OT - home phone rules for your tween?

[pantherlj]

We need to set some guildelines/rules for the phone for our 10 1/2 yr old.

I know lots of her friends already have cell phones. Word on the street (well, her 2 best friends in class LOL) is that we are overprotective and sometimes down right mean for not letting her do whatever she wants and not giving her a cell phone.

So - what are the phone rules in your house and/or what type of phone usage is going on with your tweens?

 

[mychicks]

Nothing wrong with being "overprotective" I certainly am here! Does she go anywhere without adult supervision that you would be more comfortable with her having a cell phone with her? Our 11 year old dd has a cell phone, just got her a new one for Christmas and are going to add texting. We got her the phone when she was 9 and at band practice waiting for us to pick her up and it was dark out. Wanted her to have one with her just in case I was running late or she got out early or anything. She is not allowed to bring the phone to school. She brings it to dance class or if she's at a friend's house, basically somewhere she'll be without us. Most of the kids in her grade do have phones, but I know some who do not. DD is one of the few who is not allowed to bring hers to school. I just don't see the need for her to have it there. If she walked home then that would be a different story.

 

[kacaju]

all my girls have cell phones. Their friends never call on our home phone.

 

[mjkacmom]

My oldest got them at 11/9/8 - they got them when they needed them. Dd13 got hers when she got involved with theater, ds11 plays every sport imaginable, and dd8 dances about 6 hours a week. They really don't have any rules. Dd13 turns hers off at night, because she loves to sleep, and in school, because she's terrified of having it ring. She gets about one phone call a week on our home phone - it's great! Ds11 has no rules, but half of the time he doesn't have it with him - just grabs it when he needs it. Dd8 got hers for Christmas, and has yet to make a call, because she's been with us the whole time.

I don't know of any kids who don't have them once they get to 6th grade. We also have a lot who walk to school - my oldest starting walking in the 3rd grade. I didn't let dd8, dd6, and ds6 walk to school this year, only because ds6 can get crazy. However, now that dd8 has a phone, I might start to let them, because she can call me if there is a problem.

Dd13's phone broke 2 weeks before Christmas, when she was getting a new one, and it was such a PITA for me! She and her friends wander around a lot, and I like to know exactly where she is (she's at the movies right now, which followed lunch at Applebee's - lucky her!).

 

[MSSANDRA]

DS got his first at 11. I can not see not having a cell phone as over protective. I feel much better when he had his phone. Of course if she is never away from you she does not need the phone but reality is at least round here most kids do have them by 11. It is nice if your DD has any kind of classes or pratice where leave her or even if she is at a sleepover.

Adding on a phone to many plans is only like 10.00 and really worth it!

 

[princessmom29]

If it were me I would get her a prepaid cell to use, with a set number of minutes per month, and some kind of basic texting plan. That way she is limited in the amount of time she can talk and a set number of texts. Once those are gone, that is it for the month. It will keep her off the home line, and teach bugeting/responsibility without you having a huge bill if she goes over. This is what we plan to do once we see the need for DD6. She has yet to discover the phone, but I anticipate that she will have a cell by 9-10 years old. She has dance and cheer in the evenings, and once she gets a little more independent with those and i can do drop off/ pick up she will need it.

 

[defendthehill]

My kids are a bit young for phones: 7,6 and 4....but my brother has older kids. His Freshman age son and 8th grade daughters just got phones yesterday. My brother told them they pay the $10 add on and $6 for unlimited texting or they don't get them. The choice is theirs. Both kids choose to get them. But they have to pay my brother $16 bucks a month. I think it is a great lesson to teach them. No kid "needs" a phone. They all just want them! I may be overprotective as well....but my wife and I already have made a couple of rules for the household that our girls know and understand already.

No computer in the bedroom
No TV in the bedroom

Both rules apply to me and my wife as well.

Let me add this....when my eldest turns 10 or 11.....she is not getting a phone. If that makes me overprotective then so be it....I don't care if her friends think I am mean

 

[Momof3Gr8kids]

My 13 year old son just got one this Christmas. I honestly didn't feel he "needed" it, but it was really the only thing he had wanted for Christmas. That and DH was switching providers and was able to add him on really cheap. Anyways, I am known as one of those "mean overprotective moms". He does have a rule that there is no talking on the phone, texting or chatting online after 10pm. I do get the grumble that lots of people text til midnight or later. That's nice, but they don't live in my house. Obviously he isn't too happy with the rule, but would rather follow that than have no phone.

