Should my ds go to this prom?

[luvmarypoppins]

I know ultimately the decision is his and I am not encouraging him one way or the other , but I did ask him some questions about the :invitation:

He works in a sports place on sats. "Heather" attends events there and several years ago "Heather" and ds competed together in a competition and some weekly events. That was maybe 2-3 years ago, I cant remember. Well ds does see "Heathers" mom who works there but only briefly on a weekly basis. Well "Jenn" a fellow co worker of ds said Oh "Heathers" mom wanted me to ask you if you would go to the prom with"Heather". It will be fun, there will be a limo etc. Wow. through all of this I just feel for "Heather".

I did ask ds - why did heathers mom want you to go to the prom with heather. He says - Oh I guess her mom is desperate!!

I really dont even know if "Heather" knows anything about this. She is really shy, quiet etc. I did tell ds I dont know if he could financially afford to take her and then go to his own prom and he rarely sees this girl anymore. I know he would be willing to help out if all the circumstances were right, like not interfering with his own schedule (work, his own school events) etc. I think the mom is offering to pay for the limo, I dont know about the tickets etc. I know my ds is a nice kid but I doubt he will really see this girl that much etc. I dont know how he could financially afford it himself anyway.

I know this mom wants the best for her dd and I would like to see her have a nice time, just I think my ds needs his money for his own prom. Is it wrong for the other girls mom to offer to pay for things etc? What do you think of this?

 

[DizBelle]

Whoever does the inviting should be doing the paying.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Whoever does the inviting should be doing the paying.

I think so as well.

AT most maybe a corsage--but it isn't his event.

 

[sbell111]

Regardless of how it was set up, it's a date. If he wants to go with her, he should. However, he is responsible for his tux, her corsage, and dinner.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I don't agree that he should be responsible for dinner.

His own tux - yes...
Flowers/corsage - yes...

But, as others have said - you just don't invite somebody else to buy your supper.

My thoughts - I know your son may consider doing this just out of 'being nice'... But, this is a 'Prom'. This is a 'date'..

Factor in the mother's involvement...

My first reaction is that I would be afraid for him to get involved and touch this thing with a 10 foot pole.

Only your son (with your thoughts of course) can make the call!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

This is on the strange side so I have to vote no.

 

[Piglets Mommy]

I think that first, he needs to call "Heather" and make sure she even WANTS him to go to prom with her. Sounds to me a little bit like a case of an overinvolved Mom trying to do some matchmaking.

 

[Magic Mom]

If he wants to go, then he should go. But since it seems like they are going as friends, they should go dutch.

 

[NHdisneylover]

If he wants to go he should. I think he is only responsible for the cost of his tux and a corsage. Perhaps they will split the cost of dinner.

DH went to three proms his senior year (and bought a tux as it was cheaper than renting 3 times):
1. His (private boys' school): He paid for everythin except his GF dress and the boutineer she gave him (he invited her)
2. His girlfriend's (private girls' school): She paid for everything except his tux and the corsage (she invited him)
3. As a friend with a group of 6 of us going as friend couples at the local public high school (I was part of the group of 6, the oterh 5 were all from that school--No he was not my "date" and yes I did drool over him all evening). The female friend who asked him to go with her bought the tickets and a butineer and had told him not to worry baout a corsaeg, but of couse he got one anyway. Each of the 6 of us paid for our own dinners and breakfast the next morning (tradition among our theatre group to stay out all night, watch the sunrise from flagstaff mountain and have breakfast at perkins the next morning).

No limos were invovled in any of the proms--they were not that big of a deal back then and I do not recall anyone arriving in one

 

[RitaZ.]

Well, your son is right; Heather's mom is desperate. Mom shouldn't be arranging a prom date for her daughter. I would have been mortified if my mom had arranged a pity date for my prom. How humiliating!

 

[minkydog]

Ugh. I would have murdered my mom if she got me a date for my prom. Does your son even like this girl? Do they have anything in common? I wouldn't push it either way. Leave it up to him to decide if he wants to call her. Around here everybody goes Dutch to the prom because it's so expensive. The boy buys the girl a corsage and the girl buys the boy a boutenneire. The pay for their own dinner and their place in the limo, if there is a limo. If he's interested and he can afford two proms I'd let him go.

ETA: You might want to look into getting him an inexpensive tux if he's got to rent it twice. We did that for DS23 and he has used it several times. We saved a fortune in rental fees.

 

[bumbershoot]

He should talk to Heather. This might be coming from her, if she is that shy. It might be an easy way for her to see if he'll go. I think it would be awfully nice of your son to go, if Heather wants him to go with her.

