OT: Found my stepdaughter's myspace page

[Vickibean]

I am going out of my mind crazy!!!

I just found my 11-year old daughters 3 myspace pages. One is old and unused. Another one was accessed a few days ago. It claims she is "single and hating it" and that she is 17 . I am certain she is doing this from her high-school friend's house, across the street from her mother's. I am sure there is no supervision, let alone parental controls. Her mom is not a very observant parent, either. Even if she knew about it, I doubt she would do much.

The third one is the most recent. Her picture shows her with makeup, a strappy tank, and a stuffed bra. Again, she is 17. It was clearly taken at the friend's house. This page is private, and I have e-mailed the parental help at myspace to see how I can find out more about this. Has anyone else had this happen?
Help!!!!!

 

[livndisney]

Not that this helps, but a friend of mine just found her cousins Myspace page. She found out her cousin is a stripper and it has pictures.


Hugs to you and your DD.

 

[Aliceacc]

My kids are still young, though I do teach high school. But, for what it's worth, here are my opinions:

1) This has to come either from your husband, or from both of you. Don't let this become about the evil stepmother snooping where she "shouldn't be." (OF COURSE you should be there, but I bet you$1 that it's her first reaction.)

2) Her mom also needs to be on the same page. Even an "unobservant" should have the good sense to be aware of the dangers of predators on the internet. Have your husband approach his ex with concern, not anger about her loose parenting. HAving all 3 parent figures presenting a united front can only help.

3) I'm sure that there are ways to close the page. Look into them ASAP.

4) Think about sharing your concerns at school. Since both she and her friend are involved in this, it might be time for an assembly on internet safety.

5) Let her know that you, her mom and her dad will be regulars on MySpace (and some of the other sites) from this point onward. One more picture, innocent or otherwise, will mean _____ (Think about the consequence ahead of time. Make it severe enough, but enforceable. "In your room for a month" isn't realistic.)

6) Why does an 11 year old have friends in high school? Those few years are TREMENDOUS in terms of growth... there's a reason why middle school and high school kids are frequently in different buildings.

Best wishes!!

 

[Dr Pepsi]

Print out all the pages and give a copy to the mom AND the older girl's mother.

 

[lovedcookie]

Hi Vickibean -
I'm not yet a parent but I thought I'd let you know that I looked at Myspace and the website has things in place to help parents in your situation. At the bottom of the MySpace website they have FAQs. I think question #65 or #67 might be helpful. #65 says "How do I remove my child's profile" and #67 says "I'm a parent who needs help with my teen's profile." Both FAQ entries then have instructions for removing or modifying your DD's MySpace profiles.
I hope this helps.
Best of luck.
Erica

 

[_queenie_]

Last year my DD (then 11) found my DH's brother's myspace (the man is 46!). She was looking for his restaurant website for my DH and some how she got directed to his page. It was FILTHY (and yes, there was porn)! We had company over so I was so embarassed that they knew she saw that.

I know some people use it appropriately, but I think myspace needs to monitor better!

(By the way, is she in 5th grade or 6th grade?)

 

[MM27]

We had this issue at my school last year. My principal had a parent come to him, concerned about her daughters page that she found. Many of our 6th graders were posting that they were 17 or 18 years old and the stuff they were posting was disgusting and X-rated. They also were taking school related issues and making online threats to other students and planning trouble at school functions.

 

[twooley2]

I could be wrong but I did see a news article about myspace agreeing to certain measures in the near future that require parents to verify the childrens ages and permission to be on it. They did not elaborate on how or exactley when this would take place.

 

[MSSANDRA]

ACT NOW- We had a situation at our DS's school this year where a 14 year old girl had mistakenly given out too much info on her "real" life. Seems a 19 year old and his 60 year old dad figured out where she went to school and that she was playing a sport there. They showed up at her game and then the next day came to school and tried to take her from the school!! A on top of it staff spoted the guys and intervened. This was a good student that was not trying to present herself as anything other than what she was. It can happen. We do not allow ous DS to have a page on my space.

 

[Tensixmom]

Couple of things here: I agree with a previous poster talk with dad make sure you are on the same page, and then talk to her together. Don't make him the fall guy and have him do it himself.

