Planning a trip in middle of medical uncertainity???

[dprincessmom]

Hello my name is DPrincessMom and I am a planner. Typically by now the resort and tickets have been booked, trip planning with reservations and excitement in full swing.

But this isn't a typical year at my house, my DH was having issues last fall that we thought were going to be an easy fix. After passing out, and numerous tests we were told he has brain cancer. They performed the surgery to remove the tumor mid October. We are about to wrap up the first round of radiation and Chemo. We have been told from the start his cancer is treatable, but not curable and it will return.

DD and I love love love all things Disney and DH puts up with us. He has hinted that we should plan a trip but part of me isn't certain. When we go WDW, DD and I do parks and he will go explore the train lines that run through the quiet parts of Central Florida. As the tumor has impacted some of his vision (although not enough to require he can't drive at all) he isn't comfortable driving right now, which would leave him to hang out at the resort, people watch and rest.

So asking my fellow DISers, have you been in this type of situation where you know one member of your party isn't going to be up for much of a vacation, but still wants to go. What did you do? Regrets/highlights from that trip?

 

[kwdw]

Tough call. When on a short family trip (just a 4 day weekend and just to the beach a few hours from home) when I was a young adult when my father's health was failing. The trip did make it clear to me that he was not the vibrant, active father figure in my life that he had been - BUT - I'm also glad we all went as a family. It was our last full family trip. It's a bit of a bittersweet memory. But I'm really glad I have it.

The hard part with treatable cancer but not curable cancer - you never really know how long that means. It could be YEARS, it could be months. You never really know how the person will feel in 2 months, 3 months, 6 months, one year, two years.

If you don't book as a package, resort rooms can be canceled just 5 days in advance. Tickets stay valid as long as you don't activate them by using them. That makes those two components of the trip not a financial risk. Now - you didn't mention if you would drive or fly. Not sure which you would do. I fly Southwest - and those tickets are refundable if you follow the rules.

But I think the hardest part is understanding your husband needs. Does he still really want to go himself? Is he okay with going because its important to him to make you and your DD happy - and that's why he values your still planning the trip? That's the conversation only you can have with him. My partner sometimes does things for me that aren't a high priority for him - to make me happy - and that makes HIM happy. And he's pretty good at only saying yes when he really means it. Others aren't like that and say yes but really regret it. We don't know him.....

Good luck!

 

[brinkley07]

I would book the resort and wait to buy your tickets. Usually Disney will let you add anything onto a room reservation up until close before you go, but when you add you pay it all in full. We added the dining plan on 4 days before arrival at our trip last month. If you are concerned you could even just buy tickets once you got there. Having the room early will save you money and give you the 5 day window and the package savings for the tickets isn't huge vs buying a multi day park hopper. It may give you the peace of mind of booking and planning, but having an out in case your DH doesn't feel up to going when the time arrives. He may want to go on this trip as a nice time with the family, or as the previous poster stated he may be more into making you happy. I think time will provide you the answers you are looking for. Good luck!

 

[TwoMisfits]

Hello my name is DPrincessMom and I am a planner. Typically by now the resort and tickets have been booked, trip planning with reservations and excitement in full swing.

But this isn't a typical year at my house, my DH was having issues last fall that we thought were going to be an easy fix. After passing out, and numerous tests we were told he has brain cancer. They performed the surgery to remove the tumor mid October. We are about to wrap up the first round of radiation and Chemo. We have been told from the start his cancer is treatable, but not curable and it will return.

DD and I love love love all things Disney and DH puts up with us. He has hinted that we should plan a trip but part of me isn't certain. When we go WDW, DD and I do parks and he will go explore the train lines that run through the quiet parts of Central Florida. As the tumor has impacted some of his vision (although not enough to require he can't drive at all) he isn't comfortable driving right now, which would leave him to hang out at the resort, people watch and rest.

So asking my fellow DISers, have you been in this type of situation where you know one member of your party isn't going to be up for much of a vacation, but still wants to go. What did you do? Regrets/highlights from that trip?

Maybe instead of a "Disney, Disney, Disney trip", you book a trip that lets everyone have a little of what they like - maybe you only plan 1-2 days in the parks and you spend 1-2 days exploring the train lines your husband loved as a family. And maybe you add on a new experience or two that fits something you all would enjoy, making new memories - maybe a beach day, maybe a museum day, who knows? But he'll probably be happy to hang out a day or two while you get the "Disney fix" and you and your daughter will be happy to spend some time making memories with him...

 

[chris31997]

I really like what TwoMisfits suggested. It gives you a chance to do something as a family building memories, working within your hubby's possible limitations, and exposing you all to something new. It gives you an excuse to take this trip differently and slowly

 

[Accident]

I also agree, I think this is one where you need to be really clear on what he is looking for out of this and make sure you enjoy this time together so it can't all be about disney unless he wants it to be. Also take some time to explore what he did if you've never done it and give the family those moments too.

