OT--Five-year old really acting up!

[chrisw127]

My five-year old is really testing me lately. We have 12 month old twins as well. He's always been a pretty good kid. A little energetic, but for the most part, very obedient. Lately, he's been getting into trouble in his pre-K class (he knows everything they're teaching, I'm hoping it's just boredom), just basically talking and laughing too much. Also, he really dislikes his little sister; won't let her touch his toys, was throwing a plastic block at her head today, etc.). He's fine with her twin brother, though; very patient.

Also, what's with the smart mouth thing? He was never like that before.

We've been pretty strict with discipline. When he gets into "red" at school for misbehaving, we take away the computer and TV for two days. If he does something around the house, he gets a time-out or loses a toy. Today I took a Buzz Lightyear and threw it out (that would be for the throwing something at his sister's head incident) because at that point, it was either the toy or me who was leaving the house!

Are we being too strict? If he's being punished at school, is it too much to punish at home as well? At five, can they really understand longer punishments (like no TV for several days, etc.).

I imagine some of this is sibling rivalry (albeit, delayed. He barely noticed them until they started walking). I'm dreading kindergarten if this continues.

Today it was so bad, I actually threatened the holy grail: Mommy will go to Disney alone (May trip with friends and sons) if he doesn't stop. And really, going alone right now sounds like a good thing!

Thanks.

 

[cruiserkaren]

Oh I wish I knew. My dd is 4.5 and I'm going crazy. I mean crazy. She hasn't got in trouble in preschool but at home she is a bear. She has a 5 month old little sis. I don't know if that's it or what. She gets plenty of "her time." In fact, we took her to Disney just dh and I in January. This morning I was talking to my mom about it and I started crying some.

I know I'm no help, but it's nice knowing we're not alone.

 

[stacy6552]

Well first of all don't make threats that you arent prepaired to live up to (and btw if you need a disney stand in, I'm your girl). So you really have to be prepaired not to take him to WDW. If he can't predict the consequences of his actions, it won't work.

I wouldn't repunish at home unless the school involves you. If he hits someone and you're called to come and get him, then yes there are natural consequences to that, but otherwise he probably isnt equating no tv/computer to behavior at school. Now you could turn it around and tell him he doesn't get that stuff unless he gets the thumbs up from the teacher at the end of the day.....

As for being bored at school, is he a young 5 that missed the kindergarten deadline for registration? Or did you hold him back, because if you held him back, you might want to have a serious talk with school about his advancement and possible putting him in Kindergarten now. But chatting and laughing is age appropriate so I have to wonder about the tolerance level of the teacher.

A book I live by is 1-2-3 Magic. Get it live it love your life.

 

[Rylee]

Hi,

Continue to be consistent.
Keep the rules simple and few...
No hurting others. Treat others as you want to be treated, etc. It also helps if you explain the reason behind the rule. Also, try pointing out the rules apply to others, not just him... "I won't let anyone hurt you, and I won't let you hurt anyone, either."

If my children got in trouble at school, they were in trouble at home, too. I'm the parent, and they will answer to me, as well as the school. They also know, they will get in more trouble if I have to hear it from someone else, instead of them, so they better tell me first.

When disciplining, I do think it's important to keep it age appropiate... time-outs should be about 1 minute for each year, 5 years = 5 minutes. Sometimes I tell them they can join the group when they feel they can behave, and have been surprise at how long they took before returning. Also, make things, make sense, or, "let the punishment fit the crime," so to speak. Like you did... if he throws a toy, he loses the toy. If he throws food, hand him a sponge and make him clean it up.

I also find if a child acts up, by making them spend time with me, it gives them the attention they are seeking. Example - if they can't get along with the other children, I may make them help me with a task, instead of a time out. Sometimes they actually end up enjoying helping me, and it gives us time to talk about what might be bothering them.

Make sure you set aside some time for just him and perhaps some special privileges for being such a good "big brother," such as staying up a half hour later than the twins, or a trip to the arcade, bowling alley, etc.

 

[chrisw127]

As for being bored at school, is he a young 5 that missed the kindergarten deadline for registration? Or did you hold him back, because if you held him back, you might want to have a serious talk with school about his advancement and possible putting him in Kindergarten now. But chatting and laughing is age appropriate so I have to wonder about the tolerance level of the teacher.QUOTE]

Stacy, I kept him out a year because he was four when school started. He has a late summer birthday and just made the cut off, but here there is a lot of pressure to keep summer birthdays back, particularly from the teachers and the principal of his school. I think it's helped, but I also think he's bored because he's reading and the teacher is teaching ABCs.

BTW, I went to FSU for undergrad. Did you go there?

Thanks to everyone for your advice. It's good to know I'm not the only one with this problem.

