Single parents with last child heading off to college (Empty nest support group)

[Johnfish]

After seeing a few comments about this on another thread I thought I might start a thread dedicated to this.

I am a single dad who has been raising my son on my own for the last 7 years. He will be 18 in January and will be heading off to college in the fall next year. (although it may only be community college) Here are some of my thoughts on what it feels like.

1 Where in the He** did the time go
2 I feel like I may be losing my best friend (not true I know but it is a major life event for him and me)
3 When he does leave home it will be me and 2 cats. I need to do something about this before I am viewed as the neighborhood eccentric LOL

Seriously the last one hit home the other night. I was in walmart buying kitty litter and this older woman struck up a conversation. She has a small house with 28 cats in it I definitely dont want to end up like that LOL.

Anyway I thought this thread might be good for all of us to comiserate on. Kind of a single parent empty nest support group

John

 

[Cheshire Figment]

Life begins when the children leave home and the dog dies.

 

[Johnfish]

Life begins when the children leave home and the dog dies.

LOL

That is what I have heard! I dont have a dog so I am half way there I guess!

John

 

[ahoff]

I am only going to be halfway there, my daughter graduates this year but my son still has four more years. After that who knows? Thinking of selling the house and getting a job at Disney.

 

[debbiepump]

LOL! Our kids are 'older' but we still remember when our youngest left for college.
I'll always remember looking at my husband laying on the sofa with his little balding head shining and thinking "holy sh#@$t", is this what my future is." It takes awhile but you adjust. It's just a different phase of life, accept it (it takes awhile) and enjoy your new found freedom (they still ask for money, so don't get too comfy).

 

[LindaR]

Good Golly! My daughter turns 18 in January, too! I have been a single mom for 16+ years so I REALLY know what you mean about losing your best friend. In the beginning.....(sounds funny) I had no choice but to take my daughter everywhere I went (out to eat, grocery shopping, car shopping, etc) because there was no one to watch her. Then it evolved into truly, truly liking each other's company. Her friends would "die" if they knew how often she texts or calls me to tell me what's going on! I know all their secrets!!!

I am so excited FOR my daughter (I CAN remember how I felt at that age) and at the same time I am kinda excited for me and sad and a little scared. Not only is my daughter going off to college, but I am starting the search for a new job and maybe a new location!

 

[Johnfish]

Good Golly! My daughter turns 18 in January, too! I have been a single mom for 16+ years so I REALLY know what you mean about losing your best friend. In the beginning.....(sounds funny) I had no choice but to take my daughter everywhere I went (out to eat, grocery shopping, car shopping, etc) because there was no one to watch her. Then it evolved into truly, truly liking each other's company. Her friends would "die" if they knew how often she texts or calls me to tell me what's going on! I know all their secrets!!!

I am so excited FOR my daughter (I CAN remember how I felt at that age) and at the same time I am kinda excited for me and sad and a little scared. Not only is my daughter going off to college, but I am starting the search for a new job and maybe a new location!

Hey Linda come to virginia. I have been living here for 10 years and I love it. I am an hour from the mountians and 1.5 hours from the beach. Best of all worlds LOL

She is turning 18 in January too? What a coincidence! I can see you really know what I am talking about! My son and I are very much like you and your daughter (except for the texting thing. I still havent figured that out yet. LOL)

John

 

[carolfoy]

Another single mum here -My Ds is just 11 but I'm dreading him growing up and leaving home, can't imagine life without him theer every day, when he goes to his dads for a week or two it does my head in! the house seems too big (its not!) and empty.

 

[LindaR]

Lord, John..........I drive my daughter crazy with MY way of texting. I don't abbreviate words at all...I spell everything out and I don't do that T9 or whatever. I had a cell phone for several years before I learned to use any features. I placed calls. I answered calls. I did this in baby steps!

Of course, part of me LOVES to drive dd crazy. I love cheap thrills and it's a little payback for the gray hair that being a single parent has blessed me with.

