Quitting a High School Sport, Need Advice

[disney castle days]

Let me start by saying, I hate asking the Internet for advice, but I need some unbiased opinions, and all my friends/ family are biased.

I am going into my senior year of high school. I have been the varsity field hockey manager for the past two seasons, and i played my freshman year. I can no longer play due to tearing my meniscus 2 years ago and having a surgery that did not work.

Recently, my coach was “not rehired”, due to girls having problems with her. This coach and I were very close, and the people who got her fired bullied my best friend on the team and hated me.

The new coach, who was our JV coach and left last year due to problems with the head coach, is already ostracizing me, alomg with the other girls who were the old head coaches "favorites”. She is favoring 3 girls that were bullies and that have not been dedicated to the program.

That being said, I am considering whether it is time for me to quit.

The two main reasons I want to stay is it is my last year and my two friends are on the team, although one is also considering quitting.

The main reasons I am considering leaving is because I want to have good memories of my team and I am might be getting and internship that may conflict with the season.

I have been on a team that ostracized me and quitting to join my current team was the best decision I have ever made. It is hard to think of my senior year without playing, but it might be my time to go.

Any advice or opinions on my situation would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

My daughter quit competitive cheer, which she had done for 8 years, her freshman year of high school. It was a hard decision for her because she had done it so long, but she didn't have a lot of friends on the team (we switched teams when she was in 7th grade and a new football/cheer league opened in our town. But her friends all went to different high schools, so not all of them switched to the new league) and she didn't like many of the girls on the HS team. She also simply wanted to try new things, and cheer limited her ability and time severely.

So she quit cheer, became a student athletic trainer, did tech/art crew for the school play, and just started HS lacrosse yesterday (she also played lacrosse for a few years in middle school). She is happy, has made a bunch of new friends, and although I think she misses the excitement of cheer competitions, she still junior coaches for her old youth league, so she is able to still be part of of things. It's been a good transition from participating herself. And those little girls adore her!

Is there a youth league that you can help coach for?

 

[Pea-n-Me]

There are sometimes things about certain teams that make playing, or being part of that team, very unpleasant. Since being part of a team should be pleasant, and ideally, fun (albeit hard work), then you are wise to consider stepping away from it since it could negatively affect other aspects of your life, and even cause depression, etc., which would be sad during your senior year.

If you enjoy that role and miss it, maybe you could pick it up again in college. If you speak to the college coach and show passion toward the role, the team may have a spot for you. So consider sticking with the sport, but getting away from that particular team now if you’re not enjoying it anymore.

If you think you might be sad the other way, ie not being part of the team this year, you could just stick with it now and see how it goes - maybe it might not be as bad as you’re imagining. Think about what you yourself bring to the team as it is, and how you can help make things better rather than perseverating about things that happened in the past.

Good luck! Being part of a team is very special, and sometimes people later have regrets about leaving. I’ve heard it so many times. Best wishes with whatever you decide.

 

[AgentMama]

I think people should follow through with commitments. That being said, you also need to take care of your mental health, and this does not sound like a healthy environment. I'm guessing from your post that the season hasn't started yet? If that's the case, I don't think you have an obligation to return, and even if it has started, it doesn't sound like a healthy environment. I think an internship is probably a better option for you.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

 

[tcufrog]

Do you need to be involved in the sport for your college application? I personally view senior year as a time of transition. When I was in high school I was in marching band and loved it. When I reached my senior year though, I learned that band class conflicted with AP European history. I was bummed. I chose the AP class though because I knew money was tight for college and I didn't plan to try out for the marching band in college. I looked to the future instead of staying in the past. Unless you plan to be a sports team manager in college for pay or a scholarship, an internship will help your future much more than being team manager.

Good luck.

 

[disney castle days]

My daughter quit competitive cheer, which she had done for 8 years, her freshman year of high school. It was a hard decision for her because she had done it so long, but she didn't have a lot of friends on the team (we switched teams when she was in 7th grade and a new football/cheer league opened in our town. But her friends all went to different high schools, so not all of them switched to the new league) and she didn't like many of the girls on the HS team. She also simply wanted to try new things, and cheer limited her ability and time severely.

So she quit cheer, became a student athletic trainer, did tech/art crew for the school play, and just started HS lacrosse yesterday (she also played lacrosse for a few years in middle school). She is happy, has made a bunch of new friends, and although I think she misses the excitement of cheer competitions, she still junior coaches for her old youth league, so she is able to still be part of of things. It's been a good transition from participating herself. And those little girls adore her!

