OT: Send kids to daycare while you are home?

[flipflop]

Just remember we all love our kids, we are all trying to do the best we can. Let's accept each other and support each other- we are all moms.

Hooray belle&beast! My sentiments exactly!

 

[LoveBWVVBR]

Couldn't one parent play with/tend to the kids while the other one ran errands and did chores That's what we do, and it works out fine.

That said, I can see bringing the kids for part of the day if the kids are very routine-oriented. My DD really needs her routine or else she gets very cranky and upset. I can't see bringing them if they'd be just as happy at home with mom or dad that day, though.

As for bringing an older child to preschool while mom tends to a new baby...well, that is something different alltogether. How interesting is it for a preschooler to sit there watching mom breastfeed all day In that case, I'd bring the older child to preschool/childcare for a few hours a day just so they got out of the house and had some other kids to play with. I think that my DD would go insane if I had to keep her in the house all day every day while I tended to a new baby That wouldn't be fair to her, so I could see enrolling her in part-time preschool when/if that ever happens.

 

[rt2dz]

One thing I think some people are missing is that it takes a whole lot more than a few hours in a week to raise a child. Raising a child is a lifetime of work.

It’s about staying up all night while the baby with colic screams his head off and you can do nothing. It’s about kissing all the bumps and bruises. It’s about cuddling in the middle of the night when there is a huge thunderstorm and your child simply doesn’t want to be in his/her room alone. It’s about rushing your child to the ER in your PJs wearing no makeup and your hair looking wild because your child wakes you up at 2 am by throwing up on you and is running a temperature of 106. It’s about tucking your child in at night with hugs and kisses. It’s about reading the same book for the 57th time that day. It’s about teaching your child the things/morals you value; to do right even when no one is looking. It’s about giving your son advice on how to ask a girl out for the first time. It’s about holding your daughter while she cries over her first heartbreak. It’s about funerals for goldfish. Taking care of the puppy your child promised to take care of himself. It’s about going up to the school and insisting that yes, your child did return that library book and somehow they screwed up. It’s about staying up until 4 am to bake that birthday cake your child wants so badly. It’s about that wonderfully fun family vacation—be it an African Safari or camping at the state park. It’s teaching them to ride a bike or rollerskate. It’s about helping them learn long division when they just didn’t grasp the concept at school. It’s about laying down with them in the backyard and doing nothing but looking at the clouds. It’s about not stepping in when they have a fight with their best friend. And so much, much, much more.

A few hours of daycare/preschool isn’t going to take away from that. It doesn’t matter is there is a SAHM (or father) or not. It doesn’t matter if mom or dad have a day off and still send the child and use the free time they do not normally have to accomplish other tasks and spend their normal time taking care of all the other things.

The only “prize” you get for parenting is (hopefully) having well adjusted, happy children and watching them go through everything you did; and, if you’re lucky, coming to you for advice/help.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Whew!
Call me crazy, but isn't the purpose of these boards to discuss our common love of Disney? Aren't there other boards out there if you choose to criticize other people's parenting methods?

 

[flipflop]

One thing I think some people are missing is that it takes a whole lot more than a few hours in a week to raise a child. Raising a child is a lifetime of work.

It’s about staying up all night while the baby with colic screams his head off and you can do nothing. It’s about kissing all the bumps and bruises. It’s about cuddling in the middle of the night when there is a huge thunderstorm and your child simply doesn’t want to be in his/her room alone. It’s about rushing your child to the ER in your PJs wearing no makeup and your hair looking wild because your child wakes you up at 2 am by throwing up on you and is running a temperature of 106. It’s about tucking your child in at night with hugs and kisses. It’s about reading the same book for the 57th time that day. It’s about teaching your child the things/morals you value; to do right even when no one is looking. It’s about giving your son advice on how to ask a girl out for the first time. It’s about holding your daughter while she cries over her first heartbreak. It’s about funerals for goldfish. Taking care of the puppy your child promised to take care of himself. It’s about going up to the school and insisting that yes, your child did return that library book and somehow they screwed up. It’s about staying up until 4 am to bake that birthday cake your child wants so badly. It’s about that wonderfully fun family vacation—be it an African Safari or camping at the state park. It’s teaching them to ride a bike or rollerskate. It’s about helping them learn long division when they just didn’t grasp the concept at school. It’s about laying down with them in the backyard and doing nothing but looking at the clouds. It’s about not stepping in when they have a fight with their best friend. And so much, much, much more.

