OT: Kids B-day Parties Madness

[maxtomsmom]

My son's friend's older brother was invited to a sleepover at the Bronx Zoo in NYC. It starts at about $1,000 for 10 guests, a parent and the birthday child. He couldn't go because he was going to be away that weekend. It was all the talk. Could you believe that! What happened to having just a zoo theme? A zoo trip is great for a class trip or even for a small b-day party. My son went to one zoo party, but we're members (I live 20 minutes away.) so he got a few free rides, lunch and a small gift. There were 4 kids invited to that party. The mom said it cost her less than $100. Not bad, but he kept asking when would the party begin with all the music? Out of the mouth of babes.

 

[rt2dz]

I have not read every post; in order to answer I don't think it is necessary. I have a birthday budget. Each child has X amount of dollars to spend on their birthday. When they are younger, I completely control it and as they get older they get to have a say (activity for birthday, theme, who to invite, etc). The only rule is you do have to stay within the budget. We're big budget people.

I have NEVER limited the guest list. My children get to invite everyone/anyone they want. Now, there was an exception to this. DS#1 wanted to invite everyone in his class one year, but one person. I told him under those circumstances, we are inviting everyone-period. I would never leave one child out. By the end of the year though, that one child was his best friend. Little kids friends change frequently, so when I'm in control I always invite the whole class. It doesn't mean their invite is any less special, it just means we don't exclude. We've been invited to many birthday parties where the guest list was limited, and it always made me uncomfortable during the littler years. I guess I should feel lucky that DS has never been excluded and that everyone makes it a point to be at his parties, but still...

I LOVE to give huge, blow out parties. That age does not last long. People assume I spend a fortune. Afterall, just look at the goody bags. And all the activities. And the location (won't do it at my house; it's too small and I'm afraid things will get destroyed--winter birthdays don't make outside an option). When I actually told someone how much I spent one time (it came up in conversation) she about fainted. Not because of the how high, but the how little. Like I said, we have a budget. It was way less than her simple home party--I was an event planner in my past life and know the tricks at cost cutting, and still have a few connections. Plus, I generally have a pretty good idea 6-12 months out what the next party is going to be; my kids are pretty easy to read so I start early. I guess you can't judge a book by its cover, some may look like expensive, extravaggent affairs, but are low cost high fun.

I'm certainly not trying to "out do" others, and if they are competing with me, I hope they know I'm not in that race! I simply wouldn't worry about what others do. Do what you want and what is right for your family. And don't apologize for it. If questioned on the guest list, say "we are doing what we feel is best." Why worry about what others do? If they want to spend a fortune, let them. It's their money and their memories. But they might not be spending a fortune; they might have discounts you don't know about or great shopping skills or both.

 

[MSSANDRA]

We would love to hear some of thoese budget tips from an expert!!

 

[KirstenB]

DD1 is now 8, so for the last year or 2 they've all done sleepovers among her friends. When she was 4,5 and 6, we did Chuck E Cheese, and yes, we always invited the whole class. At that age, the parents still stay at the party anyway, so we ordered a few extra pizzas and sodas for the parents. All told I think it cost around $250-$275 including tip.

By no stretch are we rich, but dd1 asks for very little. This always seemed special to her, and I couldn't see leaving anyone out. Our school and community are very rural and small, so it would be very evident if anyone was excluded.

DD2 is only one, but when she gets older, we'll do the same for her.

No one around here does really fancy parties, so we're all pretty even.

 

[suffolkprincess]

I guess I am in the minority here. I LOVE big birthday parties for the kids!!! We try to be thrifty any way we can (I cook the food, we make decorations etc.) but I love a celebration.

Us, too!!!

We inivited *gulp* 60 people this year, but only had about 40. My DD's birthday is right at Labor Day (it fell on Labor day this year) and she is only now 4, so really so far it has been "family" parties that include our family, some extended family, our friends and their kids, and a few friend of hers and their parents and siblings.

How we manage the costs-- I pick a theme about 3 months out, with her input, and then we do everything gradually. I shop sales, and I scour the internet. I also make most of the decorations myself. For instance: printed letters in a cool font on card stock, then had DD paint them, cut them out, and glued to ribbon to make personalized banners that looked awesome and were very fun, cheap, and easy.

I shamelessly borrow and repurpose things from the parties of friends and family. IE: my brother had a "fiesta" rehearsal dinner... lots of that stuff worked well for a Luau Birthday!

We always serve a meal, but we always keep it super simple. Last year we had a "circus" and so we had corn dogs, popcorn, etc and some deli trays. This year we had a Luau and we couldn't figure out a way to do "Luau" food cheaply enough so we sort of did a Buffet twist and served cheeseburgers in paradise! Honestly, my DD *is* 4-- perfect theming isn't essential...

