Should I force my kids to go to Disney?

[Genie+]

Have you asked them how they feel - more specifically why they were grumpy, or why did they keep wanting to go back to the room? I’d start here.

When our kids hit around 14 we started letting them go off on their own in the park. We’d usually keep bumping into each other anyway.

Wow this thread really blew up!

FWIW I think it’s most helpful to take the entire context into consideration, and not just focus on the use of one word or one specific detail.

 

[CAPSLOCK]

I would sit them down and ask if they just don’t want to do Disney anymore, if they want to do Disney differently or do they just prefer not to vacation with the parentals anymore. Their answer may surprise you.

This is a really good idea.

 

[bluezy]

OP here. We do go on other trips together, they’re mostly ok with those. Just not Disney. We’re DVC (and I’m a huge Disney fan) so we’re going to go yearly no matter what. I guess I’m just sad that they don’t want to go. I’ll talk with them about letting them do their own thing and see what they say. I’ve decided to just let them stay home if they want and I hope that one day they’ll want to go back again. On the plus side, if they don’t go we would be saving a decent amount of money!

We go to Disney every other year. There was only one trip that our older boys didn't go with us. They were both in their early 20's that time and one of them was doing a summer internship for college and the other had just started a new job and didn't want to take a week's vacation after being there a month. They were both fine with not going with us (they both still lived at home at the time). Financially, it felt like such a cheap trip and we found ourselves looking forward to travelling with fewer kids and then eventually no kids. We daydreamed about all the extra things we could do when we were only paying for 2 people. Fast forward 15 years and our youngest is now 19 and we *thought* it would just be 2 (or 3) of us going to Disney at this point. Ha!! Every time DH & I say we're going on a Disney trip, somehow *all* the kids (and now their spouses/SOs and *their* kids) go too!!! So now we're a group of 13 and growing. They all (except the 19 yo) pay for their own expenses, but they still all want to be there with us. After our last trip (2022), I put my foot down and said that we need to spend less time together at Disney. The last few trips we had spent almost every day together (not my choice, it just happened...they all said they were fine doing whatever I wanted to do). A few evenings one or two of the kids would split off and go do their own thing, but for the most part, we were together for most of the trip. But the last day of our 2022 trip, we all had different things we wanted to do so each family unit went their own direction. If any of us were in the same park at the same time, we'd meet up to say "hi" or have a meal/snack together an then continue on our separate ways. It was heaven. We're planning to do a whole lot more of that "not together" stuff on our trip this year. We're planning to either do a morning and lunch or an afternoon and dinner together at each of the 4 parks (because I want a picture of all of us together at each park), and we'll play the rest of the time by ear.

So, all this to say, OP, be careful what you wish for....your kids may want to take a Disney trip with you for the rest of your life! Though like our kids, they will probably say that Disney trips are a lot more fun when mom & dad are paying for everything.

 

[ronandannette]

Do people not understand that an 18 year old is an adult?

The OP didn't quite give all the details but at least we know this person is still living at home. I picture an 18 y.o. in their last year of high school, being completely protected and provided for, as they always have. Legal authority is one thing but that scenario, at least at our house, wouldn't (and didn't) necessitate a complete revision of the rules and expectations.

I suspect OP is aware of the age of adulthood in America but OP's 18yo did not opt to leave the household and by all appearances is still enjoying the privileges afforded to being a member of their family (roof over head, food, etc.). If OP is questioning how to handle this situation then they have decided that the 18yo being afforded the privileges of being a member of their family comes with the cost of acting like it vs deciding "well the kid is 18, I'll keep paying the bills as their parent but they can do whatever they want". It's just one of those life forks where parenting styles diverge.

 

[Stratman50th]

I would let them stay home. A year off may make them want to go back in the future, but forcing them may make the swear off Disney forever. Plus, it is so expensive now that it is really silly to pay for someone to be miserable and make everyone else miserable when they are there.

Is swearing off of Disney forever a bad thing? I have and it's really opened up a lot of options to see and do other things.

