OT- Switch in school district advice needed!!

[Princessbaby]

I'll try to keep this from being tooo long! We are looking a moving to a new/bigger house next spring or summer (2010). I have 3 children- my oldest will be entering middle school in fall of 2010. Well, I have been talking to nurses lately at the hospital, who have older children, and have been getting the "lowdown" on our school districts middle and high schools. Now, as part of my nursing school, one of my clinicals this semester has been following a couple school nurses, so I have seen one middle school first hand (and I WAS NOT impressed!). Anyway, the jest of everyone's opinions, is our middle schools and high schools are not the best and as a matter of fact the high schools are basically going to the dogs. A lot of crime, drugs, weapons, etc. So, I have mentioned to my DH and children that if we move to a "better" school district, next year (2010-2011) would be ideal since this will be a transition year for my oldest DS from elementary to middle school. Well, he (my DS) is resistant to it, and I completely understand, because he has been going to school with the same kids since K. I have tried to explain to him that even if he goes to the middle school he is originally supposed to go to, he won't be seeing much of these kids because 4 elementary schools feed into it and he will be making new friends anyway.
The difference between the 2 districts basically boils down to this: our current district is the largest, it is well diverse in that inner city kids are bussed out equally to all the different schools, but this district is high crime and gang activity is strong at the high schools- no matter which one you go to- some are worse than others. My DH and I went to the same one my kids will/would be going to if we stayed in this district and I remember first hand-but we came out ok!
The new district we are looking at is smaller, no inner city bussing because it's a different district, and it is in a more rural area, small community setting.
I am all for the new district because I know many who have kids there and they love it-I know no school is without fault, they all have issues, but there is no gang activity, etc.
So, my questions is, do I make this decision and hope for the best, or do you think this will crush him completely? He is such a serious, quiet shy kid, I do not want to ruin or hurt him, but frankly, he does not have many friends right now because he is so frustrated that he has "goof-offs" in all in his classes. He is hoping middle school will be different. My other 2 kids will be completely fine because they are outgoing, socialable and make friends everywhere they go.
Any experience, opinions, etc? Any advice would help!

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

We did this last year. DH got a real nice job offer that required moving to a new state. We moved over the summer, then our children entered 8th, 6th, and K last fall. The youngest isn't in school yet. While we didn't move strictly for the school district, DH did inquire as to which one was best, and we ended up moving to NH (his job is in VT) to be in the best district. One of our thoughts on the move was, we had 2 kids starting a new school regardless, and the oldest would have a year to adjust before hitting HS.

We didn't even discuss it with the children until it was pretty much a done deal. My thought is, they didn't get a vote--Dh and I would decide for the family. DD13 was devastated at first, while DS11 was more calm. DD is my social butterfly, she was leaving a small district and friends she'd known since preschool. DS is more of a loner, and was looking for a chance to re-invent himself.

DD has been doing fine, and is really looking forward to high school this fall. She's had her old friends over, and they're so jealous of our new town. We lived rural before, now we're in a small city, so it doesn't take much to impress, I guess. DD has made many friends, found a new dance studio, joined XC and track and the drama club and hangs with the band geeks. Meanwhile, DS11 is struggling, but it's a matter of apathy and disorganization/laziness, that I think would have happened anywhere. I think everyone's adjusted pretty well, but I'd be lying if I said it was all roses.

My suggestion would be to find out as much as you can about the new town and school, so that you can emphasize the positives. And once you have a date and specific town, start emotionally moving out there--maybe enroll your children in summer camp there, or sign up for soccer or baseball or whatever. That way, you take some of the newness off of it. We moved in July--we didn't know that our new district has 1001 day camps all summer. Drama, art, band, XC--the list is endless. So, all the neighborhood kids were in camp and my kids had nothing to do.

 

[Kriii]

Due to job transfers, my dd will be moving to her fourth school this fall. In my experience, it doesn't hurt in the long run. Make your decision based on the strength of the school district and if you move, your son will make friends and find his "place." Hope all goes well for you.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

My family moved when I was starting HS...for the sole purpose to put me in a better school. I was able to see the schools (all private) and choose which I was most interested in. My parents agreed so that is the area where we moved. In the long run it was the best thing for me. I had so many more opportunities than my friends at my old school that I had been with since preschool. My parents also gave me much more freedom the older I got. Of course, I had proven myself responsible, but they didn't have to worry about other concerns (gangs, etc) and knew all my friends and most of their parents (not that that gives 100% guarantee).
Ultimately you are the parents and have to do what you think if best for you children. He'll get over it eventually. Maybe letting him see where he will be going to school and meeting some of the kids that could be going to the same school (of have been) could help convince him it won't be the end of the world.
Good Luck to you all!

