Seems like everyone has their hands out...

[Marseeya]

I'm noticing a general attitude that people are starting to feel really stretched thin and that so many people have their hands out wanting money. How do you handle that? What do you do when you walk by the Salvation Army pot bell ringer, or a cashier in the store asks if you want to donate to XYZ and you just can't do it? It's always so much more prevalent around the holidays and it makes me feel so guilty to have someone looking at me expectantly, wanting something and I have nothing to give at that moment.

Anyway, I guess I'm just getting frustrated. Every last dollar of mine is budgeted from now until January and I'm so tired of feeling this sense of obligation to every charity out there. I'm sorry if that's offensive, but it's true.

My DH donates a very large chunk of change to the United Way through his company, plus he volunteers his time, and I volunteer my time whenever I'm able (especially literacy). The other day, someone wanted me to donate to some kind of literacy fund and I actually said to her very pleasantly, "I can't donate cash right now, but I do donate my time" and she gave me a nasty look and one of those sad head shakes. What's that all about? Isn't my time good enough? I've rang the Salvation Army bell before, and I've also volunteered in the thrift shop in the past. It's not that I'm not a giving person, but I do get so tired of it being expected at every turn. I can't go out of my house, I can't open my mail, and I can't answer the phone without someone asking me for more.

Anyway, sorry for the vent. Anybody else feeling the frustration?

 

[krdisneybound]

I know what you mean. I give only if I know the participants involved. When your $$'s are budgeted it is really hard. There are so many people who "beg" for money it is hard who to believe. Many individuals are worthy of it and more are not worthy of it. Just do what your heart tells you to do.

 

[Hillbeans]

I couldn't agree more with your statement. I sometimes dread walking into the supermarket because there is always at least one "group" or another there looking for money. Personally, I hate when the PBA calls and they try to muscle money out of you by putting an intimidating male voice on the phone asking for $50. No thanks.

Between what we give to Church along with the many donations we've done so far for the Katrina victims and Tsunami victims this year (and our normal donations to Sloan-Kettering) we've donated all we can. I'll do the "Angel Tree" this year also through my work, however it amazes me that the requested items are $150 electronics on some of them - I don't even spend that much on my child for Christmas.

 

[pearlieq]

The holiday season does kind of make it hard. It cost me $3 to do my Thanksgiving shopping because bell ringers were out in front of my stores and I have a very hard time walking by them. I remembered quickly all of the good work the Salvation Army did during Katrina and continues to do and it was easier to part with my dollar.

Luckily I've never had anyone get rude or agressive with me, but I do understand the pressure. I want to save the world, but I also want to enjoy the fruits of my labor. It's very hard to say no to someone in your face.

My guilt comes from knowing I could do more. I could give more. I have trouble reconciling my own selfishness with the fact that there is so much suffering in the the world.

I don't know where I'm going with this. Suffice it to say I get where you're coming from...

 

[daisyduck123]

I feel the same way...and you just can't donate to everyone.

 

[Marseeya]

Perlieq, you kind of touched on something else that kind of bugs me. We all want to do good and make a difference, but giving a tiny bit here and there doesn't feel like much of anything. Giving $1 to the Salvation Army seems such a waste of time (logically, I know it isn't), where spending an hour each week with a child reading feels so much more substantial, as does sending a large check to somewhere else. But if I'm giving a dollar here and there to every street corner charity, I can't give my bigger donation to the one place I really want to, know what I mean? (I know, I'm rambling)

I'd rather give as much as I can to one source that's close to my heart and really feel as if I'm doing the best I can than to toss pennies in every bucket and can.

 

[froglady]

I wouldn't mind donating to some of them, but there are groups that call asking for my "yearly" donation, and I've already given a few months ago! (I keep a list by my phone.) I just started telling anyone but alumni groups that I won't donate to any charity that solicits by phone. I already get about 3 written requests/day, since once you donate to one, you get on another dozen mailing lists.

 

[Daxx]

Here's what I don't get -- I go into our local dollar tree store. Every time I go, they ask if I want to donate a toy for a child. Sure, they toys are $1 ... so tell me why I have to pay tax on that toy if it's a donation!?

I don't mind donating when I can ... but I do feel like a jerk when I have to say no.

 

[Marseeya]

Here's what I don't get -- I go into our local dollar tree store. Every time I go, they ask if I want to donate a toy for a child. Sure, they toys are $1 ... so tell me why I have to pay tax on that toy if it's a donation!?

I don't mind donating when I can ... but I do feel like a jerk when I have to say no.

That is odd... you'd think they'd take it as a donation, then take your receipt as proof. Although I guess you could technically get a tax break on it with your receipt, but wouldn't it be easier to make donations tax free in the first place?

