Parents of preteen girls-would this bother you?

[susykt4]

I'm kind of surprised so few people are "coming clean" about their own grade school slumber party antics. I remember many, many incidents with nudity. We had naked shows, we went into the shower in pairs and got naked, we got naked during truth or dare. It stopped after 6th grade when there was too much difference in individual development. I sort of understand that this particular girl has some different issues, but overall, they're a bunch of 10-yr-olds. My daughter will be 10 her next b-day and if she does something similar I will make the girls get dressed and then leave the room and die laughing.

 

[dislaney]

I think the Mom handled it just fine to me.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Nope, wouldn't bother me at all.

I think the mom handled it appropriately. Ending the party or sending the girl home with dad would have been an overreaction. it was all girls in the room and just being silly really.

Exactly. The mom handled it perfectly. Girls being silly, even naked, is par for the course at times. If you don't want to see it, don't ever go into a girls locker room while they are getting changed for a sporting event. They can get silly.

Mom scolded and then moved on. Doing anything more would have been a huge overreaction and put more emphasis and attention on the behavior than just telling them inappropriate and then moving on.


Shhhhhh about the elementary school sleepovers. Us perfect parents never did anything like that

 

[C.Ann]

I wouldn't have stopped the party but I would have given DD a serious talking to about it afterwards. It's not the nudity so much that is worrisome, but the inappropriate dancing? I would be concerned for sure!

--------------------

I agree..

 

[yoopermom]

OP here, and just to assure you, I'm no Puritan, heck my DF came of age in the 60s and he would casually stroll naked from the bath to the bedroom most of my growing up years. I completely understand getting changed into swimsuits all in same room, etc. J is just one of those girls who's extremely jealous of her older sister getting to wear a bra, shave her legs, etc. No matter how much her DM tells her that there's an age that's appropriate for all that, J still pushes the limit of wanting to "grow up fast".

I'm sticking with my boy!
Terri

 

[WDWtraveler27]

OP here, and just to assure you, I'm no Puritan, heck my DF came of age in the 60s and he would casually stroll naked from the bath to the bedroom most of my growing up years. I completely understand getting changed into swimsuits all in same room, etc. J is just one of those girls who's extremely jealous of her older sister getting to wear a bra, shave her legs, etc. No matter how much her DM tells her that there's an age that's appropriate for all that, J still pushes the limit of wanting to "grow up fast".

I'm sticking with my boy!
Terri

we are much simpler! XD

 

[LuvOrlando]

This made me think of a neighbor with girls i know, and some other families with siblings of all one gender. Whether they are all boys or all girls the personal boundaries in these homes seem to be less strictly observed than in an average boy-girl home. For example, I have a friend with 3 boys and they sleep in the nude and walk all over the house in their underwear, beat the crud out of each other and routinely have gross out contests at the dinner table. I also have a friend with 2 girls who never shut the bathroom door and stripped bare in front of a room full of my DS's friends once while trying to get into my DD's play clothes.

While I do not think the girl deserves punishment I hope your sister recognizes that the way they are raising the girl is not going to be tolerated in society at large. They can do what they want in their home but someone has got to sit these kids down and make them see that there are certain rules at home and other rules in public and that if they refuse to honor socially acceptable behavior there will be social consequences. I know if my DD10 came home with a story like this she'd think the kid was weird, I'd think the kid was weird and I'd be very suspicious of the parents. At 10 this is probably going to be talked about in the playground and by other parents at the bus stop. Right or wrong I'm just being honest. Boundaries are important and a kid without them is a recipe for trouble. BTW, it's not that the kid is a bad kid... it's just that no normal parent wants their 10 year old getting naked with a group of friends.

 

[luvmy3]

My DF has two DD: "M" 13, my goddaughter, a good kid and easy to be around, and "J" who just turned 10. For "J"'s bday, they rented a hotel family suite for mom, her and 4 of her friends. While mom was in the family room area starting a movie, "J" talked two of her friends into joining her in the whirlpool (in the room) NAKED and dancing, well, let's say, inappropriately. (They had swimsuits with them since the hotel had a pool.) When mom walked back into the bed/bath area, she scolded J, made them all get dressed, and continued the evening.

Now my DM and I were discussing this, and knowing that J tends to be kind of a showoff/attention wanter/aware of her "girlness" if you will, we think that J's mom should have either called her DH and had him come and take J home as punishment, or just taken them all home and called it a night.

We're going to MYOB, but if you were the parent of her or one of the other girls involved, would you think it was all innocent fun or wrong, and if you think it was wrong, what do you think should have been done?

Thank GOD I have a boy, he just pounded on his DFs at that age, never got naked with them.

