Should I keep my mouth shut or make a stink?

[tink_n_pooh]

My brother just recently (official within the last 2 weeks) got a divorce and has every other weekend/holiday visitation with his 5 year old daughter.

For some time now he has been letting the 5 year old daughter ride in the front seat of the car/truck (all of the vehicles have a normal sized back seat). Sometimes she sits in her booster seat, sometimes not.

I've said something to him twice, just a little "She is sitting in the front seat?" which was answered with "Don't you give me grief about it, I hardly ever get to see her, I should be able to let her sit where she wants".

It's not safe for a child her age/size to be sitting in the front seat and as much as he loves her and says he would do anything for her, I would think her safety would be his top priority but he won't hear it.

I think my next approach is going to be something along the lines of telling him that he just better hope that his ex-wife doesn't find out that she sits in the front seat. If I were in her shoes I would be fighting to not the daughter be in the car with him if he is not going to provide as safe of an environment as possible. (Believe me, the ex is no saint, just saying what I can imagine her thinking, rightfully so)

Am I completely out of line for letting this bother me? She is my niece, I love her and I worry about her. If she were in my car she would be in her booster in the back seat buckled in.

I am also a be polite advocate for car seat safety, I don't hesitate to correct people regarding the new-ish recommendation for rear facing until 2 years. Why not do everything you can to protect a child?

 

[sam_gordon]

Simply my opinion... I think you let it go and pray nothing happens. You've said something twice and got rebuked. If DN is riding with you, you put her in the backseat in her booster. When she says "But Daddy lets me ride up front", the answer is "well, you ride in the back in my car."

 

[sbell111]

You are not out of line for caring about this issue. You weren't out of line for broaching the issue with him. However, now it's time for you to mind your business.

 

[CHawthorne]

I'm going to say this in the nicest way possible - Mind. Your. Own. Business.

You are not a child seat safety expert. And who knows tomorrow they may decide that front facing seats are the safest.

 

[happygirl]

I don't think it ever hurts to look out for a child however, you did all you can do.

 

[kathie859]

I think I'd use the "You better hope your X doesn't see you driving the child improperly secured lest you lose your bi-weekly visitation" to get him to think.

Then I'd let it go. You can't police the world as much as we all would like.
It's a difficult call--but you have to let your brother parent his way. I think he's wrong, BTW, but other than your not to gentle reminder(s) I don't know what you can do and preserve your relationship.

 

[Music City Mama]

My brother just recently (official within the last 2 weeks) got a divorce and has every other weekend/holiday visitation with his 5 year old daughter.

For some time now he has been letting the 5 year old daughter ride in the front seat of the car/truck (all of the vehicles have a normal sized back seat). Sometimes she sits in her booster seat, sometimes not.

I've said something to him twice, just a little "She is sitting in the front seat?" which was answered with "Don't you give me grief about it, I hardly ever get to see her, I should be able to let her sit where she wants".

It's not safe for a child her age/size to be sitting in the front seat and as much as he loves her and says he would do anything for her, I would think her safety would be his top priority but he won't hear it.

I think my next approach is going to be something along the lines of telling him that he just better hope that his ex-wife doesn't find out that she sits in the front seat. If I were in her shoes I would be fighting to not the daughter be in the car with him if he is not going to provide as safe of an environment as possible. (Believe me, the ex is no saint, just saying what I can imagine her thinking, rightfully so)

Am I completely out of line for letting this bother me? She is my niece, I love her and I worry about her. If she were in my car she would be in her booster in the back seat buckled in.

I am also a be polite advocate for car seat safety, I don't hesitate to correct people regarding the new-ish recommendation for rear facing until 2 years. Why not do everything you can to protect a child?

Sorry, I'm going against the others' advice. First of all, what state is this? It's probably against the law to not have her in a booster at 5 (I know some states are exceptions, but I think most still require it at 5). Also, even if they're allowed to be out of a booster at 5, what is the state reg. on when a child can sit in the front seat (if there is one)? Fortunately, they have very tough laws in my state -- you must be 8 AND 4'9" to be out of a booster, and you have to be 12 before you can ride in the front seat. I know most states aren't as strict, but I think probably 80% still require them to be in a booster at 5 (and in the back seat). If you find out that that's the case, can you bring it up to him that he could get fined? I mean why WOULDN'T he want to keep his daughter safe? It's not like a booster is a car seat where you have to strap it in (other than with the regular seat belt) -- and she could use a backless booster if he prefers (and they're way cheap). What's the big deal?

It's not like this is just a friend where you can only say so much -- it's your brother . . . I could totally be honest w/ mine without having to worry about some feud starting, but I guess all families are different. I wouldn't keep badgering him about it, but perhaps bring it up as a matter of law kind of thing (assuming it's the law there).

