OT: unusual potty training issue

[barnaby1]

On Friday we took the plunge of starting potty training for our dd who has just turned 2. She had all the "textbook signs" and I had planned for weeks with her sitting on the toilet before bathtime everynight and she was sitting on the toilet at nursery during the day at nappy change time. We went out and bought "big girl" pants etc. I was home from work for 4 days over Easter. No problems with any of the run up so i thought all systems were go.

Started with the intention of following some of Gina Ford's advice (in the contented toddler book - not everyones cup of tea I know but I have always found her advice useful) which involved her sitting on the toilet every 30 mins and then stretching the time out inbetween. She got bored of sitting so often so I let her be the guide for Friday. we had 5 accidents but treated them as no big deal but by the last one she had recognised that she needed the toilet so that was good.

On Saturday I set my phone alarm to go off every 30 mins (she will listen to the phone but as a typical toddler not Mummy!). That worked well as she was happy to sit. Also had a star chart. By the end of the day she had gone in the toilet 3 times (with me asking when she started the "wriggle"). She had wet herself a little but had then held on and done the rest in the toilet. We had lots of false starts in the afternoon and at the end of the day she was asking to get off the toilet as soon as she had got on and not actually wanting to wee in the toilet at all.

The odd problem I face now (and I hope someone has seen this before as I am starting to get quite stressed by it) is that my dd has bladder control that is too good and not only will she not go in the toilet but she also will not go in her nappy while she is awake (I offered to put her back in nappies on Sunday when she was getting distressed which she wanted). I know you shouldn't go back but I didn't know what else to do.

She gets herself into an absolute state but she still hangs on. She hasn't opened her bowels for 3 days for the same reason. She is not doing it to be controlling.

I left her in nappies today and didn't even mention the toilet and she actually asked to go this afternoon and she was happy to sit (still didn't do anything). She eventally wee'd in her nappy once she couldn't hold it any longer.

I really don't know whether to just abandon it altogether for a couple of months but I am worried if I don't tackle this it will really become a problem.
She is quite cognitively developed and has a memory like an elephant so is not easily tricked into forgetting things. She wasn't remotely interested in the star chart so I don't think that is an option.

I cant find any books which adress this problem so I would be grateful for any advice.

 

[charm73]

Stars may not interest her but what about a treat?

We had a treat jar that was only "potty treats". Jelly beans, smarties, gummy bears.... he got to pick what we would fill the jar with and he only got them when he would pee.

 

[foltzy]

I wish I had some advise. My dd is 3 and will not potty train, she shows all signs but doesn't care about being wet or dirty so we are having a hard time potty training here. I've tried it all, stickers, rewards with candy (Which she doesn't get that often), we went and got brand new panties for her to wear, we've tried rewarding her with quarters for the ride at the local store. Nothing works with her. She will be going to pre-school in the fall and I have got to have her trained by then. She wants to go to ballerina classes and she can't until she's potty trained (She knows this and tells us often that she needs to be potty trained to be a ballerina).

I hope you find something that help you.

 

[mommytobug]

She just may not be ready. Intelligence plays no role in potty training. Her body may not be ready for potty training. I know that their bladders have to mature to a point where they can physically control it. I know I am not explaining it well. She just turned 2. Instead of making it an "issue" I would leave the potty out and see when she shows interest. She will and when she does it will be fine. The bowel movement issue is normal among a lot of kids. My dd had trouble with the bowels and would hold instead of going. It took her dr that she loves dearly explaining to her that she could damage herself to the point that she would not be able to hold it. Good luck. It will all work out!!

 

[CampbellScot]

This is the last bit of control that young children have over their bodies and they are VERY reluctant to give it up.

Really, as you said, once you go to underpants you really shouldn't go back to the nappies. (That's what my grandma called them! )

But it sounds like your little one isn't quite ready. If you make it a power struggle she will hold it for days on end. It really is a control issue, unless she has a medical problem. Clearly she CAN control when it comes out and when it doesn't. She just isn't ready to give up control yet.

I'd stop mentioning potty training at all for the next week. If she asks to go, great let her go, but don't make a big deal either way. Keep her in her nappy for that week. Pay attention to how often she is asking to go. Is she doing it on a regular schedule?

The next week I'd start putting her on the potty when she wakes up in the morning, before and after naps, and before bed...never let more than two hours pass between "tries"...but keep her in the nappy.

The third week I'd switch all together to underpants. No more nappies. They are all gone. It's not an option to go back. By that time she will be used to the schedule of going potty. Do the chart again, praise her like mad every time she goes etc. Just don't allow it to become a power struggle.

she'll get it!!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

She just turned 2. I would leave it be. She is not ready. It will not turn into a problem. Honestly I think she is a bit young. Many kids will show an interest in the potty and then not want to go near the thing for months. She may be able to hold it but that may be because she doesn't want to go on the potty and she doesn't want to wet her pants either. My kids don't forget much either so I don't really see intelligence having anything to do with potty training. When she is ready it will all come together. Right now I would let it go, put the diapers on and don't stress.

