OT: Teenagers OUCH

[Pixeldust Fairy]

Okay, I know this is OT, but I have to vent here. My son who was 15 at the time was involved with a girl who was 18, NOT MY CHOICE of course, but my son is very mature for his age, he is actually more mature than her. Anyway she was very forward with him and I had to put a stop to it. I talked to her mother and it was like her mother was fine with the situation. I felt she was actually grooming him for marriage.. YIKES.
Turns out MOM had to take things into her own hands and put a stop to the involvement. Sometimes I do know best, because he is so OVER her now. He still works with her almost daily and for some reason she thinks she has to tell him she has a boyfriend (like he cares). SO WHAT... on the inside both my son and I are doing the happy dance My rant is that what on earth makes her think she is so special that my son would be pining over her for a solid year. Second she told everyone at his workplace about it and decided that It shouldnt be told to him so everyone has been walking around on egg shells trying to keep this secret. He has way moved on. His life has so improved since she has been out of his life. Seriously this girl was trouble waiting to happen. I was afraid that she might try to get pregnant to keep him. She was very possesive and forward with a kid 3 years younger than her. She was causing him to do sneaky things and be deceptive. I felt she should have been dating guys 1 or 2 years older than her not my son who was only 15 and couldnt even drive yet. I dont know, but I have a daughter and I would never let her behave that way. They are teenagers and need to focus on college, and school, not who their hooking up with. Yes I am proud to say that I do not let my son date yet. He is too smart and has too much potential to be lost in a relationship at such a young age. I know that majority of people do not agree with my rule, but hey we all have to parent the way we see fit RIGHT?

Well everyone thanks for letting me vent. I needed that.

 

[Tinker74]

Iam a bit confused...Was he dating this girl? Is not allowing him to date a new thing?

 

[Pixeldust Fairy]

Iam a bit confused...Was he dating this girl? Is not allowing him to date a new thing?

No he was never allowed to date, they were having a secret relationship. Our families were close, because her parents are my kids ( with the exceptiion of his) Godparents. We often had meals together and such. He also saw her when he was at work. Everytime we would get together I had to look for him that they were not off alone locked in the closet or doing something they weren't supposed to be doing. It was admitted to her mother and myself that she was the one leading the relationship. This caused him to start flirting with adult emotions. He was only 15. This needless to say has caused strain between the two families.

 

[java]

I think I might be speechless.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I am sorry you had to deal with that. That sounds just so rough. Good for you for getting involved there. Maybe she needs to know that having "relations" with a monor is against the law and will earn her her own private cell. I wish you the best and good for your son for moving on.

 

[Makdyn]

I am still confused.

 

[Pixeldust Fairy]

I think I might be speechless.

Yea, I know the feeling.

 

[Pixeldust Fairy]

I am sorry you had to deal with that. That sounds just so rough. Good for you for getting involved there. Maybe she needs to know that having "relations" with a monor is against the law and will earn her her own private cell. I wish you the best and good for your son for moving on.

Thanks for the support. Thank goodness I put a stop to it before it ended up with "relations" happening. I was so afraid of that. Thanks again

 

[hvivona]

My only advice is be careful with getting involved. My mother got involved and demanded I stop dating several guys in the past and it made me resent her at the time. I remember having feelings of hate towards her at times because it was my life and none of her business. Which led me to sneaking out and doing it anyway behind her back. Of course I was young then and didn't know what I do now, but still I resented her. Now that I'm older I realize she was looking out for my best interests, but I still feel I would have been better off learning it the hard way, getting my heart broken. I know as parents we want to sheild our children from anyone and anything that could hurt them, but we can't and if we try they may resent us for it. I'm not saying never get involved, I know there are times when it is absolutely necessary, just be careful and use your best judgment.

 

[Pixeldust Fairy]

My only advice is be careful with getting involved. My mother got involved and demanded I stop dating several guys in the past and it made me resent her at the time. I remember having feelings of hate towards her at times because it was my life and none of her business. Which led me to sneaking out and doing it anyway behind her back. Of course I was young then and didn't know what I do now, but still I resented her. Now that I'm older I realize she was looking out for my best interests, but I still feel I would have been better off learning it the hard way, getting my heart broken. I know as parents we want to sheild our children from anyone and anything that could hurt them, but we can't and if we try they may resent us for it. I'm not saying never get involved, I know there are times when it is absolutely necessary, just be careful and use your best judgment.

I understand and appreciate your response. I dont want to be a buttinsky, but she was 18 and my son was only 15. Legally I had every right to put a stop to the relationship. And 15 year old boys can still father children. I just felt that and 18 year old adult should be having a relationship with someone who was mature enough to have a relationship and know how to control their emotions. At 15 he is just barely starting to become a man. You know all that hormonal stuff and all. My son is 17 now and we have a very honest relationship. He has actually thanked me for getting involved in that particular situation. He just was not mature enough at the time to know how to end it. He was so tangled up in the relationship that alot of his life was spinning out of hand. I know that we can not choose our childrens love, but I would hope that we could at least steer them in the right direction. Thank you for your consideration. I know what you mean when you say use your best judgement. I hope that the choices we make as parents are the right ones. My biggest problem is that in his workplace this woman, if you will is making him out to be the love struck puppy. Which he is not. I guess it is just my pitt bull momma instinct that is comming out.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Just a little somthing for you to think about. She probably looks like a jerk at the workplace. I have worked in notorious gossips dens if you will and it sounds pretty obvious that your son is a well adjusted young man. I doubt if anyone believes her BS. I have friends who think every man on earth "wants" them. They truly believe this. It is amazing! The rest of us just smile and agree with them. Keep in mind we are all married and have kids. So type of personality just is what it is. They have a bit of a delusional view of things. I wouldn't worry to much about what she says. It seems like things are great with your son and that's all that matters. I know it's hard because well, if anyone messes with my kids, well, it won't be pretty! That is why I will be installing electric fences once they are of dating age!