Is there a youth league that you can help coach for?

Thanks for the response! I cheered for 8 years and quit after 8th grade too.

I coached over the winter with a few of my friends. There is no youth program, unfortunately. Everything is through the high school or middle schools.

 

[disney castle days]

There are sometimes things about certain teams that make playing, or being part of that team, very unpleasant. Since being part of a team should be pleasant, and ideally, fun (albeit hard work), then you are wise to consider stepping away from it since it could negatively affect other aspects of your life, and even cause depression, etc., which would be sad during your senior year.

If you enjoy that role and miss it, maybe you could pick it up again in college. If you speak to the college coach and show passion toward the role, the team may have a spot for you. So consider sticking with the sport, but getting away from that particular team now if you’re not enjoying it anymore.

If you think you might be sad the other way, ie not being part of the team this year, you could just stick with it now and see how it goes - maybe it might not be as bad as you’re imagining. Think about what you yourself bring to the team as it is, and how you can help make things better rather than perseverating about things that happened in the past.

Good luck! Being part of a team is very special, and sometimes people later have regrets about leaving. I’ve heard it so many times. Best wishes with whatever you decide.

Thank you for your response!

 

[soccerdad72]

You need to make the best decision for your own well being and, frankly, it sounds like going through a season with this new coach is going to be hard for you.

My older son chose not to play soccer this year, his senior year. He has lettered on varsity for his first three years, but his last two years (a new coach came in after his freshman year) was a struggle, so he chose to not play instead of spend his senior year battling with the same coach again. Turns out, he was one of three or four seniors who didn't play and now, the coach is gone (not specifically because of him). I do wish he would have gotten his fourth letter and my wife and I could have had a Senior Night, but he was right, spending another year frustrated with watching the team struggle under his (lack of) leadership would have been hard for us too.

 

[disney castle days]

Do you need to be involved in the sport for your college application? I personally view senior year as a time of transition. When I was in high school I was in marching band and loved it. When I reached my senior year though, I learned that band class conflicted with AP European history. I was bummed. I chose the AP class though because I knew money was tight for college and I didn't plan to try out for the marching band in college. I looked to the future instead of staying in the past. Unless you plan to be a sports team manager in college for pay or a scholarship, an internship will help your future much more than being team manager.

Good luck.

Thank you!

I do not specifically need the sport for my college application and unless I go to one specific school (that is way out of my price range), I will not be continuing field hockey in college

 

[piccolopat]

I am a bit confused. You said you can't play due to an injury two years ago but then say you can't envision senior year without playing. What am I missing? If you can't play, I don't think you should continue under the circumstances you describe and instead encourage you to find something new to try.

 

[dish rag]

If you quit the sport you will regret that choice years down the road.

 

[soccerdad72]

I am a bit confused. You said you can't play due to an injury two years ago but then say you can't envision senior year without playing. What am I missing? If you can't play, I don't think you should continue under the circumstances you describe and instead encourage you to find something new to try.

She said she was manager the last two years - not a player. That's what she would be quitting - the manager role.

 

[disney castle days]

I am a bit confused. You said you can't play due to an injury two years ago but then say you can't envision senior year without playing. What am I missing? If you can't play, I don't think you should continue under the circumstances you describe and instead encourage you to find something new to try.

I technically cannot play, due to the injury. But, my old coach allowed me to help coach the freshman team and help out with practices.
When the new coach was appointed, the athletic director told me that the new coach planned on letting me do what the old coach had allowed me to. Being that I knew her already, I figured that nothing would have changed.

 

[Praying Colonel]

If you quit the sport you will regret that choice years down the road.

Depends on the circumstances IMHO. Everybody's situation is different. Me, I played baseball 2 seasons in college, quit after my sophomore season and didn't regret it a bit. It was clear I wasn't going to get much playing time and the off-season conditioning and in-season time commitment was too much for the payoff. I took that time and put it to other use with other activities and studying and had a great time.

My general approach has always been that if you start the season with the team you should see it through. But nothing wrong with dropping it either after the season or before the new season starts.

 

[Park Pirate]

...Recently, my coach was “not rehired”, due to girls having problems with her. This coach and I were very close, and the people who got her fired bullied my best friend on the team and hated me.

The new coach, who was our JV coach and left last year due to problems with the head coach, is already ostracizing me, alomg with the other girls who were the old head coaches "favorites”. She is favoring 3 girls that were bullies and that have not been dedicated to the program......

How has the new coach ostracized you? I am not trying to suggest anything by the question, I just think it may give some insight as to what you are dealing with.