The only “prize” you get for parenting is (hopefully) having well adjusted, happy children and watching them go through everything you did; and, if you’re lucky, coming to you for advice/help.

Very well put.

This actually made me teary - in part because it reminded me of some pretty long nights with the trips as infants and in part because it has made me think about them getting big!

 

[crisi]

I think the best well-adjusted kids come from fullfilled well adjusted parents. Some people can spend their days with their kids and find that energizing and fulfilling. Some people need to get their fullfillment outside of their home and family. Dragging a kid through Target while yelling at them because you are at the end of your rope is not "quality time."

If I have errands to run or a house to clean, and I can get it done in four hours without my kids and then have four hours to play games or do puzzles with them or take them to the playground or the pool - that to me is a better deal than it taking eight hours to run those errands with my kids - they don't enjoy errands (and maybe it would be different if they did). If I can recharge with a day spent without my kids while they are in the care of daycare/grandma/at a friends house - wherever - and that enables me to have emotional and physical resources to give them - that is a better deal to me than three days spent where I'm worn out and drained.

For those of you that don't understand this because you find your children and home so fulfilling that this doesn't make sense - consider yourself fortunate to find a role in life that is so rewarding to you. But trust that not everyone is like you. Is it better for kids to spend eight hours a day in daycare or eight hours a day with a mother at home that resents them because she stopped being herself when she became Mom?

And to those that said "those women should have never had kids in the first place" - what do you want them to do - there isn't a return counter.

 

[my4kids]

This is your post I was referring to. If you state your mothering technique is to talk and interact with your kids the whole time, I'm going to interpret that as being with and entertaining your children at all times. I didn't see you refer to your children off by themselves reading or playing a video game or in any way being alone for even a minute, because that's not how you described your situation.

OK, I can see how you would misinterpret that. But I did not say "entertaining them at all times". I meant that I enjoy them here, and they enjoy being here. That does not mean that I never let them leave the house. It just means, given a choice, I and they would choose to be at home and not at daycare if they already go there almost every day. . It doesn't mean that they are playing with me the whole time. Usually they have a friend over to play with. I just mean, them here when I am doing daily stuff like laundry is not wasted time. By saying I'm interacting, I meant they are not plopped in front of a TV being ignored. Inviting one of their friends over to play is also a form of me interacting with them and their lives.

 

[ameraumi]

First, around here there is a difference between daycare and preschool. There are even different types of preschool—social based or educational based. Each preschool is a learning environment; it is just a matter of how they teach and what they concentrate on. We went the social route, but they still learn. Daycare is just babysitting. It is safe. It is fun. There is nothing wrong with it, but it is different.

I totally disagree with that. I own a home daycare and have been licensed for 8.5 yrs. I have always done a "preschool" type program as do a lot of other daycares that I know. Even if I am not doing worksheets with the children, I am teaching them thru play. Legos can be used for counting, colors, patterns, differences, ect. I can tell you that I take offense to being called a "babysitter".

That said, I do have parents like the OP who bring their children on their days off. It is normally on a reduced schedule, meaning that they drop off later and pick up after nap. It does make it easier on me to keep them on a schedule, and that day off can really throw them out of routine. But I am sure I would feel differently if I had a parent who was taking advantage of me.

