Single parent/I just need to whine a little

[Jaimee]

I'm a single mom of 5 yr old DS. I was feeling sorry for myself yesterday and I just wanted to whine. I work full time, and in spring/summer I usually work 50 hrs a week. DS goes to kindergarten and then spends 3 hours a night in daycare, I pick him up around 6pm every night. We live alone, so obviously I do all of the cooking,shopping,housework, snowshoveling etc....I happened to have off of work yesterday and after I picked DS up from school he noticed some nieghborhood kids outside playing in the snow. It's rare that we are home before it gets dark out so we went outside to play, and the neighbor then invited us in for hot chocolate. I wish I could do that with my son everyday It was so much fun, and I want to be able to make hot cocoa and cookies for the neighborhood kids and invite them in. The neighbor and another mom were chatting about how they are so busy, they are both married and neither of them work outside the home. One is the PTA president and she was telling us about all of the things she has to organize, the other mom was telling me how her daughter has activities 4 days a week after school and she has to ask her husband to help her cook dinner sometimes because she's too busy. I know I'm probably just jealous, but I just kept thinking I WISH DS could be in 4 activites a week. He can't because everything starts before I get out of work. I wish I had someone to cook dinner if I was running late. I wish DS could play out in the snow afterschool everynight if he wanted to......Ok I'm done whining now. I am really thankful for what I have and I know a lot of people have it a lot worse. And we ARE going to WDW In 3 weeks

 

[tmq2766]

All single parents have benn through what you went through Don't feel bad I experience that oh about once a month..... I too am a single mom of a DD9 and sometimes I just want to shake and scream at all those stay at home moms who are complaining because there just is not enough hours in the day to get junior to ALL his activities and playdates.... Whatever get over it allready. Try doing everything on your own and still try to find time to spend some quality time with your kids and then tell me about not enough hours in the day. Some people just don't get it.

It's OK to whine.... Sometimes it makes you feel better.......

 

[KathyTX]

I can't imagine being a single parent... it sounds like DS is very lucky to have you!

(Those moms whose lives and schedules you envy? They envy your independence and strength.)

 

[geffric]

Jaimee - a portion of your situation exist with all of us MOMs who work outside the home full time.. our kids are in day care and can't participate in the various activies.. have you considered talking with the MOM of his best friend and ask if she would mind driving your son to the activity and then having him at her house until you get home from work?? I have done this in many occaisions and many of the SAHMs really don't mind..

My kids get to sign up for 1 activity per session with a friend and they both have a great time. I then have the child to my house on the weekend when I am home..

Just a thought...

 

[Jaimee]

Thanks for the kind words I just needed to vent a little today.

Geffric, actually this isn't a "best" friend, just a neighborhood kid, I don't really know the mom well enough to ask her to do this. And actually her daughters activities really wouldn't be anything DS would enjoy (Irish dancing, brownies, and choir...) Most of the rec department activities for our school district for some reason are immediatly after school so they don't work for me or other working parents. I ususally sign DS up for basketball through the YMCA on Saturdays though.

 

[worm761]

single mom checking in. i have been very lucky so far and i know it and appreciate it. i know that right now i would not be making it without my little sister (aunt lissa). she watches my DS for me. there just aren't enough hours in a day. i have been working practically nonstop since thanksgiving. we are talking 55+ hours a week. i just keep telling myself things WILL get better. {{HUGS}} to you. i know how hard it is. i did it all alone for a while. and like i said i am very lucky right now. have you considered making some meals ahead of time. that way you could free up more time. i used to make up spaghetti sauce in huge batches that way i always had an extra quick meal when time was running short. i would also freeze soups and casseroles. it is easy to just throw one in the oven or heat up some soup in the microwave. don't feel bad about whining. it is hard and sometimes just gets to you. if you ever feel the need to talk i am just a pm away!

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>Boy, I can relate to how you're feeling. I just suck it up and keep going.



... and yeah, life is still good.

 

[MJames41]

Being a single dad, I know what you mean. I see things that my daughter and son could never join because of either time or money when they were growing up.

Enjoy what you can, and know you are doing the best you can. That was what got me through. And, there was a definate advantage to being a single parent. I would take my kids with me when I went to the store, or on errands. As a consequence, we have a very strong relationship, and the communication (difficult with teenagers 18 and 17) is also very strong. Hang in there.

