recovering from a blowup with my sons teacher

[ez]

I was wondering if any of you can comment or give me advice as I have never had this happen before. My oldest 2 children have gone thru the school system relatively flawlessly...excelling with nary a problem. My 5 year old is autistic, he was in special ed prek for 2 years which was fabulous...but since he has been in a self contained ese class for kindergarten it has been awful...problems and bad reports daily of bad behaviors my son has never had before and now obvious regression. The teacher has made me cry on several occasions, as though she is blaming me for behaviors we never see at home. Long story short, yesterday I made her cry. I caught her in a rather large foohpah...completely miscategorizing him in a program he is starting that she is supposedly well versed in. To make Matters worse she argued with me about it before I finally pointed out to her in writing her mistake not to mention that an hour and a half of my meeting with her will have to be done over because the wrong forms were used. Now I am really skepticle of her capabilities overall...but anyway she was quite upset yesterday and I kept my son home today...I feel like next time I see her I dont even want to talk...I am just over the whole thing. Anyone been there???any suggestions???

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, first of all, stop crying.

I think you need to schedule a metting with the Principal and this teacher and get this ironed out. Bring your DH with you as well.

I'd sit down and list all your issues with this teacher. Try to keep to the facts. List all the frsutrations you had with her in the past, and most certainly discuss this most recent issue.

Decide what you want before you go in there...a different teacher, a tutor, whatever...decide and then tell the school you want "X". Research a little what protections your child has based on their disability and be sure you are able to say "According to the XYZ Act of 2007, my child is entitled to ABC and I expect the school will provide an appropriate person to teach this".

 

[JerseyJanice]

I agree with Disney Doll that you need to meet her again soon with another professional from the school. Your child's case manager and/or the principal should be present, and I like the idea of including dad, if possible.

 

[a1tinkfans]

OP:

Oh boy, been there, felt that way.
Be Prepared, Be Calm and Be precise. Make an outline of what your childs needs are based on his abilities/strengths and his weaknesses/disabilities.
I would call the school and request a meeting with the teacher and Principal, Social Worker, Guidance (seems each district uses different people). I would be brief but to the point.
You can indicate that you are concerned that your childs needs, (including emotional) needing to be addressed.
IMHO, instead of going in demanding use FACTS to discuss the issues that concern you and those that have not been addressed in the classroom. The better prepared YOU are the better the meeting will go. There are child advocates if that is the route needed, but hopefully, IF you "seek" their assistance rather than DEMAND it....you'll likely succeed.

The GOAL is to have your child integrated in the Least restrictive environment that MEETS his needs. It is YOUR right and THEIR responsibility.

YOU are your childs advocate......so to you first....then get cracking Mom and start planing WHAT you need and WHY you need it.
Best of Luck. I hope you'll update us.
In the meantime, get that child to school as its hard enough to "keep up" with schoolwork missed. You also do not want him to feel uncomfortable as he will be in that class a while (unless its decided he should be moved) and that can take a while.

 

[TheZue]

I haven't been in your situation but one of the moms of a girl in my son's grade one class was last year, and the one thing I learned from that is try not to tell the other parents. It puts them in a very awkward position, and from what I saw last year most of us just tried to stay the hell out of it. It was tense all year between the mom and the teacher but they did get to the point that they could work together in the best interest of the student, and I'm sure you'll get there too

 

[BellePrincessBelle]

Good luck to you. Special needs children can be hard to deal with the school system. They just aren't setup or sometimes qualified to handle them and the kids suffer for it. On a side note and not trying to be mean but if you put anything in writing please know that it is "faux pas." It took me a minute to figure out what you meant.

 

[Snoopymom]

double post

 

[Snoopymom]

This site may help

http://www.wrightslaw.com/

I agree, ask for a meeting, and find out every detail beforehand, who is attending and why, (I think some schools have every administrator available attend to intimidate parents) what new evaluations should be done, everything you can to be prepared and "make it a team effort" as they like to say.

Use email and address everything to everyone so the AP knows you sent it to the teacher, and teacher knows you sent it to the psychologist etc. I started requesting the school district's psychologist (who was wonderful) to attend and that seemed to balance things out for us.

Good Luck!

 

[OceanAnnie]

Well, first of all, stop crying.

I think you need to schedule a metting with the Principal and this teacher and get this ironed out. Bring your DH with you as well.

I'd sit down and list all your issues with this teacher. Try to keep to the facts. List all the frsutrations you had with her in the past, and most certainly discuss this most recent issue.

Decide what you want before you go in there...a different teacher, a tutor, whatever...decide and then tell the school you want "X". Research a little what protections your child has based on their disability and be sure you are able to say "According to the XYZ Act of 2007, my child is entitled to ABC and I expect the school will provide an appropriate person to teach this".

