Should We Do Vacation Without Kids? Help!

[sweetpeakaris]

OK, Let me tell you a little about our situation, we have 4 kids ages 3, 5, 7, and 12. When we got married 8yrs ago, we did'nt have a honeymoon, Nor have we ever been on a vacation with just the two of us. We have for the last 5-6yrs always taken a family vacation, and love having our kids with us. For some reason i would feel bad if i went on a vacation without them, I also feel that i will worry about them and not enjoy myself as well, although i would have a sitter that i can trust. For those of you that have done vacation without kids, are these normal feeling every parent have about leaving their kids? If it's just crazy me, please say so, lol!

We are planning a Disney family vacation April 2006, but I'm not sure i wanna do that. I really, really, want to go on a vacation cruise somewhere with just me and my husband in April, since that is around the time of our anniversary and my b-day. We would not have the money or time to do both, so i can only choose one. I guess i need someone to tell me that it's ok to go without the kids, I should'nt feel bad or worry about them. While a couple's vacation is something both of us really want to do, we are having mixed feelings. I would hate to have to wait till our youngest is a teen before we go on a vacation together. I should also say that our 7yr old son is currently 24mths in remission from Cancer, although he's doing very well now, the dr's say he has a 95% chance of it coming back, so we feel the need to allow him as much fun as possible while here with us and feeling well. He has already beaten the odds, technically according to his dr's he should not be here today. My husband, i and our kids have been through so much, but i really feel like we need a break away from the kids.

So what should we do??????? Thanks for your time!

 

[crisi]

We just got back from a week in Mexico without the kids. They had a great time at Grandmas. It was lovely, but I did miss them.

It did cement that I wouldn't take a "kid vacation" like DCL or WDW without them. When we did stuff they'd enjoy I missed them. When we did grown up things like sit around and read, go to dinner, drink (too much - gained three pounds in rum and fruit juice!) I didn't miss them (much!).

 

[Gillian]

I think it's okay to take a vacation without your kids. That said, we haven't been away for more than 2-3 nights without them. Ours are 5 and 2, so they're a lot of work for a sitter right now. Maybe when they're older.

We find that even 1 night away from the kids gives us a much needed mental break! We relax, sleep in, go out to a bar, etc. Go to art museums, see adult movies. Atlantic city is a close by getaway for us, but we have also stayed overnight in Philadelphia.

DH wants to go to the caribbean for our 10 year anniversary. I don't know if that will happen due to funds and a planned family WDW trip (also april 2006), but we're going to try to do something special, even if just for a long weekend.

I appreciate my children so much more after being away from them for a while, and DH more after having time alone together.

 

[cruiserkaren]

Dh and I have done vacations without our DD. She is 2 and we have done one each year. They were both 4 nights. This isn't an option for us right now since she is getting old enough to know that we are gone, but I don't feel old enough to know that we will be back in few days. Your kids are old enough to understand and I think that should help. I think it's great when parents take time away to rekindle the romance. I know it's a cliche but I feel that the best thing a parent can do for their kids is to nurse a healthy, happy marriage and teach kids a marriage takes work. It doesn't come easily.

One of our trips was a cruise and the other was an all inclusive in Jamaica. Maybe if you go with an "adults-only" type all inclusive (Sandals, etc..) it would help that you wouldn't be seeing other kids. You could do a 4 or 5 night trip with DH and then a weekend trip with the kids, that way you get both in. I know it's hard to leave them behind and you'll definitely feel a little "weird" not tending to them BUT the time you spend with your DH and with yourself will do wonders for your well-being. As you can tell I'm a big supporter of parent's only trips. You'll come back refreshed and feel closer than ever to your DH. Good luck in your decision. I hope you reach one you can feel comfortable with.

 

[sweetpeakaris]

Thanks for the advice, I greatly appreciate it. Do you guys think a 7 night vacation is too long? Should we look into doing a 4-5. We are thinking about doing a cruise. Thanks!

 

[luvmy2sams]

DH and I have been married for 10 years, and like you, we didn't have a honeymoon. For our 10th anniversary (New Year's Eve 2004), we took a 6 night trip to Disney World without the kids. We had a glorious time and can't wait for another adults only trip. We did miss the kids and talked to them daily on the phone. However, I'm really glad that DH and I took this time for just ourselves.

