Parents of preteen girls-would this bother you?

[yoopermom]

My DF has two DD: "M" 13, my goddaughter, a good kid and easy to be around, and "J" who just turned 10. For "J"'s bday, they rented a hotel family suite for mom, her and 4 of her friends. While mom was in the family room area starting a movie, "J" talked two of her friends into joining her in the whirlpool (in the room) NAKED and dancing, well, let's say, inappropriately. (They had swimsuits with them since the hotel had a pool.) When mom walked back into the bed/bath area, she scolded J, made them all get dressed, and continued the evening.

Now my DM and I were discussing this, and knowing that J tends to be kind of a showoff/attention wanter/aware of her "girlness" if you will, we think that J's mom should have either called her DH and had him come and take J home as punishment, or just taken them all home and called it a night.

We're going to MYOB, but if you were the parent of her or one of the other girls involved, would you think it was all innocent fun or wrong, and if you think it was wrong, what do you think should have been done?

Thank GOD I have a boy, he just pounded on his DFs at that age, never got naked with them.

Terri

 

[pperfectmom]

My DD is not a pre-teen yet but I think you are blowing it out of proportion. I remember going on band trips at an age even older than that and prancing around the hotel room and acting silly. I have a photo of three or four girls in a jacuzzi tub together in a hotel room dressed in only bubbles. They were just playing. Why should she be punished on her birthday for having fun?

 

[Jenvenza]

I would definitely find it strange. But maybe the parents dont have a problem with nudity, so that's where it came from. Still, I wouldnt want my 10yo girl getting naked in a hottub with other 10yo girls!

 

[ckay87]

No I would not punish the girls for this at all.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think the mom handled it appropriately. Ending the party or sending the girl home with dad would have been an overreaction. it was all girls in the room and just being silly really.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

It's just kids being silly. I remember my oldest DD going to a sleepover around that age, and she mentioned that she and a couple of the other girls were running around naked. They were in the playroom just horsing around. She's now 14, and wouldn't dream of such a thing. She's actually quite modest in dress and makeup and all.

 

[yoopermom]

I appreciate all the responses. If it had been older daughter "M", I would have said it was typical preteen hijinks, but "J" shows, I don't know how to word it, more interest in her body/boys/etc, than the other girls in her grade. Her teachers have commented on it, and her parents (both teachers) are really worried. They're fairly conservative, and this daughter is going to give them grey hairs, I think!

Terri

 

[cheermom1]

yeah I don't think the girl meant anything by it really...they were just being silly...I think the mom handled it very well...

Edited to add: if you make a big deal out of something like that it is going to make the kids feel self contentious of themselves...

 

[Gabes_mommy]

I wouldn't have stopped the party but I would have given DD a serious talking to about it afterwards. It's not the nudity so much that is worrisome, but the inappropriate dancing? I would be concerned for sure!

 

[clovergirl5]

I think the mom handled it appropriately. Ending the party or sending the girl home with dad would have been an overreaction. it was all girls in the room and just being silly really.

I agree with this....Im just thinking how my dd10 is and I could totally see her doing this. It was innocent I think and I would imagine she felt embarrassed by getting caught doing it. I think the mom did the right thing. Its what I would have done. No need to punish or end the party imo.
Now if it was the 13yo, that would be a completely different story!

 

[MizTink]

this is soooooo something my DD10 would do!
however, her 13yr old sister wouldn't be caught dead naked with her girlfriends!
i would have felt the way the OP seem to feel if the girls were in a group with boys too. or if the mom hadn't been there, and found out about it later.
my DD10 is definitely the one i'm more worried about!!!!

 

[Hollywoodhaha]

When I was 9 or 10 my friends and I used to take showers together.
We thought nothing of it then but now .. I don't know why I did that.

 

[padams]

Silly, goofy 10 year old girl behavior... parents handled it appropriately. Not significant enough to end party or send birthday girl home.

 

[Disney Doll]

With regard to this particular incident, I think the mom handled it fine. If you make a mountain out of a molehill, it becomes a molehill. To the other girls, "J" was probably being a silly goofball...turning it into a major event at the time would only serve to emblazon it on everyone's mind as a major event.

That being said, if I was "J's" mom and had concerns about her behavior and had teachers who voiced concerns to me about her behavior, I'd probably be taking her to a therapist to see what her "body" or "behavior" issues stemmed from. Very promiscuous or precocious behavior in a 10 year old is saying something...someone needs to figure out what.

 

[mjkacmom]

With regard to this particular incident, I think the mom handled it fine. If you make a mountain out of a molehill, it becomes a molehill. To the other girls, "J" was probably being a silly goofball...turning it into a major event at the time would only serve to emblazon it on everyone's mind as a major event.

That being said, if I was "J's" mom and had concerns about her behavior and had teachers who voiced concerns to me about her behavior, I'd probably be taking her to a therapist to see what her "body" or "behavior" issues stemmed from. Very promiscuous or precocious behavior in a 10 year old is saying something...someone needs to figure out what.

And if girls has issues, punishing her is not the solution. But a bunch of silly 10 year old girls? Dd8 (almost 9) would do something like that - she's just not modest yet. Ds11 - NEVER!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Sounds like she has found her way to get a rise out of people and get noticed. Sounds like it is working very well for her. Now we know about it.

 

[bumbershoot]

Doesn't sound like a big deal to me. I had a couple friends in elementary school (and all the way through to HS grad) who were a bit more open with their bods than some others of us were. It wasn't uncommon for a few of them to run around naked, being silly, at sleepovers.

All of them are normal, productive members of society now...


Interestingly, the main one I can think of came from the most restrictive parents from the group of parents...though she never actually did anything *bad* or naughty (at least, not until college!).

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I think the mom handled it appropriately. Ending the party or sending the girl home with dad would have been an overreaction. it was all girls in the room and just being silly really.

OP I think you are waaaaayyyy overreacting. The mother was spot on in dealing with the situation.

ETA: My DD10 has no problems with nudity either. She would have no issue walking around naked if we let her (which we don't). I think modesty comes with age.

 

[disykat]

I think the mother handled it well. I assume since she did consider it inappropirate (scolded, had them get dressed) that she was watchful the rest of the time. Quite possibly she also addressed it again when she got home.

Sending the birthday girl home ends the party, possilbly inconveniencing a lot of other people who had already made other plans. I also don't think sending the birthday girl home and keeping the friends there would have been an appropriate option.

 

[okeydokey]

The mother handled it just right. She made them stop and scolded "J". That should have been the end of it that night. If she wanted to talk more about it at home the next day, that would be fine too, but ending the party would be a huge overreaction.