Picture of my DF

[Blueeyes101817]

just wanted to say thanks for sharing the pics..and im glad that you are happy

 

[I_Know_You2!]

Originally posted by Amberle3
Very well put. I was tempted to say it myself.

I can say, from a been-there-done-that perspective that even very young kids know when they don't want to be around someone, even if that someone is a parent. Now since I know NOTHING about this particular situation I'm obviously not saying that's the case here.

But for those that are stuck on the "the children should spend time with their father no matter what" track, well believe me sometimes THAT is a cruel punishment.

Since most of us have no clue what the situation here is, I'd suggest not making assumptions.

And sometimes the whole "kids are happy if I am happy" is just a way to justify being a selfish person. It all came about in the pop psychology of the seventies when people wanted an excuse to get divorced and not take into account what was best for the kids. It has been shown to be a bunch of crap. Most kids want to spend time with their parents even if they are S.O.B.'s. That is why abused children want to stay in the home. Usually when kids do not want to spend time with the absent parent it is because the custodial parent does not know how to keep their mouth shut and gives unsuitable information to the child.

As for this situation I don't know honeywolf. I don't know anything about her except what is in this thread. My comment was about one general idea. And I am certain she cares very little about what some lame brain on a computer 3000 miles away!

I do hope that what is being done for her kids is the best for them. And I don't give a damn whether either parent likes it if it is what is best for the child.

So, I would suggest that assumptions go both ways. By the way, I am assuming that you were the miserable child in this situation, and am sorry that you had to go through such punishment.

 

[goofygirl]

There is something to be said about older men.........enjoy

Hey Dan, I see you liked this quote, being an "older man"!

, sometimes children are better off without their biological father

I totally agree, as a child who was better off without her biological father.

 

[JerseyJanice]

Beautiful pictures, Becki.

Thank you for sharing them with us.

I wish you much joy and peace.

 

[floridaminnie]

Becki, if you are happy good for you.

I do think those pictures were posted for a different reason though. Call me a cyntic in my "old" age, but I think there is much more to the story then this thread tells.

I agree with the other poster's about the biologicial parents if they are horrible shouldn't be involved in the kids' lives. But dragging your kids from one relationship to another and moving almost a thousand miles away to another place isn't healthy either. At some point a parent HAS to put the kids' needs before theirs. Stability is good for a child and consitency. The uprooting of one male role model to another is not good either.

I know this from two different perspectives. As an educator I see it everyday in my classroom. When mom and/or dad are jumping from one bf/gf to the next, the child doesn't know if they are coming or going.

I also know this b/c my ex is a jerk and I have a DD who means the world to me. She sees her father every once in awhile b/c I have to. He still has his rights and it kills me that the inconstincy that he sees her. As for me dating. She'll meet the guy after I"m serious. So far she's seen zero boyfriends. I have NOT moved for a guy and won't unless a marriage is impending and I know the guy.

 

[tiggersmom2]

Originally posted by floridaminnie
Becki, if you are happy good for you.

I do think those pictures were posted for a different reason though.

ITA with this

 

[Disney01]

Some of the posters who don't know the history are also jumping to conclusions. Many people on this board are very nice...sometimes too nice, really. When someone is unstable and has proven it many times, it's hard to say "Wow, that's great!" When what really needs to be said is, "Becky, I can't believe you moved your kids into what may be yet another unstable situation for someone you met only two months ago." Every man you've talked about has been "the one", and your kids have been jerked around by you and your ex many times. I feel sorry for your children, and I hope you get counseling and can one day start living a more stable life for yourself and your children. So, before posters start pointing out that many of us are "jealous", I think they need to look at the entire situation.

 

[Amberle3]

Originally posted by I_Know_You2!
Most kids want to spend time with their parents even if they are S.O.B.'s. That is why abused children want to stay in the home.

I really, really shouldn't respond to this, but I have to.

Yes, not only was I in the situation, but I also have a psychology degree and spent several years working with psychologists (as in actually WORKING with, not in treatment).

Your statement is just not true.

Abused kids do not want to stay in any abusive situations. If they felt safe to leave then they should Abusers do a fantastic job of convicing children that awful, terrible things will happen to them if they tell or act against them in anyway. Children are often told by the abuser that if the family is broken apart that the children will be placed in foster care and will never see the other parent or their siblings again. Sometimes they're threatened with brutality. And many times the abused kids are basically brainwashed into believing that there's something wrong with them, that they're somehow bad/defective and deserve the abuse.

Many abused kids also continue to harbour the hope that somehow, at some point, some miracle will happen and the abuse will stop and their parent will actually treat them with kindess and love.

I have a friend who's in her 40's who was abused as a child. She distanced herself from her father as a teenager and adult, only around him as much as necessary. He died suddenly a few years ago, and she went through a tremendous period of guilt and grief. All this time there had been some little part of her that was hoping beyond hope that he would become a loving father, and they would actually be able to have a relationship. Now that he was dead, that possibly was gone forever. And to some extent her blamed herself, that if only she had tried harder then perhaps...

The human mind is a remarkable thing. The capacity we have for understanding, for protecting ourselves, and unfortunately for manipulating others is astounding.

 

[IceQueen777]

Call me a cynic also, but I doubt the kids are living with her. Hence the reason for not being able to post pics of the kids, but having no problem finding pics of herself and her latest man...

I wish you would get help, Becki, and learn how to be alone and on your own. It would benefit you and the kids to do this.

 

[luvindisneyworld]

I also agree with the last few posts.I just hope the kids are not with her.I could not imagine meeting a man over twice my age and spending very little ime with him and picking up and moving in with him and if she does have the kids wonder what they are thinking.She has said this about all of her past relationships.I just cant even believe this.

 

[Antonia]

Amen, Disney01. Couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by Amberle3
I really, really shouldn't respond to this, but I have to.

Yes, not only was I in the situation, but I also have a psychology degree and spent several years working with psychologists (as in actually WORKING with, not in treatment).

Your statement is just not true....

Thank you! I didn't want to say it. I'm glad you did because I wanted to but I've already spoken my mind in this thread.

(someone else who spent 6 years studying psychology and sociology and has degrees in both)

 

[Alice in Cleveland]

Wow! Congrats to you! I can tell that he's a good guy. My husband would FREAK if I posted a topless picture of him on the net!

 

[Pooh Girl 71]

HW,
I don't know you from Adam. I could care less that you are in love with an older man. Age is all a state of mind IMO. If you are happy, then that is great.

However, I am completely and totally worried about your children. Doing a bit of searching here and it seems you have found "THE ONE" every couple of months. If your children are indeed with you in FL, why on earth would you move them in with some strange man you JUST met? Who watches them while you are working?

I honestly think you need some help and need to get your priorities straight. I wish you would seek counseling.

Good luck and God bless your children.