Preschool situation *NEW UPDATE pg 4

[dis4harley]

My DS4 is in headstart(a preschool program). I need advice on a situation that occured today.

My DS eats lunch at school. Today he says they had chocolate milk. Occasionally, they do this as a treat(not very often). They were told they had to eat 2 things off their plate before they could have their milk. My DS does not usually eat very good at school. He did not eat 2 things, so he did not get his milk. He says he did not get anything to drink. I asked him if they let him get a drink from the water fountain and he said no.

Now, I don't have a big problem with them not giving him the chocolate milk. But, I have a huge problem with them not giving him anything to drink. Also, I know that it is against their rules to do this.

So, I would like opinions on the situation. I would also like ideas to be calm about this in the morning when I take him to school.

 

[rie'smom]

First take a deep breath and then tomorrow find out all of the facts. If he had nothing to drink,then I'd let them know that it had better not happen again. However,he may have misunderstood and thought that because he didn't eat the 2 things that he couldn't have anything to drink.

 

[daisyduck123]

Here is my take on it:

I'm betting that your DS probably did not ask for a drink of water. If he had, I bet they would have let him. It's good that you are going to try to be calm about this in the morning, & to hear the school's version of the story.

 

[Microcell]

Yeah, what they said.

 

[Beca]

Well, I did something similar at my dd's school. She wasn't having any issues with not being allowed to get something to drink, but I did not think she was getting enough water at school. So, I bought a case of bottled water and explained to my dd's teacher that we were having problems with her bladder infections, and to please encourage her to drink water as much as possible. I have also told her teacher that I will be bringing in a case of water each month to make sure that her water supply doesn't run low. Then, I thanked the teacher for her assistance in keeping my dd healthy.

Maybe that would ensure that your son was not deprived of water again. I don't know...it's just a thought.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I would go in tomorrow, say you think ds might be a little dehydrated and could they make sure he drink a lot of water. This gets your point across and doesn't accuse anyone of anything.

His version of the truth might be a little off. Even if it is 100% true and the teachers are wrong to deny him water (and I definitely think that would be wrong!), you don't want to ruffle any feathers and make things worse for your little guy.

 

[bekkiz]

Little ones (as you probably know) often mishear or misinterpret things.

I can't believe I'm going to admit this but...

Early in my first grade year (I had not gone to kindergarten, so no formal classroom experiance), I heard the teacher tell another student that we could not leave to use the rest room.

I ended up wetting my pants, because I assumed since the teacher told the one student they couldn't go to the bathroom, I couldn't go either. When I told my mom when she brought a change of clothes that the teacher said we could use the rest room, she flipped out.

Of course the teacher had said no such thing. The child she had spoken too had already been a few times and probably was just trying to get out of class. She explained that to my mom and of course very gently told me all I had to do in the future was ask.

I would just call the teacher, and ask what the poicy on drinking is. Then, if it's unacceptable, feel free to complain

 

[letterdavidman]

My DS4 is in headstart(a preschool program). I need advice on a situation that occured today.

My DS eats lunch at school. Today he says they had chocolate milk. Occasionally, they do this as a treat(not very often). They were told they had to eat 2 things off their plate before they could have their milk. My DS does not usually eat very good at school. He did not eat 2 things, so he did not get his milk. He says he did not get anything to drink. I asked him if they let him get a drink from the water fountain and he said no.

Now, I don't have a big problem with them not giving him the chocolate milk. But, I have a huge problem with them not giving him anything to drink. Also, I know that it is against their rules to do this.

So, I would like opinions on the situation. I would also like ideas to be calm about this in the morning when I take him to school.

An opinion from someone who worked with kids for ten years: First, as you stated, it is, I would guess, not only against their rules, but against state law, as well, to withhold food or drink from any child, for any reason.

What would I do, were I in your position? First, I would question your son again, in even more detail, just to make sure that there aren't any inconsistencies in his story (not to say that he's lying, but, during my time working in daycare, I've seen three teachers accused of some very heinous things, the parents, of course, absolutely were livid, and, in the end, the accusations turned out to be bunk). If his story seems pretty spot on, then I would remain as calm as possible, and bring it to the attention of the center's director first thing in the morning (I actually would have called, or visited, the center as soon as I heard about it, if possible). I'm sure, if the headstart is a reputable one, the director would have no problem with arranging a sit down with your child's teacher, so you can all get to the bottom of the situation. And if, at any time, you feel that the situation isn't being handled to your satisfaction, contact the appropriate state authorities and tell them of your situation. (Actually, you could choose to do this before you even contact the head start's director. And I do believe that, regardless, the director him/herself has to contact the state after this is brought to his/her attention.)

