting there a few days later and stopped to put it in our mailbox for us. AND my neighbors spend a lot of time in FL (second home) so they're not always around. I can always notice a difference because she pulls her plants inside. My point: it's not that difficult for someone to notice a difference without paying that much attention.

 

[Phlip]

Yeah, and I'm the spaz that thinks people are watching my house, so I vary my routine all the time. I hate it when DH is gone without the car and it sits in my driveway. I move it around just to make it look like he's working at home. I read too many spy novels.....

 

[bumbershoot]

Yeah, and I'm the spaz that thinks people are watching my house, so I vary my routine all the time.

I actually think that that is the best advice. Don't even have a routine that anyone can notice being different...

 

[LuvOrlando]

My in-laws live right next door to me and Law Enforcement folks, especially an FBI guy who was a Newark beat cop for 10+ years before joining FB just have naturally observant eyes. My DH tends to be this way, the only trouble is when he's away he isn't around to notice my mistakes. I'm really grateful FIL's friend mentioned it to my FIL. I don't think this is my imagination since I didn't come up with this at all and I don't think FBI guys make stuff up. I do tend to trust professionals and if my FIL's best friend says I'm broadcasting I have to say I'm probably broadcasting in a big way. I've been behaving this way for years and the guy has a new wife, maybe she just suggested he finally say something to be considerate.

Thumbs up on the woofy, do have a dog. He's a Border Collie which are bread to scare off predators and one of their most beneficial qualities is a ridiculously deep & intimidating bark. I think my behavior that lead up to this is simply because I'm just naturally spookable. Long story short, I had a strung out crack head burst in on me alone when I was a newlywed because I left the door open. I talked him out of my house taking advantage of his hallucinations (brains and a cool head are the best weapon) but the incident totally scarred me because I realized #1, how vulnerable I really am & #2, how easy it is to make a basic mistake that can be taken advantage of easily. It's hard to pretend you've got things under control with a 6'2" strung out addict rambling hallucinations catches you alone in your apartment stretched out over a sofa with no weapons of any kind withinreach in August when the whole neighborhood has their AC's on so know-one would hear screams. That right there is a ah-ha moment if ever there was one for me.

Now I'm just trying to figure out damage control going forward. I really like the idea of timed lights. I hope I can find something that would work for us because our front lights are on a triple switch so it would have to be something that can fit in the box with the other switches. The other thing is how to disrupt the pattern I set up. Tonight I am leaving everything on like I do when DH is away... it's a start right? I'm going to keep thinking about this so any other advice is very much appreciated.

You guys are all great for responding thank you

 

[samshane]

I always leave my light on outside - regardless of whether or not DH is home (and he was deployed for a year). We had some car breakins awhile back... but I always left the on before then. I always go to bed at the same time too. Honestly - I have 3 dogs, and that makes me feel safer since they are crazy barkers, but I guess if someone wanted to break in, they would anyway.

I have a neighbor who works crazy hours and she is always up at 2 or 3a.m. - she'd actually the one who helped catch the guys breaking into cars. So she makes me feel safer too - LOL.

 

[bellebud]

I never turn outside lights on--whether DH is home or not. I'm afraid of lighting the robbers way! lol

I've always thought the opposite of this... if the outside lights are on, the person trying to break in is lit up and exposed.

and if your inside lights are off, but your outside lights are on, the person outside cannot see into your house, but you can see them out there, knim? So they're the ones in the spotlight, so to speak.

OP - you could put some lamps in different rooms on regular timers that plug into the wall outlet (like for xmas lights). You could change the time of the timers all the time, so it's really random (like someone getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom), someone staying up late, etc. We also have motion-activated flood lights outside in various areas. So if someone was walking in our yard, the flood lights click right on.

Can't remember if you said you have an alarm, but if you don't, get one.

So sorry that happened to you w/ the crackhead... I cannot even imagine!! Of course you're nervous!

hope some of these tips help - and because you're used to your dh being home, of course it feels different when he's away. you're not used to being alone - I get it.