It takes planning and tons of time to do it big and on-budget. But I love it. It is truly a hobby for me. We also consider this a family tradition-- its our "big thing" we do with family/ friends in the summer.

That being said, when DD wants to do things that she thinks are "cool" and that I can't do myself-- then the guest list will simply have to reflect the budget. Also-- not everyone loves party planning like I do and I don't think its EVER Ok to set up competition between the kids based on what the parents can/want to/ are able to do. I had a friend who skipped the party this year because her daughter wanted the same thing for her birthday and they couldn't do it. I was sad, and I expect to find that our huge bashes will eventually go by the wayside in a few years.

 

[suffolkprincess]

We would love to hear some of thoese budget tips from an expert!!

Former event planner, and I saw that, generally, if you have a strict budget, you need time to make that budget really stretch. And always be planning for the next one.

My girlfriend who is an event producer has a HUGE warehouse of party props. EVERYTHING can be two or three different things with little expesen to change them. That is good business for her, and you can do it to. (I do.)

Now-- this won't work if your kids are capricious with picking themes, but I am lucky and so far DD has stuck to her idea without my having to make a big deal about it.

SO: First birthday-- no theme, just bright bright colors and polka dots everywhere. I saved all the leftover paper products, etc.

Second Birthday-- she LOVES Pooh. Four months out I started talking up the Pooh birthday, and I... simply controlled her exposure to other ideas! No need to show a 2 yr old a party catalog, walk thru the party aisle at Walmart once they have picked something they like. I began hitting up everyone in our network of family/ friends for Pooh stuff. Someone had a Pooh flag. Someone else had a set of cute Pooh dishes. I bartered a very expensive Pooh cookie bouquet with a client, and used it for a centerpiece AND favors-- and why NOT soend a couple cents more oer favor bag/ box to make the favors have some decorative bang-- its stretches the money. Then I made my own additional Pooh cookies to supplement the professional ones. hey-- the 2 year olds didn't notice the difference. I photocopied coloring books pages to blow them up huge, taped them to a huge piece of foam core, traced the shape, and painted my own lifesized Pooh, Tigger, etc. My dad thrifted and acquired dozens of stuffed Pooh characters for little money. They weren't perfect, but they ended up making great decorations. We had Pooh invites from the party discount outlet and Pooh napkins. Everything else was solid colored. I bought yards of the cheapest fabrics on sale that I could find in the right colors and used them for tablecloths. Due to a great WalMart sale, I had one tablecloth that was a Pooh print than was $2.50 and looked gorgeous. Very often fabric scraps will be cheaper-- and they can be re-used.

Third birthday-- circus. All the red and gold stuff from Pooh? Reusable. Borrowed an inflatable bouncer thing from a friend. Borrowed a ball pit thing from a friend. Yes-- smaller than rental, but for the price of a case of beer (thank you gift) we had great entertainment for the kids. Made favors (ice cream cones stuffed with marshmallows, drizzled with chocolate and sprinkedl with sprinkes-- icky sweet but a huge hit, and ALSO very festive arranged on a platter) $10 in cheap fabric transformed the dining room into a tent. I rented a cotton candy machine ($50) which was a huge hit also, and had a lot of bang for the buck. We did "carnival" games utilizing dollar store supplies and gave out very cheap carnival type prizes I bought in huge qauntity from Oriental Trading (hey-- plastic prizes keep-- I saved a lot and have three years' worth of goodie bag fodder.) The clown was pricey-- and a gift from DD's aunts and uncles (she has enough toys.) yes-- I *was* tacky and asked them to give this gift, but they were happy to know what to give (we have several young couples without children in our family-- enough to make the clown a very cool gift for relatively little money.) I have since reciprocated this with others in the family, and its very helpful to all.

This year, we had a luau. You get the idea-- pick a theme if at all possible with lots of items that are widely available and easy to make/ borrow.

The time you put in to planning is all money saved.

And ya know what is cool about sharing party stuff amongst family/ friends? Everyone starts doing it, and everyone's ability to pull off a BIG party grows.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I partially agree. We keep ours mostly under control. My youngest will have her birthday with her tumbling teacher at the gym on Saturday. Cost is $100 and includes goody bags. All I have to do is buy a cake. But it comes out a bit cheaper than what we do at home since I usually plan a meal and such.

A family who adopted a girl from Costa Rica and then waited 2 years patiently to bring her home (they have some strict adoption laws and evidently it takes a lot of effort to be able to emigrate your newly adopted child)...they do a big bash. She's cute as a button and doesn't behave as a spoiled child or anything. This year they are renting a pony for pony rides for her party. Something we would never choose to do--but my kids will have a blast at that party.

The bouncers alone costs $100 and we have been to some parties with these. Hubby draws the line and refuses this type of spendign and I concur completely.

 

[PaulaSue]

I am not sure if this has been covered before, but...Am I the only one who thinks that birthday parties have gotten completely out of hand?

