should you invest real emotiion into cyber relationships?

[Briar Rose 7457]

I'm not talking about relationships that also exist in real life, or internet relationships that evolve into real-life friendships.

I'm talking about relationships that a purely internet friendships.

I've had my heart torn out several times by people here -- and elsewhere -- by individuals who are (from my perspective) nothing more than a screen name and a funny signature.

I'm beginning to wonder if it's worth it.

 

[JAP]

If they are cutting you down just for the sake of cutting you down it is not worth it.

There is always going to be someone who does not like what you have to say (or post that is). Try your best to ignore them and do not respond to their baiting post. I know that is easier said than done, but you would avoid a lot of the baiting and biting back and forth.

{{HUGS}} Somedays you cannot win. I hope you have a better day here at the DIS.

Jen

 

[aahmom1]

I've had my heart torn out several times by people here -- and elsewhere -- by individuals who are (from my perspective) nothing more than a screen name and a funny signature.

Ok, I'll bite, why for one, would you bring this here, and two, just because somebody disagrees with you doesn't mean they are trying to 'tear your heart out'. A little melodramatic if you ask me.

 

[Serena]

I don't know the answer BR. I imagine I would take a step back if I'd been hurt.

I take people as they appear to be and so far I've been lucky.

 

[SilverLily]

It is hard to say what is best for someone. Some people can and do get close to others on the internet. I am not one of those people. But for those that do form friendships, I think it is like any other friendship IRL. Sometimes you realize some people aren't your friends after all. I think it is just easier for those types of people to hide their true intentions, and then one day just hit you with their hurtful words. IRL, if someone wasn't really a friend, you probably would find out way before you got too emotionally attached to them.

I get the feeling that you have many friends here on these boards, Briar Rose. That is one thing I have noticed during my time here. I hope you don't let the bad ones get you down.

 

[DisMNagain]

You've had your heart torn out huh? How truly sad. I do feel for you.

Maybe it would help if you didn't see your internet "friends" as "individuals who are (from my perspective) nothing more than a screen name and a funny signature."

The internet is full of REAL people and yes, REAL PEOPLE HAVE been hurt online with the all too common attitude of "nothing more than a screen name and funny signature".


Might want to remember about the humans behind the names.


When I feel blue I often go shopping! I always buy something nice for myself when I'm down...how about a pretty new scarf or a purse or something?

 

[aprincessmom]

For me there is an enormous difference between friendship and acquaintance. IMHO friendship implies a deeper emotional relationship based on trust and respect. Just because I know someone doesn't mean they are my friend. Just because I have similar interests, doesn't automatically make them a friend.

As in RL, I have many acquaintances in cyberspace. And as in RL, I have many fewer people who I am honored to call a friend.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter to me what my acquaintances think of me. But it most certainly matters what my friends think of me.

No one can make you feel bad without your permission. There are very few people I give permission to make me feel bad about myself.

 

[Blondie]

I thought bringing issues from "other boards" to the DIS wasn't allowed.

 

[JAP]

Originally posted by aahmom1
Ok, I'll bite, why for one, would you bring this here

I think maybe she just needed a {{HUG}} and knew she could get it here.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

Blondie, this isn't about bringing other business to this board. it's about this board AND other boards. someone here at the DIS made me cry a whole afternoon once.

Patti, , perhaps I misphrased what I said. I invest real emotion because -- although they are as insubstantial as a screen name -- people I talk to on the net are real people. though not always what they portray themselves to be. I care too much sometimes, I trust when I shouldn't, and that's why I get hurt. and I have to wonder if invessting my emotional energy into people on line is such a good thing.

 

[DisMNagain]

If I say anything more I will be admonished.

Sometimes though, payback is a *****, is it not Briar Rose?
Sad but true.


I do feel for ya though, trust me on that.

 

[Teejay32]

i think it is. You don't get any kind of insurance in RL either, sometimes you get hurt. Most of the time you won't.

If there are any implications of what I've said related to other issues elsewhere, they weren't intended and I can't even believe I'm in this thread. LOL!

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

you're right, there are no guarantees in real life either, are there?



sigh.

