OT - How to get 5 year old to listen??

[MickeyMom2Boys]

My 5 yo son is fairly mild natured but lately I can not get him to listen until I get frustrated and yell. I'm tired of yelling but nothing else seems to work. Does anyone have any advice??

Thanks!

 

[allyphoe]

Doesn't listen as in "it's as if he suddenly went deaf, and when you finally yell, he looks up in innocent surprise, as if you hadn't said a word prior"? If so, I have a 5yo girl with the same problem.

 

[bonybroad]

It sounds like you have found my 5yo son's long lost twin.
If it helps at all, my 7yo did that also. He is much better now.
(Not perfect, just better than when he was 5)

 

[nikkers]

My DS (4 1/2) goes through spurts of bad listening. UGH! It is so frustrating. The thing that gets me, I repeat, repeat and repeat. BUT if I said do you want some candy? He would hear me from wherever. Sometime DD (2 1/2) reminds him to put on his listening ears.

What has really worked for us is a quarter jar. At the end of a day he gets a quarter if he has been a good listener. If he hasn't been a good listener we take a quarter out of the jar. We decided we wait until the end of the day. But if we get a bad listening report from daycare/preschool (he goes 3 day a week). The quarter comes out when we get home. My DS loves to save money. This has improved his listening. He is saving all of his quarters for our trip to Disney. We also talked about doing a sticker chart, and he would get rewarded after so many stickers. Just a thought?

Good luck!

 

[mjantz]

One thing to try is to make eye contact & touch him on the shoulder while you're speaking to him. Also, instead of 'DS, would you please put your shoes on? We have to leave for school in 10 minutes' just say 'Shoes on now please'. Especially if he's engaged in TV or games he's not going to listen as well, even if you yell at him.
Another thing is that I don't yell instructions to my kids. I yell 'DS, come here please' & then I do the eye contact, hand on his shoulder thing. I also make both kids repeat what I said back to me, especially if I'm saying 'Get your dirty clothes out of your room, pack your lunch for tomorrow & do your before bed stuff'. I also point to a different finger for each thing I need them to do & then they touch their own fingers while repeating what I say. Finally, if I'm asking them to do 3-5 things I have them return to me after each thing & say, for example, 'I got my dirty clothes picked up & now I'm going to get my backpack ready'.

Using these methods means I yell a lot less & more stuff gets done in a timely manner.

 

[SILLYANDI]

Sorry thought you could use a laugh...I know sometimes if you we didn't laugh we'd loose it!

 

[dementia412]

Love that picture!

One trick which seems to work better on college students than kids (but works on some kids too) is to quietly speak to the other child. All of a sudden, your DS may want to hear what you're saying even if its, "I want DS to pick up his toys now."

 

[mdsouth]

Love that picture!

One trick which seems to work better on college students than kids (but works on some kids too) is to quietly speak to the other child. All of a sudden, your DS may want to hear what you're saying even if its, "I want DS to pick up his toys now."

I thought it was funny that you say it works on college kids.
I will have to try this one for myself.

I also like the idea that mjantz shared about having your child first come to you, so that you can make eye contact with a soft touch. This sounds very practically and will help get the child to focus.

Of course, getting your child to come to you without yelling will be another task in an of itself!

 

[chloe770]

Of course, getting your child to come to you without yelling will be another task in an of itself!

I swear I must sound like Charlie Brown's teacher to my DS5. WHA WHA WHA WHA

Yelling works best for me...of coarse after I yell he says to me " Mom, you don't have to yell!"

 

[TammyLynn33]

Listen to them...

 

[lastminutemom]

I swear I must sound like Charlie Brown's teacher to my DS5. WHA WHA WHA WHA

Yelling works best for me...of coarse after I yell he says to me " Mom, you don't have to yell!"

I have that same conversation with everyone in my household.

Really, what works best it so make sure you have eye contact and they are focussed on you and the conversation.

 

[nessz79]

Agreeing about touching them and making eye contact on their level. Also, if the tv is on, video game, etc, turn it off if he doesn't listen the first time. Works like a charm!

My 5 year old son sounds just like yours. He's pretty mild, quiet, etc, but he easily gets lost in his own world and has much difficulty listening. I'm the same way in general, although I've learned to control it as an adults, so I can relate to him. I also know when he's pushing it on purpose

 

[chloe770]

I agree with the turning off tv/games. it does work at my house.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I work with special needs kids but I've found the techniques we use in the classroom can work for any child. Sometimes kids get so focused on what they're doing that they literally don't hear anything around them. Even my husband does that! I think moms are tuned-in to everything that's going on around us and we find it hard to believe that our husbands or kids didn't hear something that just happened or, more importantly, something we said!

