Potty training in time for preschool (one month to go) - trying not to panic

[deva]

My third child will be starting preschool in about a month. Compared to my other two, she is on the "younger side" of the class (she just turned 3 in April). Honestly I don't recall much about potty training the first two. We had no pressure and they just did at their own pace with really very few accidents. My son was on the older side - just over 3 1/2, but my older daughter was not quite 3 and fully trained. I do recall that my son didn't initially like pooping on the potty. He'd ask for a diaper. One day the poop just came out in the toilet and from that point on he was good.

For preschool the kids need to be fully potty trained, so while I've been trying not to stress about it, we are getting close to the start of school and still having issues. She's been wearing big girl undies all the time since June and always pees on the potty. If we are out she'll tell you she needs to go and will use a public restroom. She stays dry over night and at naps. She always poops in her undies though. It is sooooo frustrating. I thought she'd get over it, but nothing seems to be working. She'll poop in her undies and tell us "I pooped". We've tried to be calm, positive and encouraging but nothing seems to be working. To complicate matters, she has had constipation issues in the past (not while we've been potty training thank goodness) and has a small dose of Miralax daily. I'd hate for her to start holding it because I know that could really complicate the issue.

Sometimes she'll poop just a little, so I know there is more that needs to come out. She'll sit and sit on the potty but nothing comes out. Put her back in undies or put a diaper on her and she'll go. Sometimes she'll even say, "I need a diaper. I need to poopie." I keep thinking that she needs to just get it to work on the potty once and she'll be good, but that does not seem to be working! The other thing that is working against us is that she does not go at the same time (or the same number of times) every day. So I can't just sit her down every day after lunch until she goes.

So I'm looking for suggestions for a quick, stress-free solution (is that even possible?). Any advice greatly appreciated! I know this won't last too much longer, but the countdown to the first day of school really has me worried.

 

[laughinplace199]

My DD was like this too. Here is the advice my pediatrician offered. When she asks for a diaper to poop in, put it on her, but tell her she has to poop in the bathroom. After a few days of that, tell her she can still wear the diaper to poop, but she has to sit on the potty (while wearing the diaper). After a few days of that, see if she'll poop on the potty without the diaper. It worked like a charm for us. Good luck!

 

[Princess&JackMom]

Have you talked to her school to see how the feel about her being in pull-ups?

When my son started preschool last year, he was not trained and wore pull-ups to school. The school's policy was "No diapers" but when we asked the teachers they told us many of the children were still in pull-ups. He only had one "poop" accident where we had to go to school to change him (I should point out the school is within walking distance of my home so running up to school was not an issue for us).

You said she's good when she goes out, right? So maybe she will be fine at school in her undies. You can try it and if she has an accident, the schools are usually OK with that as it is a new environment.


Sounds like she is almost there and just needs a little more time to get a handle on her number 2. I know it's hard to relax and not stress about it but that is the best thing you can do (at least that is what people tell me as I'm stressed about my soon to be 4 year old son still refusing to use the potty!).

 

[mjkacmom]

Three of my kids were like this, except they would NEVER poop in underwear - just asked for a diaper. I didn't have to worry about preschool, because they could hold it (I made a mistake of refusing a diaper, and my dd held it for 5 days - this was before the internet, so I didn't know how dangerous this was). Maybe offer up the diaper in exchange for not pooping in underwear? Kids who have this issue mentally can't wrap their minds around pooping in the potty - it's kind of like asking you to poop in your pants - could you do it? It will happen - probably by accident while peeing. Then the fear is gone. You have to remember, your child has been pooping while standing most of her life, while she's probably peed sitting a lot of times.

 

[dizmom2mwjk]

We did the gradual steps from in the bathroom to on the toilet with the pullup thing but we took the additional step of cutting out the bottom of the pullup so that the poop actually fell into the toilet...that way our dd knew that the sound was supposed to happen...then we went on to take the pull up off...for some reason...the poop falling was a big thing for her...and the security of the pull up helped her with it...

It took us a loooong time to figure this out...she went to preschool in a pullup for about 5 months before we were SURE she was trained...

 

[tadamom]

I would try laughinplace199's suggestion.

 

[Duckiedee]

I've heard of laughingplace and dizmom's suggestion working in the case you have going. I've heard of kids wearing just the band of the pullup without the diaper at the last stage! LOL.

