Okay, last night we had a phone interview with the home study woman. So then I go to bed. At midnight I woke up in a total panic. No bad dreams, just BAM. I have felt the same since. Couldn't sleep at all.
So I am putting it all on hold.
I think it is just that I have such a perfect, beautiful, well behaved, smart, angelic child. And our lives are completely and utterly perfect. I am terrified to mess with that. We have college set up. We go to disney way more than anyone else I know (outside of the boards
). And Jul is going to be 7. And I live for her. But I love it. I feel like she is a piece of me that broke off and walks around.
Why does everything have to be so complicated? So, I am trying to feel like normal again. We shall see. I don't know what else to say.
Any change is scary. When you are ready you'll have a chance. So I was watching the music video from the Disney movie, Jump In, and I tried to figure out the ages of the brother and his sister. I figured 17 and 6. So they are 11 years apart. I thought how cool it could be to have kids so far apart that the older could help the younger so much. So maybe that'll be you.
And I love this I love this I love this... 
DH and his dsis are 13 years apart. ANd while Jules is a piece of you, you will feel that with the other baby. Autumn is as much my own as Gabriel. You should see her, she walks like me, talks like me, it's actually a bit scary. She immitates the way i laugh (when i throw my head back) the way i carry a purse (i give her the matching wristlet to my bags!! too cute) EVERYTHING. I love it 
sooo good morning everyone! i was soo grouchy this morning i actually THREW laundry at DH! 
i have been up since 4 with Gabriel off and on. 
and of course now??? well he's sound asleep!!
Someone on the rent/trade board suggested it to us for our 3wk trip in December, but we decided to just stick with POP! 
