OT: Do we celebrate mediocrity? semi-Vent

[Siouxstone]

You know, this really strikes home with me this week. Myself and the other managers I work with all just received baby shower invitations. The honoree? We FIRED HER TWO YEARS AGO! Can you say fishing for gifts?

As for DS, his birthday falls during free dining! We would've gone anyway! I'm a big fan of the two birds thing.

 

[bzkds]

I just sent my first born off to college. For graduation, we only had my cousin and her kids over for dinner/cake. We didn't even fill the back of the car with the things he took to college, I can't imagine what he would have ever needed to register for!

My oldest daughter will be 16 in 6 months. No party planning going on here either.

We've had a lot of "backyard" parties with a jump house, and a few at Chuck E Cheese or the skating rink. But that's maybe every 3 or 4 years. The rest of the time it's a sleepover with pizza or something similar.


I have always taught my kids that no one OWES them a gift.. ever, for any reason. So be happy and thankful if you do receive one, but don't expect it! (not that they don't expect it, of course, they're normal kids..) I may be considered a mean mom, but I don't try to keep up with anyone when it comes to parties.

Beth

 

[natnelliesmom]

I'm sorry Eliza that you're dealing with this, but this is hysterical.

When I was 16 I was happy to have a party where my grandmother didn't make the cake. It came from the store- like normal teenager cakes come from. I saved and bought my own car.

And for HS graduation in, on 1991 (yeah, ancient I know. Just ask DH he'll tell ya) I got a new set of luggage from my grandparents(this was after "borrowing" hideous luggage my sophmore year for a Europe trip- that I SAVED for) and my Aunt and Uncle gave me a laundry basket full of odds and ends for college dorm living. What I didn't get from them was hand me downs from family and older friends! Heck my first toaster only had one side that worked!

What money I got for graduation went into an "allowance" account to get me through books and my first couple semesters.


Now I sound like one of those oldsters walking 10 miles barefoot through the snow one way......but dang it, nowadays it seems like it!

This sounds like my life! My mother provided for me what she could- but whatever I wanted I had to work for it! Save my money if I needed something. So many kids now have a sense of entitlement when it comes to anything they "need" or want.
The problem is that they don't appreciate anything they have because it's just been handed to them. If something breaks- they get a new one. If they want something- someone gives it to them. It's so bad that they have to keep running lists at stores so that at any given moment they know what you can buy for them!! It's so scary!
My DDs won't have registries until they get married. It's just sick. If someone wants to buy them a gift- go ahead. But we won't ask you to. Gifts are just that.... gifts! Not obligations. I like to know that the person giving the gift did so because they cared. If they want to give a gift but don't know what to give- I can offer ideas- but I would never give someone a list. It's just bad form.
There should only be two kinds of registries- weddings and babies. And even then they should be ideas- not demands!
Ugh- It's just sad.
-Sarah

 

[cats mom]

Yep, just went to a "college shower" three weeks ago. Turned into the fight of the century when my SIL walked up to my wife and asked if we would be able to help pay her daughters housing because they just found out it was going to cost $300 more a month then they were thinking When my wife suggested her daughter go to a local university like OUR daughters do she started yelling at my wife saying our kids were privileged their whole lives (not true) and that we should be glad to help them out

Reminds me of a letter we got from casual family friends last year.

Their DD had accepted an invitation to play on a club volleyball team (even though mom told me months before tryouts started that they could never afford to pay the fees associated with being on that team)

But heaven forbid they tell the girl no, after all... she really wanted to play club ball.
Even worse, she had already earned a spot on the HS varsity team; where she could have played at much the same level, and for far less $$$.
But that wasn't good enough. In fact when she made the club team, she quit the HS team, leaving them hanging.


So what do mom and dad do?
They have her send out a letter to family, friends (and apparently even casual aquaintances... since we got one) asking for financial help.

Any donation would get you a thank you note and a picture.
I wonder if it was autographed?
And if you donated enough (over $500 IIRC) you would also get monthly updates on all the happenings in volleyball land.
Any bets on whether it was a photocopied form letter, or just a mass e-mail?
The solicitation letter even mentioned the fact that she planned to continue with volleyball for the next two years of HS and hopefully into college as well.
maybe so folks could budget to keep the donations rolling in for years to come?

I agree OP,
Some crazy expectations out there.

 

[twooley2]

Well I have to agree. For the past couple of years I was thinking I must be old fashioned because these birthdays are insane. We are having a party at our home with 10 girls and they are going swimming in our intex pool in the backyard. No built in pool. My daughter was concerned if 10 girls would fit. I said "oh well thats what it is." We did buy her a 19 inch tv for her room that is a flat screen. That was it for us and I think Im over generous this year.

 

[twooley2]

Reminds me of a letter we got from casual family friends last year.

Their DD had accepted an invitation to play on a club volleyball team (even though mom told me months before tryouts started that they could never afford to pay the fees associated with being on that team)

But heaven forbid they tell the girl no, after all... she really wanted to play club ball.
Even worse, she had already earned a spot on the HS varsity team; where she could have played at much the same level, and for far less $$$.
But that wasn't good enough. In fact when she made the club team, she quit the HS team, leaving them hanging.


So what do mom and dad do?
They have her send out a letter to family, friends (and apparently even casual aquaintances... since we got one) asking for financial help.

Oh my we heard of a similar situation and the family is choosing to move to an apartment to afford for their kids to do school activities. What in the world. Who runs that show?

 

[powellrj]

we have gotten a couple of letters this year and DS was encouraged to send them out for show choir, (we didn't send them).

