Question for parents: Talking to your kids ok?

[Princess Stitch]

I just finished going through a long thread about misbehaving children at Disney World (yes, another one ) and saw several people comment about how unacceptable it is for strangers to say anything directly to their children about their behaviour. If a kid is kicking me for example, I will ask them to stop politely. Is this out of line? Should I always be addressing the parent if they're around? I'm not being sarcastic. I don't have children so I'm just curious about how parents feel about this matter.

Also, I will sometimes strike up a conversation with a kid in line or if we're sitting waiting for a parade or something. Just something like "that's a cute tigger doll" or "what is your favourite ride". I never ask for the kid's name, where they live or any other personal info. Is this completely taboo?

I guess I never really thought about it before. I smile at kids, wave at them and have been known to play peek-a-boo, but it never occured to me that talking to their child might be really upsetting to a parent, so, opinions?

 

[Mkrop]

Hi just jumped over from that other thread too

I have 2 boys and I certainly dont mind if one is kicking you or swinging something, or even climbing up railings, if you say something politely. Like please stop kicking me, or honey you might get hurt on that railing. Anything else discipline wise or if what you said didnt work (which I doubt) but then I would like you to address me the parent.

Striking up a conversation is welcomed but my kids too have been taught not to talk to strangers so sometimes I even find them hesitant or they look to me first and I usually nod my head and then they could talk your ear off They are like that with say a cashier or anyone. I mean they even have it drilled in school. I guess I would not like it if I found you talking to my kid and I was no where around.

Like the otehr day DS9 was outside playing baseball by himself, just hitting some ball, and throwing to no one but he was having fun. Well I look out to check on him and he is talking to a man in car I open the door and am ready to freak out when I see it is DS9's friend's dad also a former coach of DS9 (he was picking something up at our neighbors) and started giving DS9baseball tips. Well he apologized for scaring me and then he got out of the car and kept showing my son how to pitch properly. Gave me my heart attack for the day! I then reminded Ds9 about talking to strangers and he said "yeah I know mom but that was Coach M"

Hope that makes sense

 

[Hannathy]

Wouldn't bother me a bit. BUT I am also from the camp of not making a big deal out of talking to strangers. I am a firm believer in there is nothing wrong with talking to other people and actually kids do need to know they can talk to other people. My kids and nephew who I took care of have always been taught they can talk to anyone they want to they just can't leave with anyone. Plain and simple talk all you want but don't go anywhere with them. We have meet some very interesting people in line sitting at a show, checking in, waiting at the airport, bus drivers you name it. Of course you would have had to duct tape my DD's mouth to ever stopped her from talking to people! If kids are made fearful of ever talking to someone how will they ever overcome that fear if they ever really need to say something to a stranger? like in an emergency.

 

[Stephres]

My DH is forever talking to strangers and the kids have followed suit. I wouldn't mind a bit if we were in line and you started a conversation: it would make the line wait easier!

I wouldn't mind if someone asked on the kids to stop kicking the seat; it would bring my attention to the problem. It would be a lot better than sighing loudly or some other passive agressive thing.

 

[eliza61]

I just finished going through a long thread about misbehaving children at Disney World (yes, another one ) and saw several people comment about how unacceptable it is for strangers to say anything directly to their children about their behaviour. If a kid is kicking me for example, I will ask them to stop politely. Is this out of line? Should I always be addressing the parent if they're around? I'm not being sarcastic. I don't have children so I'm just curious about how parents feel about this matter.

Also, I will sometimes strike up a conversation with a kid in line or if we're sitting waiting for a parade or something. Just something like "that's a cute tigger doll" or "what is your favourite ride". I never ask for the kid's name, where they live or any other personal info. Is this completely taboo?

I guess I never really thought about it before. I smile at kids, wave at them and have been known to play peek-a-boo, but it never occured to me that talking to their child might be really upsetting to a parent, so, opinions?

I'm pretty old fashion so I think that has carried over into my parenting. When I was growing up the neighbors, teachers, priest etc, etc were always speaking to you and correcting you. I won't even get into what would happen if a teacher or a nun actually told on you. Now, I work pt at Macy's dept store and parents will let their kids run amok in the store while they are shopping and then get an attitude when you tell the little darlings to please don't run underneath the racks or in and out of the dressing room. Usually if the parent is around I will try and politely speak with them. I'm a mom so I know how quickly you can become frazzled.
I'm happy to say most of the time at Disneyworld, it's just a quick lapse on the parents part. Every time I've politely said some thing like "sweetie don't swing the ropes, you'll hurt yourself" or with a child kicking my seat, I've jumped up and said, very loudly "what the heck was that? I felt some thing kick my seat" then I'll look right over the back of the seat like I really think some thing is there. the parents have been mortified and very apologetic. I think the teenagers without parents are far worse.