 

[lisajl]

You can only do or give so much. At least that's the way I feel. Otherwise I would have my hand out asking for help.
I don't feel bad when I walk by some of the charities. I give to certain ones and that is it. Although, I have added St. Jude to my list this year due to a friends son. She told me all about the hospital and that all of my donation goes straight to research not someones salary.

Lisa

 

[Jennifer S]

Yes I agree. We sponsor a child every Christmas. This week alone I spent $100 on a poor 10 year old girl. I loved it though. She needed essentials. We bought a comforter for her bed, gloves, scarf and a few toys. We give to church every Sunday, to Katrina and Tsunami victims. Then I don't give to the grocery store when they ask for $1 and I feel like a shmuck. Why is that?

I agree - you can't give to everyone.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

It is tough to walk past those bell ringers, isn't it? But I have some issues with the Salvation Army's policies so it has become MUCH easier for me to just smile at the bell ringers and wish them Happy Holidays. Besides, I never have any cash!

We have very specific charities that we donate to. If someone calls and asks for money I simply tell them that our charitable giving for the current year has already been determined. That's what corporations tell me when I call them for donations! I am involved with several AIDS charities and I am ALWAYS asking somebody for something.

We choose our charities carefully. DH's company does matching grants, so our money is doubled. I volunteer lots and lots of hours, so I have nothing to feel guilty about. What is so interesting to me is some of these charities send me requests for money and I have NO CLUE where they got my name! Some of these places promote agendas that I am completely opposed to - I would NEVER give them money! So how did I get on their list? Oh well! If they want to waste their materials and postage on me I guess that's their choice!

 

[summerrluvv]

I'm noticing a general attitude that people are starting to feel really stretched thin and that so many people have their hands out wanting money. How do you handle that? What do you do when you walk by the Salvation Army pot bell ringer, or a cashier in the store asks if you want to donate to XYZ and you just can't do it?

I just say politely "no thank you." I don't feel obligated, nor do I feel guilty. I work hard to provide for my son and he (and I) and my other family members come first.

About 20 years ago a relative of mine had 2 small boys (under five) and didn't have beds for them. She was a single mother that was newly divorced with not a dime to her name. She called every agency around and no one would help her. Not even the Salvation Army. They all wanted money for the beds/mattresses. To this day that still leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

 

[bicker]

That's really the key: If you feel guilty, then that's the problem. Knowing in your heart that you're already doing your part helps get you past those with their hands out without any qualms or second-thoughts.

 

[Marseeya]

I just say politely "no thank you." I don't feel obligated, nor do I feel guilty. I work hard to provide for my son and he (and I) and my other family members come first.

About 20 years ago a relative of mine had 2 small boys (under five) and didn't have beds for them. She was a single mother that was newly divorced with not a dime to her name. She called every agency around and no one would help her. Not even the Salvation Army. They all wanted money for the beds/mattresses. To this day that still leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

I totally understand that. When I went through my separation with DH, we were left with nothing and couldn't find much help. Thankfully that period in our lives didn't last long!

Oh and get this. We have a couple of thrift stores in our town, but they aren't Salvation Army -- charity based, though (one is a city mission type thing). I have a friend who works for a community action place and he was giving vouchers to women from a women's shelter and I guess one week he had a really busy week with the women. The manager from the mission called him up and yelled at him for sending him so many of "those kinds of people." His response to her isn't fit to print here. But, wow, can you imagine that?

 

[Marseeya]

That's really the key: If you feel guilty, then that's the problem. Knowing in your heart that you're already doing your part helps get you past those with their hands out without any qualms or second-thoughts.

I get what you're saying. I know it's not their fault for having to ask like they do, although I do take issue with the ones who give people attitude about it.

 

[bicker]

If I EVER get attitude from someone soliciting donations, I'll look them straight in the eye, and tell them in a firm but loud voice, "Step back now." There is no excuse for a solicitor to be anything other than deferential.

 

[Free4Life11]

I already get about 3 written requests/day, since once you donate to one, you get on another dozen mailing lists.

That's what bugs me. I get endless letters in the mail asking for money. And now they have my email address. It does get to be too much at times.

 

[jbdreamer]

I have noticed a lot of people asking for donations here on this message board. Isn't that considered spam? I am surprised it's allowed. Sorry, but I am not going to donate money to some stranger on the Internet.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

We donate throughout the year to our favorite charity - www.doroughlupusfoundation.org (it is Howie D's of the Backstreet Boys charity in honor of his sister that died from lupus). My best friend suffers from lupus and my great niece is being tested for it now too. I know what we give so I dont feel guilty about turning down people who ask for money.