I didn't do quite the same thing, and it was for homecoming not prom, but I ended up asking a guy I barely knew...his dad worked with my mom and it was easier than asking a guy at school, to a dance. He said no, can't remember why...I never did go to Homecoming (though I went to 3 proms altogether). Sure would have been nice if the boy had said yes!

 

[dislaney]

If Heather asks him then I guess it would be up to him if he wants to go. If just the Mom is asking (esp if Heather doesn't know), I would say no way- no how. Run!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Regardless of how it was set up, it's a date. If he wants to go with her, he should. However, he is responsible for his tux, her corsage, and dinner.

I agree with this. The inviter buys the tickets, but the boy still pays for dinner...

 

[ksjayhawks]

I vote "no".

He doesn't really know Heather other than seeing her every now and then at the place he works. He barely knows Heather's mom.

He should not feel obligated in any way, shape or form. Don't let Heather's mom or the other worker try and guilt-trip him into going. He should take care of his obligations--work, school, activities first. Now, if Heather were to ask him, that would be different but her mom asking him?? No.

If he does decide to go, he should only pay for corsage and a tux--if he wants to get one, he could also wear a suit. The other costs--limo, dinner, breakfast, any other activities, tickets--would be her responsibility since it is her prom and she is the one who asked him. I would make sure that this--the expenses--is clear up front.

 

[FayeW]

You do realize that you asking us if your son should go to the prom is just as weird as "Heather's" mom having her co-worker ask your son in the first place, right?

 

[NotUrsula]

He's being asked to be a mercy escort for a girl who either cannot find a date or who has been stood up. Not everyone is kind enough to agree to do that, but if he's willing, it's a kind thing to do. However ...

When you're a mercy escort, the usual rules about who pays for what are off. The person who asked for the favor should make it as financially painless as possible. If they want him in a tux, they should pay for it. Ditto on the flowers; Mom should supply them. If he is supposed to take her to dinner, then Mom should arrange with the restaurant to have the tab put on her credit card.

Of course, I'm assuming that "Heather" knows about this and is grateful that her mom knows someone who might be willing to help her save face. Otherwise I would advise him not to touch it with a 10 foot pole. You don't want her thinking it is a real date and getting crushed when she finds out that it is not.

 

[golfgal]

I wonder if "Heather" is DS17's friend from our old town that I posted about--she invited him to their prom (our old town is 3 hours away) AND his GIRLFRIEND.

If your son is ok taking the girl to prom I would say, yes, but I would make it clear that he is not paying for it. If the mom doesn't agree to that, no, he should not go.

 

[N.Bailey]

You do realize that you asking us if your son should go to the prom is just as weird as "Heather's" mom having her co-worker ask your son in the first place, right?

I absolutely disagree with you 100%. The OP is asking for opinions on the situation. She is not making a determination based on the majority rule.

IMO, I think you should try to talk your son out of taking her. Why should he be coughing up money for a event he's not interested in? Even he knows mom is desperate and that's why he's being invited. Wow, talk about feeling special. Then to cough up what, an extra $150 minimal (tux, corsage) is absurd, IMO. This doesn't even take into consideration the amount of money he'd lose by having to request that day off from his job.

Bottom line, he should make the investment in his own prom and forget the sympathy vote. That's like asking someone to be a bride's maid at your wedding just because you don't have someone else who could afford the dress. I don't know about you, but I'd have turned that offer down in a heartbeat.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

Well here is a little update. I was asking opinions here because I have 3 ds, so I guess I really cant see things from the girls side and I never went to my own prom either, so I guess I am a little "prom impaired".

Ds said the girl himself came up to him and asked him to go. He said yes. He said he had to say yes because if he didnt it would have been cruel. I know my ds is a very compassionate person. The girl herself told ds she doesnt have friends etc. So she gave ds a permission and information form. The tickets are $85 each!! Yikes!! His prom is a little more total, but this prom includes bus transportation to the prom which is required by the school district. They also have a pre prom get together at the school for orderves and pictures. My ds does have a tux from his own formals. I just dont know if it fits. He would most likely buy another one as there is a place that is pretty cheap here buying versus renting.

The mom is willing to pick him up at the catering hall after the prom, at our house, generally everything.

He asked what the girls prom dress color is, I guess for the shirt or tie, flowers etc. She says its light blue, dont worry about the flowers etc. Hmm, I told ds I thought it was really strange that she exactly had a dress before my ds even said yes. He did say things like (to me only, not the girl), I hope she doesnt think this is a real "date:, (hmm, I guess he is thinking like the poster who said this was a "mercy date". He said I dont want to slow dance with her etc. Maybe I will give an update after the prom.its March 25 or 26th I think. Does this sound like its going to be ok. I hope it is for both their sakes. It will be interesting to see who my ds takes to his own prom. Hmm, that will be another post.