Do your kids know that you're already planning a Disney vacation? If so, will they be heartbroken if you decided against it in favor of a mom and dad trip? If not, and if you feel that you can take the time away from your kids and be able to fully enjoy yourselves, then I say "go for it!"

Every couple deserves the chance to get away and reconnect.

 

[sweetpeakaris]

DH and I have been married for 10 years, and like you, we didn't have a honeymoon. For our 10th anniversary (New Year's Eve 2004), we took a 6 night trip to Disney World without the kids. We had a glorious time and can't wait for another adults only trip. We did miss the kids and talked to them daily on the phone. However, I'm really glad that DH and I took this time for just ourselves.

Do your kids know that you're already planning a Disney vacation? If so, will they be heartbroken if you decided against it in favor of a mom and dad trip? If not, and if you feel that you can take the time away from your kids and be able to fully enjoy yourselves, then I say "go for it!"

Every couple deserves the chance to get away and reconnect.

My kids are unaware of the Disney trip and Mom/Dad trip. We did'nt tell them yet because we are unsure about what we plan to do. I truly think, as long as we bring them souviners back, they will be happy for us, lol. My 7yr old son mentioned to me months ago that we should take a vacation with just the two of us. Thanks for your advice!

 

[newtowdw1]

We've done this twice. Once DD was 3.5 and I was 102 months pregnant. We had a conference at the Hilton in Lake Placid, NY (woohoo)! We were lakefront; the lake was 50 yds from our door and a pool was 100 yds. we were right on Main ST. We went back the next year with both kids to take them to Santa's Workshop!

Last year my dad offered my mother's services and we went to the Laurel Highlands in Pennsylvania. We stayed at a luxurious, romantic b&b...did I miss them?

It felt like someone had ripped out my heart and driven over it to get out of the driveway. After we'd gotten halfway a hawk plowed into our windshield, I told DH it was an omen and we should go back NOW! He said it was a GOOD omen, because the windsheild didn't break.

He didn't turn back. We had a wonderful time. Each time we only stayed 2 nights.

Would I do it again? Yes. FYI it is better for everyone if you send the kids somewhere else that they are famliar with. I miss my kids if they're not home after about 4 hours. If I'm at a hotel, I don't see things that remind me of them all the time so I don't miss them as hard. It works both ways. The routine somewhere else is different, and if they are home and the routine is different they will feel worse. JMO.

Also, DS was MAD at me. He would not speak to me on the phone. DD and DS both at 3.5 had to be reassured that I was not going to leave again any time soon. This usually had to happen before bed every night for a few weeks, but it would pop up again unexepectedly. It really broke my heart. My kids are not clingy, but since I hadn't left each before, it was hard. DD took it pretty much in stride the second time (7.5).

However, yes, I would do it again. You are more than a mama, as important as that is. You are a wife. And you and your DH need to reconnect after the horror of the cancer. If your kids are with Grandma/Grandpa or other adored friend, they'll have a ball!

 

[MrsPete]

We are planning a Disney family vacation April 2006, but I'm not sure i wanna do that. I really, really, want to go on a vacation cruise somewhere with just me and my husband in April, since that is around the time of our anniversary and my b-day. We would not have the money or time to do both, so i can only choose one.

If you're like me, you're probably realizing that you have only a few years left with your 12-year old at home -- he or she will be out of the house before you know it, and your opportunity for a "family vacation" will be gone. As such, I'd want to take the family vacation and make the memories while the family is still "intact". However, I also understand the desire to have some private time with your husband (we didn't have a honeymoon either -- we were too poor back then).

My suggestion: Keep the plans for the family Disney trip, but go over the budget with a fine tooth comb and remove a couple hundred dollars. You can do this fairly easily: replace a couple meals with pizza delivery or sandwiches in the room, slash the souvenier budget, cut out one day's tickets and plan a relaxing day by the hotel pool instead -- it can be done. Or consider switching to a beach vacation, which is less expensive (because you don't have to buy tickets) than a Disney vacation. A beach vacation can also be more relaxing than a Disney vacation: sleeping late, board games, cooking big meals together. It's a completely different vacation, of course, that might or might not appeal to you.