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

My dd is 10 and just got a cell phone for Christmas. We added her to our shared plan which has unlimited texting. For $4.99 a month we added usage control....I can allot her minutes, say when she can use her phone, and who she can call/recieve calls from. We've relaxed the controls a bit this week since it's school break. We're normally considered very overprotective parents, but for me I wanted to be able to know I could get in touch with her when I needed to. She dances 8hrs a week and spends alot of time there between classes. I'm constantly bugging the receptionist at dance...so I decided to take the plunge.

As for the home phone, we haven't quite gotten to the talk on the phone with friends stage. She has a few friends who have HORRIBLE phone manners and will try and call constantly. I shut that down real quick. The rule is they may call ONCE a day and she may call them once. If you call and leave a message DO NOT call back until someone returns your call. I'm sure her friends think I'm mean but OH WELL.

 

[mjkacmom]

As for the home phone, we haven't quite gotten to the talk on the phone with friends stage. She has a few friends who have HORRIBLE phone manners and will try and call constantly. I shut that down real quick. The rule is they may call ONCE a day and she may call them once. If you call and leave a message DO NOT call back until someone returns your call. I'm sure her friends think I'm mean but OH WELL.

Don't worry - teens don't call landlines, ever. Most of the time they only text, not talk. My dd was making plans, and one of her friends wasn't answering her cellphone or texts. She was clueless - she never even though to call her home phone!

 

[pantherlj]

Sorry - my question wasn't clear. I am not going to get her a cell phone.

The question should have been .... do you have limits for the length of conversations (ie 20 min max talk time at a time), can they talk anywhere (in bedroom with door open/door shut), only after homework is done, etc?

 

[kacaju]

if her friends have cell phones chances are they will not want to be talking to your dd on the phone. I am not trying to be mean, but around here the kids only talk by texting.

 

[powellrj]

Sorry - my question wasn't clear. I am not going to get her a cell phone.

The question should have been .... do you have limits for the length of conversations (ie 20 min max talk time at a time), can they talk anywhere (in bedroom with door open/door shut), only after homework is done, etc?

My DD has a cell phone and she does text most of the time. I think we are one of the few familes that even has a landline anymore, but she has one friend and her cousin that she talks to on the landline. We have no rules about it. She can pretty much talk whenever she wants to. She use to have a friend who would call boys on our landline in the middle of the night, but they are no longer friends so its a non-issue.

 

[princessmom29]

My kids are a bit young for phones: 7,6 and 4....but my brother has older kids. His Freshman age son and 8th grade daughters just got phones yesterday. My brother told them they pay the $10 add on and $6 for unlimited texting or they don't get them. The choice is theirs. Both kids choose to get them. But they have to pay my brother $16 bucks a month. I think it is a great lesson to teach them. No kid "needs" a phone. They all just want them! I may be overprotective as well....but my wife and I already have made a couple of rules for the household that our girls know and understand already.

No computer in the bedroom
No TV in the bedroom

Both rules apply to me and my wife as well.

Let me add this....when my eldest turns 10 or 11.....she is not getting a phone. If that makes me overprotective then so be it....I don't care if her friends think I am mean

I think that the ARE absolutely situations where kids need a phone. When they are dropped off for practice ect and are not certian of pickup times. They NEED to be able to get into contact with mom and dad. I fully anticipate that DD will NEED to have a phone by 9-10 to be able to stay in contact with me. It is not so much about being able to talk to her friends as it is me feeling secure that she can reach me when she needs to, as she spends a fair amount of time at the studio and the cheer gym now and will be doing more as she gets older. I just cannot be there every minute she has class/ practice. It will make me feel better if she always has a way to contact me.

My dd is 10 and just got a cell phone for Christmas. We added her to our shared plan which has unlimited texting. For $4.99 a month we added usage control....I can allot her minutes, say when she can use her phone, and who she can call/recieve calls from. We've relaxed the controls a bit this week since it's school break. We're normally considered very overprotective parents, but for me I wanted to be able to know I could get in touch with her when I needed to. She dances 8hrs a week and spends alot of time there between classes. I'm constantly bugging the receptionist at dance...so I decided to take the plunge.

As for the home phone, we haven't quite gotten to the talk on the phone with friends stage. She has a few friends who have HORRIBLE phone manners and will try and call constantly. I shut that down real quick. The rule is they may call ONCE a day and she may call them once. If you call and leave a message DO NOT call back until someone returns your call. I'm sure her friends think I'm mean but OH WELL.

