OT- My husband works way too much!!!

[Harvest02]

OK, I am going to try to keep this short, but I have this issue bothering me and thought my DIS friends might be able to give me some advice. My husband and I have been married for 12 years, and I do love him dearly. He works in a small company and he is the office manager. His boss lives out of state. Anyway, my husband has been at the same salary for 7 years since the company he works for is always short on funds. Well, the past year or so, he has been working LOTS of hours. Now, my husband comes home tonight to tell me in order to get all the work done he needs to work 2 shifts in a row(probably 6:30 am - 11 pm) for the next couple weeks, maybe longer(including weekends). He feels that he can't take more than 5 minutes for lunch and says he never sits down at work. He is salary so he doesn't get compensated for all these extra hours either, which really burns me up!!! He has had a sore throat and just not feeling well for the past 4 weeks. He went to the doctor on Friday and had bloodwork done but the nurse called me today and said everything was perfect. So, obviously he doesn't have some type of viral or bacterial infection since they took a complete blood count. With all of this working, it is not helping our relationship any because when he is home he just wants to sleep and not spend any time with the family. I feel like a single mom taking my kids everywhere(not that I mind since I am a SAHM anyway). It is just tearing me up to see him so exhausted and frustrated. What suggestions does anyone have to make this situation better? Does anyone have a significant other who works just as much and feels this way? I know he is trying to provide for the family and I appreciate that, but he is running himself into the ground! I am afraid he is going to end up in the hospital! What to do? Any help would be appreciated!!!

 

[ceiligh1]

My DH works for a company where long hours are the norm. I am also a SAHM right now and as my son is under a year some days are harder than others. I know that sometimes you do feel like you are a single parent and that can get stressful as well.
One thing that has worked for me but might be a little more difficult for you is to start a support group with other wives of the people my DH works with. When they all start working these long hours as they dont work them all the time, we can all get together and have dinner. THis lets the kids run around and you can have some adult conversation.

Also I sit on my front lawn with my son and we talk to the other moms and kids in the neighborhood. THis allows me to interact with adults and my DS loves to be the center of attention from all the older kids.

If you need a break from your kids look into gyms in your area the ones here have a parents night out every friday and you can drop your kids off, they get to play you can go out to eat.

You are not alone in this you and your DH will get through it but it does sound like he might want to look for a new job if he is not being compensated for his hours.

 

[amarberry]

Not to sound mean, but if your DH's company hasn't given him a raise in 7 years, it's time for him to start looking for a job where they will appreciate and compensate him better! Clearly, his health is being affected, with justification.

My last year of work before DD was born was similar to this (I have no idea how I was able to get pregnant with all of the stress...maybe my body saw it as a way out of my situation ). I was doing my job, plus the job of a co-worker on maternity leave, plus they consolidated our group with another so I took on 75% of another person's job...it was crazy, but it was only for a few months. Is this a temporary situation or are these the hours that he is expected to keep normally?

I'm a SAHM now and my DH works pretty long hours (not as bad as what your DH is facing). It is hard and sometimes you do feel like a single parent. This might sound weird, but somedays I really try to stay away from our house and keep busy with outside activities. It doesn't seem as frustrating when I'm out of the house! Good luck and hugs!

 

[amousemomof3]

A job change may be something to consider, but I would be happy that you have a DH who is willing to work. It could be a lot worse, you could have a dh who is a bum. I'd take the hard worker over that option any day. Count your blessings as I know women who would gladly trade with you.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

My DH also works too much, but that is due to his own work ethic and sense of responsibility, not his employers. (He has worked 60+ hour weeks everywhere he has ever worked.)

I used to work with his current manager, who is a great guy. When DH began having heart problems a few years ago, he didn't want anyone to know, but he did try to cut back on his extra hours. He can't seem to do it on his own, but last April we had a bit of a wake-up call when DH wound up in the hospital with a suspected heart attack. (It wasn't a heart attack, but I should say he's only 36 years old, too young for all this!)