Use that couple hundred dollars for a short trip somewhere close to home with your husband. Drive up to the mountains to see the fall leaves; stay in a bed-and-breakfast and have some nice dinners. Or drive to the nearest big city and see a show or concert. You don't need a fancy trip to come back feeling re-connected and re-energized. You just need some couple time. You'll have many years together to take cruises, etc. in the future.

 

[sara74]

And not taking DD3 and DS1 with us! DH and I are going to a convention in Denver (not really kid friendly) and figured that if we arranged for MIL and FIL to watch the kids we might as well make a week out of it. Especially since we are flying from CT. So after 3 days of lectures (yawn) we will be in a condo at Rocky Mtn Nat'l Park - hiking, fishing and horseback riding - things we can't do with the kids yet.

Am I freaking out? Totally- when I'm not in denial over leaving them. But their Gparents live out of state and will really enjoy the time, they are staying at our house so their surroundings won't change and they are in daycare 3 days a week so that will be the same too.

The funny thing is that they will never realize it but our trip without them is what made DH agree to go to WDW at all. He is relatively anti mouse and is only agreeing to our trip to WDW b/c he knows how hard it is for me to take this trip. Seems like a win-win for everyone!

 

[travelitis]

Call me callous, but I find no moral dilemna in taking a romantic trip with my husband. At first we couldn't afford either a family vacation or a trip for us, but as soon as we could, we took our trip. You have to take care of your marriage first. You've been through so much, that you need this time to yourselves. This has been a hard lesson for me to learn, but divorce taught me that date nights and time alone with my husband must be a high priority. The kids will be fine for a week without you. It's better for you to be gone for a week now and then than for your marriage to fail because you didn't remember to date your spouse.

BTW - a 4 yr. old can completely grasp that you're coming back. It's the younger ones (under 2 crowd) who need extra reassuring. BTDT with kids from 1 yr. to teens. If you have grandparents to care for the kids, then you leaving might just be a treat for your kids too.

 

[travelitis]

As far as Disney . . . you bet we've sneaked to Disney for a day or 2 without the kids. They've had too many Disney trips to complain about us stopping for a day after a cruise or after our last house hunting trip. They know that, too.

 

[Lives4Disney]

I have 3 kids ages 5, 9, and 15. My husband and I started taking vacations without them (we also do a couple a year WITH them) about 7 yrs ago. My parents watch them, spoil them, and enjoy the heck out of them!! It is good for my kids and their grandparents, and I know they are being WELL taken care of.

Our first without kids trip was OK to good. Our second was pretty fun and our third was GREAT!! They just get better and better. It just takes time to adjust to being without them and not letting thoughts and conversations of them interfere with my alone time with my husband. The more trips you take together (just the two of you) it gets easier and more fun.

We usually go to some great resort, hang by the pool, read, antique shop, see movies, go to great restaurants. but on our last trip we did WDW. My DH & myself took a 5 nighter to WDW in May. We had the BEST time! Our family has gone 4 times this year, so they are in no way deprived. I did have thoughts of "oh, the girls would love to see this", and when I saw kids in line for autographs or in their princess dresses, of course I thought of my kids - but just briefly!!

I just remember coming home from that trip and realizing that my husband is still fun and we can still have a great time together. Sometimes, our lives are soooo busy running here and there that we forget to take time and enjoy eachother, so these little vacations work wonders!

Good luck & happy planning! The best gift you can give your kids is a set of happy parents!

Lives4Disney

 

[tjmw2727]

While I have done vacations without the kiddos they have been only for 2-3 nights and yes we missed them like crazy. I am a firm beleiver in time alone for mom & dad but that can be a dinner out or even one night away.

I sense in your post you are feeling guilty and torn and although I see no reason why you "shouln't go alone" maybe a compromise is in order.

I would consider doing the the family cruise as it is IMHO a great mix of adult time and family time. Your kids will likely be so busy in the kids clubs that you will have plenty of alone time with dh. Plan a special dinner and maybe even an excersion during the cruise for your anniversary celebration. This way you can have family time at dinners and shows as well as some romantic time for you and dh.