Sage advice. All.

I would probably want a different teacher. You want a teacher that can partner with you for your child's education. That would be hard to do with all that water under the bridge. Not impossible, but not hearing me out and sticking with her mistake would bother the heck out of me. It sounds like a lot of tension, second guessing, and worry going on and that's not good.

I wish you well in this situation. Keep us posted.

 

[HsvTeacher]

As a teacher, I would never argue with a parent. It's not professional and things can be dealt with calmly and rationally.

As a PP suggested, I would request a conference with the teacher, principal, and the special ed. coordinator. Go in with a list of your concerns and have an idea of what you want to accomplish. Everyone should work together to make sure your son has the best education possible.

Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[TwingleMum]

You may want to hire an Advocate. The system is a minefield and an advocate is someone who not only knows the law (often they are paralegals at least ) but also the school district. I had an issue last year did my research and hired a gun slinger the dist was afraid of and got every thing my son was entitled to and more. Plus now they are very "accomidating". They know I won't hesitate to do what I have to for my son. If wasn't cheap but in the long run money well spent. Ask a parent you respect and they might know someone in your area. Good Luck

 

[Wishing on a star]

It does not sound like this teacher is a good choice to be in this SPED classroom.
Social and behavioral problems are part and parcel with Autism, and it does not sound like this teacher is able to deal with this, at all.

My advice, after reading about your 'blow-out'.
This scenario never should have happened.
Things like this are supposed to be handled professionally and worked out thru a specific process.

I am posting as the parent of a child with learning disabilities, who has seen more than my fair share of these types of teachers....

My advice to you - To keep this from continueing, do not deal with this teacher in this manner (one-on-one) ever again. Assuming that your son is on a full IEP, the teacher does NOT determine how things are to be handled. It is her responsibility to follow the IEP, which has been layed out by you and the SPED IEP team.

Remember, focus completely and solely on your son... This is NOT about the blow-out with the teacher.
You should learn to get past that, and walk into whatever meeting is scheduled, and every sentence should be "My son......" and what your son requires in order to have his educational needs met. And should be delivered in as calm of a manner as humanly possible. (no accusations or attacks on the teacher - trust me, they won't go far. They won't get you what you need.)

I do not know what I would suggest if there is no other SPED classroom for your son.

But, I do know that I would never 'engage' with this teacher, one-on-one, ever again.

Everything you do should be handled, in writing, thru the SPED department and the Principal.

I would document and detail how your son's needs are not being met, and exactly and specifically what you asking for. ( follow your son's IEP, revise and strengthen his IEP, etc.....) Schools are notorious for creating weak and vague IEP plans, so that there is really very little that they are obligated to do. (This is where a professional advocate might become necessary at some point in the future. Most parents are truly not able/equipped to handle this type of mine-field.)

I do have a question...
Where is the SPED para in all of this.
There should be a SPED person in this classroom.
What is their take?

PS: If I saw my son struggling and crying and regressing because of this, then I would always, ALWAYS, put his well being first. Education is not worth jeopardizing your child's well being. If going to school is detrimental to your son, instead of beneficial, then something needs to happen here. I think that the fact that you simply kept him home from school today, until this can be worked out, shows that you realize this. So, I would just emphasize this and support you as you go forward.

 

[Maryr1]

The schools not interested in what you feel or want. Period. You need to avoid those phrases at all cost. Use the phrases-most aproprriate, in my childs best interest,prevention of regression, prevention of potential psychological/social damage. Remind them that an IEP is a legal contract signed by both parties and binding as such. Keep stressing the techniques that work at home for you when they tell you about his problems at school.....(gee, when we have a problem, I am very succesful in changing his behavior when I talk calmly to him, change his focus whatever) Put it right back on them. It is not your fault this teacher is failing-nor is it your sons fault. THE TEACHER IS FAILING. PERIOD. It is her JOB to make the most successful environment for your child. If she is not successful. than she needs to be replaced. NO TEACHER should make a parent feel so uncomfortable that they cry. You both should have a common goal achieved through cooperation and respect. If she brought you to tears once and did not address how this could be better handled to keep the lines of communication open than she is a failure. Cut your losses early and move on. Good luck!

 

[1stluvispooh]

I'm confused was this a meeting with just the teacher about the problems she is seeing in the classroom or was it an IEP meeting because she felt things needed to be changed on his IEP?

I agree with the other posters. You must advocate for your child. You must be calm. Have a meeting with the principal and special ed supervisor as well as the special ed interventionist that is assigned to your child. I would also get an advocate. In my state every school district has a parent mentor and their services are free so you won't have to put out any money for that.

Hang in there I know it's hard. Last year my autistic daughter had a bad teacher and I never thought the year would end. I learned half way through the year to go straight to the principal.