Please, do not let trade caution turn to paranoia - Real people get hurt.

[Disney Dreams]

I understand that there have been many a posts lately here about scams that have somehow taken place and people have lost stuff in a trade that somehow went bad.

I FULLY believe that exercising caution and smart trading practices is very important to protect your virtual items. Over a year and a half of playing VMK and being what I would classify as a very active trader, I have never been cheated out of anything - nor cheated anyone. All it takes is caution.

However, I am begging every single one of you to not let this caution turn to paranoia. I recently had a very large trade agreed to by myself and another person. We asked a well known neutral person to assist with the trade. The only reason the trade had yet to occur was schedules that simply did not coincide.

The other person involved in this trade, imho, then let caution and trading smarts get escalated to the point of paranoia. This person decided that s/he did not know if s/he could trust the use of a third party. What kept me from saying I didn't get all my items? What insured that s/he would get my big item in the end? Was s/he offering too much? Did I even truly have the item I agreed to trade? (Let's not get into how personally offensive that 1 was....) Caution is good. Caution to the point of paranoia over virtual items is ridiculous and very hurtful to the other person involved in the trade.

Are there a few "bad apples" out there? Yes. Just like there are everywhere in life. However, at some point in life, you have to trust someone. If you cannot trust a friend that is friends with many of your friends and a "helper" who is from a place that you know many many many people, please, for the sake of everyone else on DIS, make the wise decision and don't ever even offer a trade that is more than 1 window.

I have been more hurt than there are words by this. I have spent honestly countless hours trying to help coordinate trade deals in which friends benefit on both sides and I get absolutely nothing except the thrill of seeing a very happy friend with a new hat, suit, room, or coveted, rare item. I have gifted more things than I can even recall. And I have assisted in trades when someone needed an item held. The fact that anyone out there would think that I would attempt to cheat ANYONE out of what comes down to pixels at the end of the day is so personally hurtful I hope that all of you never experience it.

And it all stems from paranoia due to reading about all the scams of a few who found someone they could successfully trick.

Not everyone out there is out to cheat you. Some of us just have fun trading. Or did at least.... Please - do not let your caution and smarts turn to paranoia. NOTHING good comes from that.

It's real people on the other side of those screens, everyone. And by the way, fake stuff that you can never take with you.

Be careful, but not paranoid. (hmm... maybe that's a bumper sticker.)

- Dreams

 

[seaturtledude]

Well said. I completely agree, do not let caution turn to paranoia.

 

[Goofy05]

I'm sorry you took things so personally, but if ever anyone feels uncomfortable with a trade, it's best to cancel the trade before regretting the decision later, when it can't be reversed. The person you were to trade with may have simply had a change of heart and didn't want to admit it.
Also, just because another player is 'well-known' doesn't automatically make someone else feel safe with a large trade. Personally, if the items traded won't fit into one trade window, I won't trade at all...unless the next trade windows are all items I can afford to lose. There are too many things that can go wrong. A ban, a crash or a lost item. Yes, I've lost items in my own inventory, I know it can happen.

I am very selective with trading, which may put me in that category of "paranoid". However, I do gift frequently. I prefer it. It is, as you said, only pixels.

Try to see things from the other person's perspective. I don't think it was personal and I don't think they were necessarily paranoid about trading, just nervous about possibly not getting the best trade they could.
Just my opinion, of course.

 

[pinkgalYall]

Aww, I'm sorry that happened Jegrezo.

I know many people do let this happen to them, but there really is nothing we can do about it, just hope they trun around.

 

[DonaldDuck4LifeDUCK]

I'm sorry if I sound stupid or annoying, but what does paranoia mean?

 

[aengus]

I'm sorry if I sound stupid or annoying, but what does paranoia mean?

dont you have google on that tv thing in front of you?

haha just teasin, here is what webster says it means.

a tendency on the part of an individual or group toward excessive or irrational suspiciousness and distrustfulness of others

and in english that means, like, dont trust anyone and without a valid reason for that mistrust.

 

[mtlhddoc2]

I am of the Stone Cold Steve Austin School of DTA

I literally do not trust anyone beyond a certain point. I have never been proven wrong either in all 37 years of my life.

 

[DonaldDuck4LifeDUCK]

dont you have google on that tv thing in front of you?

haha just teasin, here is what webster says it means.

a tendency on the part of an individual or group toward excessive or irrational suspiciousness and distrustfulness of others

and in english that means, like, dont trust anyone and without a valid reason for that mistrust.

