Sadly I need help on this one :(

[NicknNancy]

Hey everyone. So I have a pretty hard situation to deal with. Nick's (DF) uncle was given a week to live today I am so upset about it that I am tearing myself apart even thinking about this next part....but alas..it has to be done eventually. Since our wedding is next July, we know he is not going to be around then My invitation lady needs our addresses soon so she can start addressing the envelopes. It makes me so sad that I won't get to include his name in this list ...but my official dilemma is do I put "and guest" for his widow? or would that be too insensitive and too soon? I am so torn! Please help me with this one ladies

 

[dis75ney]

I ran into this situation with my wedding 13 years ago, when my uncle was diagnosed with end-stage renal cancer. He passed away about three months before my wedding. I addressed the envelope to my step-aunt (my uncle's first wife/my "real" aunt passed away when I was 5) and the interior envelope to "Mrs. Jane Doe and guest." I knew she wasn't ready to start dating again, but this allowed her to bring a friend along...

So sorry to hear of your impending loss...

 

[MissManners]

So tough, I am sorry your family is going through that. Depending on how soon your invites are going out, I would either address it to both his uncle and aunt (even though his uncle may pass before he receives it), or to just his aunt if the invites will go out shortly after he passes. I can imagine somebody who has just been widowed would not even want to think about having to bring a "guest". If his aunt meets someone later on, obviously you can tell her she is more than welcome to bring a guest, or address the invitation as such later on down the line. Just my thoughts!

 

[sambycat]

can't you address it to mr & mrs uncle? if he is married, is his wife not part of the family i mean ("and guest" seems awkward?)...

noone ever knows what will happen, even though it does sound as if it is a dire situation for your uncle and i am so sorry.... personally, i would mail out invitations as planned and mail one to he and his wife (i would do as i said above). if he were to pass away BEFORE you mail them, i would send one to mrs. uncle (assuming it does sound like you were inviting them anyway). if, really sadly, he were to die in between addressing them to both and them recieving the invite in the mail, it isn't going to make her "more" sad or anything so i wouldn't worry about that.... it just will be a sad time...


i'm so sorry for you and your family.... if interested, you might try the blog "a practical wedding" - i know they've done several stories about weddings and loss of members... might be some advice or reassurance for you both there....

good luck and hugs

 

[Mindyjoy]

Nancy, I'm so sorry to read this news. If the invites are going out in the immediate future, I would address it to your uncle and aunt as you normally would. If your invites aren't going out for a few months and your invitation lady can hold off a bit on just addressing that one envelope, then I would wait until the last possible minute to have her address it. If you explain your situation, maybe she can agree to do that one last, which gives you more time to see what happens.

I don't think you need to put "and guest." I agree that it may seem a bit insensitive at this point. As the months pass, you can tell her that if she wants to bring a friend to the wedding she is more than welcome to. Although if lots of family will be there, she probably won't feel the need to have an escort.

For example, I just lost my grandfather and I didn't give my grandmother a "plus 1." No one has told me (at least to my face) that I should have given her a plus 1.

 

[NicknNancy]

Thanks for all the advice ladies. We have decided to not put "and guest" and to just talk to her personally. Unfortunately, our dear uncle Larry will be gone within the next week. Please keep him in your prayers. Thanks

 

[Jilian]

I'm so sorry about your uncle. I think you made the right choice by leaving off the guest.

 

[katrina1122]

My dad passed away a few years ago, my mom has never expressed any interest in dating, but all of the weddings she's been to, people have addressed it as plus 1. She loves that, she can bring a friend, or my sister or I if we weren't invited. It gives her someone to talk to.