Not to condone the activity, but if the page is set to private then she has to know the person before she allows access to the page. But with most kids that age anyone that send them an email wanting to be a friend, they allow it so this really doesn't help. But some people use it to keep out unwanted people from contacting them.

I can tell you from much experience that it is really rare for anyone to list their correct age. Myspace requires that minors be at least 14 to have a page, and she obviously isn't so she gets around that by saying she is 17. Myspace and Facebook (like myspace) do not require parental notification when you create a page, they are talking about it but nothing has been made officialy yet.

I have 5 sons, two are old enough to have pages, and 3 are not. I also have a myspace page, mainly to keep tabs on my kids. I know their logins and their passwords so I can access their accounts anytime I want. But I am also listed on their pages as one of their friends, so I can view their page anytime I want, see what their friends are posting, what they are posting on friends pages etc.

Personally I wouldn't let my 11 yoa have a myspace page at all. I get friend request from people with porn posted all the time. On Myspace it is inevitable. But I do have an agreement with the kids when they are old enough, and they have pages, mom is listed as a friend always, and they ask before adding anyone they don't know as a friend. They are fully aware that I monitor their pages so I'll know if they are not complying. This is the same with email, they always ask before opening email from people they don't know. I know darn well that if I just flat out tell them no they will find a way to get around me and do it anyway, so I kinda have to go with the flow a little bit and give them some freedom, but control it.

My suggestion is have Myspace shut down the page, they will do it just contact them and tell them her real age. Set up your own myspace page, get familiar with how it works cause in a couple of years you'll need to know. Also, set up a facebook page. Good luck.

 

[Robmom]

My DD has a MySpace page. How do you access a private page without them knowing?

 

[GothTink]

My DD has a MySpace page. How do you access a private page without them knowing?

You can't. Unless you set up a MySpace page and send them a friend request AND they approve you...

 

[Gillian]

Good luck with this, and getting her father involved. My neice & nephews have myspace pages, but they're older and I have no idea if anyone monitors them. Still, this discussion is making me think I should have DH talk to his sister about it.

Also, I think 17 is the youngest you can be to have a public page, so that may be why she set it to 17. My nephew told me that he made himself 17 so that his profile didn't have to be private.

 

[RyJMom]

This is so scary to me. A friend's Grandaughter was abducted and sexually assulted about 2 mos ago by a man she met on the internet. She is 14 and thought she was talking to a 17 yr old. He drove 3 hrs to see her and literally kidnapped her from her driveway. He turned out to be a 30 yr old who had just got out of jail. To make it even worse he had his 2 young children in the car. He had her for almost 24 hrs before the FBI caught him. My kids are still young (6 and 9) and I told them this story just saying she was beat up. I think kids need to be made aware from a very young age how dangerous it can be to give out too much info.

 

[rhonhod]

Both my kids (14&13) and even DD's friend whom is here all the time (also14) has profiles and I simply told them if they want profiles then I have the screen name and passwords!! NO IF ANDS OR BUTS ABOUT IT!! And they gave them up. when they change the passwords every 2 months they give me the new ones. It's not that I don't trust them, it's that I love them and I don't trust crazy people in this world. I get on about every two weeks just to "pop" on and give a look.

 

[Finally08]

If she's 17, I think that's pretty tame considering what I see teens doing on myspace!!!

 

[mylilnikita]

She is 11 pretending to be 17

 

[Mickey'sfriend]

My DD has a MySpace page. How do you access a private page without them knowing?

Sit down at the computer with her and have her load it up in front of you. If she refuses, you know you may have big problems.

 

[Mickey'sfriend]

Both my kids (14&13) and even DD's friend whom is here all the time (also14) has profiles and I simply told them if they want profiles then I have the screen name and passwords!! NO IF ANDS OR BUTS ABOUT IT!! And they gave them up. when they change the passwords every 2 months they give me the new ones. It's not that I don't trust them, it's that I love them and I don't trust crazy people in this world. I get on about every two weeks just to "pop" on and give a look.

Good for you!! (Just a thought, though. Are you sure they don't have another page they don't show you??)

 

[Robmom]

Good for you!! (Just a thought, though. Are you sure they don't have another page they don't show you??)

I have heard of kids giving their parents the user name and password to their page, but they secretly set up another page that the parents don't know about.