This is the kind of situation I am talking about needing a phone for. My DD6 already dances 3 hours a week, and will add at least 2 hours next year. That is a lot of time at the studio, and I don't anticipate sitting there every minute next year. She will probably not need a phone next year, but when she switches to the imtermediate classes the receptionist will have left for the night when they get out of class, so she will definitely need a phone to call me should the get out early ect. That, and it will just make me feel better knowing she has it when I am not with her should she need me.

Do you mind my asking what carrier has that kind of parental control?? It sounds like a really great system for putting limits on use!

 

[mjkacmom]

IThis is the kind of situation I am talking about needing a phone for. My DD6 already dances 3 hours a week, and will add at least 2 hours next year. That is a lot of time at the studio, and I don't anticipate sitting there every minute next year. She will probably not need a phone next year, but when she switches to the imtermediate classes the receptionist will have left for the night when they get out of class, so she will definitely need a phone to call me should the get out early ect. That, and it will just make me feel better knowing she has it when I am not with her should she need me.
!

My dd8's irish dance studio doesn't have a receptionist - there are 2 teachers, and they're teaching! In addition to the 6 or so hours a week she spends there, she also takes workshops every month that are several hours long (and tough - the oldest girl in her class is 17, and she's the youngest). I've told her to ask her teacher if she needs to call me, but since the teachers are activily teaching, I don't think she would.

 

[mjkacmom]

if her friends have cell phones chances are they will not want to be talking to your dd on the phone. I am not trying to be mean, but around here the kids only talk by texting.

I totally agree - the days of spending hours on the phone with your gf's are over. Funny, the other night I heard dd13 talking in her room (3rd floor), and was shocked that she was having such a long conversation. Then I remembered I got her a webcam for her laptop, and realized she must've been on it. Hey, at least she's talking again!

 

[MSSANDRA]

As far as rules to your landline phone I would keep them very basic. Talking to friends at this age is very important. No calls during dinner and after bed time are about all I would set.

I do agree however that most kids this age are texting and limiting time on your landline phone may not be an issue at all.

 

[princessmom29]

My dd8's irish dance studio doesn't have a receptionist - there are 2 teachers, and they're teaching! In addition to the 6 or so hours a week she spends there, she also takes workshops every month that are several hours long (and tough - the oldest girl in her class is 17, and she's the youngest). I've told her to ask her teacher if she needs to call me, but since the teachers are activily teaching, I don't think she would.

that is exactly the situation for our late classes. DD would have to interrupt someone's class and make the teacher stop what she was doing and unlock the office to allow her to use the phone, and come back to lock up afterwards. When I start leaving her for the late class in a couple years, I wouldn't want to leave her without a phone.

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

Do you mind my asking what carrier has that kind of parental control?? It sounds like a really great system for putting limits on use![/QUOTE]

We have Verizon. DH had an unlimited plan for his work/personal phone...he works from home. I had a basic 450 min plan. We changed to a Family Share plan with 3000 minutes ( checked dh's usage for 15 months and has never gone over 2000 minutes) with unlimited text/picture messaging, and 10 friends and family numbers. With free mobile to mobile, texting, and friends and family DD should not use any of the 3000 minutes. Usage control is $4.99 a month and I can set how many minutes she can use, what hours she can use her phone...it will call me, dh or home at ANY time...and we can block numbers and data.

 

[Leajess99]

My kids are a bit young for phones: 7,6 and 4....but my brother has older kids. His Freshman age son and 8th grade daughters just got phones yesterday. My brother told them they pay the $10 add on and $6 for unlimited texting or they don't get them. The choice is theirs. Both kids choose to get them. But they have to pay my brother $16 bucks a month. I think it is a great lesson to teach them. No kid "needs" a phone. They all just want them! I may be overprotective as well....but my wife and I already have made a couple of rules for the household that our girls know and understand already.

No computer in the bedroom
No TV in the bedroom

Both rules apply to me and my wife as well.

Let me add this....when my eldest turns 10 or 11.....she is not getting a phone. If that makes me overprotective then so be it....I don't care if her friends think I am mean

I have to disagree with the bolded as some kids do NEED a phone. My 11 year old rides a bus 12 miles one way to school each day and she does need a cell phone in case something happens on that bus. Her bus has already had a medical emergency which resulted in her being an hour late home and had the kids not had phones than it could have turned out differently. You just never know why a child has a phone and in all honesty, you never know what can happen in this world in the next 4 years.

To the OP, my 11 year old got her phone at 9 but it does NOT have texting and I can block it during the school day so she can only call those on her always allowed list (myself, grandma, dad, and those who can get medical care if she needs it for her). We have T-mobile with family allowances that I can set to allow the number of minutes, etc.