I can't believe reading here what 1st birthdays have become. Unless its a close friend or relative, I don't want to attend a party for a baby. Sorry, but if you throw a 1st birthday party for 100 of your close friends, whats left?

 

[bdcp]

I have a neighbor whose daughter is already planning her sweet 16 and she's 14. She has decided with mom's approval to use a local hotel/resort that isn't cheap. They can afford it, but my feeling is it sets up kids to expect so much from life and when they are on their own, they can't figure out how to live on what they have. Something else I've seen is girls wanting to find a husband who can afford to buy them everything and are disappointed and even break up with guys who won't/can't. Spoiled, entitled, are the first words that come to mind. What happened to just having a few friends over to your house, or even what a friend of mine did, use the local neighborhood community building and provide food and soda and music by cd? My boys got a high school small party and a college graduation party held in our home. There is no way I would have a "college shower" or go to one. Why should I fund everyone else's child when I have my own kids to pay for? Sometimes the answer has to be NO to your kids.

 

[christa112]

I would do a going away to college shower in place of a graduation party, but I would not do both.

 

[eeyorethegreat]

It always amazes me when I read these threads the expectations people have and how they feel inclined to ask for handouts for random events. Birthday parties here are: Child or adult (if it is DH or my b day) picks what they want for supper. I make a cake or dessert of choice. We sing Happy Birthday and eat the cake then we present the gifts and cards that the siblings(or children which ever the case my be) have made for the birthday kid (or parent) gifts rarely total over $50 maybe $75 if it was something long asked for (usually they never have a gift list the kids rarely ask for anything which I hear is pretty odd these days & makes the gift giving we do do difficult ). That's it- no big fan fare no renting of a hall. And know what? The kids feel special on their birthday with just that, a special dinner and dessert that they chose and one gift.

 

[DawnM]

I have a friend who firmly believes that if you aren't married by 40 you should be entiteled to have a "not" bridal shower and be able to register and get gifts for your home. She doesn't think it is fair that only married folks get gifts to help with their new home.

I see her point!

But back to the OP......it is getting so over the top.

I was invited to a housewarming party for a college student, which included a gift registry. I thought it was very odd.

Dawn

 

[Lisa_M]

The trend around here is the HUGE, HUGE, HUGE 1st birthday parties. Where you invite every distant relative, co-worker, friend, business aquaintance etc. that you have. Mountains and mountains of toys are received and the child has no clue. And....since it is a 1st birthday, there usually isn't much going on for the kids in attendance so they get miserable watching a 1 year old smash cake and show no interest in the thousands of presents scattered around them. Commercialism at its best

I am all for the first birthday party, but I within reason. I can't stand the blatant gift grabbing and usually just send my regrets to those parties.

really? I live in this area and I'm going to be the social outcast at work when people find out I'm making my lo a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse cake and there is no big thing. We don't have any relatives nearby and I won't be inviting co-workers and we don't have any friends or acquaintances here. Unless my parents and inlaws come down it will be just us and the kitties.

OP, yes we celebrate mediocrity. I had a 16th birthday party, but I think they are so over the top now it's ridiculous. Your niece should be saving that money for college, not a car, but some people don't understand delayed gratification. Registering for college, give me a break. Didn't you know every child is gifted and will get loads of scholarships for college and a subsidized life (or at least they wish...)

 

[dnoyes]

Reminds me of a letter we got from casual family friends last year.

Their DD had accepted an invitation to play on a club volleyball team (even though mom told me months before tryouts started that they could never afford to pay the fees associated with being on that team)

But heaven forbid they tell the girl no, after all... she really wanted to play club ball.
Even worse, she had already earned a spot on the HS varsity team; where she could have played at much the same level, and for far less $$$.
But that wasn't good enough. In fact when she made the club team, she quit the HS team, leaving them hanging.


So what do mom and dad do?
They have her send out a letter to family, friends (and apparently even casual aquaintances... since we got one) asking for financial help.

Any donation would get you a thank you note and a picture.
I wonder if it was autographed?
And if you donated enough (over $500 IIRC) you would also get monthly updates on all the happenings in volleyball land.
Any bets on whether it was a photocopied form letter, or just a mass e-mail?
The solicitation letter even mentioned the fact that she planned to continue with volleyball for the next two years of HS and hopefully into college as well.
maybe so folks could budget to keep the donations rolling in for years to come?

I agree OP,
Some crazy expectations out there.

WOW, maybe for a $1000 you could go to a game

You win this one cats mom, at least mine is my fruit cake SIL

 

[rottiemom]

I totally agree with the OP and am equally as baffled. Cats mom- that letter just leaves me speechless.

But on a lighthearted note I did want to share this:

I have a friend who firmly believes that if you aren't married by 40 you should be entiteled to have a "not" bridal shower and be able to register and get gifts for your home. She doesn't think it is fair that only married folks get gifts to help with their new home.

I see her point!

When a good friend ended a 15 year relationship we threw her a "breakup shower". Now this was a total surprise and certainly nothing that she asked for, expected or even wanted. I was just chatting with another GF who basically said the same thing that DawnM's friend did. Why did the engaged & the pregnant get all of the showers? Why couldn't you have a shower if you were feeling blue, or had just had a car accident? Of course we were joking but then we had the breakup shower idea & it just snowballed.

We surprised the friend at a local restaurant (everybody paid for their own meal just like any other girl's night out) and the gifts were silly, small, self indulgent things like chocolate, bubblebath, GCs for a pedicure. Everything was wrapped in black with black ribbons & we even made the goofy shower hat out of them & took pictures of the honoree wearing the hat & pretending to sob uncontrolably. Any onlookers would just have thought that it was some sort of slightly odd birthday outing .