 

[Princessbaby]

Thanks all for the advice! It helps that this is in the same town (it's just more north and in a rural part of our city) and he can make the initiative to keep in contact with those he wants to from his old school if we decide to make the move to the new district.

 

[mom2princessj]

I can tell you that I lived in a rural community and HATED IT! Check greatschools.net to see what the test scores are and what types of classes are offered in that high school. My small rural community didn't offer anything but the basics in math and science, no AP (advance placement) courses for college credit, and only one foreign language. We had checked on the elementary school before moving out there but didn't even think to check the entire district. There are hardly any sports offered there due to its small size. On top of that, if your child isn't into sports there aren't many other alternatives for the kids such as clubs, marching band, etc. When you live in a small community where there is NOTHING to keep the kids busy that's when they really tend to get in trouble. We luckily were able to get out and now live in a bigger tri-town area where all 3 towns go to one high school and the high school has all the academic and activities either of my kids will ever want to do.
Before living in that rural community we lived in an area where all restaurants and shopping were 5-10 minutes away. After moving rural I drove at least 20-30 minutes to go to Walmart/Target/Kohs, restaurants, movies...the only things out there were McDs, Subway, and a grocery store (gas stations and some other small food places and businesses). You don't really understand it until you get there and are living it. It was awful. Then there's the community itself...ugh...they were clicking and snobby and the kids were just like the parents. I was appalled at how mean even 5 year olds could be. My dd is so sweet and shy and she gets her feelings hurt very easily. She had such a hard time out there. Her confidence was so low because she couldn't understand why the kids were so mean...it was bad.
My advice before moving anywhere is to get as much info as possible about the community and school system as you can. There are plenty of strong districts to move into that are bigger and offer the most academically and extra curricularly for your kids. Check into the conveniences of what is offered out there and how long your drive will be to simple shopping and eating. We thought the drive wouldn't bother us...but we were so wrong. Taking an hour to drive round trip to Walmart just was a waste! Good luck whatever you decide!

ETA: I see that you posted this would be right outside where you currently live so maybe the distance to everyday conveniences wouldn't be as bad as what I encountered. I do still encourage you to do your own research within the school system by visiting it and also checking greatschools.net. You don't want to make a move and hate it like we did!

 

[rbork]

My kid's were in 3 schools during 1 school year. So I've got experience.
First, the decision was entirely made by DH and myself. Kid's weren't asked, this is just what it is, and it's life.
a little background here...my kid's started in their home school district then changed to top school in area while we rented close to that school. THEN transferred to a very good school when we settled on a new home. The boys really handled it much better than I expected. However, there were days that I cried thinking about how harsh the other kid's were in there new school as far as acceptance. Anyway, 6 months after living in the new house, we came to the dreadful realization that we just couldn't live there due to a differences with the community/city. We agonized over the decision seeing how difficult it had been for the boys. But we knew in the end we wanted something more for them, something they would not be able to appreciate, grasp or understand at this time. So we sold the brand new house and moved back to the country. Schools were among the top factors when deciding on a place to live and put down some roots. The boys have adjusted beautifully and are so happy they live here.
In the end, you have to trust your final decision. We truely moved for the kid's future this go round. We did not ask them or give them a choice.
Kid's are super resilant (sp?) and are better able to make friends now since they've had "alot" of experience DS started middle school w/ a leg up since.... he already had friend making experience. AND on a side note, we enrolled the kid's in sports and other activities outside of school so they have had friends in those areas too without relying solely on the school to make friends.
Good Luck and Do what's right for you and your family.

 

[Princessbaby]

I can tell you that I lived in a rural community and HATED IT! Check greatschools.net to see what the test scores are and what types of classes are offered in that high school. My small rural community didn't offer anything but the basics in math and science, no AP (advance placement) courses for college credit, and only one foreign language. We had checked on the elementary school before moving out there but didn't even think to check the entire district. There are hardly any sports offered there due to its small size. On top of that, if your child isn't into sports there aren't many other alternatives for the kids such as clubs, marching band, etc. When you live in a small community where there is NOTHING to keep the kids busy that's when they really tend to get in trouble. We luckily were able to get out and now live in a bigger tri-town area where all 3 towns go to one high school and the high school has all the academic and activities either of my kids will ever want to do.
Before living in that rural community we lived in an area where all restaurants and shopping were 5-10 minutes away. After moving rural I drove at least 20-30 minutes to go to Walmart/Target/Kohs, restaurants, movies...the only things out there were McDs, Subway, and a grocery store (gas stations and some other small food places and businesses). You don't really understand it until you get there and are living it. It was awful. Then there's the community itself...ugh...they were clicking and snobby and the kids were just like the parents. I was appalled at how mean even 5 year olds could be. My dd is so sweet and shy and she gets her feelings hurt very easily. She had such a hard time out there. Her confidence was so low because she couldn't understand why the kids were so mean...it was bad.
My advice before moving anywhere is to get as much info as possible about the community and school system as you can. There are plenty of strong districts to move into that are bigger and offer the most academically and extra curricularly for your kids. Check into the conveniences of what is offered out there and how long your drive will be to simple shopping and eating. We thought the drive wouldn't bother us...but we were so wrong. Taking an hour to drive round trip to Walmart just was a waste! Good luck whatever you decide!

