Reasons why a mom wouldn't like her son's girlfriend?

[grinningghost]

Real quick. DD has been dating her boyfriend for about 9 months. Very nice boy - DH and I really like him, couldn't ask for a better kid for DD.

DD thinks BF's mom hates her. She isn't even sure why, she just gets "that feeling". DD is a good kid, good grades, does volunteer work, plays in the band, overall decent teenager, kind of animals, you get the drift.

If you have a son, can you tell me reasons why you wouldn't like his girlfriend? Just curious.

 

[SherryNC]

Did you say she's kind of an animal?

Jealous mom, nobody is good enough for her son, blah, blah, blah. Like some dads are about boys who date their little girls.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Because there are a lot of mommies who feel threatened when a son takes a gf.

Tell your DD to get used to it. Not to take it personal. I am sure if this boy brought home Jennifer Aniston, mommy would not like her.

 

[grinningghost]

Because there are a lot of mommies who feel threatened when a son takes a gf.

Tell your DD to get used to it. Not to take it personal. I am sure if this boy brought home Jennifer Aniston, mommy would not like her.

So glad to hear you say this. DD's BF has actually said that because he's an only child who was born late in his parents' lives, he's their "little bundle" and everything that touches his life is subject to intense scrutiny. Perhaps he's very wise for a 17 year old.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

I sent you a PM.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

So glad to hear you say this. DD's BF has actually said that because he's an only child who was born late in his parents' lives, he's their "little bundle" and everything that touches his life is subject to intense scrutiny. Perhaps he's very wise for a 17 year old.

AAH, she does not have a chance in hell of winning the mom over. An only child, who is a SON.

I dated an only child. His mom came between us every chance she got. He was 35 years old!!!! I gave up. I moved on, he moved on. He disowned his mother and moved to Seattle, settled down with a druggie prostitute ( I kid you NOT). Mom moved into the elderly housing here in town, where one of my friends mom also lived. I sent bf's mom a picture of my kids one Christmas, and found out through my friend's mom that she passes those pictures around like they were her grandkids. She has her own grandkids now. Yet, she is showing off MY kids. LOL. She even cornered my friend one day, and told her she "thinks" Steve would of been better off with Marie.

No kidding??????

Funny story: I would kind of cry on my mom's shoulder about how I just couldn't seem to do anything right in the eyes of bf's mom. My mom tried to reassure me, by saying "they don't live forever". Ah, yeah, something to look forward to I guess. Then, one day I was reading the obit page. There was an obit for a woman who died who was 78 years old. I yelled out to my mom, "they DO live forever!" She wanted to know what I was talking about. This 78 yo woman was SURVIVED by her 102 yo mother!!!!!!

 

[Buckalew11]

I agree with the above assumptions. I think it is the same reason so many women have trouble with their MILs.

I dated a guy for 4 years. I always "thought" his mom disliked me. And trust me when I tell you, I was the best thing that ever happened to her son. I was always respectful of his family and of her. I would always suggest he do things for his mom. She was a good mom to him and I thought he took her for granted. Anyway, we broke up after 4 years of dating. Several years later he married someone else and my sister was invited to his wedding and she went. His mom told her at the reception that she always "loved" me! Huh?! Well, I'd hate to see how she would have treated me if she didn't "love" me! LOL However, maybe she didn't realize what she had until it was gone. (toot, toot)

 

[grinningghost]

This IS an interesting topic - who knew?

I love the responses so far. It's particularly interesting because my DD is my only child, yet I long to someday EMBRACE a son-in-law who treats her well. Like the son I never had myself. Yet, my DH always wished she would be a lesbian so he wouldn't have to think of her with a guy. How's that work?

 

[Disney Doll]

An only son orn "late in life"???????????? Tell your DD to run for the hills!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously...it's probably as other posters have said. He has been the focus of thier existence for his entire life. He was their "miracle"...they probably thought they were never going to have a child. Now some chick is going to take him away.

It's the mother/son thing. I don't think it's as bad as the father/daughter thing, or the mother/daughter thing or the father/son.

I have lived by the adage that there is no woman in this world who thinks any other woman is good enough for her son. I got along well with my DMIL, and I know she loved me very much, but I guarantee you that she said to her firends "I wish Patty cooked more" (I hate ot cook and DH is a fantastic cook!). Mothers of sons will always find some imperfection in their son's chosen mate.

