so how do you get out of family event...

[HOGFAN]

..that you dont enjoy? MIL is in choir at church. She has holiday concert every year. We have gone for the last 12 years, under duress. The concert is not very good but MIL makes no bones about it, we are 'expected' to be there. If you dont go, you are in the doghouse for weeks on end.

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

I would just go. It stinks to perform and have nobody in the audience watching you. I'm sure she appreciates it, even if she may not say it.

I'm a music teacher, and I understand that some music doesn't sound so good (okay, may sound really bad) but that's not the point. You are supporting her by going, and a lot of effort probably went into the performance. So go, and just go to the bathroom a few times if you need a break.

 

[MIGrandma]

I just started a new thread about something similar. I have no idea how to get out of stuff like that. You go, you make yourself unhappy. You don't go, you make someone else unhappy. Which is worse? I don't know....if you figure it out, let me know.

 

[diznygirl]

This OP doesn't look so good either. I think there is something going around. Feel better soon!

 

[barkley]

we have very honestly and truthfully bowed out of a number of obligations this year because of the situation with the flu.

one of our children's school actualy decided not to do a holiday concert this year (opting to do an early spring instead) because of tremendous public health concerns about having large groups of adults and children in closed quarters (and this kid goes to a christian school where the concerts are in the church just as your mil's concert likely would be). it is simply a breeding ground for exposure to the virus(s) going around such that we need to take every step to avoid it not only for us but for those family members we plan on seeing face to face in the coming holiday season (a person can be exposed and start coming down with it but not show symptoms such that they realize-but they are very communicable during).

i've noticed a number of what were traditional holiday events taking a backseat to protecting the health of their audiences this holiday season.

 

[RunningGirl]

..that you dont enjoy? MIL is in choir at church. She has holiday concert every year. We have gone for the last 12 years, under duress. The concert is not very good but MIL makes no bones about it, we are 'expected' to be there. If you dont go, you are in the doghouse for weeks on end.

Is this the only concert of the year? I say you go, assuming you live nearby and it's not more than a couple of hours. Part of being a family is supporting other people, even going to events in which you have no interest. Can you plan something fun afterward so you don't feel the evening is a total loss?

 

[Corwin12]

When I get invited somewhere I do not want to go, I simply say, "No." After being in the doghouse a few times, it ain't so bad .... you sorta get used to it. The peace and quiet is kind of nice.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Is this the only concert of the year? I say you go, assuming you live nearby and it's not more than a couple of hours. Part of being a family is supporting other people, even going to events in which you have no interest. Can you plan something fun afterward so you don't feel the evening is a total loss?

Ditto

 

[BelleWDW]

Dh has a "sore throat" that might develope into a cold.

That's how he got out of somrthing lately

 

[disykat]

Is this a church you attend as well? I'm guessing this is more than just a concert to MIL. It might be her favorite holiday event and I'm guessing a big part of that is showing of her family to her friends at church.

If it's just a concert, I'd probably try to skip it every once in a while. If it's more about being her chance to show you off and have her family/church family interface once a year, I'd go.

Once of the things I really enjoyed about my wedding was having my family/church/work/friends etc. all in the same place at the same time. It's the only time in my life I've ever really experienced that. Maybe this concert is kind of that for her?

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

eat some really hot salsa and chips in the car before you go in. Then when you eyes are red and nose running, make sure you tell everyone that even though you were sick form work and/or school, you just HAD to come!! Make sure you let everyone know who invited you.

Learn how to do a stage cough and wipe your nose before you shake hands with anyone. and HUG everyone you can, right after the hug, do your stage cough for about a minute.

make it a game to see how many people you can get to involuntary back away from you as you advance toward them.

have fun!
(my guess is you will not be invited back.)

 

[HOGFAN]

eat some really hot salsa and chips in the car before you go in. Then when you eyes are red and nose running, make sure you tell everyone that even though you were sick form work and/or school, you just HAD to come!! Make sure you let everyone know who invited you.

Learn how to do a stage cough and wipe your nose before you shake hands with anyone. and HUG everyone you can, right after the hug, do your stage cough for about a minute.

make it a game to see how many people you can get to involuntary back away from you as you advance toward them.

have fun!
(my guess is you will not be invited back.)

haha!! sounds like you have experience in this.
BTW: We just sat thru her Thanksgiving concert which was horrible. And of course after its over, we are expected to go on and on about how wonderful it was My kids liken the concerts to a turkey callin contest.

 

[lovetoscrap]

Go.

Bring your Ipods and very small headphones and carefully conceal them in your clothes. Play your favorite music and have a big smile on your face. Make sure you clap when those around you do.

Tell MIL how much you LOVED the concert!

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I think this is one of those situation when you just have to suck it up and go. It might be torturous to sit through, but it's probably worth it to keep the peace with the MIL. Have your husband take you out for a really nice lunch before or dinner after. That way there will be some part of the outing that you can look forward to.

 

[camlace]

When I was a kid I watched my parents torture each other with attending events for the IL's. I swore I would not do that when I got older. So my husband and I have an agreement if one of us does not want to attend an event at the IL's, then thats it...end of story, I (or he) doesn't go. It is a personal decision and we cannot object to the other attending, so for instance if iI don't want to attend one of his family events, then I let him know and he is welcome to go, I will not object, and whether or not he takes our 4 yo daughter is dependent on her mood, time of day etc. My husband originally did not like this concept, but quickly learned that it was much more pleasurable for all involved if I was not dragged to an event against my will (or vice versa). Honestly we have even used the concept on holidays recently, if he intends to stay all day at his parents for a holiday, sometimes I take a separate car later, or leave early...again best to keep both of us happy

 

[Inigo]

eat some really hot salsa and chips in the car before you go in. Then when you eyes are red and nose running, make sure you tell everyone that even though you were sick form work and/or school, you just HAD to come!! Make sure you let everyone know who invited you.

Learn how to do a stage cough and wipe your nose before you shake hands with anyone. and HUG everyone you can, right after the hug, do your stage cough for about a minute.

make it a game to see how many people you can get to involuntary back away from you as you advance toward them.

have fun!
(my guess is you will not be invited back.)

I think I love you.

 

[C.Ann]

This year - in particular - I would just say that I'm trying to avoid crowds as much as possible because I don't want to chance getting sick with the holidays coming up.. An adult should be able to accept that (MIL or not) without making a big deal out of it..

Good luck with your decision..

 

[hereyago]

I wouldn't go. I am not the kind of gal anyone would hint they expect me to do jack. 12 years is kind of long enough. OP, you mentioned that your MIL expected you to go on and on about how good it was?

Do you think MIL just wants you to show up so she can kind of "show" everyone else-church members-that she is just so wonderful that you faithfully come to every event?



Grumpy Pirate-your idea rocks! Plus I almost spit my tea out.

 

[JR6ooo4]

Sucks to be you. My wife sings great! And her mother in law comes to see her...

but I know where you are coming from.

Mikeeee


Maybe you can bring some headphones?

 

[cdepauli]

BTW: We just sat thru her Thanksgiving concert which was horrible. And of course after its over, we are expected to go on and on about how wonderful it was

How many concerts do you have to go to??!!! While it's nice to support family members, it sounds like your MIL is kind of...difficult?, but she is not a child who needs her ego stroked every single year. At least for kids that are in band or choir, for the most part, there is an end in sight (gradution). At this point I think you should just take a pass on this one and give yourself a break.