Oh I think many of us here can relate to your feelings! Its a lot of money to spend and with so much to see and do it gets overwhelming. But sometimes all the choices on food, rides etc., just make it feel more like a mission to accomplish than a vacation! I don't know if any of this will help but here is some things I have found in my 10 trips to
Disneyland:
The best and most important tip I can give you is to get to the parks at opening! In fact if opening is 9:00 a.m. or later, then the gates will open 30 minutes before that and you can get on Main Street. No rides open yet but at least you can get in the park, grab a map and park times guide and be as near the rope as possible to begin your day. As the crowds enter later in the morning and early afternoon, you will already have accomplished quite a bit with little or no waits!
Secondly, I would suggest you get a guidebook. I like Birnbaums, it has nice short descriptions of the rides and shows as well as the restaurants. It reads more like an advertisement since they have very little in the way of negativity/honesty (depending on how you look at it) but it will give you some ideas to go on, in writing in a short easy to read layout. Pick your must do's and do those first. After that, everything else you accomplish is just frosting on the cake. Alot of what you can find in Birnbaums can also be found on Disneyland's website. When your days get closer, be sure and pull up the calendar section on that website. That way you can check the hours, and the times for parades and fireworks and what days those are offered (if at all because they aren't always).
As far as must do's for restaurants, remember anything anyone tells you is their opinion. You will only know what you like once you have actually tried it. My family has never had anything to eat at Disneyland that was so awful we felt robbed or ill! Sometimes we may plan this or that in the way of food only to end up hungry earlier or later in a different area of the park. Disneyland food is subject to a lot of interpretation as far as taste and quality. If you want to do a character meal, click on the link at the very top of this board and read up. Those meals are about characters so pick the one that has the ones you want to see and you'll be fine. You can live on burgers and hotdogs or go for fine dining at DTD and the resort hotels so there's a lot of flexibility there.
My only advice for what to ride first is if you want to do rides in Fantasyland, particularly Peter Pan and Dumbo, do those first. They neither one have fastpass and are such classics/favorites the lines build quickly and never go down. After that its really a matter of what you and your family like to ride. If you want a really detailed, by the minute ride itinerary, I do like ridemax.com It will allow you plan a schedule even the biggest plannig freaks (like myself) will love! It figures in breaks, meals, shows etc and you can then print it out and bring it along. Just remember something like a ride closure can crop up at the last minute and change the best laid plans.
Disney vacations do require more in the way of planning. So its good to have some plans in place. But its also not a vacation if you have too many plans that make your trip about getting it all done instead of just enjoying the parks. So have fun planning but don't stress too much! It all comes together for most everyone when their time rolls around. Thats why they call it the Happiest Place on Earth!
I will be using them all next week. 
To organize all of the great tips I got here, I write them in my passporter on the daily planner pages that corraspond to where we plan to start the day. I will review 
the planner daily to make sure we get it all in.
during our stay, my DH has already told me that I will be on my own after about 9pm 
which book should I order?