ETA: I see that you posted this would be right outside where you currently live so maybe the distance to everyday conveniences wouldn't be as bad as what I encountered. I do still encourage you to do your own research within the school system by visiting it and also checking greatschools.net. You don't want to make a move and hate it like we did!

Yes, the standardized tests scores were important to us and I looked them up and their numbers are so much better as is, their graduation rate, their SAT composite scores, etc.

Thanks for your help I really appreciate it!

 

[Princessbaby]

My kid's were in 3 schools during 1 school year. So I've got experience.
First, the decision was entirely made by DH and myself. Kid's weren't asked, this is just what it is, and it's life.
a little background here...my kid's started in their home school district then changed to top school in area while we rented close to that school. THEN transferred to a very good school when we settled on a new home. The boys really handled it much better than I expected. However, there were days that I cried thinking about how harsh the other kid's were in there new school as far as acceptance. Anyway, 6 months after living in the new house, we came to the dreadful realization that we just couldn't live there due to a differences with the community/city. We agonized over the decision seeing how difficult it had been for the boys. But we knew in the end we wanted something more for them, something they would not be able to appreciate, grasp or understand at this time. So we sold the brand new house and moved back to the country. Schools were among the top factors when deciding on a place to live and put down some roots. The boys have adjusted beautifully and are so happy they live here.
In the end, you have to trust your final decision. We truely moved for the kid's future this go round. We did not ask them or give them a choice.
Kid's are super resilant (sp?) and are better able to make friends now since they've had "alot" of experience DS started middle school w/ a leg up since.... he already had friend making experience. AND on a side note, we enrolled the kid's in sports and other activities outside of school so they have had friends in those areas too without relying solely on the school to make friends.
Good Luck and Do what's right for you and your family.

It can be so hard sometimes! What happened to the good ol' days where we just went to our neighborhood schools? I miss those days....

 

[fletchers5]

We moved out of state when my youngest entering his Junior Year of High School. My other children were in College.

Now first let me tell you that my Junior played sports........... he tried out for the golf team in August.....made Varsity..........Had NO problems adjusting to the new school, making new friends, girlfriend etc. He met alot of kids by being in a sport. He is not a shy kid which really helped.

Now if I would have moved my oldest when he was entering his junior year Things may not have turned out so well. He was more of a shy kid. But he did also play sports.

so my suggestion to you is ..... Move.....Your children will adjust. Get your son to join anything that might interest him. That will help him make new friends faster.

 

[mom2princessj]

My kid's were in 3 schools during 1 school year. So I've got experience.
First, the decision was entirely made by DH and myself. Kid's weren't asked, this is just what it is, and it's life.
a little background here...my kid's started in their home school district then changed to top school in area while we rented close to that school. THEN transferred to a very good school when we settled on a new home. The boys really handled it much better than I expected. However, there were days that I cried thinking about how harsh the other kid's were in there new school as far as acceptance. Anyway, 6 months after living in the new house, we came to the dreadful realization that we just couldn't live there due to a differences with the community/city. We agonized over the decision seeing how difficult it had been for the boys. But we knew in the end we wanted something more for them, something they would not be able to appreciate, grasp or understand at this time. So we sold the brand new house and moved back to the country. Schools were among the top factors when deciding on a place to live and put down some roots. The boys have adjusted beautifully and are so happy they live here.
In the end, you have to trust your final decision. We truely moved for the kid's future this go round. We did not ask them or give them a choice.
Kid's are super resilant (sp?) and are better able to make friends now since they've had "alot" of experience DS started middle school w/ a leg up since.... he already had friend making experience. AND on a side note, we enrolled the kid's in sports and other activities outside of school so they have had friends in those areas too without relying solely on the school to make friends.
Good Luck and Do what's right for you and your family.

Wow...good for you. I can totally sympathize with differences in the community and wanting to get out. I cried many times when my little dd would get left out by the neighbor kids or when they were flat out mean to her. We did start socializing her in our new area and her confidence then soared. For the last summer we lived there (last year) she just ignored all of those kids and it didn't even phase her anymore that they didn't say hi or didn't want to play with her. I couldn't even imagine how it would have been had she started school there. We actually considered private school and driving 30 minutes just to avoid the situation. I'm so relieved to be out of there!