Parents of older teenagers ... advice needed

[Lisash]

about 'board money' and whether you make your kids pay or not. Our DD is 18 and has just finished college and started her first proper job working on the check in desks at Birmingham airport, so is earning a reasonable salary. I have in the past always said I wouldn't have any money from her, and we don't really need it. But that was before I really knew what older kids were like

She is a total princess She treats the place like a hotel, only comes home to sleep, eat and leave washing. She does very,very little to help around the house and when I do ask her to do anything the task is either not finished or done so half heartedly I end up doing it again myself.

I have now said I am thinking of making her pay something in recognition of the fact that I work full time too and am still running around after her. So I would appreciate your advice. Do or will you make your kids pay board? and if so what do you think is the going rate these days?

 

[lexie32]

Sorry i don't have a teenager, but my parents did make me pay board whilst i lived at home, i hated them for it at the time but what i didn't know was that they put it into a savings account and gave it to me when i decided to buy my first flat, it then wasn't such a shock when the bills started coming in when i left home! ( i had to give them about a third of my wages, much less than my first mortgage cost me!)

 

[Netty]

Yes! when my eldest dd lived at home she had to pay £20 per week.
If they are working they should help contribute to the outgoings of the house, where else will they get a free room , food etc!
In fact my son is home from uni now and i have just said to him that he will have to pay £20 per week while he's home.

 

[tashasmum]

Both myself and DH had to pay when we lived at home and were working, as others have said where else can you get a free room, food and laundry facilities. It will get her used to the shock when she does move out and has to pay rent/mortgage, council tax, utilities bills etc

 

[squitty]

As soon as my DD left school and got a good job we have took 'board' from her.
She could eat us out of house and home if we let her

She is 21 now and no signs of leaving home, so she must realize she is on a good thing.

 

[Goofysmate]

Yes i think thats it right that your DD should pay a little towards board , because when she is ready to leave home board will not be free then.
If you don't want the extra money you might want to think about opening a bank account and put the money in there ready for when she wants to borrow money from you ,then it could come out of there .
It's tough being a parent but would we have it any other way

 

[Madjock]

My DDs are only 14 and 7 so not quite there yet but when they are then yes I will take some money from them. I don't need their money now and hopefully I won't need it then so my reasons for doing so are twofold, firstly I hope it will teach them about money and how to budget and secondly I will be putting the money I take from them into a savings account (like Lexie's parents) so when they need it most they will have some savings.

My oldest DD already thinks I'm mean because I always make them put half the money they get for birthdays and christmas into their savings account but I know she'll thank me for it one day

 

[emily1982]

5 Years ago when i first started working i paid £100 a week, but i did all my own washing etc and if i didnt like the food in the fridge i got my own, now i pay £155 a month then extra for sky etc...i don't really earn much though. At christmas apparently my mom is doubling my board...i think she wants me out! lol

 

[Boss Hogg]

We've two older girls, one in employment and the other not.

The working one pays board, and the other one will when she starts working next week.

I am a firm believer in it, as I always paid when I was younger. I think that they ought to contribute to the expenses of the house as they are using them, and by this I mean the utilities as well as the food bill. Also, I think that it gets them used to the idea of paying for a house which they will do when they leave home.

Also, as you said older teenagers tend to use houses like hotels, so I don't see why they shouldn't pay for the privilege personally!

 

[Lizzy Lemon]

Have to agree with everyone else, I would expect my boys to contribute to the households expenses they are helping to run up. If we don't need the money (which I can't see happening as neither of us is on a good salary) I would like to save it for their future . I quite willingly helped my parents when I first started work. I earned £100 per month (took just over £90 home)and gave them £30 and £10 a month for petrol when I used their car to go out with my friends. It teaches you to manage a budget.

 

[Lisash]

Thanks guys. I will be showing her these posts later. We've had several heated discussions about this over the last few weeks. I quite like the idea of putting it away for her to have back when she leaves to set up her own home

 

[natalielongstaff]

I am a firm believer in it, as I always paid when I was younger. I think that they ought to contribute to the expenses of the house as they are using them, and by this I mean the utilities as well as the food bill. Also, I think that it gets them used to the idea of paying for a house which they will do when they leave home.

