OT: Facing a tough decision

[Bunch24]

Hello fellow DisDads. I'm coming to you today because I'm facing a really tough decision, one that will impact my life and more importantly, my family, greatly.

Without putting you guys to sleep with boring details, basically I'm being offered an opportunity to move to a new job. The move would be somewhat of a lateral move, but to a bigger paper. I'd be in a bigger city, with greater opportunities.

Sounds good, right? Well, the problem is that I've never left home. I've lived in this general area my entire life. This move would take us only 5-6 hours away, but it would take us to a completely different culture with completely new people. My kids are 7 and 4, so it would also take them away from their grandparents, one set in which they're very close and spend just about every weekend there.

Truth be told, I'm scared as hell. I feel like a fresh start in a new place may be what we need. Things have gotten pretty stale here and certain family relationships are starting to become strained.

So many concerns litter my head that I sometimes have to just stop thinking about it for fear of a migraine. Just the idea of moving, having to try to sell our house (which is an issue all together), finding a new place there, finding a job for my wife, finding a place for our kids to go to school/pre-K.

The job will be different also, but I feel like I'll be able to handle that change the easiest. I don't know anybody there, so cultivating sources will be difficult at first, but I've been doing this long enough to make a quick transition.

There are pluses to the move, though. I know I'm probably making it sound like it's a horrible move. It's a nice place to live, it's a beach community and the schools there are all very nice, for the most part. And the best part? We'd be Florida residents and only 5-6 hours from Disney World.

Anyway, what say you DisDads? Have any of you faced the scenario of uprooting your entire family to a completely new place? How did you handle it? What did you learn from the experience? Did you regret it?

I have so many questions, so many concerns and I just felt the need to put them out there. If you're not comfortable responding here, feel free to send me a PM.

Thanks in advance.

 

[Cinderella's Fella]

Brady, been there done that. Did it again.

We moved from California to Southern Illinois when our DD's were 13 and 10. Then 4 years later we moved to Maryland. Quite a culture shock. Boy can I tell you stories. But what I leaned was by moving away from our extended families gave us four, a stronger family bond. For the most part is was just the four of us for birthdays, holidays ect. And we found that we like it, none of those dreaded family events where someone ends up crying. I also found that we had to rely on ourselves to do things. Before if something broke, I would call my Pop and over he would come to help/fix it. 2000 miles was a little to far to come and help, so I figured out how to do it ourselves. Yes, We missed being with family for the holidays, but you know, we enjoyed just being with us.

And now, well if we hadn't move my girls would not have met their Prince Charming's and we would not have the beautiful grandchildren that we love.

Brady, is your relationship with your wife strong? That is all you really need. Together, you two can do anything!

 

[Mrmrezg]

As a boat captain, a can pretty much live any where that I'd like. I am able to avoid having my work dictate where I live. However, back in 2000, when the Mrs. Enlisted in the Army we moved to D.C. For a few years. Until that time I'd alway lived in Louisiana and did not have a problem moving out of state. When we first got to D.C. I had a tough time fitting in and hated it. After we were there about nine months or so I started hanging around at a local dive shop and made a few friends. This made living there more enjoyable. When the Mrs. ETSed (finished her time in the army) we moved back home. That time away made me realize how much I loved living in Louisiana and the Cajun culture. They don't have crawfish boils up there. that's not to say I will never leave again.
In reading your post, I get the impression that you are in favor of the move. I would say that you should go for it you can always move back after trying it out.

On a side note, I too have been thinking about moving to Florida.

 

[theduck619]

First of all I think you are doing it right by thinking of your family first. We moved 3 1/2 hours away from my wife's family and it helped us grow stronger. It also keeps us out of all the petty gossip and grievances that seem to always be happening. I know we don't shove our beliefs on others but trust in God and if this is right, then He will take care of you and your family.