Terri

I don't see this as a big deal unless the inappropriate dancing was pole dancing lessons. It just sounds like silly innocent girl behavior. IMO, The mom handled it perfect, no need to punish anyone.

 

[disykat]

I hope your sister recognizes that the way they are raising the girl is not going to be tolerated in society at large.

How did the mom (OP's friend) scolding the child and making them immediately put clothes on turn into her choosing to raise her child to act like this?

 

[ThanksForNoticingMe]

This made me think of a neighbor with girls i know, and some other families with siblings of all one gender. Whether they are all boys or all girls the personal boundaries in these homes seem to be less strictly observed than in an average boy-girl home. For example, I have a friend with 3 boys and they sleep in the nude and walk all over the house in their underwear, beat the crud out of each other and routinely have gross out contests at the dinner table. I also have a friend with 2 girls who never shut the bathroom door and stripped bare in front of a room full of my DS's friends once while trying to get into my DD's play clothes.

While I do not think the girl deserves punishment I hope your sister recognizes that the way they are raising the girl is not going to be tolerated in society at large. They can do what they want in their home but someone has got to sit these kids down and make them see that there are certain rules at home and other rules in public and that if they refuse to honor socially acceptable behavior there will be social consequences. I know if my DD10 came home with a story like this she'd think the kid was weird, I'd think the kid was weird and I'd be very suspicious of the parents. At 10 this is probably going to be talked about in the playground and by other parents at the bus stop. Right or wrong I'm just being honest. Boundaries are important and a kid without them is a recipe for trouble. BTW, it's not that the kid is a bad kid... it's just that no normal parent wants their 10 year old getting naked with a group of friends.

I don't understand what the big deal is. Sounds like the girls were just having a little bit of innocent fun. What is so strange about girls or women being nude in front of other females? What about showering after gym class or when girls who play sports shower with thier teamates...they are nude then too. Is that also taboo?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

So the birthday girl should have been sent home even though her other friends joined in the fun? Really? Did she forcibly remove their clothing? Clearly she didn't so I would gather that the girls were just being silly. As for the dancing, well, you weren't there so how would you really know? Maybe the kid is a little "mature" for her age and of course that is something to notice but this incident in general is nothing that I would stress about. I have watched "A Wedding Story" and seen grown women taking a tub together in the jacuzzi to unwind before the big day. (I remember because I would not want to bathe with my friends) To some people it is not a big deal. Oh- and I have boys and girls and none of them have any modesty.

 

[LuvOrlando]

It is a big deal because any time you have a kid acting totally out of wack with other kids he/she gets teased. Unless nudity and frolicking with prepubescent friends is commonplace where the family lives i think it's going to be perceived as a problem by the other parents when they hear about it. These aren't toddlers, my 10 yr old NEEDS a bra and is on the cusp of flat out puberty so I would be REALLY upset if my DD went to a friends party and came home telling me her & her friends stripped down and went into a tub together while in the care of other adults.

Also, according to the OP this isn't the first time, according to the OP, that this kid's behavior has caused a stir of some kind. If the teacher notices it then the kids notice it and the kids will talk about it and tell their parents then the parents will talk about it. I have a 10 year old girl and something like this would set off a pretty big deal even if DD wasn't there and just heard about it, as in everyone would be talking about it. The event may not have been a huge deal but I'm pretty sure the fall out will be big. I actually feel bad for the little girl.

As for the parents, I don't want to make them out to be bad because maybe they see it as harmless just like some of you do. But, there is a problem when one person's harmless is viewed as flat out creepy by other parents. Somewhere this kid got the idea this is an ok option. Other parents are probably going to assume that this message came from the parents, either because they are nudists, the family is weird or because the parents are too permissive. If my DD was around them none of the options would be tolerable.

So, if you want call me a prude, but this Mom of a 10 year old girl stands by my original opinion 100%, 10 year old girls are WAY too old for this and should know better and if the kid really doesn't 'get it' the parents need to step up and straighten it out before middle school hits.

 

[MinnieTink]

I actually don't know if the mom was right or too lenient. I can't imagine either of my DDs at any age getting naked with their friends and doing this. In the house, of course, all bets are off, and we have frequent streaking..LOL..but I can't imagine either of my girls doing this.

 

[mjkacmom]

I know if my DD10 came home with a story like this she'd think the kid was weird, I'd think the kid was weird and I'd be very suspicious of the parents. At 10 this is probably going to be talked about in the playground and by other parents at the bus stop. Right or wrong I'm just being honest. Boundaries are important and a kid without them is a recipe for trouble. BTW, it's not that the kid is a bad kid... it's just that no normal parent wants their 10 year old getting naked with a group of friends.