I'm pretty sure a pullup and the occasional accident are not going to cause the school to give you a hard time - it does happen - that's why you need to leave an extra set of clothes/underwear at that age.

As for being less stressful, all you can do is decide NOT to stress about it... because at this stage she'll do it or she won't... all you can do is keep encouraging her (which it sounds like you are doing great on that part), continue to be consistant and let her do the rest.

Good luck - my vote it she'll have it handled by then.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I work with special needs preschoolers so our students' potty training ages are all over the map. One thing we do not advocate is putting a diaper on a child to do #2 who is otherwise potty trained. If he/she is aware of the need to go and has the verbal skills to ask for a diaper, then there's no reason not to use the toilet. It's generally a control issue at that point, not necessarily a fear of sitting on the toilet. We do advocate using a reward system to get the child out of the habit of wanting a diaper. We had one particular boy who demanded a diaper from his parents so he could poop. He was extrememly bright and verbal (his official diagnosis was ADHD, no cognitive or developmental delays). He liked to collect a certain type of talking dolls and he really wanted one in particular. We advised his parents to buy the doll, show it to him and put it away. When he pooped in the toilet 3 times, he would get the doll. He had the doll in less than 3 days and he never went back to asking for diapers.

If your child is not fully-potty trained, be sure to check with your preschool for their policy. It's not always just a matter of sending extra underwear and clothes. Some preschools are not licensed to change diapers or deal with accidents. They are required to call the parents if it happens. It's not a matter of the staff not wanting to do it. If they're not licensed for it they could get in big trouble for doing it.

 

[ktlm]

My very stubbon daughter was very difficult to potty train for pooping. She was pee-trained for probably 9 or 10 months before we could get her to regularly poop on the potty. I think it was a combination of control and scared issues. The best advice I can give you is don't push. As you recognized in your post, pushing can result in intentional withholding which can result in all kinds of issues. We had all kinds of withholding/constipation issues because she initially did not want to go on the potty, and then she just didn't want to go at all. Once she had withheld one time to where it hurt to go because she didn't want to go on the potty, then she didn't like to go at all and withheld even with pull-ups on. Getting her to poop at all was an ordeal. We had a rough few months. It will happen when she is ready. A little motivation helps. We had tried stickers, rewards, toy bribes (like the 3 poops in the potty and you can have that toy you want) and that didn't work at all- she completely didn't care. We took DD to her pre-school open house where she had a great time, then we told her that only kids who pooped on the potty went to pre-school, so if she wanted to go, she would have to start doing it. She started pooping on the potty that same day and never went back! (We weren't exactly honest because pull-ups were allowed at her pre-school-but whatever works! )

 

[kimmylaj]

preschool teacher here of 3 year olds. we do have a policy that children in the threes class need to be potty trained by october. that being said we really are not strict about it. ...children in the class have birthdays that span 12 months. december babies are a full year younger than january babies so it is not fair to put that pressure on them when they are not developmentally ready for that step. if your 3 is not trained we send you a letter and ask you to come to our potty learning workshop. then we ask you to work together with us. if your child is in a diaper and has a bm we call you to change them. if your child has an accident in underwear , we have a set of spare clothes and give them step by step directions on how to change them (of course we have to offer a lil help now and again). i always tell my stressed out parents that nobody goes to college in a diaper and not to stress too much. explain the situation to the teacher and ask for suggestions and help, trust me this is the most common discussion on parent orientation night. most teachers of 3s are very understanding and willing to work together and once they see their friends head to the potty they are quick to follow

 

[PollyannaMom]

My DD was like this too. Here is the advice my pediatrician offered. When she asks for a diaper to poop in, put it on her, but tell her she has to poop in the bathroom. After a few days of that, tell her she can still wear the diaper to poop, but she has to sit on the potty (while wearing the diaper). After a few days of that, see if she'll poop on the potty without the diaper. It worked like a charm for us. Good luck!

That sounds like a really good idea!!! I wish I'd heard it years ago.

Because I have to admit, we used bribery for that one. Like your DD, when DS was little, he was fine for #1, but would have accidents for #2. We bought something he really wanted, put it in plain view, and told him he could have it when he went on the potty. Whatever the fear was, it wasn't as strong as the desire for that toy. After the first success, things were good.

