OT What do you do to get your 3 year old to eat?

[Tiggerlovinggrandma]

I have a near 3 year olf grandson (March) . His mom, grandpa and me (DD and DGS live with us) seem to be at a loss to get him to eat these days. His favorite saying now is "I don't want to eat... breakfast, lunch, dinner"". He may take 1 or 2 bites with lots of coaxing than says "I'm done" or he eats nothing at all. This goes for ALL meals. Although we usually can get him to finish most of his milk at meals times. We also feed him a variety of foods so its not like he is sick of the same old thing. He is also not a snacky child so he should be hungry at meal times.

He is a child of recent divorce so is going through a rough time. We know he has different routines at his daddy's house. Ex SIL is very fly by night when it comes to his son's meals, bedtime, naps, etc. For example breakfast can be Bojangles at 11:30 am. There isn't anything we can do about that. DD has tried talking to her ex but with no resolution.

I personallythink its most likely a phase DGS is going through but its frustrating seeing the child eat so sporadically. It may also be a power trip as he has been more unruly recently. Not all the time but he does have his moments like most any other 3 year old.

I was wondering what other parents/ grandparents do when their chold/ grandchild refuses to eat? What things make your meal times easier? Any tips or advice would be very helpful. I have always found it helpful to brainstorm with other parents/ grandparents especially those of you here at the DIS. I am sure whatever suggestion you can pass along will certainly help more than one of us here on the boards! Thank you!!

 

[Perditamarie]

worked for us:

* food, fruit and veggies that could be dipped in ranch, yogurt, hummus, etc

* buttered noodles

* fun dinnerware/plates/silverware

* no drinks until after meal

good luck!

 

[Astro Orbiter]

I'm not a pediatrician, by any means...but in my house, if you don't eat, it's OK. Just don't expect anything (except leftovers) until the next meal. Barring any other health conditions, he'll eat when he's hungry. At 3, he's definitely got limited opportunities for power tripping, and food is always a good way to get someone to pay attention to you. (not to say that you're ignoring him; I think I've read other posts by you that make me believe you would not)

At 3, he's also more apt to fixate on a favorite food than be bored by lack of variety. I knew a guy once who's son, at 2 or 3, would only eat oatmeal. So they fed him oatmeal at every meal until he got over it!

Some people also have had luck with having the child participate in meal prep - making pizza, salad, whatever they can do safely. Never worked for me, though.

At 3, DD's favorite, favorite, favorite food was spaghetti. Followed by chicken picatta (odd choice, but she loved lemons and capers at that age). Chicken noodle soup with ice cubes to cool it down. Cheese tortellini.

Good luck!

Deb

 

[HappyDznyCamper]

He will eat when he is hungry, don't make a big deal about it. He should still be expected at the table for family meals, but if he doesn't eat it is ok. When he is finally ready to eat, don't make a big deal about it but just offer him what is left from the most recent meal he "skipped". It may be a power play, don't play into it. Again, a normal healthy 3 year old will eat when he is hungry and won't starve.

 

[Zeebs]

Rightly or wrongly we like bribery. If kids eat enough of their dinner to satisfy me they will get a yoghurt or maybe some ice-cream for dessert.

My eldest eats until he gets the yoghurt my youngest isn't fond of bribery and if he doesn't want his dinner he just won't eat it.

But then he gets nothing until the next meal. By which point he is hungry enough to eat it what you put in front of him.

My kids also like helping make the food, or picking out the vege, meat etc from the supermarket.

I don't have fussy kids which helps but then again they aren't allowed to be fussy they get what they are given.

I also refuse to plain down anything cereal HAS milk, pasta HAS a sauce, Chicken DOESN'T come only in nugget form.

Kids of his age will not starve themselves.

Kirsten

 

[MSSANDRA]

Your situation is much like ours. First, realize what you can not control. I can not control what happenes when DGS is not at my house (week-ends) so I just let it go.

