Planning a multi-family trip ... help!

[alleghator]

I thought I posted something about this a few weeks ago, but it kept giving me errors, and it doesn't show up in my past posts, so maybe it never happened (guess that's why I didn't get any feedback! )

We're planning our first "With Kids" WDW trip. My really wonderful (and generous) MIL is giving us the trip (week at her timeshare, park tickets, airfare...). She's also giving the same deal to my SIL (single mom with 1 ADHD daughter, she may bring a friend and her child, as well). I love my husband's family and get along with them just wonderfully. But ... I've heard a lot about potential problems about Disney vacationing with family.

My family of four will be one side of adjoining timeshares. SIL and her daughter (or group) will have their own (smaller) side. I want to have things pretty open between us, since our living space and dining area will be much larger than hers, but I want to have some privacy, and generally set us all up for a successful vacation.

What topics should we discuss in advance? How do I handle things like wanting our own space to vacation with our kids and not always as a group? Rental car(s)? Groceries? SIL is starting a new nursing program right now and is overwhelmed, so she's letting me (the Type A Personality Trip Planner) do all the research at this point. But when it comes to later making ADRs and finalizing itineraries ... how do we handle this?

Bottom line ... how do I increase my chances of having a wonderful vacation for my own family, enjoying the company of my SIL, while ensuring we'll all still like each other when we get home???

Thanks in advance!
--Heidi

 

[fitgirlFL]

Well I have gone on two trips with family. First was with my brother, his wife and two kids as well as my parents and my sister, her husband and their son. We rented a vacation home.

The first problem was that my sister got there first and took the biggest, nicest room. Everybody was a bit upset over this. We were there two weeks and it was hard for us to be stuck in small quarters (really small in comparison) while she took it upon herself to take the nicest room. If it had been discussed and agreed upon beforehand then fine, but just taking and not asking ruffled a few feathers. We all had seperate cars thankfully and while we tried to start out going the same places and sticking together it didn't work out. Everyone needs their own space to do what they want to do, when they want to do it. By the end of the first week we were all fighting. And sharing the house was a bad idea, espcecially with the kitchen. My sister threw a fit because somebody supposedly drank some of her milk - stuff like that. It was too close for comfort, too much togertherness.

Our second trip was myself, my parents, my sister and her son (a hyperactive monster to say the least). Well this time we stayed in a time share. My parents and I on one side, my sister on the side. That worked out fine. She stayed in her part, we stuck to ours. It's nice to want to share, but I think it's better to have your own space that's yours and yours alone. And no fighting over food this time either.

The problem came in the parks. My sister is nuts over her son and wanted to spend the whole time catering to him, seeing only what he wanted to see in other words. So if you had something you wanted to see, well tough because she wasn't interested. We wanted to browse the stores in Epcot, she wanted no part of that. Well, the rest of us got a little tired of following after them and the fighting began. Again, you really need the time to go your seperate ways. We took only one car to the parks each day which was a mistake. We got in a fight one day and she decided she wanted to leave. This was in the middle of the afternoon and with only the one car we all ended up having to leave.

Other problems, being hungry and my sister not wanting to stop to eat. Or not being able to agree upon where to eat. We were tired some days and wanted to just go back to the hotel to sleep. But my sister wanted to keep going. My poor parents are nearly 70 and she just wouldn't slow down. We were in the parks since 9 am and in the heat all day but at nearly midnight she wanted to keep going.

Overall, it's fine to maybe plan to do a few things together but I think you really need to just do your own thing most of the time. Maybe have a few meals together, spend an afternoon together, but otherwise it's too hard to please everybody. We all have different energy levels, different interests, and so forth. If you keep that in mind then I think you should be fine.

I would suggest you keep your living space seperate and get two cars. Maybe agree to meet up together a few times, but keep your touring seperate. It works much better that way. You'll enjoy the limited time together rather than be fuming over having to spend another minute together.