 

[TheDizMom]

Absolutely not. I have never had a problem with someone interacting with my children and I never would unless it was in an inappropriate way. I also have no problem with someone correcting my child for a bad behavior, provided it isn't nasty or in a physical way. I try very hard to make sure my kids are behaving and watch them so if they do something they shouldn't be, I can correct them and have them apologize if necessary. But I don't have eyes on every part of my head , and I can't watch them every second. I am sure that my kids have done something that I have missed. If another adult does see it I would hope they would tell me so I can speak to them, but I am hardly going to have a fit if they chose to correct them instead. I would then tell my child to apologize and speak to them about it myself. I think that one of the reasons parents get to defensive is because they are embarrassed, although sometimes they just don't care what their children are doing. If someone was correcting my children in an inappropriate way then I might have something to say about it.

The problem with the world today is that everyone takes offense at just about anything. One never knows if they are going to say something that is going to cause a major uproar, even when they meant no harm. We are also so worried about protecting our kids from whack-jobs that we can sometimes go overboard, especially in someplace like DW. Then there's the fear that some parent is going to see you as a whack-job. For example, we were at 50's PT and my DH was in the mens bathroom when a little boy asked him to help him with his pants because he couldn't get them unhooked. My DH siad no, but I can try to find one of your parents. Can you imagine what the reaction would have been if one of his parents had walked in and seen that. My DH would have been in jail so fast his head would have been spinning.

So if you want to interact with children go for it, just make sure it is in a way that their parents won't feel their child is in danger. If you need to get a child to stop kicking you, for example, politely say something to the parent. If that doesn't work then nicely ask them to stop yourself. If the parent doesn't like it then point out you already asked them to put a stop to it and they haven't, so you will.

 

[jenrein]

I feel if my kids behavior is directly affecting you- then please by all means say something like stop kicking me... However- I would not like for someone to address anything towards my kids if it isnt hurting someone and I am present and have not addressed it myself. If I am dumb enough to not follow the rules and let my kid climb on the railing then thats my issue- not yours. As far as talking to kids in line- I do the same thing and I think from one woman to a kid with a mom present it isnt going to be looked at as some stalker predator behavior.

 

[CampbellScot]

We were taught to speak when spoken to by an adult. If a grown up said something to us, at the very least we had to respond "Yes Sir, or Yes ma'am". From neighbors to nuns and priests, somebody was always correcting us or giving us information. I was used to grown ups I was not related to talking to me. If word ever got back to my parents that I was rude or misbehaved at school or church, lord help me!

As a result I don't have a problem telling children to be careful if they are doing something dangerous or if children seem unattended I'll watch until a parent comes. It's just a habit. I don't think I overstep my bounds at all...although I very nearly did today!

(sorry to OP, not trying to hijack the post, but this is sort of related and I'm still sort of upset by the whole thing!)


I was in Home depot today and there was a VERY little boy...maybe 3, pushing his baby sister in a stroller. He was all alone and was pushing his little sister in a pretty rowdy way, doing wheelies and such...he was so small I don't even think he was meaning to be bad. He couldn't even see over the top of the stroller. I stopped and looked for a parent and there was no one and I was afraid the baby was going to fall out of the stroller. The first thing I said was "CAREFUL sweetie, your are going to crash!" then I knelt down next to the little boy and asked him where his parents were. Suddenly this HUGE bear of a man came barreling out of the aisle, cursing all the way. He grabbed the little boy by the arm and yanked him up off the ground. Starts screaming at the little boy "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU F-ING ALMOST DID?!" The little boy said "Ow you are hurting me" and the jerky guy said "I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE HURT YOU LITTLE SH*T!" He threw him onto the ground at that point. On instinct I stepped forward and told him that it wasn't his little boy's fault that he was left unattended and that yanking a child off the ground like that can dislocate his arm. The guy actually shrugged and said "Kids, what're you gonna do? They bounce" and then he WINKED at me. how GROSS is that?!

I was about to ask the little boy if he was okay. The mom came running at that point and said "Jack I can hear you shouting all the way across the store you big bully!" She asked ME if her kids were okay. I did tell her that her little boy got yanked pretty hard. She looked very tired, said thank you, scooped up the boy and took the stroller.

Very odd. Left me upset and unsettled. Big jerk. I was ready to go toe to toe with a GIANT man. But really, he was WAY over the line. He kept walking aisles away from a 3 year old and an infant and expected them to stay put.

big mean jerk bully...just like his wife said.

