Qantas Gripe Sheet

mickg7dyd

DIS Veteran
Joined
Oct 3, 1999
Messages
1,067
Hi,
Seen some of these before but still make me laugh:

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then

the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let
it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas
pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S)
by the maintenance engineers.

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in
the world that claims it has never, ever, had an accident!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one saved for last......

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
 
Old stuff but still funny
 

this has made me laugh and cheered me up no end
 
I've got a handful of emails which I file under "In case of emergency". If I'm feeling really down or hacked off, they never fail to make me laugh. This is one of them. :thumbsup2
 
Seen this before but I love it :thumbsup2
 














Save Up to 30% on Rooms at Walt Disney World!

Save up to 30% on rooms at select Disney Resorts Collection hotels when you stay 5 consecutive nights or longer in late summer and early fall. Plus, enjoy other savings for shorter stays.This offer is valid for stays most nights from August 1 to October 11, 2025.
CLICK HERE













DIS Facebook DIS youtube DIS Instagram DIS Pinterest

Back
Top