To the OP, Disney doesn't stay the same for everyone forever. Remember, you're asking advice from people on a Disney forum And with some exceptions participants will all pretty much agree with you.

 

[CdnCarrie]

The OP didn't quite give all the details but at least we know this person is still living at home. I picture an 18 y.o. in their last year of high school, being completely protected and provided for, as they always have. Legal authority is one thing but that scenario, at least at our house, wouldn't (and didn't) necessitate a complete revision of the rules and expectations.

I’ve left my 18 year old at home alone.
Raise them right and you’ll be fine.

 

[fly girl]

Actually cruise vacations worked well for our family. Five kids in under 7 years, so pretty close in age. We ended up having breakfast together, dinner together, off of the ship together, some shows together. The rest of the time they’d be out and about with new friends.

Cruising works really well for my little family of 3.

We have done just us, and have had it extended to 10 with other family members and had a blast!

 

[Cheburashka]

I am the Disney obsessed rope drop to close person in the group and I probably do expect too much from them.

Absolutely. I was that Disney obsessed rope dropper in the past, but that was when my son was little and he loved all of the rides and being at the park. But to drag unenthusiastic people around like that on a trip is inconsiderate. It's so early, so much rushing and stress, etc. For many people, not just your teens, that is not any kind of vacation. My son and I are at different phases of our lives now, and neither of us could imagine doing that again. It's only for people who are really into it, and no one should be guilted into doing it.

 

[Cheburashka]

Do people not understand that an 18 year old is an adult?

Being a legal adult is often different from being an adult in the sense of being an independent person. Many 18 year-olds are not ready to live independently in our society, and are very much under their parents' provision and guidance. This sounds like it is the case for the OP's daughter.

 

[Marrila]

I’ve left my 18 year old at home alone.
Raise them right and you’ll be fine.

Sometimes things are as they appear, other times there are lots of things going on the parents are clueless about.
A bit of supervision with a new "adult" is not necessarily a bad thing.

 

[ronandannette]

I’ve left my 18 year old at home alone.
Raise them right and you’ll be fine.

Oh yes, of course they can be left home alone at 18. We left DS for overnights starting around 15, if I remember right. That, to me wasn't the issue at all. It was the idea of whether or not an 18 y.o. should be compelled/expected/required (pretty sure nobody will physically drag them) to go on a family holiday. Sorry if I took it down the wrong track.

 

[Cheburashka]

you're asking advice from people on a Disney forum And with some exceptions participants will all pretty much agree with you.

Actually, most of the posters on this thread have not been in agreement with the OP.

 

[ronandannette]

Being a legal adult is often different from being an adult in the sense of being an independent person. Many 18 year-olds are not ready to live independently in our society, and are very much under their parents' provision and guidance. This sounds like it is the case for the OP's daughter.

Which is totally right, good, normal and fine. As long as "easing them into" adulthood is still understood by them to mean "easing out" of all parental authority over what goes on within the household and the expectations of the entire family system. I kind of mis-read the poster I was replying to, apparently.

 

[LuvOrlando]

OP here. We do go on other trips together, they’re mostly ok with those. Just not Disney. We’re DVC (and I’m a huge Disney fan) so we’re going to go yearly no matter what. I guess I’m just sad that they don’t want to go. I’ll talk with them about letting them do their own thing and see what they say. I’ve decided to just let them stay home if they want and I hope that one day they’ll want to go back again. On the plus side, if they don’t go we would be saving a decent amount of money!

Good for you! Mine are in their 20's and one declares being "over it" while the other is iffy but both love childhood memories. Forcing it could have simultaneously ruined younger kids chances for good memories and created bad memories in their place for everyone. Give them a chance to miss it, you might see some FOMO. I expect mine will turn around once they get a little older and maybe have their own families, which is why I am entertaining DVC.

When you go have an amazing time, let them miss out a little bit and see what happens.

 

[Cheburashka]

Which is totally right, good, normal and fine. As long as "easing them into" adulthood is still understood by them to mean "easing out" of all parental authority over what goes on within the household and the expectations of the entire family system. I kind of mis-read the poster I was replying to, apparently.

