so how do you get out of family event...

[Imzadi]

 

[Planogirl]

This one is difficult because it sounds like it's just one concert.

How will she know whether you're there for the whole thing? Would she know if you arrived or left during intermission?

Sometimes half an event is more tolerable than a whole one.

 

[kafitty]

get a catering job.


sorry...gotta work!


(yep...that's exactly what i did yesterday! )

 

[The Mystery Machine]

First off my family does not DEMAND that you BE THERE for anything.

We say hey, we are getting together for this and you say if you can come or not. People are understanding if you do not come. We don't play games to hurt people in my family.

Oh and we do things like camlace described. Take 2 cars or mix it up.

As far as your issue with the concert choir? My dh would have told his mother that he is not going, period. He would live in the doghouse if his mother "made him" do stuff.

 

[Bunchkin]

I can see how in the bigger picture going to see a family member perform is the right thing to do, supportive, etc. We do that in our family.
But if it's being forced upon you and demanded, and she expects you to rave on an on...well, that's another story.
It's your DH's mom, let him tell her HE has decided that his family won't be attending and let him take the heat.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

i say at least this year if you don't want to go, tell them you're not feeling well.

they'll still be angry probably, but at least you have a somewhat legit excuse, because there IS a lot of that going around.

i missed out on a Christmas dinner with DH's family last week, i've gone to it for the past 7 years and never missed it once, and i was having some stomach issues and stayed home. of course my DSIL had something nasty to say about it, but at this point i really don't care. she'd have something nasty to say to me if i had shown up, anyway. that's just how some people are.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

First off my family does not DEMAND that you BE THERE for anything.

We say hey, we are getting together for this and you say if you can come or not. People are understanding if you do not come. We don't play games to hurt people in my family.

my DH's family used to be like that when we first started dating and i LOVED it because MY family?? it was either you were there, or they weren't speaking to you for a long period of time(and this is the truth, it's been 4 years since my sister has spoken to me. she didn't even want anything to do with my wedding!).

but ever since my DH's brother got married his wife DEMANDS that people show up for functions.

i mentioned in another comment that DH's family has this pre-Christmas dinner they do every November to get everyone together before the holidays start and i've gone every year for the past 7 years and this year i wasn't feeling up to it. i was having a stomach issue and i didn't know if driving for 20 minutes and going to a restaurant i'd never been to before was such a good idea.

well my DSIL wasn't having that and made some snide remark to me about it on my facebook. however....she probably would have said something equally as rude to me had i shown up, anyway. that's just how she is.

 

[shortbun]

I don't think the concert is your problem, it's your MIL who expects you to be there. Good luck with that.

 

[JoanGirardi]

I'm pretty sure that I would go, but I wouldn't rave on and on about how great it was. I'd give a very understated response of, "It was nice, thanks for inviting us", and let it go at that. Perhaps she wouldn't want such a lackluster fan next time if she gets more of an honest response after the show. I know, like the Bud Light commercials this one is "too light", but that's my way.

 

[jenrose66]

Just don't go. I'm so tired of people dictating how other people are expected to spend their time. My inlaws are like that. There are a lot of "expectations".

I just started saying no. They were mad for a while, but once they realize that you're standing your ground they get over it. We don't have the best relationship, but I can live with that. I was going to be annoyed with my IL's if I had to keep doing everything they expected to do...but they would have been fine with me. Now they are annoyed with me sometimes and I'm annoyed with them...see give and take

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Just don't go. I'm so tired of people dictating how other people are expected to spend their time. My inlaws are like that. There are a lot of "expectations".

I just started saying no. They were mad for a while, but once they realize that you're standing your ground they get over it. We don't have the best relationship, but I can live with that. I was going to be annoyed with my IL's if I had to keep doing everything they expected to do...but they would have been fine with me. Now they are annoyed with me sometimes and I'm annoyed with them...see give and take

And that is what family is all about.

 

[Minniemama350]

I'm with the "just go" crowd provided this is just once a year. How long does it last? An hour tops? Small amount of time to keep peace in the family. Also, it sounds like it probably does mean a lot to her for you all to go.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I'm with the "just go" crowd provided this is just once a year. How long does it last? An hour tops? Small amount of time to keep peace in the family. Also, it sounds like it probably does mean a lot to her for you all to go.

She said that she was there for a Thanksgiving concert, I do believe.