Also, as you said older teenagers tend to use houses like hotels, so I don't see why they shouldn't pay for the privilege personally!

totally agree

 

[Goofyish]

When my eldest DD left school and started her hairdressing apprenticeship at a local salon we started to charge her board - even though she was only earning £70 per week.

I think it's important that my DDs knows there is no such thing as a free ride in life and as others have said it teachers them the need to budget and control their finances.

 

[mandymouse]

I think it's important that my DDs knows there is no such thing as a free ride in life and as others have said it teachers them the need to budget and control their finances.

I totally agree, it's not how much they give you, it's the fact that they are contributing to food/washing etc

I remember back in the olden days, when I earned £25 per week (work experience course) that I had to give my mum £5 a week

Mandy

 

[ely3857]

I also paid board as soon as I was out of education. About a third of my salary, I was gutted handing it over every month and even more so when I realised it wasnt going into a secret savings account but my mum needed it as I really did cost that much to keep!



Jodie


ETA - I only know a couple of people who didnt pay board and had a 'free ride' for a few years and they are now the ones who run back to Mummy & Daddy as soon as the bills land on the doormat

 

[UKDEB]

I really struggle with the concept of taking money from our two, but Matt is quite right in what he says and so we do.

Elder dd is a total slacker (but a total sweetheart at the same time ). We paid to put her through University and she's hasn't held down a job since (she's 22). She's starting a new one next week and she'll be paying us £200 a month (as her sister does).

Younger dd (19) is the opposite - hard working and conscientious (and also a sweetheart, but very "in your face" at the same time ). She left school and home at 18 to live with her boyfriend (after checking with us first that we were OK with it - well, you have to let them make their own mistakes ). It all went wrong within 6 months and she was back at home bearing all the debts from the relationship. We could have paid off her £2000 in rent arrears, but we thought it would be a better lesson for her if she did it herself. We did negotiate on her behalf so she was able to repay at the rate of £200 per month. We didn't take anything from her whilst she was doing that and, as soon as she'd repaid the debt she started paying us the same.

They do treat the place like a hotel (a cliche, but so true). Funnily enough, they cost us less in food these days because they're hardly ever here, but nothing's my own. It doesn't matter where I hide the make-up remover wipes, nail varnish/remover, expensive shampoo and conditioner, Haagen Dazs, Veuve Cliquot, goats milk squeezed by the hands of virgins in the Swiss Alps, they find it AND USE IT!

I've been way too soft with them in the past and it really hasn't done them any favours. It may be too little too late, but I think it's the right thing to do. In any event it compensates in part for what we have to put up with in terms of the hours they keep. Last night was like Piccadilly Circus. Goodness knows what they do, but one of them came home at about 1am and went out again 15 minutes later. The other did the same at 3.20am. One of them (or both of them?) came in again just before 7am this morning. Periodically we read them the riot act and it settles down for a while, but I guess you're only young once. Like I said, I'm too soft...

 

[scottishsue]

My oldest (at 22), doesn't stay at home. He lives in his own flat in the centre of Aberdeen. He has had jobs but they don't seem to last very long. He seems to manage ok though, and I think is now learning that money doesn't grow on trees (it takes time, believe me).

My youngest is 17 and still at home. Says he won't be leaving for a long time yet and knows where he's best off, so I guess he has learnt from his brother. He has just left school and is starting Uni in September so I don't have the problem of making him pay for board ..... yet. He only works 2 nights a week in Morrisons - roughly 9 hours a week, so we can't take board money off him - he'd have nothing left !

I do remember when I first started work for Glasgow Council that I paid my way though ......... right from the start. I think it makes you learn the value of money. Teenagers these days get way too much. We never had half of what they get, and we were happy enough.

They all treat the place like a hotel though - Deb is right. In and out at all times of the day and night. Other night he was down at Tesco at 2 a.m. because he was hungry !! (My freezer and fridge are bulging with food, but he couldn't find anything).

Keith is a bit tougher on him than I am, but he's not here that much.