LOL thanks for the in english part
THanks aengus

 

[Disney Dreams]

Seaturtle - exactly

Mimi - Just erased my reply to your post. It's pretty simple: You can be paranoid and never trade - or you can set up the safest possible trade situation and realize not everyone on VMK is out to mess you over and have fun.

Pink - yep, but it hurts when you realize someone thinks someone you are 1 of the bad guys

Donald and Aengus - ok, thank you! I needed that laugh badly!

Doc - Agreed. Caution. Not paranoid that everyone is out to somehow scam you.

Thanks for contributing to what I think is a pretty important discussion that affects everyone in VMK with the fear of getting scammed - in a playground where MOST ppl really are good peeps.

 

[Loves Disney]

I don't think getting upset at people for not willing to take part in a third party trade is being unfair or paranoid. I think that it may, perhaps, be their method of trading cautiously. I know that I wouldn't take part in a third party trade no matter how well I *knew* the "avatar". Yeah, I know there is an actual person behind the screen of that character, but that is all I know. A decent trade that I would take part in is one between two people and two people only. It assures me that I am in control of what is being handed over and what is being recieved. With a multiplayer online game holding thousands of players, I can only rely on myself when it comes down to playing the game. I'm not being paranoid, I'm playing the way I feel most comfortable and the way I feel is the smartest for me.

While this method of trading may work for you, it doesn't for everyone and just because people refuse to play this way does not make them too paranoid. It's true, the world isn't out to get everyone, but I would pay big bucks to whoever could point out each individual who is out there to make trouble. No one can be sure who is playing fair and who isn't so you have to have a level of caution when you go to interact with people. You don't have to call everyone out as a cheater or a scammer, but you don't have to go to them with open arms either. While the items are just pixels, clearly people care to have them. Live and let live. Someone else's way of play may not be what another's is.

 

[hdmonkeybug]

I don't think getting upset at people for not willing to take part in a third party trade is being unfair or paranoid. I think that it may, perhaps, be their method of trading cautiously. I know that I wouldn't take part in a third party trade no matter how well I *knew* the "avatar". Yeah, I know there is an actual person behind the screen of that character, but that is all I know. A decent trade that I would take part in is one between two people and two people only. It assures me that I am in control of what is being handed over and what is being recieved. With a multiplayer online game holding thousands of players, I can only rely on myself when it comes down to playing the game. I'm not being paranoid, I'm playing the way I feel most comfortable and the way I feel is the smartest for me.

While this method of trading may work for you, it doesn't for everyone and just because people refuse to play this way does not make them too paranoid. It's true, the world isn't out to get everyone, but I would pay big bucks to whoever could point out each individual who is out there to make trouble. No one can be sure who is playing fair and who isn't so you have to have a level of caution when you go to interact with people. You don't have to call everyone out as a cheater or a scammer, but you don't have to go to them with open arms either. While the items are just pixels, clearly people care to have them. Live and let live. Someone else's way of play may not be what another's is.

While I have to agree with you, if this person agreed to this in the first place and also agreed to the person, it could be taken very personally if this person then backs out, using the possibilty of a problem be the reason. If it was all agreed upon and then the person backs out for whatever reason, they should just say they changed their mind rather than say things that make the other person feel accused.

 

[SorcererDonald16]

I hate to make it sound so simple, but in my mind it all boils down to you have to have very thick skin to trade in this game a lot of times. Because trading is so egged on by VMK by virtue of "keeping things rare," it is more often than not upsetting rather than enjoyable to me, but not for anything like the example you're giving. I personally have never used a third person in a trade, but if needed, there are a couple of leaders and our Mods here whom I would trust. I just think these days, no matter what type of trade it is, you have to be prepared that you might very well get your feelings hurt, even by people you know. I have been driven to tears myself, but over things traders have said to me when I'm trying to get certain items. I simply do not have a thick enough skin to trade a lot, and when I'm looking for something, the process is about as pleasant as a root canal to me oftentimes. Scammers certainly have not helped things. It doesn't take away the disappointment, but I think these days, it is more and more the nature of the trading beast. Sad, isn't it?

to all of you traders who have far thicker skin that I do. And sorry things didn't work out, Dreams.