At MY house we simply do not make a big deal of eating. We all sit down together and he must sit at the table and "talk" with the family. It is up to him what he eats. We do not have much "junk" food in our house so that is not an issue.
He is not a "bad" eater, just has times when he eats next to nothing. He must sit with us for at least 10-15 minutes then if he is done, go play in the other room.

What else helps??- dips of anything- ranch or mustard with any food.
- having him help cook.he loves to tell everyone he made it.
-no milk at meal time. He will drink, not eat - -limit milk between meals.

If he is hungry after dinner...he can have fruit, yougert, raw veggies or cheese.

 

[katied]

DS is sometimes a great eater, sometimes not. He normally wants yogurt for every meal. He can have it most breakfasts, but for lunch or dinner, he has to eat his food first and then he can have the yogurt. Also, there's no "junk food" in our house. You eat at meal times (and for him, snack times - but snacks are normally healthy food too - cut up fruit and cheese, cut up veggies with dipping sauce and some meat). He eats what we eat most meals.

There are no treats/dessert items unless your food is eaten. So, he knows that there is no ice cream or cookies or whatever unless he eats his food. These things are only provided after meal time as a dessert - so maybe it's the same as a bribe. Otherwise, he doesn't get in trouble for not eating, but he does get rewards if he eats well and/or trys new food.

The other thing is to limit drinks at meal time. We normally stick to water. Otherwise, he'll fill up on milk or juice, and not eat his food.

Overall, a kid will eat when their hungry and will not starve themselves. The key for us is to really keep away the junk food, or he'll fill up on that and then won't eat any of a meal (more an issue if we're over at family's house or someone visits us and decides its fun to feed him a bag of chips right before dinner...)

 

[Halbleib1]

I agree when they are hungry enough they will eat. My son goes through stages where one day he hardly eats and the next he can't eat enough. The best thing you can do is try to keep them hydrated. Even when my son will not eat he will drink.

 

[melifeld]

We have also used bribery. We found a couple of things that my son loves. If he eats most of his food, he gets one of those afterwards.

Examples:

Any fruit (he LOVES fruit) - the offer of a banana or some apple slices will almost always get him to eat a little bit more of his meal.

Yogurt

Applesauce

There are others, but those are the things that come to mind at the moment.

 

[mom2aidanNpiper]

My oldest never ate as a kid it seems- he still is super picky and a light eater. My younger is only 5 but eats me out of house and home! My dr said not to stress- do what I could to get them to eat (and not to unhealthy snacks obviously) - and to take a multi vitamin (she recommended one to us- the gummy ones- but check with your dr first). I also gave him (again on dr orders) pediasure drinks to get extra calories and vitamins.

Don't worry if your dr isn't worried!!

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

Also, don't forget that the proper portion size for a 3yr old is very small. He may seem like he's only eating a few bites here and there but for him that may be enough. Americans....me included!..tend to ignore their bodies and eat when they're not hungry or no longer hungry.

 

[Tiggerlovinggrandma]

I have been happily reading the replys to my original post. Each one has had some wonderful information. For instance I hadn't thought of the milk at meal time idea. We usually give him his milk during meals but I'm thinking now we should wait until after. That may be at least one reason he is not hungry.

We already use the no snack or dessert until you eat rule at our house. Usually when we tell him he needs to eat more of his food before getting a dessert, he will take one more bite as if to say "see I ate more" . So this usually doesn't work for us and he could care less if he gets desssert or not.

We also use fun place settings for him. His own special plates, bowls, cups and silverware in fun themes such as Mickey, Thomas, Buzz, etc

I like the idea of the dipping sauces as well as having him help prepare some of the meals.

I am also thinking its time to move DGS out of his highchair. He sits in it for all 3 meals. This is omething my DH and DD don't think we should do yet. They both think we should wait a while longer. I think he is 3 in one month and should be sitting at the table or at his own little table when he eats. Does anybody have ideas on this?