 

[daughtersrus]

My brother just recently (official within the last 2 weeks) got a divorce and has every other weekend/holiday visitation with his 5 year old daughter.

For some time now he has been letting the 5 year old daughter ride in the front seat of the car/truck (all of the vehicles have a normal sized back seat). Sometimes she sits in her booster seat, sometimes not.

I've said something to him twice, just a little "She is sitting in the front seat?" which was answered with "Don't you give me grief about it, I hardly ever get to see her, I should be able to let her sit where she wants".

It's not safe for a child her age/size to be sitting in the front seat and as much as he loves her and says he would do anything for her, I would think her safety would be his top priority but he won't hear it.

I think my next approach is going to be something along the lines of telling him that he just better hope that his ex-wife doesn't find out that she sits in the front seat. If I were in her shoes I would be fighting to not the daughter be in the car with him if he is not going to provide as safe of an environment as possible. (Believe me, the ex is no saint, just saying what I can imagine her thinking, rightfully so)

Am I completely out of line for letting this bother me? She is my niece, I love her and I worry about her. If she were in my car she would be in her booster in the back seat buckled in.

I am also a be polite advocate for car seat safety, I don't hesitate to correct people regarding the new-ish recommendation for rear facing until 2 years. Why not do everything you can to protect a child?

In IL, we used to have a toll free number that you could call and report the license plate#, where you saw it and the date and they would send a letter to the owner of the car saying that it was observed disobeying the car seat laws of the state. I don't know if they still have it or not. It made a lot of media attention because a nanny was fired when the owner of the vehicle got a letter and the person driving the van at the time was the nanny.

I would say something. DH is an auto tech at a dealership and one of the guys there had an airbag go off in front of him when he was replacing it. An ambulance had to be called because they guy was hurt pretty bad and was having problems hearing. This was a full grown man. Can you imagine what that could do to a little child.

I'm also the mom of a special needs child so I've learned not to take things for granted. Maybe nothing will happen but if it does, it would eat at me for not saying something.

 

[Ceila]

I'm going to say this in the nicest way possible - Mind. Your. Own. Business.

You are not a child seat safety expert. And who knows tomorrow they may decide that front facing seats are the safest.

I'm going to say this in the nicest way possible. Every single child safety seat expert says that children under 12 should NOT be riding in the front seat at all. AND they should be in a booster seat unless they are 57 inches tall, which I seriously doubt the 5-year-old in question is. The OP is absolutely correct to be concerned, as her brother is putting her niece in a well-established unsafe situation.

OP, I would say something one more time, because he really is putting that child at risk of serious injury or death if they are ever in an accident. Is there anyone else in the family who is concerned and could say something as well?

The fact that he responded immediately with "don't you give me grief" tells me that he knows full well that what he's doing is wrong. And if he says again that he "hardly ever gets to see her," I'd reply that if God forbid she's killed in a crash then he'll NEVER get to see her again.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

I say do whatever you have to do. Better to have your brother mad at you than have his kid killed due to his poor decision.

 

[antmaril]

I would stay on him until he puts her in the back seat. If something were to happen to that child, you would never forgive yourself for not nagging him to do what was best for her. Don't give up. Even if he tells you to mind your own business - don't!

 

[kirstenb1]

Sorry, I'm going against the others' advice. First of all, what state is this? It's probably against the law to not have her in a booster at 5 (I know some states are exceptions, but I think most still require it at 5). Also, even if they're allowed to be out of a booster at 5, what is the state reg. on when a child can sit in the front seat (if there is one)? Fortunately, they have very tough laws in my state -- you must be 8 AND 4'9" to be out of a booster, and you have to be 12 before you can ride in the front seat. I know most states aren't as strict, but I think probably 80% still require them to be in a booster at 5 (and in the back seat). If you find out that that's the case, can you bring it up to him that he could get fined? I mean why WOULDN'T he want to keep his daughter safe? It's not like a booster is a car seat where you have to strap it in (other than with the regular seat belt) -- and she could use a backless booster if he prefers (and they're way cheap). What's the big deal?

It's not like this is just a friend where you can only say so much -- it's your brother . . . I could totally be honest w/ mine without having to worry about some feud starting, but I guess all families are different. I wouldn't keep badgering him about it, but perhaps bring it up as a matter of law kind of thing (assuming it's the law there).

Good point. I was wondering....isn't this totally illegal unless you have a key to turn off the airbag? I'd choose my time very carefully, and talk with him one-on-one. No one else, including his dd there. He's endangering her life and I'd be on him like a pit bull.