 

[SamanthaL]

First off I have plenty of experience with the big family trip. I would highly recommend keeping your room "YOUR room." I would not open it up for them to use. It gives them the freedom to come and go and they may not see when you need alone time and intrude not meaning to.
We always make it a rule that the itinerary is set but anyone can change their minds at any time. It is not set in stone. I would let SIL know that she should not feel badly if you and your family decide to stay by the pool instead and vice versa.
As far as dining goes, I would just give a couple of choices depending on where you plan to be. In one instance we are going to Epcot and want to try different countries so we are splitting up and dining at the same time in different places.

I would just be upfront that alone is as important to you as group time and they both need to be worked into the itinerary. I had to do this with my good friend. She is staying a little longer than planned and I let her know the last 2 days are for my family alone. She understood and is going to spend time enjoying time with just her family. Good luck.

 

[Gooofy-Blade]

Agree on spending limits for kids or simply discuss concepts regarding purchases...i.e. you may not want to pay $20 for something and tell your child no, yet the other child ends up with it and you are in a pickle. Be aware of each others feelings on this and try to explain to the kids prior to the trip that all things may not be equal. I could go on but you'll get the idea!

 

[jann1033]

you need to find out if the second group is willing to go with your "flow" or has lots of ideas of their own..went one on trip where the familyloved i planned everything so on another trip assumed another family would feel the same ...nope didn't work out that way, they didn't know anything about disney but wanted us to do things according to their schedule which meant getting to parks around noon, being late to every ps. that was a nightmare we could have avoided by talking it out before hand. same with spending every waking hour together just state the case...your sil will have someone else to go with so maybe plan some days or parts of days to do things together, some alone time. Just get it out in the open pre trip so you won't have alot of shocks once you get there.

even though the area is smaller for them i wouldn't really make it "come over any time" cause you might end up with no privacy what so ever. maybe set a time for when the areas willl be public. I think most people will understand and probably like their privacy also

 

[Bellefan66]

I 100% agree with SamanthaL,keep the rooms seperate.You will definetly need your space.I'd also make it a point to tell her that this is ALL of your vacation,and you do NOT need to be connected at the hip. I might even suggest,going to the parks,and setting a time,say lunch or dinner and all be together.Or say,"There are a few rides or shows we would love to hang out with you on". That way she'll know you don't plan on being w/ her and her family EVERY step of the way. I think a few hrs of dinner,and some rides together is enough. You really are going to want special time w/your own family,and come nighttime,you'll be wiped out,and really will need your space. Good luck.

 

[Amy&Dan]

When you say timeshare does this mean DVC or offsite? If you are staying offsite I would really recommend separate rental cars. That way if somebody needs to leave early, the other family does not have to leave as well. It sounds like you will have a possibilty of 8 people so separate cars is probably the only option anyway. If you are staying at DVC or a place that has transportation that will make it much easier to split up if you do end up with just one car.

I would also recommend really getting on the same page with your dining choices. Go to Allears.net to get menus and prices. Find the places you want to eat and then share with your sister your ideas. If she doesn't like your choices due to price or selection you can then decide how many meals you will eat together etc. Some people are fine eating counterservice every meal, some people prefer sit downs and expensive meals. Since dining is a big part of a Disney trip that probably needs to be worked out before you go!

I took a trip with my brother, his wife, twin daughters and his mother in law as well as my parents to Disneyland last December. Mostly it was wonderful but at times during that trip I really wondered what drug I was taking when I suggested the whole thing! It can be really hard to tour a park with that many people with the age range (3 to 80) we had. I love my sister in law dearly but my kids have a tendancy to get on her nerves, she is a control freak and easily stressed out so at times I knew she was about to blow. Very stressful. I felt like DH and I spent a whole lot of time catering to her moods so that everybody could be happy and not fighting. We took a beach vacation with the same group (minus brother's mil) in June and it was the same deal. I have come to the sad conclusion I probably just can't travel with my sil anymore. Very sad for me because my brother and I are extremely close and I adore my nieces. But I love travelling with my parents and in fact they are coming to WDW with us in October and I can't wait! So in that respect the group trip was great last December because I realized I can travel very successfully with some members of my family.

