Parent Question~How old to leave child at party w/o you??

[KimRaye]

I know circumstances and place of party might receive different responses but, I want to hear them all, please.

In my situation Fri. night, DD (almost 5) attended a house BD party for a classmate for 2-1/2 hrs. I left her there. She was totally fine, practiced her manners, had fun at the party and, the Mom even said at the end how 'funny' my DD was for not wanting frosting on her cupcake. DD didn't want to leave, of course, when the party ended.

BUT, she just woke up, crying at 2am and told me how she wanted me to stay at the party! Only one other parent (a Dad) of a classmate, stayed the entire time. I just don't know about her delayed reaction to this party tonight.

I spoke several times with the Mom before the party and, in DD's presence and, I even chaperoned this girl the day before on a field trip. We are certainly comfortable (although not close) with this family. Everything seemed so totally Girl-like when I dropped her off but, she seemed bothered about it way after the fact. What gives??

So, how old WOULD YOU or HAVE YOU left a child alone for a short BD party??

Thanks,
Kim

 

[WilmaBud]

Actually, 2 and 1/2 hours isn't "short" for a 4 year old. I didn't leave my kids alone at parties when they were that age, but some other parents did. Some kids seemed fine with it, and others didn't. As my kids have gotten older, I've stayed for a little while and asked my kids if they wanted me to stay or go. I was always prepared to stay, though, and I usually ended up staying. Has your daughter ever been to this house before? A birthday party in a strange place can be pretty over-stimulating for some kids at that age. I would have stayed. I wouldn't worry about it now, though - what's done is done. It's not like she was in a dangerous situation or that you were irresponsible. I would just take her reaction into account in the future.

 

[snoopy]

Kim, she was probably teetering between fear and excitement, like kids tend to do. Like going on a roller coaster, they want to go so bad, so they internalize their fears and do it anyway and don't think about it until afterwards.

You only did what you thought was best, don't beat yourself up over it. Next time try and get a good reading on whether or not DD will be o.k. by sticking around for a bit and see how she reacts. If she seems to be looking around for you then I'd probably stay the whole time. But if she goes off with her friends, she's probably o.k. to be left with the birthday mom and her friends.

To answer your question, though, my DS is 7, and this is the first year I have left him alone at a birthday party. He seemed only too happy to let me go, LOL, but then boys are different about stuff like that.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You know when they are ready when they say mom, would you please leave... !
Next time wait around and then ask her if it is ok to leave. Sometimes at that age it is something so simple like the drink she had to needing to go to the bathroom.

 

[Spinning]

My DD is similar to yours! She always wants me to leave and then changes her mind many times! sometimes it would be the simple fact she would see other kids begging their parents to stay so I htink she felt she should do the same thing. So I play it by ear. She will be 7 soon. I started leaving parties last year but only with families I knew very well. Plus it would depend on the setting.
So don't beat yourself up. Next party talk to her stick around for awhile and if all goes well leave. If not stay and enjoy.

 

[aprincessmom]

I have yet to leave DD alone at a party. She'll be 7 in January.

I especially don't like leaving her at a party facility with multiple parties and only one or two parents keeping an eye on 10-20 children.

Since I don't know most of the parents except to say hello (as it is with them to me), I'd prefer to accompany her to parties. I know a lot of parents at a particular age prefer no parents at the parties (around here it's about 5 y.o.). I make sure DD's parties are open to both parents if they wish to stay and the children who want them to stay.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

It depends very much on the child. If a child is used to being away from his parents, being at a party without them is not a biggie. My son was probably 4 or so the first time I left him at a party, but at that point he had a year of day care and 2 years of preschool under his belt.

DS is 8 now, and at that age everyone just ditches their kids and runs for a couple of hours of freedom. It's actually nice, because you can focus on the party and not on entertaining the parents.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

It depends very much on the child. If a child is used to being away from his parents, being at a party without them is not a biggie. My son was probably 4 or so the first time I left him at a party, but at that point he had a year of day care and 2 years of preschool under his belt.

DS is 8 now, and at that age everyone just ditches their kids and runs for a couple of hours of freedom. It's actually nice, because you can focus on the party and not on entertaining the parents.

 

[nativetxn]

Travis was about 7 I think when he stayed at a party without me.

If your dd seemed fine with you leaving her at the party, at the time, perhaps she had a bad dream that triggered these feelings afterwards?

 

[Serena]

Kim, don't beat yourself up over this. She was fine when you left, she was fine during the party, she was fine when you picked her up.

It's only later that her fears got the best of her. I would leave it up to her again at the next party, but I think I'd stick around for a little bit just because I would worry.
I think she'll be fine. If you are worried, then don't leave the party next time and see how it goes.

Parenting really should have some kind of manual. Can you imagine how many different versions it would be? One for each child.