 

[dprincessmom]

Thanks all - I really feel he is just pushing the planning of the trip to make us happy. Will have to mull this over a while more before we do anything.

 

[kirstenb1]

I'd go in a different direction. Let dh know you want to plan a family vacation, but have him choose the destination.

 

[scdak]

I like TwoMisfits ideas too. But think about it, maybe he is saying to plan it because he knows how much it makes you and your DD loves and because he loves the two of you he wants you to be happy? Maybe he wants to go and just relax and forget about the real world for just a little while? Maybe he wants to make special memories for the 3 of you that you will cherish in what I hope are MANY, MANY years from now? And although I like kirstenb1's suggestion - what are the chances he is going to pick any other destination for a family trip besides WDW since he knows how special it is to you?

 

[scrapquitler]

Hello my name is DPrincessMom and I am a planner. Typically by now the resort and tickets have been booked, trip planning with reservations and excitement in full swing.

But this isn't a typical year at my house, my DH was having issues last fall that we thought were going to be an easy fix. After passing out, and numerous tests we were told he has brain cancer. They performed the surgery to remove the tumor mid October. We are about to wrap up the first round of radiation and Chemo. We have been told from the start his cancer is treatable, but not curable and it will return.

DD and I love love love all things Disney and DH puts up with us. He has hinted that we should plan a trip but part of me isn't certain. When we go WDW, DD and I do parks and he will go explore the train lines that run through the quiet parts of Central Florida. As the tumor has impacted some of his vision (although not enough to require he can't drive at all) he isn't comfortable driving right now, which would leave him to hang out at the resort, people watch and rest.

So asking my fellow DISers, have you been in this type of situation where you know one member of your party isn't going to be up for much of a vacation, but still wants to go What did you do? Regrets/highlights from that trip?

If he wants to go, I'd go. I'd probably plan to do Disney, and he could relax and do whatever for part of the time, and then some of the days, I'd drive him around to do the kind of thing he likes to do like visiting the trains. And I'd buy the best travel insurance that I could find, just in case something happens and his condition/travel ability changes.

 

[TwoMisfits]

I should add...I have experience with this. My family was going on a 2 week trip to Disney when my dad had emergency surgery and was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer 4 weeks out. We all wanted to cancel, but my dad was adamant we go. He and the docs said he couldn't start chemo til he was fully recovered from surgery and that was gonna be 6 weeks anyway, so he convinced us and we went. We did 7 low key, slow days of parks (and of these, on the 2 water park days, my dad stayed home) and 7 down days (we never did 2 days in a row) in our offsite condo...we played hours of the card game bridge, played some fun family board games, played some arcade games, played mini golf, went to the movies and Downtown Disney, went to Wolfgang Puck's for about the only meal my dad really ate and loved all trip, enjoyed evening swim times out of the sun, and enjoyed my dad. It was the last trip I ever took with my dad (since chemo ultimately did not work) and the 1st I took with my husband (who had never been). It is still one of the best memories of my life. It was not the trip I originally planned to have with all of my siblings and parents, but it was the perfect one for where we were. I wouldn't have changed a thing.

I mentioned new memories above b/c the best memory was treating my family (with my brother's help) to a honest-to-God upscale dinner (we were raised on a single income and I was only 22 on this trip, so none of us were making real money yet) at Wolfgang Puck's. It was the 1st signature meal any of us had ever had in Orlando (while I had done this a lot in my new home after getting a real job, I knew my parents and younger sibs hadn't). It was also the 1st Disney trip we ever took time to go to the movies (or to play entire afternoons of cards), which was a fun way for all of us to get back together again...

 

[Pesky]

If he wants to go, I'd probably go. I'd involve him on planning because, given the situation, he might want to go with you guys, even if it is to just ride a few rides and just be there with you both. And agree about adding some other stuff in that he might enjoy more. I know as hard as it was for my aunt to get to the beach after her stroke and while undergoing chemo, she loved every minute of it. So get good trip insurance and have a wonderful time. Thoughts and prayers for you all.

 

[BeccaM]

So asking my fellow DISers, have you been in this type of situation where you know one member of your party isn't going to be up for much of a vacation, but still wants to go. What did you do? Regrets/highlights from that trip?

I have been reading the boards for months (we leave for Disney in 4 days - squeee!) but am posting for the first time so that I can respond to you.

edited: I had a really long message, but second guessed posting so much personal information, so I am trimming it down to this:

We are off to Disney on Saturday with our 7 year old and 2 year old. It is our second trip since my husband's brain cancer diagnosis (he was diagnosed at 29 in 2011, and it has come back once so far - we are in the same boat of treatable but not curable). My main advice is to make sure that you plan a true family vacation. Don't plan a vacation where you won't be spending most of your time together. And don't plan vacation for while he is on chemo or the first few months following his last round.

So sorry to hear that your family has to go through this. I know how much it sucks. (to put it mildly) Please let me know if I can ever be a resource for you.