There was a joke about this. There were 2 women talking. The first woman asks the second woman "how's your son doing?" The woman replies, "Oh my poor son with that wife of his. She sits around all day eating bon-bons, he has to pay for a cleaning lady because she won't clean the house, and all she wants to do is spend his money travelling". So then the first woman asks the second woman "How's your daughter doing?" The second woman says, "Oh my daughter is so lucky!!! Her husband doesn't want her to work, so she can sit around all day eating bon-bons, he doesn't want her to lift a finger around the house, so he hired a cleaning lady, and he loves to take her travelling".

Pretty much how it is!

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

His mother just can't stand the thought of her little Snooky "doing it" with a girl! (Not saying that your DD actually is, but in his mother's mind, I'm sure she's a shameless seductress!).

Quicky MIL story--I always told people that my MIL hated me because she suspected I was sleeping with her son. They would say, "But you're married!", to which I would reply, "Pretty good evidence, don't you think?" Then, 10 months after the wedding, we went on a family trip to Hawaii. DH and I got the room with twin beds! Gee, that was subtle! Now, three kids later, we STILL get twin beds when we visit her! SO, tell your DD to learn to smile--if I didn't laugh, I'd cry!

 

[ShuisFan584]

I have the same problem. I'm 21 and my bf is 20. We have been dating since we were both 18. My family absolutely loves him. I think my parents and grandparents would kill me if I didn't marry him someday. Unfortunately his mom doesn't feel the same way as my family. She really didn't like me when we started to plan going to WDW together. Could you imagine, two grown 21 year olds, going to WDW together?? And then of course she tells him that we shouldn't be dating because I'm not religious enough (this is because I thought of going to WDW...before we were married ). Of course she's told him some other not so nice things about me, but what can I do? I just have to learn to deal with her, but it's not like I have to see her that often, I never go to his house, he just always comes to mine.

 

[grinningghost]

I never go to his house, he just always comes to mine.

Now I know why they're ALWAYS over here. I even make out my grocery list to include BF's favorite stuff - Gatorade, any kind but grape.

 

[Serena]

I never thought my mil liked me until we seperated. That made it 20 years that I thought she just tolerated me. I guess I won her over eventually.

 

[dmslush]

This IS an interesting topic - who knew?

I love the responses so far. It's particularly interesting because my DD is my only child, yet I long to someday EMBRACE a son-in-law who treats her well. Like the son I never had myself. Yet, my DH always wished she would be a lesbian so he wouldn't have to think of her with a guy. How's that work?

I'm the same way as you. I only have one child, a dd. I hope and pray that one day, she has someone that loves and cherishes her as much as SO loves and cherishes me. I will welcome him into the family with open arms.

I think it is selfish of parents who don't want their children to love greatly and have a family of their own.

 

[grinningghost]

I never thought my mil liked me until we seperated. That made it 20 years that I thought she just tolerated me. I guess I won her over eventually.

That's when she realized what she lost. How could any MIL not like you Laurie?

 

[Serena]

That's when she realized what she lost. How could any MIL not like you Laurie?

Aww thanks.

 

[EdiePA]

and I'm a single mom, I have a couple thoughts.

The only reason that I have not liked my sons' girlfriends is when they acted like "princesses" when in my house. I will 'fetch' your first beverage, etc, after that, you're on your own. And I expect dishes, empty pop cans, glasses, to find their way to the kitchen sink. Help clear the table after dinner, offer to make dinner, etc., and I'll love you forever!

I'm blessed with a wonderful daughter-in-"love" now and DS#2 is dating such a wonderful young woman!

Just a thought,
Edie

 

[grinningghost]

and I'm a single mom, I have a couple thoughts.

The only reason that I have not liked my sons' girlfriends is when they acted like "princesses" when in my house. I will 'fetch' your first beverage, etc, after that, you're on your own. And I expect dishes, empty pop cans, glasses, to find their way to the kitchen sink. Help clear the table after dinner, offer to make dinner, etc., and I'll love you forever!

I'm blessed with a wonderful daughter-in-"love" now and DS#2 is dating such a wonderful young woman!

Just a thought,
Edie

Thanks Edie. I will pass this on to DD. I won't tolerate the princess act in MY house, so she better not try it anywhere else either.

 

[Saffron]

The first guy I was engaged to (that sounds awful to me for some reason ), his mom liked me (a lot), but his father did not. He always made me feel uncomfortable when he was around (he traveled for long periods of time for business) The only reason any of us could think of was socio-economic reasons. He/they were wealthy, we were/I was not. My parents were hard working, barely middle class, and I was a nursing assistant putting myself through college, maintaining my own apartment, struggling blah, blah. OR ... he was a Republican and I was a Democrat.

 

[JudicialTyranny]

Did he have a previous GF who the mom really liked?

For example, while I know my parents like my wife, but when I started dating her, my dad kept asking what happened with my previous GF (because he really liked her). I still think he compares them.