The other thing I thought of was doing a shorter cruise with the family and then a 1-2 night trip for just you and dh.

I have found that even a weekend away in town can be a great escape at a reasonable cost.

TJ

 

[lee]

Okay everyone, please don't hate me for this response but I wouldn't consider leaving my kids, much less leaving them under these circumstances, and with a sitter. They are ours for such a short time. It's reasonable to want to get away with your husband - you've already been through so much but have you considered a weekend getaway with him instead? You could still have a great family vacation together in the spring.

 

[Rowlf]

Okay everyone, please don't hate me for this response but I wouldn't consider leaving my kids, much less leaving them under these circumstances, and with a sitter. They are ours for such a short time.

Sheesh. 20 years is not a short time. And once that 20 years is up, you had better still have a good relationship with your spouse.

DH and I went on a seven night vacation two weeks ago without our DS2. I missed him very much, but it was very, very good for our relationship for us to get away. We were even in a place where we had no phone service (although I was able to occasionally get an email) and everyone survived.

I am very lucky to have IL's who take him regularly and where he has his own room, but, even in a less perfect situation, you have to put yourself and your relationship first once in a while.

Then again, I'm one of those evil parents that use KNO when I'm at WDW...

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I understand your angst as I am a mother myself. Now please don't flame me because I don't mean to upset anyone but it seems to me that you are looking for someone to tell you that it's okay. If you were really okay with it you wouldn't be asking all of us. You mentioned that you and dh have reservations about it and I truly believe you should trust your gut feelings. I know you can't go on two huge vacations, but is is possible that maybe you could do a weekend getaway with dh and save the big trip for the kids? We've never gone away without the kids and that's our choice. We have no desire to but that is not for everyone. I completely understand that but I still feel that you wouldn't be looking for someone to okay it if you were okay with it. Trust yourself. There is a reason for your feelings. Go with it. I hope this helps.

 

[Goofyta]

I see no problem with adult only vacations. My dh and I plan on taking extended weekend trips every other year with just each other. I think it helps the marriage a lot and like Rowlf said you need to have a good relationship with your spouse once the kids move on.

With that being said, if we did not have family or reliable friends to watch our 3 children, we would not be taking adult only vacations. You need to have someone you feel completely comfortable with to leave your kids with. I would hate to be worrying the entire trip.

 

[sweetpeakaris]

Just wanted to Thank everyone who offered advice, I greatly appreciated it.

OK, I have solved my problem , I decided to go ahead and do the Disney Vacation as a family, take along my 16yr old cousin, as she would be great to babysit for one or 2 nights for a couple hours while we go out together, maybe to Victoria's & Alberts for a nice dinner and to go see the Cirque Du Soleil show or something. I think, right now this is the best thing for us to do, as I don't know how long my son will be here with us, and we want to enjoy every moment, and our memories will last a lifetime. We also could still do a weekend getaway somewhere near home.

Someone also posted a great idea, to do a family cruise vacation, so that's definately something we may do in a couple years when they are a little older since it will cost almost $10,000, for a Disney one, lol!

 

[Nancyg56]

Years ago, when my kids were younger, I went to visit my DH's aunt in FLA. We did go over Thanksgiving, as this was the only time available. We would have taken the, but it was an expensive flight for a short period of time, and nothing for them to do. DH aunt had cancer. Boy did we get hammered by my well meaning family! Anyway,we left the kids with our cousins, and off went. While it was not a vacation of our dreams, it was a good visit for us, and my kids had a blast! They really did not miss us, as they were very entertained. We (okay it was me) were feeling badly about leaving them, especially after the family guilt, but they enjoyed their visit better than if they were us.

I think that you always need to do what you feel comfortable with. It the sitter is someone who you trust to care for you children, you may be very surprised how much fun they have on their vacation from their parents. Your entire family has gone through a stressful time, and perhaps "separate" vacations would be in order. Your DS may be trying to tell you in his own way that he has noticed the strain, and he may be feeling it as well. I can only speak from my own experience, but I know that when my DD leaves for a few days with her DH, her little one is thrilled. We get to pamper her in ways that would not be possible if mom and dad were around, and she des not have to compete for our attention if her parents want a conversation with us. The time is truely about her.