 

[LindaR]

AND I already love Virginia! That was one of the places dd looked at colleges at during our summer road trip.

 

[InstImpres]

We'll I fit the single parent profile (been one for 6 years now), DD is not college bound yet but has pointed out it is only 7 years away. I don't know how it happens so quickly.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Have room for one more?

My son is 15. I've been a single mom the whole time. In just 3 short years he'll be heading off to college.

About two years ago I started feeling blue about only have one child. There are days when I want another child so bad that it hurts. Today is on of those days. My sister is in labor right now with number 4.

I have no idea what I want to do with myself after August 2009. Do I stay in NY? Move of FL, GA or SC?

 

[LindaR]

Disneyjunkie, I know how you feel. For a very long time I felt "cheated" because I only got to have one child. It slowly dawned on me that the Lord knew what He was doing! He knew what was planned for me and that it would be OK. After a while, I realized that my life was very busy (and full) and that if I'd had more than one child, I would not have gotten to do all the things that I have been blessed with!

It was MY turning around of my attitude that made a difference. Instead of seeing a negative, I learned to see a positive.

 

[Johnfish]

I too feel your pain Disneyjunkie. I have been a single dad for 7 years and I absolutely love being a dad. I know that is why God put me here. My ex had so many emotional problems that Matt really only had one parent for his whole life. I knew I had to step up and be there for him. In my mind there was never any other choice for me. Although I had to be there for him in my eyes it has always been that I wanted to be there for him. I can not think of a single thing in my life that has brought me greater joy than being a dad. To that end I have always wanted more children but I fear that my time for that has passed. Now I will try and take a page from Lindas book and look forward to the other things in life!

John

 

[InstImpres]

Linda -

Sounds like you need to hold a support group for all of us single parents who want more children. I certainly fall into that group but haven't given up yet... though I do keep saying let's see, a baby now would enter K as my DD graduates HS. (Forget that I am not even seeing anyone right now , minor detail)

 

[LindaR]

Well, I don't know about anyone else......but I will be 45 in February! I don't want to raise another baby! I want to start another chapter in my book of life, not start the book all over again!!!! I hope that someday (years from now) I will be blessed with grandchildren but I want to get to know ME again. Linda. Not Alana's mom (which I will always be). But I have things that I want to do that I would never consider because my priority was to raise my daughter to be a strong, intelligent, caring member of society. That it not really a fulltime job now (more part-time!) and I have to figure out what kinds of things I wanna do/try.

We have to let go of the things that we cannot control. There's a plan for each of us. May not be the plan we want. May not be the plan we think we should have. When we let go......our eyes and ears and hearts and souls can open up to new possibilities.

Oh wow! Sorry! Class is over now! Time for recess!!!! Wait, let's have lunch THEN recess

 

[newcomer52]

I've been a single mom for 7 years. Both sons were in college when my husband left but my daughter was still in high school. She continued to live at home for the rest of HS and five years of college. We had great times. This summer she was married and they moved to Wisconsin. Not only did she leave, but she took one of the cats (hers) too. So now it's me and the remaining cat. I miss them, but on the other hand, I can do whatever I want. Mostly I spend a lot of time on these boards!

Jerry S

 

[Johnfish]

Hi Jerry welcome to the group.

John

 

[Boardwalker]

I am not a single parent, but my only child left for college two years ago and I was a wreck worrying about it. Looking back now, I see that the worst part of it was the waiting... from when she got accepted until the drive back from dropping her off. Once we got her there, I realized that she was where she should be and I was able to relax more about it. Then I could adjust.
I guess what I am saying is try not to work yourself up about it to the state of panic that I did. It is kind of like a bandaid... the more you think about what it is going to be like when the time comes to take it off, the more it probably will.

 

[newcomer52]

John, thanks for the welcome.

We have to let go of the things that we cannot control. There's a plan for each of us. May not be the plan we want. May not be the plan we think we should have. When we let go......our eyes and ears and hearts and souls can open up to new possibilities.

Linda, I like your insights and attitude.

js