 

[Lucky4me]

I can't say what's right for anyone but myself. I try not to emotionally invest myself on internet BB's. I love to come here and talk, laugh, find out what's going on in peoples lives and get some advice once in awhile. It's hard not to get too involved, but it can be done.

I'm sure sometimes it makes me look like an uncaring person but that could not be farther from the truth. I love my friends and relatives and go to great lengths to preserve those relationships.

I think of people on BB's as friends, but kind of like pen pal friends. Not like my best friend who I talk to every day and drops in all the time. So I log on and participate, but keep a healthy distance. If anyone does say anything to hurt my feelings, I take it with a grain of salt, because I don't particularly care what they think. If one of my friends in RL says something that hurts my feelings, I'm wounded and will feel bad until we straighten things out.

Everyone is different. What's good for me, may not be good for you.

 

[Kelsie]

LOL! TeeJay

 

[CookieGVB]

I know I do - whether or not I should is a whole different matter. That's just the way I am.

 

[C.Ann]

I try to treat everyone here the same way that I would if they were sitting at my kitchen table having coffee with me..

May not always be the best idea - and yes, I've been hurt too - but the good outwieghs the bad, so I guess I'll stick around!!

Sorry you're feeling down BriarRose.. I think you're neat!!

 

[MonaCK]

I've been around these here internet parts for a very long time now.. in my travels, I have learned something.

Friendships are friendships - whether they are online or in real life. As a result, I am very much "myself" when I am online. Anyone who has met me knows that I am the real deal - I tell it like it is.

I invest a lot in cyber friendships - as much as I do in so called real life friendships. Why? Because they all exist in my life somehow.

That being said - on the internet, as well as in real life, I occasionally get into disagreements with my friends. It's called being human. If I agreed with everyone all the time, then my life would truly be boring.

People have bad days. people misinterpret. And then, people make up and move on. Its when things are not dropped. It's when things are not put to rest and people "agree to disagree" on certain subjects when tempers flair.

A prime example. One of my dearest friends is studying to be a minister. He and I know never to talk to each other about Abortion issues - cause lets just say the arguements are not very pretty So - we don't talk about them. We agree to disagree. he's still one of my dearest friends.

 

[Jenzebelle]

People get hurt in relationships. It doesn't matter if it's real life or online. That's the price you pay for opening yourself up to others. I don't know anyone that has not been hurt by someone they call a friend.

Is it worth it? Why not. Every relationship has it's up and downs. You stop opening up to people out of fear of being hurt, then you have to ask yourself if it's worth it to write off a potentially wonderful and fulfilling friendship (even online) just because of a disagreement.

 

[Buckalew]

BR,
You know I do put real emotion into the boards. I can't seem to help it. It is just me. If I wasn't going to, then it wouldn't really be "me". Sure, I'm afraid to vent around here anymore because I have seen people torn to shreds and get hurt and I know I would not deal well with that. Sure, I don't think I put too much info out there because it seems to me that some people keep a journal on others & bring up a lot of past posts as ammunition. Sometimes there is good cause for that & other times it is just done to be mean. I have watched you get hurt several times. It has hurt you & I have felt pain for you and I know I have told you that. I always wonder why you would want to have friends who will "tear your heart out" one minute and be nice like nothing has happened the next. If you've been around on the any of the boards associated with this place, you've probably been hurt or would have been hurt if you allowed yourself to feel that pain. A lot of us have been there. It is sad to watch but it happens here, in RL and on other boards. You and I are as different as night and day. But, I have always tried to be your friend because I liked you from the beginning. Maybe you should step back and try to see who are your real friends.
Internet friendships can have ups and downs. Elaine and I had confusion with our posts the other day. I treasure her friendship here but I may never have the opportunity to meet her in RL. We cleared the air and saw that it was a misunderstanding. We emerged as friends. That is worth the emotion we both put into this cyber friendship, I think. I suppose there have been others that it has not worked out with. But my friendship with JJ and LL both emerged from misunderstood or upsetting posts. Both were worth the effort to clear things up. I hope you can work things out too.