Separation/Divorce...How can I Help?

[B&B Mom]

My dear friend is just facing the reality that her marriage is ending and is devastated. I have no idea what to say or how to help.

Please any advice?

 

[bcsmom]

I would also love to know what has helped others. I have a co-worker who has been married for 30 years to the only man she has ever dated & he was cheating on her (what a rat). I too feel at a lose for words.

 

[bettyann29]

There really isnt anything you can for her to make her feel better.. but just let her know you are there for her even if she just needs to talk.. and then really be there for her.. even if you do nothing other than listen.. take her to lunch, to get a drink, anything to let her see you are there for her..

 

[Poohnatic]

LISTEN! That is always appreciated.

Thinking of you cards, maybe flowers. Something to let her know she's loved and important to you. One of my best friends did that after I'd sounded really down about a week after the ex left. It was a big help to look at those flowers and know that someone really cared enough to spend money on them (yes, that was an issue for me!).

Try to get her out of the house for dinner, lunch, movie, play, etc. If she's like many women, we move out of our parents home to be with our spouse and are unaccustomed to living alone.

At first, the lack of a companion to talk with (the dog didn't respond to any questions, lol) was hard-so the phone calls to check in are good, too.

Suzanne

 

[coinkc]

If she has children take them out a few days before mother's day and her birthday. Help the kids pick out a small gift or card or help them set up some special plans.

Often times, there is no one to help the kids because the ex-spouse won't do it and sometimes the kids end up feeling bad and/or helpless because they wanted to do something but didn't have the means.

 

[agotta]

Try not to say you are sorry. That is one thing that is said over and over. I agree with the others, just be there for her and listen if she needs to talk.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

hugs and friendship

 

[pajamommy]

Don't let her think you feel pity for her. When I went through my divorce, I always felt like people felt sorry for me, when really, I was okay and things were going to be fine, even though it was a difficult thing to go through.
All the advice about listening is the best advice. A good friend of mine also went through a divorce around the same time as me, and it was good to have him just listen to me blab, and then I'd do the same for him. It sounds like you are a great friend!

 

[chell]

LISTEN! That is always appreciated.

Thinking of you cards, maybe flowers. Something to let her know she's loved and important to you. One of my best friends did that after I'd sounded really down about a week after the ex left. It was a big help to look at those flowers and know that someone really cared enough to spend money on them (yes, that was an issue for me!).

Try to get her out of the house for dinner, lunch, movie, play, etc. If she's like many women, we move out of our parents home to be with our spouse and are unaccustomed to living alone.

At first, the lack of a companion to talk with (the dog didn't respond to any questions, lol) was hard-so the phone calls to check in are good, too.

Suzanne

All of these will make a world of difference to your friend.

Don't just tell her that you are there for her and support her, show her by doing things like this. It will make her so happy.

By even asking this you seem like such a wonderful friend.

 

[B&B Mom]

Thank you for your responses.
It helps to have some input...I guess it's the little things that can make a difference in everyday life.
I think it's going to be a tough time as there are children and a third party involved.
I do appreciate the input and kind words.

Thanks

 

[Kristi1357]

Having been through this - I would also agree with everyone here. Be there. Listen to the ranting and give lots of hugs!

Two things that stand out for me when I think back -
1. My friend insisting on coming over one afternoon to cook dinner for me.
2. Another friend at work simply handing me a card. Inside she wrote something about how she knew how sad I was lately and not to forget I had friends and how special I really was. That card meant the world to me!

Lots of for your friend! My divorce was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through.

 

[MandM3]

My SIL and a friend are going through this right now. They have one thing in common - low self-esteem. My SIL in particular has been told she's stupid till she believes it. And she isn't! They're both great women but they really need to hear this right now. Please, make sure your friend knows what a great person she is, you can't tell her enough

 

[nliedel]

Listen and don't say one word about the soon to be ex that's bad. Seriously. Sometimes they work it out and she will remember all the bad. Just listen and hug and take her out to do fun things. Don't talk about when she will date again or who she will see when she is free (some people do) just keep her in the moment.

 

[EdiePA]

I didn't realize how much I missed hugs and touch until a good friend came over with a present of hand lotion. She then proceeded to rub it into my hands while listening to me pour my heart out to her. It was one of the most healing things.

And hugs -- I still need them.

You're a good friend!
Edie