I really hope, for the sake of your son, that this was just a misunderstanding. Withholding food or drink from anyone, adult or child, is almost beyond comprehension to me.

 

[letterdavidman]

I would go in tomorrow, say you think ds might be a little dehydrated and could they make sure he drink a lot of water. This gets your point across and doesn't accuse anyone of anything.

His version of the truth might be a little off. Even if it is 100% true and the teachers are wrong to deny him water (and I definitely think that would be wrong!), you don't want to ruffle any feathers and make things worse for your little guy.

Yeah, but... if it's a reputable center, I would think they would definitely want to be made aware of such a thing. I know that, as a teacher, I always expected the parents of my kids to be 100% satisfied with the job I was doing taking care of their kids. And if they let me (or my boss) know, I would be able to rectify the situation that much sooner.

 

[grlpwrd]

Yes, I hope, too, that this is all a misunderstanding, but you never know these days.... and not just to preschoolers

I just read about how a middle school gym teacher in our area used a fake syringe with a student who had knee problems.

Last month my dd was also a witness to an assault at her high school within 10 feet of her...the teacher assaulted a student. I would have never thought it could happen, but it does. That teacher has been on leave and has been taking anger management classes.

Yup, bad judgment on the part of the adult and illegal/cruel to children, but you just never know...

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

Pretty sure it was a misunderstanding. Talk to your son in a little bit more detail first.

 

[golfgal]

When my oldest was in preschool he would tell me every day on the ride home what they had for lunch, how much he ate, who he sat by, especially if it was his turn to sit by the teacher. It was so cute except, THEY DIDN'T HAVE LUNCH AT PRESCHOOL, ever.

Not that your child is lying but kids make things up. Chances are he was offered white milk, didn't want that because they had chocolate milk and now all of the sudden they won't let him have anything--or something like that. When you drop him off next just say that your son told you he wasn't allowed to drink anything for lunch the other day and you want to know what really happened.

 

[aprilgail2]

I would just go down and talk to them and hear their side of the story. I don't require my daughter take bites of anything before she drinks so I would not want any place requiring that of her either though. The lunch lady yelled at my daughter once for only eating 2 chicken nuggets for lunch, she told her that "those cost good money and you can't waste them"...she has not bought hot lunch since and this was TWO years ago, she still talks about that!!! And to top it off is that my daughter is little and 2 nuggets ARE her lunch, she never eats more than that even at home!!

 

[kdibattista]

When my oldest was in preschool he would tell me every day on the ride home what they had for lunch, how much he ate, who he sat by, especially if it was his turn to sit by the teacher. It was so cute except, THEY DIDN'T HAVE LUNCH AT PRESCHOOL, ever.

 

[hentob]

Headstart is very weird with rules. I don't doubt what your son said at all. Years ago, a good friend of mine worked for Headstart. She quit after she was told that SHE had to eat the food! Really.


I think it is because it is a government run program, the teachers have to follow very odd rules. These teachers most likely took those rules to a whole new level. Not good

I know here in PA, the food was delivered from an outside source. It was terrible tasting. Some teachers complained and refused to eat it. They also noted that several of the children at NOTHING and they deserved better. It was a pretty big deal. Again, my friend quit, so I don't know what the outcome was.

So, your son could be telling the 100% truth. Just be calm when you go in. Ask if you can start packing a lunch. That way you can control what he eats and drinks. They will probably say no, but it doesn't hurt to try.

Good luck!

 

[Disney Doll]

An opinion from someone who worked with kids for ten years: First, as you stated, it is, I would guess, not only against their rules, but against state law, as well, to withhold food or drink from any child, for any reason.