 

[plutoplanet]

I wouldn't do it. It might be goodnfor you're job but you are leaving your home and family and everything you know and have behind, and I just don't think a better job or more money is worth it. Your taking your wife and kids from home too, the only home your kids know. And they will lose heir grandparents because 5-6 hours can make a big difference in the length and amount of visits..you can say we won't let tha happen but you cannot garuntee that it won't. The kids might be switching school and also leaving friends. They probably will make new friends but that's not garunteed either; and they won't be the friends they have now. Also when they switch schools the new school might be in a different place in terms of how far they've gone in reading,!math etc and at those early ages it seems like a disruption in the flownof the curriculum could really mess them up long term.
I am saying this because I have a best friend who's a girl who was moved around that age, same distance away from the grandparents too. I mean she is fine, but she will still say today how that move changed her world and her life and her family and not in a good way.
I can't be objective about moving- I think it is almost never a good idea..sorry

 

[plutoplanet]

I read my post and was worried I sound mean in it. What I should realize is everyone experiences are different. You could move and it could end up being even better than where you live now. You never know. I guess what I wrote is just some reasons why it might not be good, but that doesn't mean it CAN'T be good. Good luck

 

[Bunch24]

Thanks for all the responses. As I've said, I'm really conflicted on this. It's not a super-huge promotion, as far as stepping up the ladder. It's the same company and if I make more, it'll only be a couple thousand more a year. The perks of living near the beach and being closer to Disney, honestly, are bigger than the the job move.

My wife is my rock and I guess I'm her rockhead. She keeps me centered and balanced, so I know that together, we will definitely be able to make it work. And I've been told the same thing about moving away makes the bond that much stronger.

And what pluto says makes perfect sense and that's one of my biggest concerns. I hate taking the kids away from what they know, but I think kids are more resilient than we give them credit. I'd be willing to bet I'll miss home longer than they do.

Mrmrezg, we're in the heart of Cajun country, so as you know, that's a big part of our life. I'd have to bring my Community Coffee and my Tony's and Tabasco sauce. Good thing is it's Florida, so I think they at least know what a gumbo is supposed to look like.

 

[BigTex71]

You had me at "only 5-6 hours from Disney World".

Seriously, moving can be a very good thing. I was an Air Force brat growing up and I look back at the different places we lived as being a huge part of making me the man I am today. To be traveled (not necessarily world traveled) is to get a taste of other 'cultures'. Though you will not be traveling a great distance for the move, you will be able to show your family something other than the same thing that they have gotten so used to. I found living in other places helped me learn more about others and learn about diversity.

It is a big decision, and many other factors must be weighed. Hopefully you will get at least some type of compensation for selling your house and buying a new one in your new area. The fees and deposits for moving really add up, so be sure to incorporate and expect those in your decision making. You could stand to lose a lot of money if it is a lateral move with no relocation 'bonus'.

So, as you know, there are good points and bad points. You have to set up your own scale for weighing each factor. If the pros outweigh the cons, I would do the move. And being a Florida resident (no state taxes, Disney discounts) and being a relatively quick drive to The World would be heavy pros for me.

 

[Mrmrezg]

If you move, do it after we have a Cajun Disdad meet? Aye-EEE!! where's the ice chest babe?

 

[Cinderella's Fella]

If you move, do it after we have a Cajun Disdad meet? Aye-EEE!! where's the ice chest babe?

You have ice chests in LA? We had them in CA, but here in MD they're just coolers.

 

[Bunch24]

You have ice chests in LA? We had them in CA, but here in MD they're just coolers.

Of course we have ice chests, where else would we put the crawfish after we finish boiling them?

 

[AirGoofy]

My kids are 7 and 4, so it would also take them away from their grandparents, one set in which they're very close and spend just about every weekend there. Truth be told, I'm scared as hell.

Personally, I want to move to Florida, preferably just to live in the castle at MK. Fear can be a great motivator or paralyzer. Only you can decide which it is here.

