Out of State Wedding Can't afford, what do I say?

[scrhsa]

Had this happen to me. It was my only sister's oldest daughter. We all are very close. I just couldn't do it. Like you said, too much to fly, too far to drive and couldn't take kids out of school. Didn't have anyone to watch the animals...you name it and it felt like some thing was getting in the way of us being there. My niece was upset but she understood. Good thing we didn't end up going though...that was the weekend my husband had to go to the emergency room with what ended up being pulmonary embolism. That would have been a nightmare! It was a nightmare but it could have been a far worse nightmare! God does work in mysterious ways

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Just send your regrets and send them a gift. Done.

 

[aprilgail]

Just send your regrets and send them a gift. Done.

I agree- you have two choices since you can't afford the whole family to go- either send regrets and a gift or go by yourself. If I am not close to the person even locally I send regrets, it costs me much less to just send a check if I don't go rather than the hundreds I would have to write the check out for if I went.

 

[ronandannette]

I guess I just feel bad since it is my nephew, thanks for the responses everyone!

Is it your nephew or your sibling you're most concerned about? I'm close enough to my brother and sister that we all (roughly) know each other's financial state so I know either of them would understand. If your situation is similar I'm sure they will understand too.

 

[wysterial]

I'd send a really nice letter to your nephew, explaining your circumstances along with a check for the amount you would be able to pay for travel. I'm sure they wouldn't mind.

 

[dminnie]

I'd send a really nice letter to your nephew, explaining your circumstances along with a check for the amount you would be able to pay for travel. I'm sure they wouldn't mind.

This assumes the nephew is just trying to get cash gifts and you should give the most you can possibly afford. Yikes. Give a gift that is meaningful and what you would like to give him(that may or may not even be cash). I wouldn't stretch the gift budget just because you can't afford to go to the wedding. Spend whatever you would have spent on the gift.

I like the idea of just one of you going. Is there anyone else going that you could share a room/car with to save on the cost? We have done this before and it works great.

Whatever you decide, you don't have to explain to anyone why you aren't attending. Your finances are your own business and no one elses. Just a simple: "We wish we could come, but it just isn't working out for us to make the trip. We'll be there in spirit and will be thinking of you that day...."

Another idea if you can't make it to the wedding: If you're close to your nephew, you could even write a special note to him and his new wife that someone could give them that day. Maybe, include some special memories about him and how they translate into what a great husband he'll be. ...basically, get creative about ways to show him that you ARE there in spirit.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Can't afford an out of state wedding, what do I tell them. It's to much $$ to fly 5 people and not enough time off to drive, I feel bad because all the other aunts/uncles/cousins will be there. Just need some input please

Seems like a good reason to me. You can't afford to fly and can't get enough time off to drive. Nothing wrong with telling em that in my book. If someone told me that, that I invited, I wouldn't be hurt in the least.

Edit: Upon further thought, I should have added that you're not necessarily obligated to give a reason if you don't want to. But if you want to, it sounds like a good reason to me.

 

[crz4mm2]

Can't afford an out of state wedding, what do I tell them. It's to much $$ to fly 5 people and not enough time off to drive, I feel bad because all the other aunts/uncles/cousins will be there. Just need some input please

You say "I am sorry we will not be able to attend". If you want to tell them it is because you can't afford it, then say that too. If you don't want to admit it is money related just the first sentence will do.

 

[Anesthesia Fine]

Yep, all you are required to do is send a note saying you're sorry but you won't able to make it, best wishes for a lovely day, many years together etc etc.

 

[verleniahall]

Go by yourself. You will NOT forgive yourself if you do not attend. Its family. Make it work.

 

[Skippy918]

Try to find a way to go by yourself. I went to my cousin's wedding by myself since I had to fly there and I had a really great time.

 

[suzimar57]

Send your regrets, get them a really NICE giftcard somewhere....

(when we planned our vegas wedding "way back when", EVERYONE wanted to join us - ended up only my DH parents came with us - no one else - they all opted out, even my own parents & sister/BIL, but showed for the NJ reception we'd had when we returned)

 

[marius97]

Do people really expect those from out-of-state to come to their wedding? I would love it if they did, but I would never expect them to come. I would never even think to wonder why, let alone ask, why someone could not attend. Just check the can not attend box on the invitation and leave it at that.

 

[AnnaS]

Be honest, if I can't afford it, I would say, I wish I could and would have loved to. If it's a little of everything/and/or it's not a good time, etc. etc. I think many couples know many won't be able to attend destination weddings.