It seems that each year, and with each child these parties get bigger and bigger and more and more costly. I, for one, flatly refuse to cater to this trend. Each child is allowed to invite 9 friends (for an even 10 guest list) to the party (except one year one wanted to go to 6 flags she got to only invite 3) of their choice. Chuck-E-Cheese, bowling, skating, sleepover whatever...but 9 is the max. I have the "family party" on a separate day and it consists of family only over for cake and ice cream only.
I am polite about it. I mail out invitations, so that other children are not hurt by not being handed an invitation in school...yet still, I have gotten grief over this situation. I actually had a mother approach me and question me as to why her daughter was not invited to one of the kids parties, after all, she had invited MY daughter?! (the whole class was invited, so it really didn't make the invite special) I explained that for budgetary reasons (and my sanity, although I didn't say it ) I limit party size. Her response "I find that hard to believe, since your husband is a doctor! and I don't think it is right to teach your child to exclude others." !

OMG, trying to pick up my jaw. She has balls.

So far my biggest problem with parties is the RSVP thing. We have home parties for 8-10 kids at the most. 3 are my own. I know soon they will want to do more but for now it works for me.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I
The bouncers alone costs $100 and we have been to some parties with these. Hubby draws the line and refuses this type of spendign and I concur completely.

Okay- I must admit that I bought a bouncer for the kids. Not the one from the toy store- the huge one from Costco. It was cheaper to buy it than rent it. We get alot of use out of it and the kids have a ball. DH is convinced that I buy these things secretly for myself! He may be partially right- for a very silly reason (which we still tease my Mom for to this day!) my sister and I were never allowed to go in a bounce house. So maybe I secretly want to go jumping in that thing! That being said I am having a honkin party this weekend for my ds's 1st birthday. I cook everything myself and we get the hall at a huge discount. I will be having a DJ for games for the kids and giveaways etc. We always do the 1st party superhuge and then pare down (just a bit!) for the following years. Dh and I are very creative and love coming up with all the games and decorations etc. for the parties. We are not competing with anyone. We just want our kids to have a great time and we love seeing all the kids have a ball.

Oh- and I also have a huge problem with the RSVP thing. I mean is it really so hard to make a 2 second phone call? Even if you can't come I don't even need an excuse. We will miss you but not calling is just plain rude. I also can't stand it when people RSVP to my parents or inlaws. HELLO! They are not throwing the party!!! Off my soapbox now.

 

[rt2dz]

A couple of tips--

I have my budget for the party 13 months prior. So, for the 8th bday party, all the money is in place one month before the 7th bday. That way I can shop all year, and if something changes, I have a little wiggle room to dip to the next years budget. I shop all year long. One of my favorite things is to get things that are seasonal. I can pick up things that generally cost $8 per, for more like $0.88 at times (the beach roll up mats, for instance, that I grabbed yesterday).

I think in general themes. DS#1 wants a Pirates of the Caribean party this year, well, I've always figured somehwere we'd have a pirate party. So much can go to it. Anything with pirates, ships, luau. I'll be going to Target to grab some Halloween items the day after that can go into a pinata for a pirate theme. Those packages of 40 that are selling for $5 will be selling for $0.20 Nov. 1. Also, grab things that aren't party theme specific. What theme does glowsticks not go with?

Always look at the clearance items at Walmart (last year I got those really nice Darth Vadar masks that sell for $3 each at $0.07 each--every kid got one for less than $1), Target (clearance & dollar spot), Dollar stores, Half price book stores (I'll frequently score coloring books, simple readers, or comic books for $0.25 each--and they are the very nice ones, seen at Walmart for ~$6 each), Big Lots, Tuesday Morning, outlet stores (card, party, toy), clearance & sales at party supply stores, Oriental Trading (google for coupons), US Toys (An Oriental Trading type of thing), professional supplies stores. Heck, I grabbed some stuff yesterday at our upscale toy store out of the bargain bins--expensive things at dollar store prices. Also look for things that come in packs. At the dollar store I grabbed a package of stickers, 10 sheets to a pack, and the sheets were huge and packed with stickers.

I recylce things from past parties. I never throw things away. Especially things that are party favor leftovers. When DS#1 turned 1, his party favor bags were nothing but left overs from the olders ones parties. They were all a bit different, but the kids got them as they left, so they don't know anything. I have a great supply of cake pans (always do the cake myself, taste better than grocery store cakes and is a heck of a lot less expensive than a bakery)--bought inexpensively, just $2 or $3 dollars, from ebay--that can be retooled into other things. The Wilton website is great for letting you know how. I have a dinosaur cake pan that has also been used to make a giraffe cake for the jungle theme party.

