Question about being designated driver

[SetzKitten]

When does your responsibility for being the designated driver end?
I want honest opinions as to if I did my job or not.

Long story ahead, but I'll put the cliff notes Rusty style up front:

1. volunteered to be designated driver for a short night out
2. drove sober all night
3. took everyone home safely
4. 2 people went back out after I dropped them at home
5. 1 person got into trouble
6. she's blaming me because she wasn't ready to go home when I took her
7. From now on, I'm going to be responsible for just DH and me.
8. I despise the bar scene.
9. I need to cultivate some new friends.


Last weekend, I went out with my husband and 2 women friends (not really friends, but friends of friends I've met 3 or 4 times. We were supposed to go as a group of 10, but everyone kept dropping out). The plan was to go out for dinner and drinks. I offered to be the dd, but told everyone it had to be an early night because I had been up since 2:30am and didn't want to be driving tired. We all agreed.

At 11:45pm, I called it a night. One of the friends didn't want to leave yet, but we out-voted her. She was really drunk and it was definitely time to end it. So I dropped everyone off and went home. The next day I got a text from the one who didn't want to go home, saying she and the other woman had driven back to the bar after I left them and that she had gotten into some trouble that "could jeopardize her career".

She implied that I didn't do my job as dd because I was supposed to be the driver until everyone was ready to go home and I should have allowed everyone to bar-hop until the last person was done, not take them home when I was ready, even though we agreed to that up front and the other 2 people also wanted to go home.

I've been debating all week as to whether or not she's right. I never thought she would go out again after I took her home, she was wrecked. I thought she'd crash. She definitely has a point, but I think at her age, she should know when enough is enough.

What do you think?

 

[golfgal]

Your responsibility ended when the ADULTS you were out with turned 21 . I think your "friend" is a nut and so what if she wasn't ready to go home, the taxi was leaving-hop on or find another ride.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

When does your responsibility for being the designated driver end?
I want honest opinions as to if I did my job or not.

Long story ahead, but I'll put the cliff notes Rusty style up front:

1. volunteered to be designated driver for a short night out
2. drove sober all night
3. took everyone home safely
4. 2 people went back out after I dropped them at home
5. 1 person got into trouble
6. she's blaming me because she wasn't ready to go home when I took her
7. From now on, I'm going to be responsible for just DH and me.
8. I despise the bar scene.
9. I need to cultivate some new friends.


Last weekend, I went out with my husband and 2 women friends (not really friends, but friends of friends I've met 3 or 4 times. We were supposed to go as a group of 10, but everyone kept dropping out). The plan was to go out for dinner and drinks. I offered to be the dd, but told everyone it had to be an early night because I had been up since 2:30am and didn't want to be driving tired. We all agreed.

At 11:45pm, I called it a night. One of the friends didn't want to leave yet, but we out-voted her. She was really drunk and it was definitely time to end it. So I dropped everyone off and went home. The next day I got a text from the one who didn't want to go home, saying she and the other woman had driven back to the bar after I left them and that she had gotten into some trouble that "could jeopardize her career".

She implied that I didn't do my job as dd because I was supposed to be the driver until everyone was ready to go home and I should have allowed everyone to bar-hop until the last person was done, not take them home when I was ready, even though we agreed to that up front and the other 2 people also wanted to go home.

I've been debating all week as to whether or not she's right. I never thought she would go out again after I took her home, she was wrecked. I thought she'd crash. She definitely has a point, but I think at her age, she should know when enough is enough.

What do you think?

I think her implication that you are somehow responsible is ridiculous and completely without merit. Period.

 

[Polyluvr]

I think her implication that you are somehow responsible is ridiculous and completely without merit. Period.

ITA!

That friend of yours has got a really big set on her!

She wouldn't be my friend for long after that.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

Your responsibility ended when the ADULTS you were out with turned 21 . I think your "friend" is a nut and so what if she wasn't ready to go home, the taxi was leaving-hop on or find another ride.

Couldn't of said it better. Instead of taking of ownership for what she did it could never be her fault so she is looking for all excuses.Not your problem.

 

[johnsontrio]

She's a complete idiot and she is looking to blame someone else so as not to have to examine herself. You're right to be moving on from this group of "friends".

 

[DMass]

Your responsibility ended when you dropped her off at home.

 

[swanmom]

If she didn't want to leave when the designated driver (and, it sounds like, everyone else) was leaving, then there is such a thing as a taxi! End of story.

 

[NMAmy]

Oh, she's totally out in left field on this one. Sounds like she's looking for anyone to blame but herself. Couldn't she have called a taxi?

 

[shirleyb]

I'm not sure why you're even debating or why you think she might have a valid point, but she doesn't. She's so clearly in the wrong and you are not.

 

[ChrizJen]

I agree. You're completely in the right.
If she wasn't ready to leave when the rest of you were ready, she could have just stayed behind and taken a cab later when she was ready.
Totally not your fault!!!

 

[Darsa]

she's blaming me because she wasn't ready to go home when I took her

Wow, SERIOUSLY??? IMO, the Designated DRIVER is the driver both figuratively AND literally. Meaning when the DD is ready to go, then the drinkers better be ready as well! If they choose to go out and be stupid afterwards, it's their own stinkin' fault.

Wow, this... I really can't wrap my mind around being able to justify blaming YOU for HER stupidity...

 

[pilotwife_02]

If she wasn't ready to leave when the rest of you were ready, she could have just stayed behind and taken a cab later when she was ready.
Totally not your fault!!!

She needs to grow up and start taking responsibility for her own actions. What a brat!

 

[PatsMom]

I've got to agree with the majority here! Your responsibility definitely ended when you dropped her at home. What she did from that point is her problem, not yours.

 

[FireDancer]

When the designated driver is ready to leave everyone either leaves with them or is welcome to grab a cab. You don't have to stay out later then you want and if they go out after you drop them off it falls on them.

 

[Aimros]

You offered to do them a favor being the responsible DD... you did your duties and brought them home safe... whatever happened after that was not your problem!

 

[scrapquitler]

When does your responsibility for being the designated driver end?The plan was to go out for dinner and drinks. I offered to be the dd, but told everyone it had to be an early night because I had been up since 2:30am and didn't want to be driving tired. We all agreed.
What do you think?

At that point, she agreed to go home, and once you dropped her at home, your responsibility ended. You weren't obligated to Taxi her around all night for as many hours as she wanted.

Time to find a more mature friend.

 

[Piglets Mommy]

Wow, a DIS thread where we all agree!!! Alert the press!

I agree, your "friend" is a whackadoodle! When the DD leaves, everyone leaves. Once you dropped her off, your responsibility ended. You were the DD, not the babysitter.

Thanks for reminding me why I like to hang at home with my family!

 

[MushyMushy]

She sounds like she's got a mental problem! If I were you, I'd wash my hands of this chick and never give it another thought.

 

[ICF]

She's nuts....and needs to take responsibility for her actions. She probably was a "snowflake" her in younger days!!

You got her home safely. The fact that she went out again, isn't your fault.