I have been through a lot of these coaching or leadership changes and the best piece of advice I can give you is to just communicate directly. Have you had a one on one with the new coach? Sometimes, sitting down with a person like that and discussing what she envisions your role will be compared to what you think it is can iron out a lot of issues.

It is difficult for everyone involved. From the new coaches perspective, they are coming into a situation where the manager loved the old coach, so the coach automatically assumes that you will have issues towards him/her. You obviously loved the old coach, did not see a need for change, and are thinking that the coach does not like you. Having a discussion my help the coach understand that you will support the team and will not try to fight him/her, and it might help you understand the coaches perspective and what they are trying to accomplish with the changes they are making. The key is for you both to realize that you have the same goal - a successful team.

It is hard enough for full adults to communicate like this, but if you can have a direct discussion, then you can decide if you think you will be able to work together. The worst thing you can do is to not talk directly and for both of you to try to guess at how the other is feeling and why they are doing something. The new coach probably should have called this meeting, but you may have to request it. Direct communication is the answer to many situations like this.

 

[design_mom]

If you quit the sport you will regret that choice years down the road.

I think it depends. My son quit ice hockey after freshman year. He'd been playing since first grade and lived and breathed hockey. (Although I don't think a college scholarship would have ever been in the cards for him, he was a decent player -- often named to the "Select" team, etc.) He said it wasn't fun anymore: the coach had favorites and he wasn't one, several not-so-nice kids on the team, a more cut-throat and political culture than the leagues he'd played in before, etc.

I really thought he was making a mistake, and I wanted him to stick it out. However, he quit and joined the cross-country team instead. As it turns out, cross country is where he found "his people." He's middle-of-the-pack when it comes to skill at XC, but he loves the team, the culture, and running. I think it's something he'll keep doing, at least in a non-competitive way, in college. In retrospect, I'm really glad he quit hockey-- I don't think he would have taken up XC if he was still on the hockey team and XC has been a lot better of an experience for him than hockey was.

So...to the OP. It does sound like a bad situation and only you can tell if the other options available to you will be better. And, of course, it's always a risk to leave what you know for the unknown... but sometimes those risks pay off.

 

[twoolle]

My general approach has always been that if you start the season with the team you should see it through. But nothing wrong with dropping it either after the season or before the new season starts.

This is what I was going to say.

Also, are your close friends still on the team? I quit basketball after my freshman year but didnt think it through. All my friends were on the team so I missed out on so much. Friday nights i had to go to games by myself while they got to be together. Now that's not the only reason I regret it...I was a softball player in college and playing basketball helped my athleticism...and while I was a 4 yr starter, sometimes I wonder how much better I could have been had I kept playing basketball. That doesn't really apply to you but more just to say really think it through, which it seems like you are doing!

 

[_19disnA]

I have been the varsity field hockey manager for the past two seasons, and i played my freshman year. I can no longer play due to tearing my meniscus 2 years ago

Even if you stay, colleges don't count 'manager' as being part of a team sport where you actually participate. Coaches too often make it sound like the world revolves around being on their high school team and the reality is that it doesn't. Enjoy you senior year doing something else that can be a better use of your time.

 

[PoohNBoom]

I have had a handful of players ask me for similar advice. The answer is always the same. Playing a high school sport is supposed to be enjoyable. Your senior season it is your last year, so quitting doesn't hurt your chances to play in the future under different circumstances. Like others have said, once you start the season, you should complete the season. Therefore, if you think you might not enjoy your senior season, I would not join.

I do not think you will regret your decision if you quit. The players that I know who quit their senior season all enjoyed the "extra" time that they had and don't feel like they missed anything because internally they feel lucky that they avoided the "bad environment". You'll never know if it would really be that bad again, but you will convince yourself that it would be bad.

 

[tex1989]

Even if you stay, colleges don't count 'manager' as being part of a team sport where you actually participate. Coaches too often make it sound like the world revolves around being on their high school team and the reality is that it doesn't. Enjoy you senior year doing something else that can be a better use of your time.

Maybe times have changed but a kid I grew up with was a couple of years behind me in High School and was the manager of our High School Basketball team. He got a scholarship to college to be a student manager for the basketball team that was know to the rest of the world as Phi Slamma Jamma! From there he went into Teaching/ Coaching and wound up back at our alma mata as the assistant basketball couch for many years till the head coach who he had been team manager for retired and proceded to coach a team to a 37-0 record and a State Championship. So yeah some colleges do look at the fact you were a "manager"