 

[CastleCreations]

My dd has been testing me ever since she started preschool. I wish I could tell you that it will change, it does change but into different things. My dd started out, not listening to the teacher, not napping at nap time, not finishing her work on time, 2 years later we're still dealing with issues, but now it's moved up to losing things..like her lunch bag, and yesterday a library book. I'm ready to put her on the shuttle and drop her off at the space station for a while.
She DOES get punished at home, for each day she comes home with a bad mark. It doesn't matter what the situation is. She gets a green star, and that's the best, Second best is a green dot. Then the yellow dot and red are the worst you can get. If she gets a yellow or red dot, she stays in her room with no tv, video games, books, toys...anything, until dinner. I'm very hard on her, but she has to learn to follow the rules in order to get along in life. At home she is no trouble at all, very helpful...
I'm sorry you're going through this...I hope it's some comfort to know that you certainly aren't alone. I've thrown out some of their toys that they wouldn't pick up...I felt bad about it, for like a second..then I figured out...Hey..that's the last time I'll ever have to pick up that &^%$#%^ toy...

 

[famofsix]

OP, we have a toy jail at our house. This way I don't have to throw the toys out they are just jailed for criminal behavior offenses The only way they can be released from jail is through consistent good behavior.

I am concerned about the kindergarten boredom and would address it with the teacher.

It might be helpful to have short family activity together with the three kids where your son has a big brother role. Some examples: 15 minute scavenger hunt where your son is in charge of checking out what they find on the list, or a "tea" party where your son gets to pour the juice and hand out crackers (think Madd hatter tea party here), or he gets to read a short story to each twin and as a reward gets to stay up to listen to a book on tape.

 

[eeyorefan74]

I've definitely been where you are, so I really feel for you. One thing that seems to work best with my DD is positive reinforcement. When she goes a week without getting in trouble at school, she gets a reward. They have a treasure box at school so I started my own at home with dollar store toys, craft supplies, etc, that she gets to pick from. We've done this at times with at home behavior, too.

I was punishing her at home every time she got in trouble at school, but decided it made more sense to punish her based on the offense. Frankly, her teacher sometimes punishes for things I think are pretty minor, typical kindergartner behavior, so we do additional punishment at home only if it's something pretty big- being disrespectful, mean to a friend, or whatever. I do think boredom at school is a big part of why DD acts up at school. It's got to be frustrating to be so far ahead of everyone else. Maybe the teacher can help challenge him more.

As for the smart mouth thing, it drives me insane, too. She has sometimes talked to me in ways that I would never have dreamed to talking to my parents, at least until I was a teenager. So we definitely try to be consistent with consequences for that at home. She has actually gotten much better about it, and I think part of it was making sure she understood what was acceptable and what wasn't. She'd say something smart, and I don't think she fully realized the way her tone of voice made it sound, or why it wasn't okay. I make her repeat things to me in a nicer way and use time outs. Good luck with this. It will get better!

 

[Tnkrbelle565]

Thank GOD other parents are going through this. I practically threw DD at her day care providers this morning! The MOUTH is just unbelievable. I try to just chalk it up to kids being smarter than we were and thats why they are able to argue a lot better than we did.

 

[trivial]

I'm a new parent, but I'm around other parents and their children frequently. First, I would say that no, you're not being too strict. There's a danger in being too authoritarian, but from what I witness on a day-to-day basis, the problem with many/most parents seems to be they're not strict enough. I like that you take away privileges, and are even willing to throw things in the garbage if the situation warrants. However, 5-years-old may be too young to appreciate 1-day+ punishments; an immediate and relatively brief punishment might be more effective (time out, standing in the corner, etc.). Have you spoken to his teacher about discipline when he misbehaves at school?

While I can't really offer any advice as to what to do that you're not currently doing, I agree with an above poster that you shouldn't make threats that you're not willing to fulfill. Even kids that age are smart enough to learn whether or not you're bluffing, and if they know you won't follow through, they're going to step their game up.

 

[dreamer17555]

My DD just turned 6 and has a 12month old little brother. She is honestly a really good kid. Out in public everyone adores her but at home.... Sometimes she can turn into shrieking banshe. But we managed to get it down to maybe once every two weeks at the most (and honestly don't we all get a little meltdownish sometimes?

Here is what I recommend. Write down the rules in big letter on a post. Feel free to use clip art to make sure he can "read" them by himself. Set a punishment and talk to your son and tell him what punishment is for choosing to break a rule (choosing is important) And then comes the tough part. Stick to your guns. We do time outs at our house 6 mins (her age) and that time starts when she is sitting quietly on her bed. So if she spends an hour screaming until she is quiet we don't start the timer. Once she is silent I will tell her the timer is starting. Afterwards she must apologize and say what she did wrong and what she will do in the future (which is so heartbreaking- really it is, she is just so sad).

Also with the sibling thing think about special stuff he can help do that might be fun for him. Maybe help cook or even roll up socks (we toss them across the room into the basket at our house). Kids are generally eager to help, let him. And also talk to his teacher and find out what their punishment system is at school. See if it can be altered to fit with yours at home (this works well with time outs)

-Becca-

 

[momof5boys]

Nope most kids are like this a one time or another, sometimes it just seems to go on forever I second a PP get 1-2-3-magic, it's a great book,easy to use and fun to read! Most schools use a version of it so you are consistant at home and school!