RUMSFELD GIVES KOREA SPEECH WEARING BIG GREEN ‘HULK’ HANDS (satire)

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RUMSFELD GIVES KOREA SPEECH WEARING BIG GREEN ‘HULK’ HANDS

‘You Won’t Like Me When I’m Mad,’ Defense Sec’y Warns Pyongyang

In what was widely seen as an attempt to send North Korean dictaor Kim Jung-Il a message, Secretary of Defense Donald H. Rumsfeld delivered a major policy speech on North Korea today wearing big green 'Hulk' hands.

Gesturing forcefully with the big green hands – a popular novelty item sold at Toys ‘R’ Us and other retail outlets – Mr. Rumsfeld delivered a stern warning to the North Korean madman.

“Don’t make me mad,” Mr. Rumsfeld said, alluding to Pyongyang’s active nuclear program. “You won’t like me when I’m mad.”

According to foreign policy insiders, the symbolism of Mr. Rumsfeld’s big green ‘Hulk’ hands was unmistakable.

“Donald Rumsfeld seems to be saying that if Kim Jung-Il insists on producing nuclear weapons, he could be looking at an entirely different Donald Rumsfeld – a truly frightening, rampaging one,” said Brian Gleason of the Talleyrand Institute, a foreign policy think-tank at the University of Minnesota.

While Mr. Gleason stopped short of suggesting that Mr. Rumsfeld might burst through his clothing and start hurling army tanks through the air, he said it would be “foolhardy” for North Korea to rule out such a scenario.

“We know for a fact that when Rumsfeld served in the Nixon administration, he was briefly belted by gamma rays,” Mr. Gleason said. “Who knows what lingering effect that’s had on him?”

In other ‘Hulk’-related news, psychologists warned today that small children who see the just-released ‘Hulk’ film may become fearful of incredibly fake-looking computer-generated green monsters.

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