Should you consider the extravagance of the wedding when purchasing a gift?

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by sk!mom
This is inspired by a call I heard today on Dr. Laura. The caller said that he and his wife got a very rude note from the bride after they attended her extravagant wedding and their gift wasn't expensive enough for her.

I consider my own budget and how close I am to the couple when purchasing the gift. I might strain the budget for really close friends or family. I've never considered the cost of the wedding.

On the other side, I have never been offended by a gift given to my family. I appreciate people recognizing and remembering our special occasions in whatever way they choose.

What do you think?

I think that bride needs to seriously rethink her priorities. I feel bad for her husband if she's like that.

I consider what I can afford, and how well I know the couple. I'm not going to send myself to the poorhouse because a couple has chosen to invite me to their upscale ritzy wedding. I usually spend between $30 (random people I only sort of know) to $50 (family) to over $50 but below $100 (close family). I've never heard anyone complain.

 

[katerkat]

I give the same approximate amount (we buy a gift rather than giving cash) to everyone, regardless of how much their wedding cost. And at my wedding, I certainly didn't expect anyone to "cover their plate."

 

[momm2four]

Wow! I'm glad I live in Chattanooga!

I've been to at least 15 weddings (including my own) in the last 13 years or so, and have NEVER been to a "sit down and be served" reception. Even the REALLY nice ones held in country clubs and the like have had buffets. Now, I'm sure the buffets cost a pretty penny, but they were buffets, nonetheless.

Also, I've never seen a cash envelope either. There is always a table for gifts, but no cash purse.

Sounds like the bride mentioned in the first post was just wanting guests to foot the bill for her extravagant party, instead of simply desiring loved ones to witness her marriage. I'm appalled.

If I had to shell out $100-$250 for a wedding gift, my DH and I would NEVER go to a wedding.

Lori P.

 

[aprilgail2]

Originally posted by momm2four
Wow! I'm glad I live in Chattanooga!

I've been to at least 15 weddings (including my own) in the last 13 years or so, and have NEVER been to a "sit down and be served" reception. Even the REALLY nice ones held in country clubs and the like have had buffets. Now, I'm sure the buffets cost a pretty penny, but they were buffets, nonetheless.

Also, I've never seen a cash envelope either. There is always a table for gifts, but no cash purse.

Sounds like the bride mentioned in the first post was just wanting guests to foot the bill for her extravagant party, instead of simply desiring loved ones to witness her marriage. I'm appalled.

If I had to shell out $100-$250 for a wedding gift, my DH and I would NEVER go to a wedding.

Lori P.

TOTALLY different here.....I have never been to a wedding with a buffet...its always a sit down affair. Also there is never a table for gifts, just the purse for cash and checks. Gifts are for the engagement party and bridal shower, cash for a wedding.

 

[SC Minnie]

Most wedding here are buffet too. My parents paid for our reception and didn't drink at all so I didn't feel like they should have to buy alcohol for the reception because DH wanted alcohol. So we had a cash bar. Nobody complained that I heard.

The bride in the OP was completely tacky.

I usually spend about $50- $75 depending on how well I know the couple. I usually look at the registry and choose something that would me neat that I wouldn't probably buy for myself but would want.

 

[Tulirose]

Originally posted by aprilgail2
TOTALLY different here.....I have never been to a wedding with a buffet...its always a sit down affair. Also there is never a table for gifts, just the purse for cash and checks. Gifts are for the engagement party and bridal shower, cash for a wedding.

Almost totally agree with you. Only thing I see different is that the weddings around here have BOTH -- a buffet (AKA cocktail hour) and THEN the sitdown dinner.


(I have been to buffet-only weddings, however, when going to relatives' weddings in Connecticut. And once, in NY, I attended a church basement reception with just cake and coffee but that was back in 1971 and the bride was 18 and 8 months pregnant. )

 

[aprilgail2]

Originally posted by Tulirose
Almost totally agree with you. Only thing I see different is that the weddings around here have BOTH -- a buffet (AKA cocktail hour) and THEN the sitdown dinner.

