Overbearing Friends? What to do?

[AKL_Megs]

I am sort of at a loss for what to do with this situation I find myself in.

We moved into this house in Fall of last year, and we finally got to talking/meeting with our neighbors around Easter, when the weather broke. Our across the street neighbors are AWESOME, and we really get along with them. Coincidentally, we really struck up a friendship with our neighbor's SISTER and her BF who, even MORE coincidentally, lives two blocks away on the same street.

We've been spending a lot of time together. They invite us over for bonfires, we invite them over for movies, and we get together for dinner.

Now that we are more comfortable with one another, it is starting where if SHE goes over to visit her sister, she will come over and drop by OUR house. Unannounced. THAT part doesn't bother me so much, but this does...

She ALWAYS knows when we are home. And she PAYS ATTENTION to when we are home.

Like just now, I just got a text, "I see you are home! Want to come down for drinks?"

I feel like I can never be at peace. I can shut my garage, but I hate to shut the windows and front door and drapes and everything.

I feel rude, because I have just been ignoring her today.

If I don't feel like hanging out, I usually tell her, "I am tired, I have laundry and need to clean," but she will want to come down and hang out while I do chores. (I don't let her, but still feel like the BAD GUY when I turn her down for some reason... probably because all she is is a drive down the street to see that I am NOT tired, NOT doing laundry or cleaning, and PROBABLY just doing something else!)

It's not like my "normal" friends. They don't live down the street, and I can say "I am not home", and it isn't easy for them to say, "Oh, you're tired? I can come to YOU!"

What in the world do I do?

 

[aduck126]

yeesh, sounds pretty horrible. I remember growing up with this situation once. My parents lived in this house and the neighbor would want to come over like everyday. As soon as he saw we were home he would come knocking. It got so bad I remember turning all the lights off and when he would come to the door my parents would be like "Lay on the ground! he's at the door!" and he would like look in the windows and weird stuff like that. Eventually he stopped coming by I think one day my dad was like you need to leave us alone.

I'm not saying let it get to that point. It's hard because I get the feeling if you say anything they will be really offended. You can say that you are starting a family night that is just for your family only. So when you don't want to have them over tell them it is your special family night.

 

[lovesmurfs]

I am sort of at a loss for what to do with this situation I find myself in.

We moved into this house in Fall of last year, and we finally got to talking/meeting with our neighbors around Easter, when the weather broke. Our across the street neighbors are AWESOME, and we really get along with them. Coincidentally, we really struck up a friendship with our neighbor's SISTER and her BF who, even MORE coincidentally, lives two blocks away on the same street.

We've been spending a lot of time together. They invite us over for bonfires, we invite them over for movies, and we get together for dinner.

Now that we are more comfortable with one another, it is starting where if SHE goes over to visit her sister, she will come over and drop by OUR house. Unannounced. THAT part doesn't bother me so much, but this does...

She ALWAYS knows when we are home. And she PAYS ATTENTION to when we are home.

Like just now, I just got a text, "I see you are home! Want to come down for drinks?"

I feel like I can never be at peace. I can shut my garage, but I hate to shut the windows and front door and drapes and everything.

I feel rude, because I have just been ignoring her today.

If I don't feel like hanging out, I usually tell her, "I am tired, I have laundry and need to clean," but she will want to come down and hang out while I do chores. (I don't let her, but still feel like the BAD GUY when I turn her down for some reason... probably because all she is is a drive down the street to see that I am NOT tired, NOT doing laundry or cleaning, and PROBABLY just doing something else!)

It's not like my "normal" friends. They don't live down the street, and I can say "I am not home", and it isn't easy for them to say, "Oh, you're tired? I can come to YOU!"

What in the world do I do?

The book Boundaries.....

Seriously, you need to just say, "No." No reason -- you don't have to give an excuse. "Oh, not tonight. How about Saturday?" The first couple of times are hard, but it sounds like you need to re-establish the relationship.

Good luck and best wishes.

 

[MinnieTink]

Wow. We went thru this too. Our neighbor would call our cell phone when we pulled into the driveway. She lived accross the street and in the winter when the trees are bare she could see into my house. She would call me and say stuff like, Oh I see you're watching Dr Phil, or whatever. Or if I was bringing in stuff from the car, Oh I see you went to Target. Not only was she creepy like that her husband was just as bad. At night we would turn our headlights off waaaaay down the street so we wouldn't "alert" them. LOL. They were also big time trouble makers and would cause problems with other neighbors. One day they told us tearfully they had to move.

I did a jig when they drove off for the last time. Haha!!!

My advice I guess is to assert yourself and don't do what I did which is be a big wooss and hide from them!!!

 

[CathrynRose]

It got so bad I remember turning all the lights off and when he would come to the door my parents would be like "Lay on the ground! he's at the door!" .

This made me laugh, so hard. LOLOLOLOL!

 

[kaytieeldr]

Adding to lovesmurfs' post, and stepping up (down) as your needs indicate:

"Oh, not tonight. How about Saturday?"

"Oh, not tonight. Maybe some other time?"
"Oh, not tonight. Maybe some other time." (yes, it really is different as a statement than as a question)
"I/we can't, but thank you for asking."
"I/we can't; maybe some other time."
"No, but thank you for asking."
"No, thank you."
"No."

 

[AKL_Megs]

Adding to lovesmurfs' post, and stepping up (down) as your needs indicate:

"Oh, not tonight. Maybe some other time?"
"Oh, not tonight. Maybe some other time." (yes, it really is different as a statement than as a question)
"I/we can't, but thank you for asking."
"I/we can't; maybe some other time."
"No, but thank you for asking."
"No, thank you."
"No."

I sent her a "No, not tonight." text. I think she is mad at me now OH WELL!!!

 

[aduck126]

This made me laugh, so hard. LOLOLOLOL!

haha TRUE STORY! I was like 10 years old at the time thinking this is insane.