 

[tink_n_pooh]

Sorry, I'm going against the others' advice. First of all, what state is this? It's probably against the law to not have her in a booster at 5 (I know some states are exceptions, but I think most still require it at 5). Also, even if they're allowed to be out of a booster at 5, what is the state reg. on when a child can sit in the front seat (if there is one)? Fortunately, they have very tough laws in my state -- you must be 8 AND 4'9" to be out of a booster, and you have to be 12 before you can ride in the front seat. I know most states aren't as strict, but I think probably 80% still require them to be in a booster at 5 (and in the back seat). If you find out that that's the case, can you bring it up to him that he could get fined? I mean why WOULDN'T he want to keep his daughter safe? It's not like a booster is a car seat where you have to strap it in (other than with the regular seat belt) -- and she could use a backless booster if he prefers (and they're way cheap). What's the big deal?

It's not like this is just a friend where you can only say so much -- it's your brother . . . I could totally be honest w/ mine without having to worry about some feud starting, but I guess all families are different. I wouldn't keep badgering him about it, but perhaps bring it up as a matter of law kind of thing (assuming it's the law there).

New Jersey... it is most definitely against the law here.

http://www.nj.gov/lps/hts/childseats/childseats_newlaw.html


At this point I think I'm just frustrated, maybe more so with the whole situation than with the specific car seat issue, but this really irks me.

I think part of me always thinks back to when we lost my aunt and cousin in a car accident. They were hit head on by a drunk driver, my aunt and my cousin (who was about the same age that my niece is now) and were sitting in the front seat with seat belts. Only the drunk driver and my other cousin in the back seat in a car seat survived

 

[happygirl]

Good point. I was wondering....isn't this totally illegal unless you have a key to turn off the airbag? I'd choose my time very carefully, and talk with him one-on-one. No one else, including his dd there. He's endangering her life and I'd be on him like a pit bull.

If you go after him like a pit bull, that not going to do anything. Just make him mad and OP isn't going to see niece.

 

[daughtersrus]

Now that I think about it a little more, I might approach it along the lines of he might be a good driver but what about the other guys on the road. It only takes one time and he could be spending his time with her sitting at her bedside in the hospital.

 

[Styx Fan]

I would not let it go, but neither would I be on his case constantly. Sometimes people turn a deaf ear if every time they see you the same issue is nagged about.

"I am also a be polite advocate for car seat safety, I don't hesitate to correct people regarding the new-ish recommendation for rear facing until 2 years. Why not do everything you can to protect a child? "

Please tell me you don't go around correcting strangers on their choice to place their child front facing before 2! That is going over the edge into butting into others business. I choose to protect my kids, but I don't do everything I can to keep them safe...bubble wrap is a drag. I make informed decisions based on balancing risks vs. reward and don't need strangers telling me what to do.

 

[RitaE]

You are probably not out of line to be concerned and express your concern.

You ARE out of line to bring his divorce and custody issues into it, and make implied threats.

 

[Mrs D]

I would look up your state laws and print it out for him. He can see in black & white that he is 1. breaking the law 2. endangering the child he cares so much about! There is NO WAY a 5 year old of any size should be riding in the front or without a booster (at the minimum). Please ask him to consider how he would feel if someone else hit him and his child was injured or worse.

I have incredible conversations with my kiddos in the back seat! There is no reason they can't continue to bond during their travel time just because she's in the back.

Overall, I would just find solid info and put it in his hands. That takes you out of the equation.

Hugs to you for doing the right thing and loving your niece!

 

[punkin]

I'm going to say this in the nicest way possible. Every single child safety seat expert says that children under 12 should NOT be riding in the front seat at all. AND they should be in a booster seat unless they are 57 inches tall, which I seriously doubt the 5-year-old in question is. The OP is absolutely correct to be concerned, as her brother is putting her niece in a well-established unsafe situation.

OP, I would say something one more time, because he really is putting that child at risk of serious injury or death if they are ever in an accident. Is there anyone else in the family who is concerned and could say something as well?

The fact that he responded immediately with "don't you give me grief" tells me that he knows full well that what he's doing is wrong. And if he says again that he "hardly ever gets to see her," I'd reply that if God forbid she's killed in a crash then he'll NEVER get to see her again.

 

[ashley0139]

Sorry, but there's a difference between doing something like feeding the child McDonald's for two meals because you never get to see her and endangering her life by putting her in the front seat because you never get to see her.

I can't wrap my head around why her sitting in the front seat would be better. Is it because she wants to? And why does him never getting to see her have anything to do with where she sits in the car? Since when does the 5 year-old control the parent in safety situations?

A five year-old should not be sitting in the front seat. Period. And a minor accident could become a major problem because he's letting her do this. I would keep saying something. I would never forgive myself if something happened to her just because he wanted to be the "fun" parent.