Oh I forgot about the cocktail hour being a buffet...my cousins wedding had a cocktail hour that included a pasta station, carving station and seafood bar...as far as I was concerned that could have been my entire meal LOL but after that you went into the main room and had a sit down dinner and desert.....plus some weddings here have the Viennese (sp?) hour after the wedding cake.

 

[sue1013]

Aprilgail I agree the cocktail hours here are definately like a dinner. Then the real dinner, cake, vienesse table, you could roll the guest out the door. Also no gifts for wedding only cash. The only way I ever get a gift is if I've declined then I will send a gift.

 

[Aimeedyan]

If we ever move to the Northeast, we will never attend a wedding. Not only would we feel strange going, we couldn't afford to bring cash!!! I have never attended a plated meal, cocktail hour, or anything with a band. I have never given cash as a gift, and at my own wedding, we only received 5 envelopes of cash, rest gifts. PLUS HERE you only give one gift: shower or wedding. Not two, like in the NE.

DH and I would go freakin broke!

So interesting that things are so different in different areas of the same country! I ran across alot of this when planning our wedding and posting on theknot.com. Things that are "tacky" in the NE, are quite acceptable here, and vice versa. You always have to take into account what is regional for your own area...

Course there is NOTHING regional about the brattyness that bride exhibited.

 

[Kae]

I give a gift at a shower & money at the wedding $50 to 100 plus $10-20 for the dollar dance. But when I'm in a wedding I try to give a very personal gift for the wedding, also. sometimes something they did not put on their list because they thought it was too pricey or extravident. Once we had freinds who lived together-had everything, so the whole wedding party suprised them with limo service.

Kae

 

[goin2disneyagain]

I give what I can afford and take into consideration how close to the person I am when I purchase a gift not the amount the bride and groom spent on the wedding. I would be insulted to receive a note telling me that just because they spent a lot of money on their wedding that I didn't give an expensive enough gift. How rude!!!!

 

[FonFon]

I usually purchase off the registry, and try to spend around $50; depends on how close I know the bride and/or groom. I will spend more for close family/friends.

At our wedding, we mostly received $50 - $100 per family, not per head, and we were overjoyed with that! DH's best friend gave us a picture collage in a poster sized frame, and we still think that's one of the best gifts we received. The gifts didn't cover the cost of the wedding, but I never thought that that was the purpose of the gifts!

I can't believe someone would write a nasty note about a gift they received. And to fill a wedding album - which should be full of happy memories - with nitpickings about gifts, I just can't understand.

 

[GlennandAnn]

How about those brides who expect the guests to "cover their plates" with a cash gift? Here in Chicago, it is mainly cash for wedding gifts, and some brides actually expect their guests to give enough to cover the cost of what they spend for the dinner plate at the reception.



Ann

 

[sk!mom]

To answer a couple of questions:

Dr. Laura didn't let the guy read the whole note but it started off, "Let me explain to you how weddings like this work" and then basically your gift wasn't enough to cover the cost of your attendance at the wedding. His question for Dr. Laura was should they blow it off or respond to the note?

Dr. Laura said since you probably don't want to continue a relationship with some one this shallow, selfish, rude you should go ahead and let her know just what you think of her note. It isn't the guests responsibility to pay for the party.

 

[Fire14]

At my Wedding in MI we received lots of 50.00 Gift cards to various places. One friend flew in from CT, and offered her services as a Balloon decorater, That was one of my favoite "gifts". The other thing that really shocked me was the number of people who gave us money. My plates were like 20.00/pp and it was served Buffet style, I made it pretty well known if you wanted booze, you could match your Bottom up the stairs and go buy your booze I wasn't funding them, I don't drink, DH doesn't drink and if you can't go 2 hrs without a beer on a Sat. afternoon you could buy it yourself!!!