Getting a child to listen requires first getting his full attention. You need to take away the distraction by turning off the computer, TV or putting aside a toy or book. Get down to his level and make eye contact with him. Next, use just a few words at a time. Too many words and long explanations start sounding to a kid like blah, blah, blah! As a previous poster said, just say "Shoes on now, please." You can also ask the child to repeat back the instructions back to you. "What do you need to do?" "Put my shoes on." "Yes, good listening!" After the direction is completed, you can add another one. "Now go brush your teeth." Some kids get lost with two-step directions where each step requires more than a few seconds. "Pick up the book and put it on the shelf" is easy enough because the first step (picking up the book) doesn't take more than a few seconds. "Put on your shoes and then brush your teeth" is harder for a 5 year old since putting on his shoes might take a minute or two. "Brush your teeth" already flew out of his brain.

Hope some of these tips work!

 

[MickeyMom2Boys]

These are all great suggestions! Thank you all so much! I was ready to scream when I posted this on Saturday night. Then Sunday he does a complete turn around and I hardly had to fuss at him all day. I made sure to point that out and praise him throughout the day - also trying to point out how much better his day was as well as mine.

It sounds like this might be very common in 5 year olds. On the positive side, it may be a phase that will improve. On the negative side, I'll have to do it all over again when his little brother turns 5!!

I really think the eye contact, repeating things back, etc will help. Also removing the distractions if he doesn't listen the first time. We do tell him to "turn his ears on" which always makes him laugh and usually gets his attention. I'm going to combine these tips with some sort of reward system (sticker chart, quarer jar, etc) and see how it goes.

Thanks for all the advice!! He really is a good kid and I do realize that I'm very lucky that this is really the only problem I have with him
Now, his little brother who is full of attitude already at 21 months . . .I'm sure I'll be back for a lot more advice when he turns 5 (if not sooner!!)

 

[ilandrazdsw]

My 5 yo son is fairly mild natured but lately I can not get him to listen until I get frustrated and yell. I'm tired of yelling but nothing else seems to work. Does anyone have any advice??

Thanks!

WAIT...I thought my DS5 was at school, but I guess you have him.
I am constantly telling DS5 and DD3 that we listen with are eyes not just our ears.

 

[kid-at-heart]

Have his hearing checked and if everything is ok, then try to come down to his level when speaking to him - drop down on your knees, look him in the eye and calming speak with him. Ask him to repeat back what you said, perferably in his own words to make sure he actually heard you. And do not fear, his behavior is very normal for a five year old (I am a developmental psychologist so am very aware of normal and abnormal childhood behaviors).

 

[ilandrazdsw]

Have his hearing checked and if everything is ok, then try to come down to his level when speaking to him - drop down on your knees, look him in the eye and calming speak with him. Ask him to repeat back what you said, perferably in his own words to make sure he actually heard you. And do not fear, his behavior is very normal for a five year old (I am a developmental psychologist so am very aware of normal and abnormal childhood behaviors).

I am a former special ed teacher and my first thought was hearing. We had him tested and he does have hearing deficiency at the highers pitch in one ear and the 2 highest pitches in the other, so sometimes if I drop my voice it helps...but I am convinced the biggest hearing problem is that he is 5

 

[kid-at-heart]

I am a former special ed teacher and my first thought was hearing. We had him tested and he does have hearing deficiency at the highers pitch in one ear and the 2 highest pitches in the other, so sometimes if I drop my voice it helps...but I am convinced the biggest hearing problem is that he is 5

Being 5 probably is the problem. It will pass and then he will be 11 or 12 and you will have the same problem again.

 

[RumpleMom]

I remember calling this selective listening to Mom.

I got sick of calling the kids over and over for dinner. So I would call upstairs to the kids to tell them that Dad was home. They knew that dinner was going to be soon. When dinner was ready Dad would say in a normal tone of voice that it was time for dinner, then the two of us would start to eat. The food was on the table getting cold. The kids learned after a couple of times to be listening for dinner. I have to admit I clinked my silverware a few extra times at the beginning, so they would hear dinner sounds, but we stopped calling for them.


This really worked. And if the meal was something they really liked, like Dad brought home pizza, we could whisper that dinner was ready and they would come to the table without any yelling.