Yes, I think the teens should have choices in relation to the trip, certainly. I just don't think that an 18 year-old living under her parents' roof gets the same level of independence as an adult with a self-supporting job and her own home. My (disabled) son is 19 and living at home, and while I take his opinions about many things into consideration and would never force him to go on a trip, he still does have rules and requirements that he has to abide by, because he is still far from ready to be independent, he is still learning and maturing, like most teenage legal-adults are.

Even if he had no disability, I would not let a young adult living under my roof play video games all day and not be either at school or work, to give one example. Some parents do that, basically let their young adult children live with no expectations or requirements for free in their homes. and it is not good for those "adults". It doesn't lead to eventual maturity and independence. For responsible parents, before we declare our children to be full adults who no longer need to mind their parents, we need to look at their level of functioning in the real world.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I think a few days at home is a great and gentle way to ease a child into adulthood!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Actually, most of the posters on this thread have not been in agreement with the OP.

If we weren't on this forum you'd be hard pressed to find people saying "just give it time, they'll probably come back to liking Disney". It's difficult for people on this Board to realize that there's a lot less people IRL who care about Disney much less care about it to any extent as to actually want to go on continual, consistent vacations with parents to Disney. It's seen as a bad thing on this Board but is a lot more common out there.

I also picked up that the OP's kids enjoyed Universal more than Disney and that probably speaks to how they feel about the theming/opportunities available at Disney compared to Universal as well as likely to how their parents tour the parks (this is assuming the OP isn't exactly the rope dropper go go go commando at Universal like they are at Disney).

 

[disneydreamer1980]

Update: I talked to my kids and brought up several ways they could still go and stay in the resort and have independence but they’ve chosen to stay home. It will be sad to not have them there but I’m sure it will be a better trip for us without being stressed out by their unhappiness and will be better for them too. We’re renting a beach house in South Carolina this summer and a mountain cabin in the fall, and they will be going on those trips so they’ll still have a “family trip” with us this year. There’s just something about having the whole family together at WDW. I guess it’s nostalgia. Growing up all of our trips were with my immediate family, my grandparents and my aunt and cousins and on our trips now my parents and sometimes others always go with us so I associate Disney with big family trips I guess. I’ll just have to get used to this and be happy my other 3 kids will happily be there.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Update: I talked to my kids and brought up several ways they could still go and stay in the resort and have independence but they’ve chosen to stay home. It will be sad to not have them there but I’m sure it will be a better trip for us without being stressed out by their unhappiness and will be better for them too. We’re renting a beach house in South Carolina this summer and a mountain cabin in the fall, and they will be going on those trips so they’ll still have a “family trip” with us this year. There’s just something about having the whole family together at WDW. I guess it’s nostalgia. Growing up all of our trips were with my immediate family, my grandparents and my aunt and cousins and on our trips now my parents and sometimes others always go with us so I associate Disney with big family trips I guess. I’ll just have to get used to this and be happy my other 3 kids will happily be there.

I think this is a really great compromise. After my son said he was over Disney we still traveled as a family to other places and always had great trips! It’s a good sign when your adult children like to travel with you even if it’s not Disney.

 

[Tink-osophy]

... It's difficult for people on this Board to realize that there's a lot less people IRL who care about Disney much less care about it to any extent as to actually want to go on continual, consistent vacations with parents to Disney. It's seen as a bad thing on this Board but is a lot more common out there....

Perhaps, you are underestimating forum members.

I think, people who have replied here understand the OP's love and nostalgia for Disney, but also understand that it's not the same for everyone who goes/has been and that, regardless, Disney is not the be-all-and-end-all for anyone anywhere!

An understanding of someone's liking for Disney is common on here (for some reason! LOL), just like if it was a snow sports forum many would be sympathetic and would understand a poster might be sad that their kids might not want to go skiing/snowboarding with them. Still, that doesn't mean a broader view is more difficult for people, concurrently.

We might be fluent in Disney, but we speak other languages, too, and I think that is evident on here.