I guess my point is that if there are issues between you and sil in everyday life they won't go away at WDW, so be realistic. If you have always enjoyed your time together before, you probablywill now. I think communication prior to and during the trip is the key. Since I don't have much luck talking with my sil, and pretty much walk on eggshells with her all the time it was no different at Disney. Never again but I am glad we tried it. It was still fun and it was wonderful for my parents to have the grandkids with them at Disneyland. Good luck!

 

[LynnTH]

A few years ago we went with my family. There was 12 of us all together. My my DH and DS who at the time was 2. Then I had my parents and both my brothers and SIL's and then 3 nieces and nephews (and I was pregnant). We stayed at the All Star Movies. We had connecting rooms. We would all get up in the morning and go eat some breakfast (if we chose to) then we would all get on the bus and head to a park. When we got there we would split up and just set a time to meet back - maybe at the park or maybe back at the hotel. This worked out great since I was pregnant and had a 2 year old we couldn't do a lot of the big rides so we mostly hung out with my parents and just did our own thing. The rest ususally went together as their kids were older. We all got along great and had a wonderful trip. One day half of the family went to Sea World and we chose to just stay at the hotel and relax and have a pool day. We would usually eat dinners together and hang out at night, but the rest we all kind of did our own thing. It would have been way too hard to try and keep everyone together and doing the same things.

 

[It's A Happy Day]

In the planning stages myself. I have done all the planning, setting up ADR's, etc. There are me, dh, DD3, & DS4 in my party, my mother and a highschool girlfriend in her room, and my inlaws - both MIL & FIL in their room. We are staying onsite in the Value resorts. We all have separate rooms - not adjoining so that we can each have our own space - this can pretty important if you have kids that need to nap or you just want to rest as you don't want interuptions.
It has been discussed and my inlaws pretty much plan on going with the flow (they are there only to see their only grandchild experience the magic.) My mother on the other hand has already started with I would want to do this or that. I finally told all involved that this is our family vacation, not a weekend at the beach. We are going at the flow and ebb of our 2 small children and doing what they want. If they need a break, a nap, to eat, or want to go left when you want to go right then we follow them. I am not spending $$$ to fight or listen to others complain that they did not do what they want. If you do not want to go at this pace then you can do your own thing. The only group plan I made was when I made our ADR's I made them for the total party # - if they eat with us there is room but if not then that is fine too. By the way, I said it alot nicer than it reads here. During this conversation my mother said "oh, we were planning to do some of the backlot tours anyway so we will meet up with you to do some things but we plan on going our own way most of the time too.
By having "the talk" way in advance everyone in the group knows before getting there that if they want to follow each other and spend all the time together great but if you want to do something different due to different tasates, likes, dislikes, afraid of the dark, roller coasters, have children who would not be able to participate, etc. It's okay. Everyones idea of a magical experience is not the same.

 

[alleghator]

This has been a great thread for me!

Some clarification -- the timeshare is my MIL's at Westgate Town Center. So, we're going to get two rental cars. There will be four in my family, and SIL and her daughter (and maybe a friend and child, as well).

We've vacationed together before (a classic Ocean City, NJ Shore House a few years back), so I know we're relatively compatible.

But, this is Disney World. This is the big-time.

I emailed her a little bit ago based on your posts, and she's already written me back. She (lovingly) told me I'm a freakish overplanner. Tell me something I don't know, right? She also reassured me on a few points, agreeed with me almost entirely.

Her big planning dilemma at this point is who to bring along with her. She wants to bring her boyfriend, but he doesn't have any kids. So, her daughter would then want to spend lots more time with her cousins (my kids). Or, she may invite a friend who has a child, too. I know she really wants to bring the boyfriend, but she's trying to think of the overall group and knows having a buddy for her daughter would be helpful. We'll see. She knows it will affect me, too, so she's keeping me in the loop (which is awfully considerate).

So ... I think we're building up to a good time overall. The lines of communication are WIDE open, which is always a good thing. Next step is to show her my (overplanned) itinerary and planned ADRs and see which (if any) she wants in on.

Thanks for all your help! If you think of anything else, please keep posting!

--Heidi