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

He will eat when he is hungry, don't make a big deal about it. He should still be expected at the table for family meals, but if he doesn't eat it is ok. When he is finally ready to eat, don't make a big deal about it but just offer him what is left from the most recent meal he "skipped". It may be a power play, don't play into it. Again, a normal healthy 3 year old will eat when he is hungry and won't starve.

he will be fine. Don't start special meals, etc., or you will be stuck doing them forever.

 

[mom2aidanNpiper]

I am also thinking its time to move DGS out of his highchair. He sits in it for all 3 meals. This is omething my DH and DD don't think we should do yet. They both think we should wait a while longer. I think he is 3 in one month and should be sitting at the table or at his own little table when he eats. Does anybody have ideas on this?

My kids sat at the table as soon as they could. I even would take the tray off their highchair, and lower the seat to where it could scoot under the table properly. I also purchased a booster seat that strapped onto the chair itself and then the same thing could be accomplished. I was doing this by the time they were 1 yr -18 months or so. It def helped make them part of the whole family meal and they were much more inclined to eat. Even then they may get full very fast ( a few bites like a PP said).

 

[foltzy]

We are finally getting out of this stage with our almost 3 year old. I hate this phase, my dd went through it as well when she was younger. With my ds, we always give him some of the food we're eating. He sometimes won't eat it and that's fine but that's all he's allowed to have and he knows it. Now if he tries it and doesn't like it, I will usually get him something else. It works for us. He went on a kick for awhile of just fruits, chicken nuggets, yougurt, and a few other foods. He refused to eat meat and sometimes still does.

Even when in their highchair both my kids were at the table with my dh and I for meals. They would have supper with us and at the time it was baby food. Then when they were ready they moved to the kitchen chairs with something to sit on to help boost them up to the table level.

 

[Mathfailure]

Food is a much bigger deal to the adults than the children.

Food can become emotionally neutral, your hungry you eat. Not hungry, you sit and 'talk' at the table.

I totally agree with no snacks inbetween at this stage, when they get the hungries it is a different story can't fill them up then.

Also, if all the food in the house is realitively healthy, the little one will not hold out for the 'good stuff.'

One of my mother's rules was dessert was for Sunday dinner, I do this also. But my kids are not really too fond of sweets Well, more for me!

I wish you well, and try to relax, he will eat if he is really hungry.

 

[daisy2jae]

my 2 yr old likes to help make it and then he eats better

 

[MSSANDRA]

I agree that it is time to get him out of the high chair. We have not used once since DGS was like 18mo!! He wants to be at the table with us!!

As far as the dessert thing, we never make a big deal about this. Dessert is ,mostly , fruit, low fat pudding or some other simple item. Cookies etc are rare. When we have dessert, he can have a serving. We try not to make any food more attractive than others. We however have learned, not to remove his plate when we present desert. MANY times he will eat a bite or two of his dessert and go back to his plate.

 

[indimom]

But thought of one to add. I'm a licensed home day care provider. Been at it for 13 years. Something I picked up over the years is to NOT overload their plate. Put the bare minimum you think they will eat on their plate. For whatever reason, some kids seem to look at a full plate, get overwhelmed, and will eat nothing. If you put just a little on there, (like a quarter cup or less of each item) they are more likely to clean their plate and then ask for more if they are still hungry.
On the off chance that this is a "power struggle" I would avoid putting too much attention on how much he eats at the table. Don't make a big deal out of it, try to get him to eat more, bribe or repeatedly ask him to take X more bites. When he says he's done, let him go. When he comes back later hungry, offer the same meal (leftovers) and have him sit at the table to eat as he normally would. This eliminates any "rewards" if he is using this for attention or control.
It could also simply be that he is not in a growth spurt right now and is eating less. Some kids seem to eat next to nothing for months at a time and then turn around and starting eating everything for a couple months. It is very normal for their food levels to fluxuate from time to time.
Sounds like you guys are doing a great job. Not much you can do about the situation with the x, just keep up the good work at home and he'll be fine.