 

[emh1129]

I would talk directly to the parent if they were standing nearby. It's their responsibility to talk to the child and correct any misbehaviors. Chances are that they just didn't notice it and would like to handle it themselves.
Just general, friendly comments don't bother me in the least, unless the child is really shy and obviously uncomfortable talking to a stranger. My 5 yr old really doesn't like it when people do this to him and sometimes people think it's funny to keep pushing the issue- even if he's trying to hide behind me, some people think it's just so hilarious to make a young child uncomfortable

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I wouldn't mind if someone asked on the kids to stop kicking the seat; it would bring my attention to the problem. It would be a lot better than sighing loudly or some other passive agressive thing.

That is my thoughts exactly! As long as it is done in a polite manner and not in a nasty way, I see nothing wrong with it. I've had to do it myself and usually the parent was unaware and is good about correcting the problem. I know I instantly try to rectify the situation (and apologize) if my kids are doing something and it gets called to my attention.

 

[meandtheguys2]

You are more than welcome to talk with my boys. Especially happy chitchat. I think kids need to learn to guage who is safe and comfortable to chat with, and who isn't. And that being friendly is a good thing!

I wouldn't have a problem with someone asking my kids to stop a behavior such as kicking. Now, if you are going to threaten them, etc., that is a whole other story!

 

[PJinNYC]

I think if a child is kicking a seat or doing something dangerous it is okay to say something. In a nice way, of course, but I think it is better to say something than for me to feel all angry or for them to get hurt.

My own DD sometimes kicks a seat and I may not have noticed it right away. I just apologize to the person when they say something and I make sure to keep a better watch on her so she doesn't kick.

In terms of talking to strangers, she really won't do that. She is a little shy. At her age, I figure it is still okay.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I think it's a good question. - It's so hard today to help kids understand the fuzzier boundries. "Don't talk to strangers" is drilled into them at school, but yet I also want DS to grow up courteous and friendly. So, I have told him if he is with one of "his grownups" (mom, dad, grandparent) he should answer other adults who speak to him, but if he is for some reason he is by himself, he should say "I have to ask my mom if I can talk to you."

So yes, it would be fine with me if you chatted to my child in line while I was right there. (Or asked him to stop kicking you - not that ANYone's darling children would do that "in front of Mickey", of course!)

 

[TinkerbellMama]

I just finished going through a long thread about misbehaving children at Disney World (yes, another one ) and saw several people comment about how unacceptable it is for strangers to say anything directly to their children about their behaviour. If a kid is kicking me for example, I will ask them to stop politely. Is this out of line? Should I always be addressing the parent if they're around? I'm not being sarcastic. I don't have children so I'm just curious about how parents feel about this matter.

Also, I will sometimes strike up a conversation with a kid in line or if we're sitting waiting for a parade or something. Just something like "that's a cute tigger doll" or "what is your favourite ride". I never ask for the kid's name, where they live or any other personal info. Is this completely taboo?

I guess I never really thought about it before. I smile at kids, wave at them and have been known to play peek-a-boo, but it never occured to me that talking to their child might be really upsetting to a parent, so, opinions?

All of the above is fine with me! However, don't be surprised if you can't get the first syllable out of your mouth before I'm dealing with any misbehavior, myself! I'm all over it!
My son has not been and will not be taught not to talk to strangers. I think that is an extremely misguided rule. Firstly, children are MUCH more at risk for harm from acquaintances, friends, and even family members than they are from strangers. Secondly, I would never want my son to grow up with a fear or general mistrust of others. He will be taught to deal with specific inappropriate comments or behaviors, but not that he should avoid talking to strangers. I feel that would limit him in so many ways, and it doesn't even address the real safety issues involved! Focusing on what children should REALLY know about keeping themselves safe and healthy is the way to go, IMO.

 

[2girlsmom]

I agree with all the posters here. I don't mind at all if you see my child doing something and correct them, as long as done gently, not in a mean way. I have had an issue with strangers correcting my child in a rude way. For example we have an ice cream place near my house that has metal bars near the outside ordering windows, which children have been climbing on and swingin from since my mother was a child, they are about 2 1/2 feet off the ground, so just about like the "monkey" hanging bars at school. Meag was swinging from one while we were waiting to place our order recently (I was standing right next to her). and this guy came over and yelled at her to get off the bar, what did she think she was doing, then proceeded to yell at me for letting her swing on them after I interrupted his tirade, saying how those bars are not there for that and she will cause it to fall. Hello, they are concreted in the ground. The owner of the ice cream shop came out and asked what was going on. When he heard about it, he told Meag it was okay with him for her to swing on it, just to be careful not to fall and get hurt. I couldn't believe the nerve of the guy, he just stormed off after he realized that the owner was backing me up. Now if he had seen her swinging and said "Be careful so you don't get hurt" I wouldn't have cared at all.
Also, go right ahead and chat with my girls, they are occasionally a bit shy , but like to meet new people. I don't see any problem with that either.!