 

[my4kids]

My issue with your position is that you are implying it is always better to have kids lounging at home enjoying family time, when several posters on this thread have repeatedly said their kids really enjoy and would prefer to be at their school playing with their friends instead. It's not a bad thing to lounge at home with mom on a day off by any means, but neither is it a gold standard by which other parents should be judged. When you make the assumption that your choice is the best and right and only choice, I do take issue.

Again, I never said that my choice was the "best right and only choice "(although it is for me) - but just that I can not imagine choosing to send my kid off when it is not necessary. Op asked what we thought, I told her what I think. I'm not judging others.

And again, I never said "lounging at home". They live here too, therfore they do chores her too, just like me. Of course, when they do lounge, that's ok too. It is their home. I prefer for the majority of their time to be spent with me and at home and not a daycare provider in an institution. I do not prefer to have them spend ALL of their time with me, just the majority of it. Some kids clock more waking hours in a daycare then at home.

 

[Steph9072]

When we had our daughter we had no choice but to put her in daycare. I a had to work to make ends meat. There were days I was off that I would still take her for a short day.

Once my ds was born we made the decision for me to stay home. How lucky am I? I have seen every single milestone my ds has accomplished first hand. It hit me a while back how much of dd's first years I missed, and will never get back.

If I could I would turn back the clock to 2000 and I would have spent every single minute off work with my child.

That being said at the end of the day op YOU and your DH have to decided what is best for you and your family. But I would hate for you to look back in a few years and have the regret that I do of missing out.

 

[DVCLiz]

OK, I can see how you would misinterpret that. But I did not say "entertaining them at all times". I meant that I enjoy them here, and they enjoy being here. That does not mean that I never let them leave the house. It just means, given a choice, I and they would choose to be at home and not at daycare if they already go there almost every day. . It doesn't mean that they are playing with me the whole time. Usually they have a friend over to play with. I just mean, them here when I am doing daily stuff like laundry is not wasted time. By saying I'm interacting, I meant they are not plopped in front of a TV being ignored. Inviting one of their friends over to play is also a form of me interacting with them and their lives.

Thanks for the clarification. I do understand what you are trying to say.

 

[momto2girls]

I think the best well-adjusted kids come from fullfilled well adjusted parents. Some people can spend their days with their kids and find that energizing and fulfilling. Some people need to get their fullfillment outside of their home and family.

THANK YOU!! I think this is spot on. For the record, I posted earlier saying that the OP should do whatever works for her with absolutely no judgement from me. But these last few pages of posts have included comments which seem to indicate that mothers who don't feel the need to have much time to themselves are risking their marriages and their children.

I think that you very clearly said what I have been thinking. Some women really need "alone time" to recharge. Others don't. I have found that I really don't. My husband feels the same way.

 

[DVCLiz]

Again, I never said that my choice was the "best right and only choice "(although it is for me) - but just that I can not imagine choosing to send my kid off when it is not necessary. Op asked what we thought, I told her what I think. I'm not judging others.

And again, I never said "lounging at home". They live here too, therfore they do chores her too, just like me. Of course, when they do lounge, that's ok too. It is their home. I prefer for the majority of their time to be spent with me and at home and not a daycare provider in an institution. I do not prefer to have them spend ALL of their time with me, just the majority of it. Some kids clock more waking hours in a daycare then at home.

OK, glad I understand your position and sorry if I made assumptions that weren't true.

When children turn 5 or 6 they generally also clock more waking hours at school than at home - something they are required to do by law unless the family has chosen to homeschool. That is also an institution.

It's interesting to me that parents choose that institution, and are willing to let a 6 year old enter school, but are against the idea of a 4 or 5 year old spending the same amount of time in daycare. No real point to be made - it is just a difference of opinion and a personal preference, I guess.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Can someone send me to daycare today? A little naptime would be nice today.

 

[my4kids]

OK, glad I understand your position and sorry if I made assumptions that weren't true.

When children turn 5 or 6 they generally also clock more waking hours at school than at home - something they are required to do by law unless the family has chosen to homeschool. That is also an institution.