 

[abcboys]

I don't have any advice. Personally I would stick with it and not put her back in her "nappies" (that word cracks me up, I'm guessing your not from the US?) But I'm also have some of the same issues with my 2 1/2 year old son. I started potty training since January and he is having major issues with bowel movements. He is holding them so long and then he gets scared to go and gets so constipated. We've had to give him suppositories just to get him to go and I'm having to make sure he gets lots of fiber, etc. He never had this problem in diapers. I would think she would eventually have to go pee. I know they can hold it for a long time but she will eventually go. If she seems ready just keep it up the praise, etc. I gave mine an m & m when he peed and he gets a sucker if he poops (which is not often enough) Good luck!!

 

[bumbershoot]

"I know you shouldn't go back but I didn't know what else to do."

Eh, doesn't seem that big a deal to me, if you are following her lead. If you're helping her potty-learn vs teaching her to potty-train, I think that being fluid and flexible is fine. Kids are fickle.

My guy showed signs of readiness around 18 months (either stayed dry all night or woke us up so we could get him on the potty), I think. He was about done with the learning part around 2, and we put the dipes away when he was 2.5.

Now, going back to diapers was a bit easier for us, because we used cloth. No extra cost for us at all. Makes it MUCH easier. Each day, each potty, he could decide what he wanted on his bottom; sometimes it was his Swaddlebees,sometimes his padded underwear, sometimes his Bumkins training pants...no big deal for me, no extra expense, and as long as he was happy I was fine.

My friend's son ended up with huge issues because he *had to be* trained for daycare. He went well beyond 4 wihtout being able to use the toilet for "everything", and had to have all but one of his toys taken from him before he would "go" in the toilet. It became a war with him.

So if she's trying to take control of her body back, I say let her. I don't think it should be a battle.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Since she just turned 2, my opinion is that she's not quite ready yet. You've done a good job of exposing her to the concept of using the toilet. It might be time to let her take the lead. Make the suggestion when you think she might need to go. If she refuses to sit, it's OK. If she sees you starting to get stressed or if she thinks you really, really want her to do this, it's likely to take longer. Good luck!

 

[HerdOHuds]

One of my little guys was potty trained at about that age, but wouldn't, no wouldn't, put the number 2 in the potty. In fact, he wouldn't do that at all. So I backed off completely. We left it for 6 months. We had some major changes between holidays, birthday, and pre-school.

In the meantime, I worked on getting him to do the number 2 thing *at all*.

The solution-and I do pray you don't have to resort to this-was The Brown Bomber. Sound intriguing?

It is equal parts apple juice, prune juice, and lemon-lime sparkling beverage (7-up). About once a week, sometimes twice, this is the 'special drink' that he gets. He gobbles it up since he loves beverages of any variety-milk, water, diluted juice, lemonade, you name it. Usually by the end of the day he has *cleared things out* and all is running smoothly again.

Lest I sound as if I don't know much, you should know that we maintain an extremely digestively (is that even a word?) healthy diet. He drinks much and gets plenty of exercise. Has no other developmental, physical, or cognitive issues. Just doesn't like to poop everyday.

The Brown Bomber was recommended by an RN friend of mine. OTC laxatives seemed to not work with DS so this has been a near miracle for us.

And today he actually did a little numero dos job on the potty!

I agree with all the pp's that have said to put it off. MissCammie had a good plan that will probably do the trick. She is a wise woman!

But if you need it, remember the Brown Bomber!!!!!

 

[tttessa]

Hiya,

I would leave it - unless there are physical/disability issues they all get there in the end.

DD1 was 2 yrs 10 months - when she finally wanted to use the potty or toilet and was dry day and night from day1. DD2 was 2yrs 3 months had a couple of accidents every so often for about a month and needed a nappy at night for another 3 months. DD1 was reluctant to poop in there for a while, but we put a nappy liner in the potty and she was fine.

My mum used to say "When they are old enough to ask not to wear nappies - in writing - then you've left it too long... Other than that don't fuss - you don't see many nappies at school" She was right - as usual...

Tessa

 

[hugabearjo]

not much help here, but encouragement. My nephew now 22 was the same way. He had incredible control and would ask to have a diaper put on for bowel movements. It was incredible because he knew what was going on. I read somewhere that it is tough because some kids feel like they are loosing part of themselves when they poo and it falls so far and gets flushed.

My encouragement is this, she won't go to school still not using the potty. My sister was very supportive of him and it really didn't take long (a few months) that he got it. She also went to taking the diaper and dumping it in the toilet so that he could see it goes there anyway. I don't know if that helped or just time.

She will get it. You are not alone, potty training is not easy/

I also did the treat jar we did m&m's.

Good luck and

 

[1rockinmamato2]

I agree it may be a bit early. Waiting a while will not do any damage. It will not instill bad habits with her. It will, however, help make it easier because in a month or two or five, she may be ready cognitively and physically.