 

[pantherlj]

I think a lady was very close to hitting me the other day for saying something to her child!

We were at my DD's elementary school carnival over the weekend. There was a REALLY long line for the dunk tank. They waited and waited. A girl walks up and cuts in front of my group (my 2 dd's and dd's best friend). I said "these girls have been waiting a long time". She comments that she was in line, she just left to get a drink. Not true, but I let it drop. Well, a couple of minutes later, 3 boys cut in line to join what is now the 2 girls. I said "excuse me, my girls have been waiting a long time, please don't cut in line". Out of no where a raging mom comes up and shouts at the boys to stay where they are, that I had no business telling them what to do and if I knew their mom was there, I wouldn't have said anything". She started cussing and making some racial comments. I couldn't believe her reaction! 2 more kids ending up cutting in line before we finally had our turn. Would you say something to line cutters? I didn't really mind the first girl but 3 more kids? Then 2 more kids after that ... it went from 1 in the group to 7!

The rage she had was scary.

I say things to other kids at our pool a lot because other parents aren't paying attention (parents of little kids around 3/4 and they reading a book!). I understands kids spalsh but when they point a water gun at my kids eye, I will say something (please don't point the water gun at their eye, it could really hurt) Ordinary splahing? Deal with it, it's the pool I don't have a problem with other parents telling my kids to stop hanging on the rope at the pool or not to run if I don't see them doing it.

 

[Princess Stitch]

Hi everyone and thanks for all your replies so far! I'm really happy to see that most of you are not put off about the idea of people talking to your kids I would never push the issue if they seem shy or uncomfortable in any way of course. Just wanted to make sure I wasn't going to be upsetting any parents.

For some reason alot of kids will initiate the conversation with me as well (guess the 5ft tall girl in the stitch shirt carrying aroudn the stuffed mickey isn't very intimidating!) and at that point I feel it's rude to ignore the child, but don't want the parents thinking I'm some sort of creap talking to their kid!

 

[Princess Stitch]

I think a lady was very close to hitting me the other day for saying something to her child!

We were at my DD's elementary school carnival over the weekend. There was a REALLY long line for the dunk tank. They waited and waited. A girl walks up and cuts in front of my group (my 2 dd's and dd's best friend). I said "these girls have been waiting a long time". She comments that she was in line, she just left to get a drink. Not true, but I let it drop. Well, a couple of minutes later, 3 boys cut in line to join what is now the 2 girls. I said "excuse me, my girls have been waiting a long time, please don't cut in line". Out of no where a raging mom comes up and shouts at the boys to stay where they are, that I had no business telling them what to do and if I knew their mom was there, I wouldn't have said anything". She started cussing and making some racial comments. I couldn't believe her reaction! 2 more kids ending up cutting in line before we finally had our turn. Would you say something to line cutters? I didn't really mind the first girl but 3 more kids? Then 2 more kids after that ... it went from 1 in the group to 7!

The rage she had was scary.

I say things to other kids at our pool a lot because other parents aren't paying attention (parents of little kids around 3/4 and they reading a book!). I understands kids spalsh but when they point a water gun at my kids eye, I will say something (please don't point the water gun at their eye, it could really hurt) Ordinary splahing? Deal with it, it's the pool I don't have a problem with other parents telling my kids to stop hanging on the rope at the pool or not to run if I don't see them doing it.

Wow! that actually is kinda scary! If one person cuts in line I usually can't be bothered to start something, but 7 people? yeah, that's a bit much!

I know what you mean about parents not watching their kids sometimes though. Last year we were waiting for MK to open sitting in front of the Mickey garden on the ledge at the back. There was what looked like 2 families there with about 5 small children who all looked under the age of 4. Some of the older girls were getting up and walking along the ledge. Then of course, the little boy who was much younger gets up on to the ledge too and while he's standing up walking on it almost falls backwards onto the ground. I put out my arms when he stumbled but lucally he was able to regain his balance. The parents were talking amongst themselves and seemed oblivious until I moved to try and catch the kid. The mom said thanks but didn't look too concerned. I was really nervous and it wasn't even my kid! Dunno how parents can be so relaxed about stuff like that sometimes.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Hi everyone and thanks for all your replies so far! I'm really happy to see that most of you are not put off about the idea of people talking to your kids I would never push the issue if they seem shy or uncomfortable in any way of course. Just wanted to make sure I wasn't going to be upsetting any parents.

For some reason alot of kids will initiate the conversation with me as well (guess the 5ft tall girl in the stitch shirt carrying aroudn the stuffed mickey isn't very intimidating!) and at that point I feel it's rude to ignore the child, but don't want the parents thinking I'm some sort of creap talking to their kid!

I'd say that is a compliment.

Psycho mom at the school carnival surely has issues!