 

[Mishetta]

I don't know how many times that me & my married friends say that we don't know how single mom's do it. It's hard enough to raise a family with both mother & father under one roof today but then add the extra stress of a full time job & all the chores that come along with everyday living. I take my "hat" off to you all. I don't think I'd be strong enough to do it all on my own. Just getting through homework sometimes, requires 2 parents, let alone 1!!

You have every right to whine. I just wish I had some words to help you through it!!

 

[luvmydogs]

Dh and I have often said that we don't know how single parents do it ALL--there are two of us and we can barely handle the load sometimes. I believe that when your child is grown he won't be thinking about those "missed activities"--he'll be thinking about how wonderful a relationship he has with his strong, independent, confident, self-reliant and loving mother. Hugs to you Jaimee...

 

[Feralpeg]

I am also a single mom and I understand what you are feeling. It used to seem like I never had any time. Not only did I work full time, but I did all the home repairs, mowed the lawn, did the cooking cleaning, laundry and all errands. I also took care of DD. It used to really get to me when friends would ask me why we ate out so much. They actually told me that I should fix more home cooked meals for DD.

I also hated not being home when DD came home from school or feeling guilty when I had to miss work to stay home with her when she was sick.

Things have finally changed. I'm now retired and for the first time in her life, I am home when she gets home from school. We sit and chat about her day. I try having a warm snack for her when she gets home. It is something I've always dreamed of.

Hang in there! Your son sees all that you do for him and will someday be very thankfull for his great mom!

 

[*Fantasia*]

I know exactly what you mean. I am a single Mom. It's been hard since my husband passed away. My parents pick up the kids at school when I am working and they keep them until I get off work.

I don't cook everyday...NO WAY! We eat out, we have DiGorno pizza and other frozen dinner and sometimes we just eat at my parent's place.

My kids get to play outside when they are over at my parents. Once in a while during summer, we would be outside when I'm off frm work.

Can you parents watch your kid? Or do you have a family that can watch your son or take your son outside to play? It's great to have a family to help out. Any close friends that can help you?

 

[Keli]

If possible I would consider asking family to help you out. I know from personal experience both as a working mother and a stay at home mom that family is often willing to go to great lengths for their neices or nephews. My parents and siblings have helped get my dd Ashli to meetings and activities and I have spent long periods of time running neices and nephews to their activites for their parents when I was at home. It makes it nice because I love being involved in their lives too. I want them to be excited because Aunt Keli is in the audience when they make their incredible basket in basketball or soccer goal or whatever.

 

[RitaZ.]

I usually sign DS up for basketball through the YMCA on Saturdays though.

I think you're doing well and it's great that your DS is doing an activity that he enjoys.

As far as being jealous of the SAHMs that have all the time to take junior to a "thousand" activities a week, you have nothing to be envious about. Trust me. I can't tell you how many times parents "brag" about how many activities their child/children is/are involved in. What they don't tell you is that most times their kids don't enjoy and don't want to go to these activities. The kids cry and fight when it's time to go. I know because I've witnessed it with my own friends and their kids. That doesn't sound all that fun and fulfilling to me. It seems like that busy lifestyle is seen as a "status symbol" by many parents. In other words, if my child is involved in many activities, he will be seen as successful and well rounded and so will I as a parent (the words "living vicariously through my children" come to mind). Many children don't know how "entertain" themselves because their days/lives are so planned, they haven't been given the opportunity to develop a hobby or interest. That has been my observation and it is my opinion.

Many kids aren't allowed to be kids because they are over-booked with activities every single day. This is so prevalent where I live, it's sickening. My older DS was in baseball and Scouts at the same time when he was younger, it was a nightmare for us. After the season ended, we decided that it would be one activity and it had to be something that they enjoyed.

I have been a SAHM for almost 12 years and now all 3 of my kids are in school full time. I get the chance to do something for myself and volunteer at their school, I realize that I'm fortunate to have that option. There have been several times when a teacher has called me and asked me to come in the next day because she really needs help in the classroom. Other times, when I get a last minute call to chaperone a field trip as a certain number of parents is needed or the children won't be able to go. I'm glad to be able to help and it makes me feel good that I'm contributing to my children's school. Most parents contribute and we do the best that we can given our personal circumstances/situation.