DS is 30 months and we talk about the potty, he sits on the potty, we read potty books, watch Elmo's potty video, play with the Elmo Potty Doll. We are working on him distinguishing between peepee and poopoo and helping him understand when he has gone in his diaper. We let him watch us potty. I have bought "big boy underwear" (with Nemo and Toy Story on them OF COURSE! ) and we talk about how big boys who use the potty wear underwear and not diapers. ETC, ETC, ETC. Just recently he's been able to tell us when he has poopoo'ed. But, he has yet to use the potty. There's no pressure here. He's not completely ready yet. And I'm sure he's wonder what's up with OUR obession with the potty.

At this rate, he and DD may just potty train at the same time.

 

[JeremyGNJ]

DD5 has a similar problem...she holds in #2 for days until it HAS to come out and it's so big that it clogs the toilet (and hurts her coming out). We will often SEE her face straining to hold it in and make her go to the potty, but by that time the "need" has passed and she cant go.

If we give her any type of medicine like child laxative, she STILL holds it it...but then stuff "leaks out" around the blockage because it's so watery.

Other than that she's never had ANY problems with potty training for almost 2 years. She has NEVER wet the bed, and does not hold in #1 at all. Doctor thinks it might be a power struggle.

Any advice on that one?

 

[Tam1067]

Relax! We struggled with my oldest, and he ended up not completely getting it until he was a bit over three. We relaxed with my two younger ones (that's what happens with the 2nd and 3rd kids), and they both essentially trained themselves when they were ready--and both at a few months past two.

Tell her that when she's ready, she can use the potty. And when she uses the potty, she can wear those nice panties/underwear/whatever you call them. But until she's ready, she can wear her diapers (or nappies) as long as she wants. And then wait until she tells you she's ready. I'd mention it once a week or so, but don't push it any further. When she wants to, she will do it without bribery or reward or stress.

 

[skw444]

DD5 has a similar problem...she holds in #2 for days until it HAS to come out and it's so big that it clogs the toilet (and hurts her coming out). We will often SEE her face straining to hold it in and make her go to the potty, but by that time the "need" has passed and she cant go.

If we give her any type of medicine like child laxative, she STILL holds it it...but then stuff "leaks out" around the blockage because it's so watery.

Other than that she's never had ANY problems with potty training for almost 2 years. She has NEVER wet the bed, and does not hold in #1 at all. Doctor thinks it might be a power struggle.

Any advice on that one?

I'd love to know how to solve this too! My dd will be 3 next week and she stays dry all day and all night long and has been doing well for a couple of months. However, she will not go #2 in the potty. She holds it in for days and days until it hurts and then she'll go in her underwear. Any ideas?

 

[JeremyGNJ]

luckily she at least goes in the potty when she finally MUST. SO I dont envy you there.

I should also say that she's only a couple months into being 5 years old....it's mostly a 4 yr old problem and hoping that we can get through it real soon , hopefully before Disney world next month!!!

I've been offering Disney Dollars for good things she does and I have a few "Disney 5 Dollar Bills" that she can earn for "making medium sized poopies without being asked to"

So far...she doesnt have any 5's

 

[Alesia]

DD5 has a similar problem...she holds in #2 for days until it HAS to come out and it's so big that it clogs the toilet (and hurts her coming out). We will often SEE her face straining to hold it in and make her go to the potty, but by that time the "need" has passed and she cant go.

If we give her any type of medicine like child laxative, she STILL holds it it...but then stuff "leaks out" around the blockage because it's so watery.

Other than that she's never had ANY problems with potty training for almost 2 years. She has NEVER wet the bed, and does not hold in #1 at all. Doctor thinks it might be a power struggle.

Any advice on that one?

It probably is a power struggle.

Try letting her make her own choices on other things, like what she wants to wear.

 

[dimimi]

My oldest was almost 3 and my youngest around 2 1/2. I new several people who had kids with bowel issues from holding it. I also saw kids with control issues with wetting. We decided to wait until they were older and didn't have any problems. Both my kids are boys.

Now...keep in mind...many other things they did weren't so easy!

 

[tami82]

I would not worry too much about your 2 year old not being potty trained. She just is not ready. When she shows interest she will do so. My 2nd daughter went potty & even moved her bowels on her second b-day but didnt show interest again until alot later around 3 years old. I didnt push it when she was 2 and she did come around at 3.

My 3rd daughter will be 4 next month and WILL NOT go poo on the toilet bowl. Infact yesterday I noticed she kept going upstairs to her room and got suspicious. Well last night I found 4 pairs of her underwear with poo in them, also 3 during the day which she pood in and i washed (for a total of 7). I totally lost it when i found the 4 soiled pairs in her hamper on top of what she did during the day. They were not washable and i just felt like giving up at that point. I ask her constantly if she needs to go and even sat in the bathroom for about 20 mins last night with no luck. I cant afford to keep buying panties every week because she refuses to go. I have offered her gifts, candy, and nothing will help. I always have her wear a pullup for her nap & bedtime and before this last event she would actually hold it in all day until i was able to put the pullup on. Yesterday i guess she figured she had it made that she can poo all day and keep taking new panties. I was & still am furious.