Parents 50th Anniv and 4 siblings, Help!

[Pembo]

April 2005 will be my parents 50th wedding anniversary. They were married at the ripe old age of 17! They have always talked of going to Hawaii. My mother always ends this conversation with..."it's too much money, we'll never go."

So I think my brothers and I should send them to Hawaii next year. I'm guessing around $3200 or $800/sibling. Dh had the idea that we could give it to them next Christmas. "Here's your itinerary, have fun"

The problem, my brothers. I am the youngest and the only girl. Do you see the problem yet?! Brother #2 is my best friend and is totally with me on this idea, no prob with the $$. Brother #1, I think will be open to the idea and is pretty generous with money. Brother #3 has the wife from ?you-know-where? and they are always whining about money. (This is the sil who wanted to skip exchanging gifts with our kids for Xmas so she'd have more money for her own kids! I'm serious.)

So my problem, how do I approach brother #3. Do I say, this is what we're doing, this is how much you need to come up with?
Or, we want to do this, do you want to help?

He & I aren't the best terms right now anyway. I was thinking of drafting a letter to all 3 of my brothers. I know the anniversary is 15 months away but we all know how important planning is.

Thanks everyone for your opinions..........

 

[dvcfamily41801]

First congratulations to your parents! Thats wonderful!!

It is always hard when you are in this situation. I think you definatley should approach him with what everyone else is doing and give him the opportunity to help out. Giving this much notice is a plus, gives more time to save money.

Good luck and happy planning

 

[Sandy V.]

I think the letter to all 3 brothers is a great idea. Making sure that your "difficult" SIL knows that everyone is getting the same message at the same time may deter her from pulling any stunts.

It's never too early to start planning for things like this. The time will slip away if you don't act now.

Good luck!

 

[luvmarypoppins]

I think you are sweet to think of such a special gift for your parents. Just went to my aunt and uncles 50th. My cousin called me and asked me what to do. Her sibling brother chipped in for the catered dinner etc. My other cousin , her sister) did not. She was also given ample enough time to save money. They decided not to write her name on the invitations when it said who it was given by. She was invited and sat by us as by then you could cut the tension with a knife between those 2 sisters. I did have to agree with her, the other sister, always loved being in the limelight, getting the credit but never contributed to anything financially. You need to let your parents know who the gift is really from in a way you figure out is acceptable to you and your sibilings. Good luck.

 

[KarenC]

What a wonderful surprise for your parents. I hope you can put it together for them.

Be careful not to turn this generous gesture into a situation that tears the family apart. If your parents are like mine, I think they would prefer harmony in the family to a trip to Hawaii.

People have different ways of handling money. What may be easy for you to contribute (both from a financial and mental sense) may be more difficult for your brother and SIL. They're the only ones that know their financial situation. I suspect my DH and I have a lot more disposable income than our siblings and we're much more casual about how we spend it. I'll bet my one brother and his wife will probably have a MUCH more comfortable retirement than I will, but we all do what works for each of us.
Is it really fair for you to paint your brother and SIL as the "bad guys" because you think they might not feel as comfortable contributing that amount of money?

I like the idea of sending a letter that suggests the idea, states a good estimated dollar amount for the total trip and asking all three of your brothers if they'd be interested in contributing. In the letter, remind them of how your mother always wanted to go to Hawaii. See what you come up with. Maybe they'll surprise you. Or maybe those who can afford to contribute more do. Good luck, I really do hope it works out!