He just told his boss that he needed to (suddenly) take a week off, that was it. We talked a lot during this time, and I pushed as much as I could for him to ask his boss for a shorter work week, theorizing DH will still work long days and weekend work that only he can do, but will at least have another day of rest. DH agreed.

When he returned to work, and before he said a word, his boss said he had figured the only way DH would suddenly take time off was for a medical reason, and that he had discussed DH's value to the company with the other managers. They all agreed that he should work a shorter week, and they were enforcing it beginning that week. We were both stunned!

Now, I probably should say that DH is still checking email and getting phone calls on his 'day off', and still working lots of extra hours, but not as much, and at least he's home. Every little bit helps.

 

[stacy6552]

DON'T harrass your DH about it. DON'T complain about it to him. He is undoubtedly feeling the guilt and pressure enough on his own. Support him. When he complains on his own suggest a job search. If he senses your fustration and asks what is wrong, cut to the chase and tell him you miss him and NOTHING MORE.

 

[GraysMom]

Do you have a MOMS Club in your area (www.momsclub.org)? I am a SAHM and DH works pretty long hours (including 20 hours straight one day last week ) in IT . His company just recently moved and lost a lot of it's former employees, so he is currently doing the job of 3 full time people since they are having trouble hiring employees with the qualifications they need who are willing to take the salary they are offering. I WISH he made overtime which would at least ease the hardship of him missing out on family time (and sleep!). Unfortunately he is the only one who knows how to work many of the systems and everyone comes to him to fix the messes they create (to smart for his own good sometimes-he won't pass a problem off to someone else, even if it's not his problem to solve he doesn't like admit he can't fix EVERY problem that occurs). Anyway, sorry about the venting, but I joined our local MOMS Club this winter and wished I had done it much sooner! We're all SAHM's who are on our own during the day and would like to get out. We have playgroups, park days, and lots of activities like going to the local zoo, meeting for lunch, etc. It gives DS and I something to look forward to and the day goes much quicker if we're not just playing at home. I've also met a lot of really nice moms with older/multiple children who have lots of great advice. Another thing we do is take swimming and music lessons. Even though each is only a half hour class, till we get ready, drive there, visit the other moms and kids before class, have class, and then socialize afterwards, it's a good chunk of our morning. Not to mention it's good socialization for DS since he's an only child. I hope things get better for you.

GraysMom

 

[jodifla]

If it doesn't look like it's going to change, he definitely needs a job switch. Since you say his company is constantly short of funds, he may end up unemployed soon. You should probably consider looking, too! Companies can't work their employees like that long and stay in business.

 

[luvtogo12]

This hits home in a big way.
DH is just as you described. I was a SAHM and although I would not change that for the world, there were many nights I cried myself to sleep.
DH is a good man who just wants to make sure his family is happy and the only way he knows how to do that is to make sure we have all the things we need. He learned the hard way.
DH, who is now 46 had a heart attack last month and for the first time admitted that work was "just too much, too stressful". Although he never said it, he now realizes that his family needs him more than the money. The heart attack was a wake up call for him. He is just returning to work and has cut back on hours but being the type of man that he is, dedicated, I am sure the days will get longer as time goes on. I agree with stacy6552....just let him know that you really need him and miss him. Good luck to you.

 

[ceiligh1]

I have been thinking about you and your situation. Another way to get together with moms that I signed up for but never tried is meetup.com. It is an online source for finding people with similar intrests. I signed up for the SAHM group in the area but my son has a nap time that does not work with their meetings.
Also think about joining or starting a baby sitting coop then you could get a day out.

I am also forgot that sometimes I take my DS over to my DH so that we can have lunch together. It makes him take a small break and see the sun for a second. I know that he would like to spend more time with us and he does when he can. It adds stress to him as well.

I hope you will tell us how you are doing. Good luck to you both.