 

[powellrj]

I feel your pain. I had told my oldest DS I would help him pay for his Jr. Prom. That was until I found out his date was a 25 divorced woman with a child. She was his manager at work. Sorry there was no way I was going to show my support for my DS to take this woman to the prom. I was even surprised the school would allow it.

This was at the sametime my co-worker was planning the wedding of her 17 year old DS to a 23 year old pregnant college senior.

When my middle DS started HS at the age of 14, he was having girls that were 18 inviting him to parties and to "hang out". He isn't a child who looks old. He looked 14.

When did older girls decide it was ok to be with much younger or what we called "jailbait" boys????

 

[Pixeldust Fairy]

Just a little somthing for you to think about. She probably looks like a jerk at the workplace. I have worked in notorious gossips dens if you will and it sounds pretty obvious that your son is a well adjusted young man. I doubt if anyone believes her BS. I have friends who think every man on earth "wants" them. They truly believe this. It is amazing! The rest of us just smile and agree with them. Keep in mind we are all married and have kids. So type of personality just is what it is. They have a bit of a delusional view of things. I wouldn't worry to much about what she says. It seems like things are great with your son and that's all that matters. I know it's hard because well, if anyone messes with my kids, well, it won't be pretty! That is why I will be installing electric fences once they are of dating age!

Your right, I guess his actions will show more than what she says. It was so funny last night, we were in class(my son is a martial arts instructor) and she kept looing over at him to see what he was doing. Several people commented to my son as to why she kept staring at him. You are just like me when it comes to protecting your children. Boy watch out if you mess with my babies. Thanks, you make me feel alot better about the situation.

 

[Pixeldust Fairy]

I feel your pain. I had told my oldest DS I would help him pay for his Jr. Prom. That was until I found out his date was a 25 divorced woman with a child. She was his manager at work. Sorry there was no way I was going to show my support for my DS to take this woman to the prom. I was even surprised the school would allow it.

This was at the sametime my co-worker was planning the wedding of her 17 year old DS to a 23 year old pregnant college senior.

When my middle DS started HS at the age of 14, he was having girls that were 18 inviting him to parties and to "hang out". He isn't a child who looks old. He looked 14.

When did older girls decide it was ok to be with much younger or what we called "jailbait" boys????

I know it, these older girls are going after the younger boys like crazy. You hear about teachers having relationships with students all the time. There was one arrested here close to where I live the other day. I know that there are not many men with out children now days, but geez stay away from my adolecent son. If more parents taught their children chastity instead of prevention, I think more kids would have a higher self esteem and wouldnt end up pregnant at such a young age or fathering babies so young. zI know that is just my 2 cents, but I truly believe in it. So did your son end up taking this "woman" to the prom. I agree the school should not allow it. Hope everything worked out okay.

 

[momtoBrandon&Jacob]

I thought you said he was mature for his age - hiding in closets is VERY mature.

 

[powellrj]

I know it, these older girls are going after the younger boys like crazy. You hear about teachers having relationships with students all the time. There was one arrested here close to where I live the other day. I know that there are not many men with out children now days, but geez stay away from my adolecent son. If more parents taught their children chastity instead of prevention, I think more kids would have a higher self esteem and wouldnt end up pregnant at such a young age or fathering babies so young. zI know that is just my 2 cents, but I truly believe in it. So did your son end up taking this "woman" to the prom. I agree the school should not allow it. Hope everything worked out okay.

No, he didn't go. He didn't have enough money to rent the tux, buy the tickets, buy the corsage and take her out to dinner and to after prom without our help and there was no way I was going to help pay. It was just dropped when he found out I wouldn't help pay.

 

[Pixeldust Fairy]

No, he didn't go. He didn't have enough money to rent the tux, buy the tickets, buy the corsage and take her out to dinner and to after prom without our help and there was no way I was going to help pay. It was just dropped when he found out I wouldn't help pay.

Good for you. I feel the same way, I helped my son out with prom last year. He goes to a private school and they are allowed to invite several people since we are so small. He went last year with a group of 5 friends, they had the best time. They all danced with eachother and there was no pressure to hook up. I will help him this year also if he chooses to go with an appropriate date.. Way to go mom for standing your ground.

 

[Pixeldust Fairy]

I thought you said he was mature for his age - hiding in closets is VERY mature.

He is mature for his age. He has a job that pays his tuition to attend a private highschool. How many kids do you know that can hold down a job to pay for something like that. Secondly, there are somethings that cause an otherwise rational teen to behave in a maner not so mature. Heck my husband is almost 40 and he still has bouts of childish behavior. Dont we all. But I felt that the girl was leading him into situations that he was not yet ready to handle. NO, hiding in a closet is not mature, but in most cases he is very mature. Judging his maturity on that alone is not fair. His lack of maturity in that aspect was directly a result of this girl.