OT - What to wear to a funeral?

[quiltymom]

Sorry - I really don't know who else to ask this question.

I am going to the funeral/memorial service of a good friend on Friday. Only I DO NOT want to wear black! It will be held in Washington, DC and it is VERY hot, but I think that wearing black is too morbid. We're going to be celebrating her life, after all.

BUT, the DC area is very conservative in dress (but not in politics! Sorry - I just had to throw that in!). People here wear suits with long sleeved shirts and ties even when the heat index rises above 100 degrees. I know that my friend would basically poo-poo the thought that we would all dress in black, but again I don't want to offend anyone.

The only other comment is that the only nice dresses that fit me now are light summer April Cornell dresses. Nothing else fits -- too small!

Any thoughts? And thanks.

 

[Baloo]

I'm sorry for your loss.

My Dh Joe's Mom passed away last Summer.She lived on Saten Island.Several people wore summery dresses.One of Joe's nieces(mid 30s) wore a read shirt with black pants.I don't do dresses,I have a couple pant suits.One is black pants,the top with small black and whie check.One night of the visitation I wore a mint green pant suit.

Ya know if your friend wouldn't care ,you shouldn't care what anyone else think...IMHO.

 

[party of 3]

I also have a funeral this week. my very best friends father in law. what a sweet man. it's tomorrow am and I was trying to decide the very same thing. i think i'm going with basic black pants. yuck

 

[quiltymom]

Thanks for your replies -- you were very kind. I guess I'll just be wearing my favorite dress, especially since I'll be in it just about all day. It's never a fun time, but at least we know that she is in a better place - and whole once again.

And Party of 3, the best to you tomorrow...

 

[JudithM]

I am sorry to read you ladies will be going to funerals tomorrow. As for attire, I agree with others - if your friend was not fond of black & since it is summer, wear what you are comfortable in - especially since you said you will be in it all day.

 

[mrFDNY]

hi,
i don't think you have to wear all black at a funeral.after sept 11 many funerals for my colleges in the FDNY family members wore bright colors and white sun dresses.i had to wear a fdny level a uniform.at first it did'nt make sense to me until it was explained.many of these services we were celebrating the life's of a loved one's.people were mourning but this was a celebration.and the person made it very clear that in the event of there death they wanted a celebration more than a mourning service.therefor we went to show respect to celebrate ones lifes not to mourn there death but some mourning and sadness is normal at these things.

 

[dreams91]

When we had a service for my dad almost 4 years ago (a week after Sept 11 incident), I didn't pay attention to what people were wearing. I was just glad people were there to help us through the tough time. I would say you can wear what you feel comfortable in. I certainly didn't judge anyone for what they wore.

I'm sorry for your losses.

 

[party of 3]

Thanks everyone. Your right, maybe I will wear something else, instead of black pants. Just such a sad day......

quiltymom, thanks and the very same to you tomorrow.

 

[pattyT]

I am so sorry to hear about your losses


My opinion -
but as long as you are relatively conservative (no dasiy dukes, bell bottom jeans, etc) you will be fine - color isn't a big ussue anymore - I have had to go to 3 services in the last month and there was always an array of clothingoptions (I was shocked to see my mom in JEANS at my uncles - but she thinks black jeans are dressy )
I wore the standard black pants and white striped button down 3/4 sleeve shirt to all of them.

 

[wtpclc]

Cherie brought up a great point. I don't have a clue what anyone was wearing at my grandmother's funeral or any others I have been to. I would stay away from red, but that's probably it. So sorry to both of you for your losses.

 

[Laurajean1014]

Sorry about your loss, however, always a simple black dress or black suit is always appropriate.

 

[TN Traveler]

Things have changed so much. 15 yrs ago my mom started preparing me for the passing of her father, my grandpa who I adored. I spent weeks shopping for "funeral appropriate" dresses. When he passed, what I wore was on the bottom of my priorities! The father to a good friend of my husband's died a few years ago after his tractor flipped on him. He had been a farmer all his life and honestly don't know if the man every wore a suit much less owned it!! When they laid him to rest he had on a pair of jeans and Western cut plaid shirt. I think everyone would have flipped out if he had had a suit on. Around here alot of folks wear jeans for visitation but will dress a little more for the actual service. I think it really doesn't matter that much any more what you wear. I know when my FIL passed almost 6 yrs ago, we were just appreciative that people took the time to stop by. You'll be fine and the family will appreciate you thinking of them.

Hey Ballo......Noticed you;re from TN....and a TN Titans Fan. Aren't they awesome!! Win or lose, I think we have some class act gentlemen on our team!! GO TITANS!!

Karen aka TN Traveler

 

[becky7953]

Wear what you are comfortable in (still nice). As long as you know your friend would understand. When my Mom passed I wore a pink shirt with a flowered skirt. I didn't want to do the whole black thing. That time was a blur, I do not remember what anyone was wearing.

 

[quiltymom]

Well, I spent yesteday as the only person not wearing black or another dark color. I just couldn't do it. I felt so miserable inside that I had to be cheerful on the outside.

Thanks again for everyone's wonderful comments. Have a great weekend!

 

[wtpclc]

So sorry that it was so hard. Your friend knows what you were doing and why. That's all that matters.

 

[pingirl65]

Personally, I think if what you choose is tasteful and you are comfortable in it then it should be suitable. You don't want to attract attention to yourself, yet honor and respect the memory and life of the person who has passed on. Navy blue is one color I have seen worn at funerals in the recent past as well. Not everyone feels that black is the norm - when we buried my mom in 9/04, many people (including her) were wearing various shades of blue.