It's interesting to me that parents choose that institution, and are willing to let a 6 year old enter school, but are against the idea of a 4 or 5 year old spending the same amount of time in daycare. No real point to be made - it is just a difference of opinion and a personal preference, I guess.

I know what you mean, but I think there is a big develpmental difference between say age 3 and 6. When I used to have to send my oldest to daycare and he was 3, he came home crying and exausted. He was still a baby but being forced to do "school kinda stuff" for hours on end. They had nap time, but he just didn't rest well there. By the time he was 5-6 and going to school full day, he ws ready for it. Although I don't think he could have handled anymore time than a regular school day without having a melt down.

 

[Aristomommy]

I agree to this. Some children come to Kindergarten "straight from mommy's lap" as we say sometimes, and the child has no social skills whatsoever. I see nothing wrong w/ preschool, in my experiences it has been advantageous to the child both educationally and socially. In an earlier post I referred to mothers dropping babies off at daycare driving very expensive vehicles and how this rubbed me wrong. First off, let me say I know these parents-these babies are small babies (6 months and younger), it is oftentimes before 7 am, and no they do not have to work. But they do feel the need to carry the latest Coach handbag, drink $5 coffees all day long, and shop at nothing less than Macys. And when the gas prices skyrocket I hear about how it costs "so much to fill up I can barely afford to drive to work". I will not apologize for feeling like this is wrong.
It is a delicate balance that one must find-between working and letting the child be cared for out of the home and by whom and for how long.

I must wonder why you really care what another mother chooses to do with her life and children? If the children are neglected and abused, report them. If it's a matter of being nosy or trying to feel superior about your own choice, then just mind your own business It's easy to judge others, but I am not sure what purpose it serves. As mothers, we should support each other not knock each other down. If you choose to be a SAHM and it works for you, I am glad for you. Another mom may need to work for variety reasons, money may be secondary. I have been a SAHM, a college student mom, working mother of variety of hours per week. I knew why I made the choices I made and I have two well adjusted, bright children that have not been damaged by me staying at home with them or working. Just be comfortable with your own choices and let someone enjoy their choice even if it isn't the same as yours.

 

[dfarner]

I must wonder why you really care what another mother chooses to do with her life and children?

I can say that this bothers me because first and foremost I care about children, all children. In my profession I have seen many many ill-adjusted children that have been scooted out the door and overly-scheduled all of their lives. It is not to judge their lifestyle but to have concern for their children. Why would you NOT be concerned?

 

[U2_rocks!]

For Heaven's sake, the parents had 5 days off, the kids went to daycare for 2 of them - and this is going to scar them for life???

It's amazing what people will argue about!!

I agree with whoever said that parenting is a whole lot more than the few hours during weekdays that a child might be in the care of someone else. There are pros and cons to both situations (kids at home vs kids in a daycare situation or nanny), and as long as there is enough balance that the cons don't outnumber the pros, i's all good!

 

[jodifla]

Again, I never said that my choice was the "best right and only choice "(although it is for me) - but just that I can not imagine choosing to send my kid off when it is not necessary. Op asked what we thought, I told her what I think. I'm not judging others.

And again, I never said "lounging at home". They live here too, therfore they do chores her too, just like me. Of course, when they do lounge, that's ok too. It is their home. I prefer for the majority of their time to be spent with me and at home and not a daycare provider in an institution. I do not prefer to have them spend ALL of their time with me, just the majority of it. Some kids clock more waking hours in a daycare then at home.

Your image of day care/preschool seems to be some sort of warehouse for kids. For DS, for 20 months on, it was just a fun place to go for the day!

From about the age 4 on personally, I would have MUCH rather been out playing with friends than sitting around watching my mom do laundry.

 

[Keara'sMom]

For Heaven's sake, the parents had 5 days off, the kids went to daycare for 2 of them - and this is going to scar them for life???

It's amazing what people will argue about!!

U2 Rocks, you said this so much better than I did in my attempt at a response. Again, I wish the OP hadn't felt like she had to question her decision...