As to the other points, I have no family in my area, but DW has all her family, which is why we live here. I can't stand some of them, but do my best as it makes them happy. As for the money, I had picked up a second job making around $3500 extra a year. It was nice income, but I lost most of my free time with my children. So, I quit. I like that you are considering your children. While children are resilient and people move out of necessity, I think it is easier on them to move them at certain points in time. Thus, moving a 7 year old after 1st/ 2nd grade much better than moving children before their freshman year of high school.

I wish you the best of luck in your decision. My advice - pray about it with your wife (and I will say prayers as well).

 

[DisneyFed]

I did it to step up to this job...

I did not do it when it involved a job with a well known 3 letter agency but required a significant pay cut, pay grade reduction, and loss of professional control...

If the price you have to pay is more than you're willing to pay (figuratively), then pass...

 

[tutter99]

Mrmrezg, we're in the heart of Cajun country, so as you know, that's a big part of our life. I'd have to bring my Community Coffee and my Tony's and Tabasco sauce. Good thing is it's Florida, so I think they at least know what a gumbo is supposed to look like.

By Tony's are you referring to Chachere?

 

[theduck619]

I did it to step up to this job...

I did not do it when it involved a job with a well known 3 letter agency but required a significant pay cut, pay grade reduction, and loss of professional control...

If the price you have to pay is more than you're willing to pay (figuratively), then pass...

Hence, how you can pay for the spinning rims on your boat

 

[Andrew78]

I would ask by moving are you at least being offered more more money? You said it was a lateral move, so the best advice I would give is that if it is a significantly higher salary, or at least an excellent oppurtunity for one, I would do it.

I am with you in that the thought of trying to move, sell a house, find a new one, find school, can just make you not want to deal with the extra headaches. But in the end I would move my family to wherever the best oppurtunity for me was and assuming it was a place I could see us all living happily in.

As for the family they will still them but of course not as much , but in the end it will be up to both sides to do their best to make the effort.

 

[Mrmrezg]

By Tony's are you referring to Chachere?

Yes, that's what he means, down here everyone calls it "tony's" and we put it on everything. I've even had it on ice cream.

 

[tutter99]

Yes, that's what he means, down here everyone calls it "tony's" and we put it on everything. I've even had it on ice cream.

I work with Tony's grandson, DW and I were in New Orleans before Katrina on vacation and we headed down to Avery Island and Opelousas. We got the behind the scenes tour of the Chachere factory, it was kind of funny, everyone else in the factory was wearing respirators with full face shields and they gave us those little white hospital masks.

 

[DisneyFed]

Hence, how you can pay for the spinning rims on your boat

Those were already paid for...

 

[Bunch24]

I work with Tony's grandson, DW and I were in New Orleans before Katrina on vacation and we headed down to Avery Island and Opelousas. We got the behind the scenes tour of the Chachere factory, it was kind of funny, everyone else in the factory was wearing respirators with full face shields and they gave us those little white hospital masks.

Chances are, I know him. I'm originally from that area and knew a lot of Chachere's growing up. My friend lived literally in the factory's back yard.

As for a little update on the original subject of the thread, I've gone forward with the process and we're taking it slow. My wife has applied for jobs there and we've begun looking at apartments/rentals. And on Thursday, we'll meet with a realtor to see if we can sell our house.

That, right there, I believe will be the biggest hurdle. My wife is a teacher, a very good teacher, and I think she'll have no problem getting a job. She's sold on the move now, also. She's looked at the pros and cons and believes the move will be best for our family.

It's all going to come down to if we can sell this house. It's a manufactured home, which they say are like boats, so I'm worried about that. It needs a few minor repairs that I've put off because I'm always working. The lot is nice (two mature Oaks and a pretty big yard). The question is, can it sell in the timetable we're faced with now? I know for a fact we can't afford two house notes at one time. So, if this house doesn't sell, we can't move.

Has anybody ever used or heard of someone who used one of those "quick buy" services that purchase your homes quickly? That would be last resort type stuff, but it's something we're considering if we feel like this move is going to be better in the long run.