What would I do, were I in your position? First, I would question your son again, in even more detail, just to make sure that there aren't any inconsistencies in his story (not to say that he's lying, but, during my time working in daycare, I've seen three teachers accused of some very heinous things, the parents, of course, absolutely were livid, and, in the end, the accusations turned out to be bunk). If his story seems pretty spot on, then I would remain as calm as possible, and bring it to the attention of the center's director first thing in the morning (I actually would have called, or visited, the center as soon as I heard about it, if possible). I'm sure, if the headstart is a reputable one, the director would have no problem with arranging a sit down with your child's teacher, so you can all get to the bottom of the situation. And if, at any time, you feel that the situation isn't being handled to your satisfaction, contact the appropriate state authorities and tell them of your situation. (Actually, you could choose to do this before you even contact the head start's director. And I do believe that, regardless, the director him/herself has to contact the state after this is brought to his/her attention.)

I really hope, for the sake of your son, that this was just a misunderstanding. Withholding food or drink from anyone, adult or child, is almost beyond comprehension to me.

Wow...that's a bit extreme for the kid not getting a drink of water, don't you think? No one dies of dehydration in 8 hours.

OP, your son is in pre-school...makes him somewhere between 3 & 5 years old, I would imagine. Kids that age often have very different perceptions of what they think happened than what actually happened. I have a friend who is a teacher, and every year she sends home a "welcome" letter to parents which says "I won't believe everything your child tells me about you if you don't believe everything you child tells you about me". It's a cute way of saying "Discuss concerns before jumping to conclusions".

I would probably take a different tactic and speak with the teacher & enlist her help in "how to encourage Johnnhy to eat and drink more during the school hours", especially since you stated that he already has a bit of an issue with that.

If you are satisfied with the school in every other way, it seems that giving them the benefit of the doubt that your pre-schooler's perception of what happened may not actually be what happened would be worthwhile.

 

[dis4harley]

Thank you all for your replies. I wanted to add a little more information. Headstart is a government run program. I have worked for them before. I was also subbing for them this year at the center he goes to.

With that, I know their rules. It is absolutly against policy to withhold anything from their breakfast or lunch. They have a food service worker that goes to the school next door to get the food. Everything the lunchroom supplies must be given to them. They cannot withhold dessert, either.


I have not really had any problems with them with my child this year. But, I have had a few problems with the way I saw them handle some things. I have seen them make a child stand up to eat lunch because he did not want to eat and laid his head on the table.

I am also worried that saying anything to them, even calmly, will cause them to treat him differently(worse).

 

[hentob]

I am also worried that saying anything to them, even calmly, will cause them to treat him differently(worse).

Take a deep breath. You have to be VERY calm. I am happy to hear that you are very familar with the program. That will work in your favor.

Again, good luck!!

 

[dis4harley]

UPDATE!

I talked to the teacher and she pretty much tried to avoid every question I had. She said that they all had choc milk, but could not open it until they ate two things. I asked her if my DS got to open his, and she would not really answer. She did say several times that They were not deliberately withholding milk from anyone, but they needed to eat first. I told her that if they didn't want him to have the choc milk that was fine, but I wanted him to have something to drink. Her response to that was that it wasn't fair for DS to have his milk without eating, when everyone else has to eat first.

She also said that they have been getting them choc or strawberry milk fairly often lately, and that they have to eat before thay can open it.

I am annoyed that she tried to avoid my questions. She never gave me a direct answer. I do believe now that he did not have anything to drink. I just have to decide what to do about it. I can let it go and they will continue to do it. Or I can call the main office. If I call the main office, they will know it was me, and I think they will start getting on to him more.

 

[kdibattista]

UPDATE!

I talked to the teacher and she pretty much tried to avoid every question I had. She said that they all had choc milk, but could not open it until they ate two things. I asked her if my DS got to open his, and she would not really answer. She did say several times that They were not deliberately withholding milk from anyone, but they needed to eat first. I told her that if they didn't want him to have the choc milk that was fine, but I wanted him to have something to drink. Her response to that was that it wasn't fair for DS to have his milk without eating, when everyone else has to eat first.

She also said that they have been getting them choc or strawberry milk fairly often lately, and that they have to eat before thay can open it.

I am annoyed that she tried to avoid my questions. She never gave me a direct answer. I do believe now that he did not have anything to drink. I just have to decide what to do about it. I can let it go and they will continue to do it. Or I can call the main office. If I call the main office, they will know it was me, and I think they will start getting on to him more.

Wow... I would be infuriated!!!! There is no way I could let that go... I would definitely call.