 

[Coconuts]

My DD was like this too. Here is the advice my pediatrician offered. When she asks for a diaper to poop in, put it on her, but tell her she has to poop in the bathroom. After a few days of that, tell her she can still wear the diaper to poop, but she has to sit on the potty (while wearing the diaper). After a few days of that, see if she'll poop on the potty without the diaper. It worked like a charm for us. Good luck!

This is a great suggestion.

Don't fret; it sounds like you're doing the right things. My DS did the same thing and finally got trained the week before preschool. I was sweating it too. I think you would be surprised how many kids are still in pullups and are in the same boat as you!

Good luck.

 

[heather13]

My very stubbon daughter was very difficult to potty train for pooping. She was pee-trained for probably 9 or 10 months before we could get her to regularly poop on the potty. I think it was a combination of control and scared issues. The best advice I can give you is don't push. As you recognized in your post, pushing can result in intentional withholding which can result in all kinds of issues. We had all kinds of withholding/constipation issues because she initially did not want to go on the potty, and then she just didn't want to go at all. Once she had withheld one time to where it hurt to go because she didn't want to go on the potty, then she didn't like to go at all and withheld even with pull-ups on. Getting her to poop at all was an ordeal. We had a rough few months. It will happen when she is ready. A little motivation helps. We had tried stickers, rewards, toy bribes (like the 3 poops in the potty and you can have that toy you want) and that didn't work at all- she completely didn't care. We took DD to her pre-school open house where she had a great time, then we told her that only kids who pooped on the potty went to pre-school, so if she wanted to go, she would have to start doing it. She started pooping on the potty that same day and never went back! (We weren't exactly honest because pull-ups were allowed at her pre-school-but whatever works! )

I'm going through this EXACT same thing. DD has been pee trained for more than a year and now (at 4.5 years) is STILL sometimes having poop accidents in her underpants. I would agree that digressing to diapers/pull ups isn't always best. It made my DD think that it's okay to poop in them. I put panty liners in her underpants so I wouldn't have to throw away a new set of underwear every few weeks. The best thing I did was to give her a prune a day (Sunsweet makes them individually packaged) and then insist that she sits on the potty for at least 20 minutes after meals. She didn't want to miss out on play time after meal time, but since I've made post-meal time more of a quiet time she's more likely to sit and at least try to poop. Another thing that sort of helped us is the book "It Hurts When I Poop." Helped her at least visualize the importance of letting it out.

Good luck - I've been PT this one for almost three years and have tried literally everything. Fortunately DD#2 is WAY less stubborn!

 

[mjkacmom]

I work with special needs preschoolers so our students' potty training ages are all over the map. One thing we do not advocate is putting a diaper on a child to do #2 who is otherwise potty trained. If he/she is aware of the need to go and has the verbal skills to ask for a diaper, then there's no reason not to use the toilet. It's generally a control issue at that point, not necessarily a fear of sitting on the toilet. We do advocate using a reward system to get the child out of the habit of wanting a diaper. We had one particular boy who demanded a diaper from his parents so he could poop. He was extrememly bright and verbal (his official diagnosis was ADHD, no cognitive or developmental delays). He liked to collect a certain type of talking dolls and he really wanted one in particular. We advised his parents to buy the doll, show it to him and put it away. When he pooped in the toilet 3 times, he would get the doll. He had the doll in less than 3 days and he never went back to asking for diapers.

If your child is not fully-potty trained, be sure to check with your preschool for their policy. It's not always just a matter of sending extra underwear and clothes. Some preschools are not licensed to change diapers or deal with accidents. They are required to call the parents if it happens. It's not a matter of the staff not wanting to do it. If they're not licensed for it they could get in big trouble for doing it.

This can be dangerous: http://www.pottytrainingconcepts.com/A-Causes-Non-Retentive-Encopresis.html I know kids IRL who have this condition because of potty training. I told my ds, who asked for a diaper, that if he pooped on the potty, I would drive him to TRUS, and buy him a ride-on jeep! Nope, didn't work. That's how terrified he was.

Our preschools were very strict - 2 accidents, and you are out. There isn't a preschool in the area that allows pullups.