I also do other things myself. I make the pinata myself. The same ones that would cost $30+ in the stores, cost me less than $5 to do myself. The internet is a great tool for that. And, buying clearance candy after Halloween is a great way to save money there. I fill that thing so that every child can pack their bag (or whatever I hand out) full of pinata and candy toys and still have some stuff left over and usually spend way less than $10. Small toys are the best things to put in pinatas because they never go bad. Watch for those party packs of playdough to go on sale. And never underestimate the multipurposeness of the plain lunch bag.

If you are going offsite, look for the value in the place. I won't do a Pump It Up Party because I'm cheap. All you get is the site. Another party place around her cost the same price, but they include themed invitations, and themed plates, themed napkins, themed cups, party favors (although I add to it), balloons (mylar), unlimited food & drinks for an unlimited amount of adults, unlimited drinks & a meal for the kids (5 more than Pump It Up includes, & then charge less per extra child), & themed cake (enough to feed everyone), and two party hosts to handle everything--they even take the pictures & print you digital copies (2 sets) before you leave. Plus, the have 3 different party rooms that cater to a wide variety of themes and one blank room that they decorate to your theme. It is just as fun as Pump It Up, and not as exhausting half way through the party. Plus, it is run where you play, eat a meal, play, have cake, play, open presents, play, pinata, play, goody bags & go home. The kids LOVE this.

Bigger places (especially chains) will run coupons, you just have to look for them. And, ask for discounts. You'd be amazed at how often you can get them. Ok, you might have to have the party in an off time, but really a Tuesday evening b-day party can be a lot less competitive than a Saturday afternoon party with kids schedules.

OK, that is all I have time for now. Must go to the baseball game.

 

[rt2dz]

OK, a little bit more...

Don't forget that many museums & zoos offer discounts (sometimes up to 50-60% off) to members. Frequently this more than covers your (tax deductable) membership. Other places that aren't common birthday party places will do it for nothing but a donation.

Then two of mine have birthdays close together. I won't have them share a party since I believe this is a special day and each should have their own time to rule the roost, but I will do back to back parties, for a discount.

Oh, and don't forget to shop around. When I rented one of those jumpers, I found a huge difference in prices. One place was $200 for 4 hours plus a set up and delivery fee and another was $75 for 8 hours including delivery & set up. Hmmmm, which would you choose? Same size bouncer.

There are many other tips & tricks, but I can't share them all--I do plan on going back to work one day . But think of it this way: Would you buy a car at sticker, or only shop one dealership? Or how about pay rack rate for everything at Disney? Birthday parties are really no different. A little bit of research & creativeness and you've got a nice party for a small percentage of the price.

 

[jchick]

I tend to go over the top with the parties each year...but I don't mean with my budget! I hit the Target Dollar Spot when it's 50-75% off and get all the "girly" stuff I can find (I have two girls!) I am very creative, I make lots of my own stuff including food. I usually end up spending about $200 on each of their parties...and that's extremely budgeted. You would never know it if you came over (Yes, I do them at home mainly).

Last year, my DD8 wanted a Spa Party, it was the first year we limited the guest list. I wanted an even dozen, as most things you buy are packaged this way (4's, 3's, 12's). It worked out well, but I did have a friend mention that her husband wanted to know why their younger daughter wasn't invited (my daughter is friends with the older one). I just told her that we limited the list and my daughter had to leave off several people she would have liked to invited.

Oh....I have to ask you all this! Has anyone ever had a party like that (smaller invite list, close friends) and had someone call last minute (10 min. before) to ask if her daughter could bring another little girl? The girl was visiting from out of town and didn't even know my daughter! I calmly told her that no, we had to leave out many girls, and it really wouldn't be fair to have someone over she didn't even know! I couldn't believe it! What do people think??

 

[luckey-lasvegas]

I used to be a manager for Leaps and Bounds, and I was always amazed at the amount of money people would spend on birthday parties. I usually try to do a "bigger" $200 - $250 party every other year. Last year DD had an at home Libby Lu type sleep over party. I had 2 teenagers come over and do the girls hair and make up, I did their nails. They decorated pink picture frames for a craft and I took a picture of each girl with my digital camera. We played a few games and ate Pizza ( 2 for 1 from the entertainment book ), There were around 10 girls. DD even thought that it would have been more fun in a smaller group, so this year we are going to take her and a couple of friends out to dinner and either to a movie, bowling or chuck e. cheese ( w/ my coupons ! ). Have them spend the night and do breakfast in the morning. No big stress, no big planning and no mess of gifts I have to find a place for .

Here is my budget tip : Hit walmart after Christmas and get the little make up stocking stuffers @ 50% - 75% off, they make great goody bags. Last year I got 12 sets w/ lip gloss, hair clips, some rings, nail polis and glitter for $1.44 a set all packaged in a cute clear plastic t- shirt bag w/a marabou
handle. . The sets of lip smakers would be a good choice too !