The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Nobody's life is perfect, regardless of what someone says or the way their life is perceived.

Keep going forward and don't worry about other people are doing.

 

[aprilgail2]

I am also a single parent who works full time, I am lucky enough to have a job that is from 8am-350pm and 2 miles from home so I am in the door by 4pm but I still don't feel I have enough time for hte things I want to do with her! She has Karate Mon, Wed and Friday and Swimming on Thursdays. Weekends we have a library story group we go to together and then we usually go to Fun Zone or Chuck E Cheese in the winter or to the beach and parks in the summer. We don't eat home much because I would rather spend the time out with her than sitting around cooking but we have fun. Just try to make the most out of the time you have together. It also drives me crazy when SAHM's say "I just don't have time to do the housework and laundry"...GRRRRRRRRRR I can work 40 hours a week and find time to do all that!!

 

[Jaimee]

Thanks again guys...I know the grass isn't always greener, I just have my "I wish I could stay at home more often moments". I don't really have family that can help out, mymom,stepdad, dad, and stepmom along with most of my other relatives work full time too. I grew up with a single mom who worked full time too and I turned out alright, so I'm sure DS will be fine. We do make time for special things like some people said. Movies, museums, the library etc....Fantasia, your kids are adorable, your DS and mine look a lot alike!

 

[christineann]

I've been a single mother for 10 years, and my kids are now 18 and 15. Soon after I got divorced, I had 3 part time jobs in addition to teaching Sunday school. One of my part time jobs was running the after school program at their school, and one mother had the nerve to pick her kids up late almost every week because she got "stuck at the gym". My kids and I are very close, and they are very understanding about the limitations we have, time wise and financially. My daughter plays high school basketball, and her older teamates offer her rides to local games so I can just go straight from work. We eat most of our meals at home and rely heavily on the crock pot and the George Foreman grill. Am I worn out? You bet, but our home life is happy and peaceful, and I wouldn't trade that for the world.

By the way, I was a SAHM when my kids were small, and I loved it. The kids each played a sport, and my son was in scouts and my daughter was in choir. That was it. The rest of the time they played and rode their bikes. They often had friends over after school who were in after school programs, and it gave us all a little variety. I've seen both sides.

 

[speedi-deedi]

Just know that we all have a ton of respect for you single moms. When I'm chatting with my other working-mom friends, we often remark that we just don't know how the single parents do it all. We're often complaining that our husbands don't help out enough, but whatever help we do get is more than you enjoy. While my husband doesn't nearly pull his share of the load at home, he does more than his fair share of getting the kids to and from their activities - many times leaving work early to do so.

We're all allowed our ranting moments - if you don't have family around to help you out, I hope you at least have a friend with a sympathetic ear. I have one friend that I lunch with one day every week....we call them our sanity lunches. I think she's a wonderful working mom, and somehow it helps me feel like I'm doing okay to know she's got the same struggles as me.

Keep up the hard work!!

 

[Robinrs]

Hey, you...

Single Mom checking in.

I have to admit I felt the same way when I was working. I lost my job of 15 years last February. Up till then I worked 6 days a week, up to 12 hours a day. My son and I sort of passed each other in the midst of all that. I took him to Orlando every chance we got just to get to know each other!

This past year taught me alot about SAHMs. First of all, we still have alot to do and it can be just as overwhelming as going out to a job. There is definitely more time but you still have to arrange it!

Don't let the "green grass" fool you. Sure it's nice but remember, the one "activity" your child needs is reassurance of your love and security. Your concern for your child is testiment to the love you have for HIS concerns so he will always benefit from them. My Mom, who was the UTMOST of mothers, told me once, "good mothers NEVER think they do enough...."

You are a good mother.

And your little boy is ADORABLE!

 

[arminnie]

I don't have children but one summer I had my 10 year old niece come from out of town to stay with me to go to a special day camp. At ten she was old enought to dress, bathe, etc by herself.
All I really had to do was give breakfast (usually cereal), pack a lunch, drop her off on my way to work, pick her up on my way home and fix dinner. I was EXHAUSTED by the end of one week. And I didn't even have the parenting chores that Moms have - like providing long-term guidance. I probably did a tenth of what a real Mom does. It really made me think about what a hard job it is to raise children - especially alone. My hat is off to all of you hard working moms.