 

[MSSANDRA]

Sometimes nothing but time works. My DGS is 3. I potty trained him at 2 1/2. He trained for the urine part in about three days and NEVER had another accident. He however, refused to poop in the potty. He always asks for a diaper. He has only sit on the potty a few time,He will kick scream etc. He has had some isues with constipation as well. It is a huge issue because he wants his dieaper on, and to be at my house or my MIL's in a room alone to go.If he is somewhere else he tries to hold it till he get home, thus the constipation issues. Doctor said this might last a few months, well it's been almost a year!! We have tried everything. Nothing worked. No diapers in the house. He will hold it and end up constipated. Bribes, he wants it but not enough to go in the potty. I was determined to get him pooping in the potty last week and he was just as determined. I truly think it is a control issue but in reality he does have that control and it is not worth creating a health risk. I am giving up and just waiting him out. He WILL go at some point, but it will have to be his time. We are blessed that our preschool does allow some wiggle room for the 3's but in reality it's not an issue as he has been in regular underwear a year and just will not go till we get home.
I suggest to just look for another preschool or keep him home this year and not take a chance on creating even bigger issues.

 

[ktlm]

Sometimes nothing but time works. My DGS is 3. I potty trained him at 2 1/2. He trained for the urine part in about three days and NEVER had another accident. He however, refused to poop in the potty. He always asks for a diaper. He has only sit on the potty a few time,He will kick scream etc. He has had some isues with constipation as well. It is a huge issue because he wants his dieaper on, and to be at my house or my MIL's in a room alone to go.If he is somewhere else he tries to hold it till he get home, thus the constipation issues. Doctor said this might last a few months, well it's been almost a year!! We have tried everything. Nothing worked. No diapers in the house. He will hold it and end up constipated. Bribes, he wants it but not enough to go in the potty. I was determined to get him pooping in the potty last week and he was just as determined. I truly think it is a control issue but in reality he does have that control and it is not worth creating a health risk. I am giving up and just waiting him out. He WILL go at some point, but it will have to be his time. We are blessed that our preschool does allow some wiggle room for the 3's but in reality it's not an issue as he has been in regular underwear a year and just will not go till we get home.
I suggest to just look for another preschool or keep him home this year and not take a chance on creating even bigger issues.

Sounds very similar to us. Pee training was easy and happened just before she was 2 1/2, and she wore regular underwear after that, but demanded a pull-up to poop. It was basically pull-up or you weren't getting poop at all and then the bad constipation issues would start. We tried the making her poop with the pull-up standing in the bathroom and then moving from thereto sit on the potty with the pull-up and that didn't work for us either. She wanted to be standing in her closet to poop- and thats if she would poop instead of trying to hold it back completely. We had to spike a glass of orange juice with olive oil every day for months (a natural alternative to Miralax). Occasionally we could get her to stand in the bathroom by the toilet and go (but that was not easy), but there was no way she was going to sit on the potty even with the pull up on.

Don't worry, he will eventually get there. As our pediatrician said "Have you ever seen a healthy teenager wearing a pull up and not pooping on the toilet?" The "constipation" issues should mostly go away too, because it is really a withholding issue not a constipation issue. DD was about 3 1/2 when she suddenly just started pooping on the potty because she wanted to go to pre-school. Since then, the only thing we have had pop up that creates an occasional issue is that DD still doesn't like to poop on a "strange" potty in public places. Just hang in there! I know how frustrating, difficult and sometimes traumatic it can be!!! It will get better!!!

 

[deva]

Thanks everyone for the suggestions! I know it is just a matter of time - let's hope around 30 days

 

[epcotprincess]

Something interesting that worked for the parents in the day care I worked in:

Who is your child's favorite character/ tv personality/ etc? Is Santa a motivator? Sponge Bob? Mickey? etc.

Have someone who can sound somewhat like this character be on alert, then tell your child that x character is going to call them when they can use the potty like a big boy/ girl.

When they do it successfully with your help, alert your standby person and have them call your child. They can then talk to the child on the phone and say, "hello x, I just heard that you did SUCH a good job on the potty! I hope that you can keep using the potty like a big boy/ girl, because I am so proud of you and you did GREAT!"

I have heard of A LOT of success using this method with parents of my 18 month- 3 year olds in the day care. If nothing else, it's worth a try! GL!