But the friends did it as well - I don't think they're going to talk about it on the playground! I think the girls just thought it was something silly to do. Now, if there were boys involved, I'd be upset, but pre-pubescent girls being naked in front of each other? Not an issue for me.

Edited to add, I definitely remember being a silly teenager and going skinny dipping with my gf's!

 

[chobie]

I'm kind of surprised so few people are "coming clean" about their own grade school slumber party antics. I remember many, many incidents with nudity. We had naked shows, we went into the shower in pairs and got naked, we got naked during truth or dare. It stopped after 6th grade when there was too much difference in individual development. I sort of understand that this particular girl has some different issues, but overall, they're a bunch of 10-yr-olds. My daughter will be 10 her next b-day and if she does something similar I will make the girls get dressed and then leave the room and die laughing.

Yeah, nudity always played a part in all the sleepovers I attended in the 5th grade...

And I would react the same way you would if I had ever caught my dd and friends doing this.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

It is a big deal because any time you have a kid acting totally out of wack with other kids he/she gets teased. Unless nudity and frolicking with prepubescent friends is commonplace where the family lives i think it's going to be perceived as a problem by the other parents when they hear about it. These aren't toddlers, my 10 yr old NEEDS a bra and is on the cusp of flat out puberty so I would be REALLY upset if my DD went to a friends party and came home telling me her & her friends stripped down and went into a tub together while in the care of other adults.

Also, according to the OP this isn't the first time, according to the OP, that this kid's behavior has caused a stir of some kind. If the teacher notices it then the kids notice it and the kids will talk about it and tell their parents then the parents will talk about it. I have a 10 year old girl and something like this would set off a pretty big deal even if DD wasn't there and just heard about it, as in everyone would be talking about it. The event may not have been a huge deal but I'm pretty sure the fall out will be big. I actually feel bad for the little girl.

As for the parents, I don't want to make them out to be bad because maybe they see it as harmless just like some of you do. But, there is a problem when one person's harmless is viewed as flat out creepy by other parents. Somewhere this kid got the idea this is an ok option. Other parents are probably going to assume that this message came from the parents, either because they are nudists, the family is weird or because the parents are too permissive. If my DD was around them none of the options would be tolerable.

So, if you want call me a prude, but this Mom of a 10 year old girl stands by my original opinion 100%, 10 year old girls are WAY too old for this and should know better and if the kid really doesn't 'get it' the parents need to step up and straighten it out before middle school hits.

So if your own DD joined in the "fun" you would be upset with the birthday girl? Maybe the ones who didn't get undressed would think all the things you posted are true about your child. Maybe it was your child who made the suggestion and birthday girl started the party or maybe they were playing truth or dare? Who knows? I would ask a bunch of questions but I wouldn't find it all that odd. Kids do silly things.

 

[Goofycampers]

I think the response was appropriate, I wouldn't have done any more. But I would certainly be talking more about sex and appropriate behavior, etc. with her. Sounds to me like she wants to act older so maybe she could be more like her DS?

 

[luvmy3]

It is a big deal because any time you have a kid acting totally out of wack with other kids he/she gets teased. Unless nudity and frolicking with prepubescent friends is commonplace where the family lives i think it's going to be perceived as a problem by the other parents when they hear about it. These aren't toddlers, my 10 yr old NEEDS a bra and is on the cusp of flat out puberty so I would be REALLY upset if my DD went to a friends party and came home telling me her & her friends stripped down and went into a tub together while in the care of other adults.

Also, according to the OP this isn't the first time, according to the OP, that this kid's behavior has caused a stir of some kind. If the teacher notices it then the kids notice it and the kids will talk about it and tell their parents then the parents will talk about it. I have a 10 year old girl and something like this would set off a pretty big deal even if DD wasn't there and just heard about it, as in everyone would be talking about it. The event may not have been a huge deal but I'm pretty sure the fall out will be big. I actually feel bad for the little girl.

As for the parents, I don't want to make them out to be bad because maybe they see it as harmless just like some of you do. But, there is a problem when one person's harmless is viewed as flat out creepy by other parents. Somewhere this kid got the idea this is an ok option. Other parents are probably going to assume that this message came from the parents, either because they are nudists, the family is weird or because the parents are too permissive. If my DD was around them none of the options would be tolerable.
So, if you want call me a prude, but this Mom of a 10 year old girl stands by my original opinion 100%, 10 year old girls are WAY too old for this and should know better and if the kid really doesn't 'get it' the parents need to step up and straighten it out before middle school hits.

Prudish no, dramatic yes.